Z-Burbia Box Set | Books 4-6 [The Road Trip Trilogy]

by Bible, Jake

Cassie stops and looks puzzled. Then she smiles and turns towards the escalators.

  “I know that voice,” she says, pointing the knife at me. “I’ll be back for you.”

  I recognize the voice also. So do Stella and Stuart.

  “Charlie! Run! Get away from here!” Stella screams. “GO!”

  “Mom? Is that you?” Charlie yells.

  “CHARLIE! GET OUT OF HERE!” I scream.

  Then things get a little uncertain. The scream produces enough pain in my head to power a small municipality. Lights flash before my eyes and this crazy sound fills my ears.

  No, wait... There are actually lights and sounds. I can tell because Stella and Stuart both stop yelling and slam their eyes shut. Interesting.

  I should probably slam my eyes shut, that might help with the pain, but damn if I don’t keep them open for a split second longer.

  Just long enough to see Cassie’s whole body stiffen and a figure come up behind her with something in its hand. Looks like a long something. A long, heavy something.

  Is that a baseball bat?

  Cram!

  The bat slams into the back of Cassie’s head and that crazy woman goes down!

  “Turn them off!” the figure with the bat yells.

  The lights and sounds stop.

  Then Elsbeth turns and looks at me with a seriously big shit-eating grin.

  “Hey, Long Pork,” she laughs. “You found Cassie. Thanks. She was the last one.”

  Of course, the only sensible thing to do in response to that is pass the fuck out. Which I do.

  Chapter Three

  “We need to kill her,” Stella says.

  “No killing,” Elsbeth replies.

  “And why the hell not?” Stella snaps. “She attacked us, tied us up, and tortured Jace!”

  “Got me talking, though,” I say.

  “Which doesn’t help her case,” Stuart says. “Stella is right, Elsbeth. She is a liability we cannot afford right now.”

  “No killing,” Elsbeth says as she stands at the top of the escalators, her eyes watching the shadows of the Zs that are piling up against the front doors. “Charlie?”

  “No killing,” Charlie says, unloading a backpack and setting out some bottles of water and a few cans of food.

  Could be pet food. I could give a fuck as long as he has a fork on him. Or a spork. Shit, I’ll eat dog food with a spork right now. You lose that kind of pride in the zombie apocalypse real fast.

  “Ignoring the issue of to kill Cassie or not to kill Cassie for the moment, can anyone tell me why I was in flashback hell?” I ask. “That was some seriously fucked up shit. I honestly felt like I was back at that truck depot.”

  “Hypnotic suggestion,” Charlie says. “Elsbeth figured it out.”

  “Hypnotic suggestion?” I say. “Uh, that would mean I’m conditioned to accept hypnosis. I’m not. Trust me. It doesn’t work on me. You’ll have to find your man barking like chicken act somewhere else.”

  “Man barking like chicken. That’s funny,” Elsbeth laughs while she grabs a can of food and pulls the pop top. Yep, totally dog food. “It don’t make you bark like a chicken, but it works on you. Oh, it totally works, Long Pork. All y’all are conditioned.”

  “She’s right, Dad,” Charlie says as he pops open a can of food as well and sticks a fork in it. “We all have been conditioned. Kramer’s a sneaky asshole.”

  He offers the can to Stella and she waves him off, her Mom face in full force.

  “Charles Stanford, you will explain yourself right now,” she snaps.

  “It’s easy to show you,” Elsbeth says.

  “Not talking to you, El,” Stella growls. “I will deal with you later. Right now I am talking to my son.”

  Elsbeth smiles at Stella and holds up her hands. “Gonna be easier to show you.”

  “Talk,” Stella says, jamming a finger into our son’s chest.

  “El’s right,” Charlie sighs. “Tortuga canteen dollars.”

  Stella’s eyes roll up into her head and Charlie has to reach out and steady her by her shoulder to keep her from collapsing.

  “Charlie,” I sigh. “What did you do to your mother? Putting your mother under hypnosis is not okay, son.”

  He holds up a finger. “Mom? Can you hear me?”

  “Yes,” Stella replies, still limp. “And you are so grounded.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Charlie says. “Tell me about your first dog. Tell me about the day you got him.”

