Venom

by Bex Hogan

  His words find their mark. Such power is within my grasp. Maybe the sacrifice doesn’t have to be mine, but another’s. I can stop spending hours failing to heal broken rats and focus on the bigger picture. I can become the Mage I wish to be, all it would take is a stab to this man’s heart. Surely that’s a cost worth paying to save the East? To return home and free Torin? This man, this killer, is nothing to me. Those I wish to protect mean everything.

  ‘If I succeed in restoring his life, I will unlock my powers?’ I have to be sure I’ve understood.

  ‘Yes. I’m convinced this must be your test. And once you’ve succeeded, you never have to do it again, unless you choose to. You simply have to confront the task that will take everything you possess and complete it. That is how you – how anyone – transcends their limits to become a Mage. What you do with your untapped reserves of magic afterwards, is entirely up to you.’

  I know exactly what I would do. I would demand the Guardians obey me or face my wrath; I would crush the King like the parasite he is; I would destroy everyone in my path. The magic rushes to the surface at the mere prospect, urging me on, whispering for me to do it, to fulfil my destiny. I can pass this test and finally the magic can be free. Can be mine.

  ‘What test did you have to pass?’ I ask Gaius. ‘What sacrifice did you have to make?’

  But Gaius shakes his head. ‘My choices were my own. As are yours.’

  My eyes meet the prisoner’s and I see his fear. And then my own rushes in. I’m terrified – not of him, not of magic, not even of Gaius – but of myself. Did I seriously just consider this? Have I lost sight of what matters so much that I would kill to pursue my own gains? Bronn was right all along. I cannot be trusted with magic. I desire it too deeply; I need it too badly. If I cross this line, there’s no coming back. The magic will consume me, and anything I say to persuade myself otherwise is simply a lie.

  But I can hear it howling within me, outraged to be denied freedom.

  ‘No. I won’t take a life for no reason.’ I feel just like I did all that time ago, refusing to kill at my Initiation. But then I immediately knew it was something I could never do. How far I’ve fallen. Still. I wouldn’t kill for Adler. I won’t for Gaius.

  Gaius doesn’t even try to hide his disappointment. ‘I thought you wanted to be a Mage. You’re the Viper – surely you have the stomach to do what’s necessary?’

  His comment hits a nerve. He’s not the first person to accuse me of cowardice. But killing this man serves no purpose beyond furthering my own selfish desires. I won’t do it.

  ‘I do want to be a Mage,’ I say, an edge to my voice now. ‘I killed the man who raised me, so don’t tell me I can’t do what I have to. But I could kill this man and a dozen more and fail to bring a single one back. That’s needless death, for what? For me to experiment?’

  ‘Exactly! How else are discoveries made? You were happy to test your abilities on the rats.’

  ‘You cannot compare kitchen rats to a person’s life!’

  ‘Why not? It is simply the natural progression. Always there are sacrifices, Marianne, always. It’s time for you to make yours.’

  Sacrifice. Every time I hear that word, my skin prickles in pain. I know a time is coming when I must make more. But this isn’t it.

  I shake my head. ‘I’m sorry, Gaius.’

  He sighs. ‘I’m sorry too.’ And without warning he swiftly raises a knife and slits the man’s throat.

  Blood pours instantly to the floor. The man’s eyes are wide with terror, as the life quickly drains from his body. I look at Gaius in horror. ‘What have you done?’

  ‘I’m teaching you. Now save him.’

  He thrusts the bleeding man towards me and, forcing down the rage that’s rushing up like bile, I help lower him to the floor and focus all my attention on saving him.

  His life is passing now, almost gone, the cut inflicted deep and fatal, and I watch the dance of the threads of energy rise up from the body, weaving among each other as if for comfort. The tangled net I must repair. I tried to do it for Lilah, and only half succeeded. I must learn what I did wrong. But for the first time I’m afraid of the magic. Afraid to release it, afraid of becoming the monster I now know for certain lurks within me. Breathing deeply and feeling the pulse of magic in my fingers, I raise them towards the strands, moving the threads back towards the body with surprising ease. I find myself muttering, ‘offuggr’ under my breath, the ancient word for ‘backwards’. I want to undo the damage done, the violence, and put things back the way they were. But though I’m working fast, my fingers nimble, part of me is still scared, hesitant, and already the threads are starting to fade, my eyes struggling to see them any more, the colours diminishing.