  “He is so cute,” she starts. “He is red and white. So small he fits right in my hand. Daddy says he’s a spaniel mix and will make a good hunting dog, but I don’t like it when Daddy goes hunting and kills animals. I’m gonna name him Skipper. Daddy says that’s a good name, but Lorna says it’s stupid and she should pick the name. I start yelling at her and she is yelling at me and Daddy has to take Skipper out of my hands before he gets hurt. Then Mama comes outside, her hands dusty with flour and her forehead all sweaty from being in the kitchen because the AC is still broken. She is pissed. Really pissed.”

  “That’s all, Mom,” Charlie says. “Wake up now. One, two, three.”

  Stella’s eyes come back into focus and she jolts upright. Then her eyes narrow and she glares at Charlie.

  “I already gave him the talk about how it’s not okay to put his mother under hypnosis,” I say. “But feel free to kick his ass.”

  “Kramer did it to all of you,” Elsbeth says, jamming her mouth full of dog food. She stabs the fork into the can and reaches into her back pocket. “He has a book. Every trigger word he’s used on all y’all.”

  Charlie reaches out and takes the small, black notebook from Elsbeth and flips it open then holds it out so we can see the list of names.

  “Who’s are those?” I ask.

  “My sisters,” Elsbeth says. “Kramer lied when he said the conditioning couldn’t be reversed. He’s been lying since he showed up. Told you we should have killed him back at Critter’s holler.”

  “Some of the names are crossed off,” Stuart says as he looks at the list. “May I?”

  Charlie hands it to him and starts eating again.

  “How long have you known about this?” Stuart asks as he looks through the notebook until he reaches a specific page. “My trigger words are grumpy tent tits?”

  “Ha!” I laugh. “Oh, I am so calling you that from now on. What’s mine?”

  “Blowfish carton toes,” Stella says. “That’s what I thought I heard Cassie say when she was done tying us up. I thought I was hearing things, but now it makes sense.”

  Stella is standing there, framed by the bathroom door, wearing nothing but a rose in her hair. Damn she’s hot. I’m so—

  “No!” Charlie shouts.

  I blink a couple times and look around at everyone. Charlie has a disgusted look on his face and Stella is just shaking her head. Elsbeth is grinning from ear to ear.

  “What?” I ask. “What’s wrong?”

  “You were about to describe our wedding night,” Stella says.

  “I was? Huh,” I say. “That was a good night.”

  “Nope. Just nope,” Charlie says.

  “How do you break the conditioning?” Stuart asks. “I am not cool with that man, or anyone, having control over me.”

  “Yeah, that’s easy,” Charlie responds. “You have to get the person that is conditioned to say their own trigger words.”

  “They have to self-hypnotize?” I ask. “So, what? You write it down on a piece of paper and have them read it out loud?”

  “Yeah, something like that,” Charlie says. “But you can’t tell them to read it out loud. As soon as you make them self-aware of it, the conditioning locks down and digs in. You just have to hand it to them.”

  Stuart looks up from the list. “So I’m still conditioned even though I said my trigger words?”

  “Maybe,” Charlie says. “Grumpy tent tits.”

  Stuart blinks a couple of times. “Did I go under?”

&
nbsp; “Nope,” Charlie says. “You said your words before you knew what was going to happen. You are officially no longer conditioned.”

  “But now I know my words and I know what they do,” I say. “How do I reverse the conditioning? I don’t want to be conditioned. That is the total opposite of Fonzie cool. No aaayyy. No aaayyy at all.”

  Charlie and Elsbeth both give me a look I am fairly used to.

  “You had to be there,” I say.

  “Not really,” Stella says. “Your dad thought he was the Fonz for a bit after his brain surgery.”

  “They went through with it? The surgery? No wonder you look like hammered shit,” Charlie asked. “How’d they do it?”

  “Dentist’s office,” I say. “I pretty much feel like I want to puke all the time and my head really, really hurts. But the Fonzie thing was cool.” I go to give a thumb-up. Thumb does not respond. “Ah, shit.”

  “He’s lucky to be alive, let alone awake and not a drooling idiot,” Stella says.

  Elsbeth starts to speak and I try to point at her, but my finger won’t respond either. My left hand sort of flops about. “Don’t say a word, El. Not one word about me always being an idiot.”

  “You kill the fun, Long Pork,” Elsbeth says.

  “I am not here for your amusement,” I say.

  “How do we get the conditioning off?” Stella asks. “Jace and I know our trigger words. It’s not like we can just say them now.”

  “Yeah, that’s the shitty part,” Charlie says. “It’ll be easier for you, Mom. I’ll surprise you with it somehow. But I have no idea how we’ll do it for Dad. If it goes wrong, he’ll end up catatonic.”

  “Or dead,” Elsbeth shrugs. “Kramer has that built in. Might be why your brain has gone all circuit short.”

  “Short circuit,” Charlie says. “But, yeah, dead is possible.”

  “Aaayyy? The Fonz doesn’t want to die or be a hypnotized robot,” I say. “The Fonz thinks this is all way uncool.”

  “Dear God,” Stuart sighs.

  “I know a fix,” Elsbeth says and picks up the bat by her feet. “Someone says the words to you while I hit you in the back of the head with my bat. Only hurts for a second.”

  “What?” Stella exclaims.

  “It’s why El needed my help,” Charlie says. “She knew I could say the words right.”

  “He’s smart,” Elsbeth smiles. “Like his mama.”

  “Fuck you too, El,” I smirk. “And pretty sure that’ll kill me. So, not really an option.”

  “Why is my son involved in this, really?” Stella asks. “There are lots of capable, smart, trained people in our group.”

  “Kramer hadn’t gotten to me yet,” Charlie said. “So there’s that.”

  “And I trust Charlie,” Elsbeth says. “Don’t trust the others.”

  “How’d Kramer get to all of us?” I ask.

  “He’s a sneaky fuck,” Elsbeth says. “Already told ya that, Long Pork. Pay attention. Stop being brain-surgeried dumb. Ain’t no time for Long Pork to be brain-surgeried dumb.”

  “He does it in stages and layers,” Charlie says. “A conversation here, a conversation there. He only needs a few seconds alone with you at a time.”

  “Jesus,” Stuart says. “How’d you even find this out?”

  “I found it out,” Elsbeth says. “Went to kill him one night because I was done with him being alive and found the notebook. Decided to read it before killing him. Saw my name and something flashed in my head. Like a small movie. I figured it out.”

  “The words didn’t affect El anymore because she hurt herself before that Pa guy found her,” Charlie says.

  “Stop,” Stella says. “Just stop. Why?”

  “What?” Charlie asks.

  “Why did you really need Charlie?” Stella asks Elsbeth. “You could have come to one of us, had us read the words, and then we wouldn’t have been conditioned. We could have formulated a plan and helped everyone else in the convoy out.”

  “Didn’t want to help the convoy,” Elsbeth said. “Too many people. Too hard. Most of them are weak anyway. Useless. Needed to fix the ones that aren’t weak. They’re worth more than all the convoy put together.”

  “Thanks, El,” Stuart says.

  “Elsbeth? What do you mean?” Stella asks. “Who did you help?”

  Elsbeth looks at the tied up and unconscious form of Cassie a few feet away. “Who do you think? My sisters. Took Charlie with me and we found them then we fixed them. One by one. The last one is Cassie.”

  “We’ve tried to fix her twice, but she keeps getting away,” Charlie says. “She’s the one skinning people. There’s something wrong with her.”

  “Ya think?” I say.

  “Her crosses are wired,” Elsbeth says.

  “Wires are crossed,” Charlie corrects.

  “Don’t do that,” Elsbeth glares. “I know what it is.”

  “My bad,” Charlie smiles.

  “Your bad,” Elsbeth smiles back.

  “You little shit,” I say to my son. “You’ve been off having fun little adventures while we worry about how to get from point A to point B? No fair.”

  “Where are the sisters?” Stuart asks.

  “Close,” Elsbeth says. “Waiting.”

  “For what?” Stella asks.

  “For the signal,” Elsbeth says.

  “Hold on, hold on,” I say. “Why the hell did Kramer condition all of us and keep us alive? What’s his angle?”

  “Not sure,” Charlie says.

  “He needs an army,” Cassie says.

  We look over and her eyes are wide open and bright. She’s staring at us and shaking her head.

  “Hi,” Elsbeth says. “You still crazy?”

  “Yeah,” Cassie says. “Still crazy.”

  “At least she’s self-aware,” I say.

  “What army?” Stuart asks.

  “Kramer needs an army of his own to do two things,” Cassie says. “One is to take the Stronghold. Two is to fight off the Consortium.”

  “Take the Stronghold? Why?” I ask. “We’re already heading there. We know it may not be easy, but we’ll talk our way in. You guys have me around. If I’m good for one thing, other than my brilliant tactical skills and engineering expertise, it’s talking my way into things.”

  “You usually talk your way into trouble, Jace,” Stuart says. “That’s not the same as talking your way into a community of survivors.”

  “Something’s hidden at the Stronghold,” Cassie says. “Something Kramer wants. Camille wants it too. That’s why she sent us after all of you. That’s why she’s coming to kill every last person she finds. Loyalty above all else. Loyalty above all else. Loyalty above all else.”

  She starts banging her head on the floor, over and over, while saying the same phrase again and again.

  Elsbeth stands up, baseball bat in hand, and walks over to her.

  “You are annoying,” she says and raises the bat over her head.

  She looks around at us.

  “If you’re expecting someone to stop you, I think you misjudged your crowd,” I say and look at the others. “Am I wrong?”

  “Nope,” Stella says. “Go for it.”

  “Batter up,” Stuart says.

  Elsbeth grins and is about to swing away when a loud crash from below echoes through the bookstore. Then the moans begin and all of a sudden we’re forced to remember that Consortiums and Camilles and Kramers aren’t why we’re in the Hell we’re in.

  It always comes back to the motherfucking Zs.

  THERE IS A SIMPLE TRUTH in the zombie apocalypse: the disabled will die first.

  It’s a shitty truth and not very PC, but let’s face it folks, if you can’t get up and run from the Zs that are ready to pick your skull clean of your tasty, tasty brains then you are fucked.

  I am currently fucked. Thank God and the Giant Spaghetti Monster in the sky that I have friends and family willing to save my ass.

  “They’re already eve
rywhere,” Charlie whispers as we crouch by the railing and watch the Zs swarm inside the store. The front doors have completely collapsed and the undead bastards just keep on coming. “How do we get Dad downstairs? We step foot on the escalators and they’ll hear us and see us.”

  A couple of Zs stop and look around, hunting for prey they know is inside.

  “Shhh,” Stella says and pulls us all back from the railing.

  I’m easy to pull. I’m in a wheelchair.

  We move ass to the far corner of the Children’s Books section, well out of undead earshot, and huddle up again. Elsbeth is getting a lot of happiness from dragging Cassie by the feet to each spot we go. My son isn’t getting too much happiness with pushing my wheelchair. I am getting a distinct “leave the cripple’s ass behind” vibe.

  “You’re talking out loud again, Dad,” Charlie says.

  “Dammit!” I snap.

  “Shhhh,” Stella warns. “We are trying to avoid bringing the Zs up to us.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, did my having my skull cracked open and Dr. Jailbait and Dr. Fucknuts McGee slicing and dicing on my brain for no fucking reason inconvenience you?” I growl. “Is it too much to ask for random brain surgery in a dentist’s office to actually work?”

  “Yeah,” Stuart says. “It is.”

  “You’re lucky to be breathing, Dad,” Charlie says. “You really should have died from that.”

  I wave Stumpageddon about. “I should have died from a lot of things in this apocalypse, but I haven’t.” I wave Stumpageddon some more. “Hey, look. I can control Stumpy. Cool.”

  “Talking, talking, talking,” Cassie says. “That’s all this guy ever does.”

  “Talk, talk, talk is what you meant to say,” I respond. “Either that or you should have ended with ‘that’s all this guy is ever doing’.”

  “Jace? Shut up, please,” Stella says. She looks to Elsbeth. “Any thoughts on how to get us out of here?”

  “Us? Nope,” Elsbeth says. “Long Pork’s wheels are a problem.”

  “But I make up for them with charm,” I say.

  “I can help,” Cassie says. “I promise not to kill any of you.”

  “Nice try,” Stuart says. “No way we’re untying you.”

  “There’s an elevator by the restrooms,” Charlie says. “Maybe we can load up in there and manually lower it. Might be able to sneak out through the back once we get to the first floor.”