  No, no, no. I try to move faster, knowing time’s running out, but the energy dissipates and soon all that remains before me is a limp carcass. Death has defeated us both. I’ve failed.

  I direct all my anger at Gaius. ‘You killed him.’

  ‘No, you did. You failed, not me. And I will not apologise for pushing you to greatness. I will slay a thousand men if that’s what it takes for you to learn this art.’

  Watching his face twist in anger, I no longer recognise him, and would weep if I weren’t so furious. This cruelty is at odds with the kindness he’s always shown me. It’s like looking at a reflection of what I saw inside myself. ‘Why does it matter so much to you?’ I manage to ask, through my rage.

  ‘Perhaps I haven’t been clear enough.’ His voice is tight with forced patience. ‘Perhaps the word “test” has been misleading. It is a trial, a torment, a barrier that must be battered and smashed until we lie broken and destroyed on the other side. A feat of endurance where we sacrifice everything we hold dear, all the most important things … where we leave behind the ordinary and transcend to brilliance. I am quite convinced that this is your test. Pass, and you will be a Mage. Fail, and you will remain as you are. Never quite enough.’

  ‘Then so be it.’

  My answer clearly isn’t what he’s expecting – he thought his speech would impassion me. It didn’t. Magic is a part of me and I love its wild seduction – the way it makes my heart beat stronger, my blood run faster, my head positively hum. But I fear it just as much I crave it. And I won’t lose myself to it. I can see now what Old Tatty meant – it demands everything and takes even more. If I go down this path, slaughtering innocents for my own gain, I will never come back. Maybe this is the sacrifice I’m meant to make. Giving up magic to protect my soul. If so, I’m prepared to make it.

  Gaius, on the other hand, is struggling to make peace with my decision. His eyes and nose are twitching with barely concealed rage. ‘You’re walking away? After all the training I’ve given you?’

  ‘I’m very grateful for everything you’ve taught me—’

  ‘I see no gratitude in this,’ he spits at me. ‘You’ve wasted my time, you spoiled wretch. Is it the throne you want? Is that it? Because that power is nothing to what a Mage can wield. You’re not fit to call yourself Mage or Queen. You’ve long since left behind the title Viper. You’ve failed in this, as you fail in everything, and I can’t bear to look at you any longer. Get out.’ When I don’t move, too startled to react, he starts to shout. ‘Get out. Get out!’

  I obey then, suddenly afraid. Gone is the teacher I’ve grown to trust, replaced by a monster. His words reverberate loudly in my head, echoing my own darkest thoughts – I’m not good enough. I never have been and now it’s clear I never will be.

  Though I’m shaken by my clash with Gaius, it helps clarify things for me. For too long I’ve allowed anger and frustration to paralyse me, allowed Rafe and his people all the power. I may have failed at magic, but there is one thing I’m good at. It wasn’t a mistake to go out to the settlement and defend people – the mistake I made was going alone. So that night I sit with my friends and tell them what I think we should do.

  ‘Will you come with me?’ I ask when I’ve finished explaining
my plan.

  Jax and Astrid share a smile. ‘Hell yes,’ they say simultaneously.

  Mordecai, however, is frowning. ‘You want us to sneak out, with no one else knowing, to defend the settlements?’

  I should have fought before, when I first learned the Hooded were taking children. Instead I wasted time being angry that I couldn’t persuade the others to act. It’s not a mistake I intend to make again. I think back to what Raoul said about me. It’s time I was the storm.

  ‘Yes, that’s exactly what I want us to do. But if you don’t want to …’

  ‘No, I want to. I was just making sure I understood you right.’ Mordecai grins at me.

  ‘You sure?’

  ‘Certain. It’s time the Guardians did some guarding.’

  ‘I think after your display this morning, there are others who will join us,’ Astrid says.

  ‘Then round them up. We go in an hour. If bandits are hunting tonight, we’ll make them the prey.’

  Within half an hour she manages to recruit ten more Guardians to join our cause, and soon we’re creeping out of the palace the same way I left last night, only this time I’m not fuelled by frustration and fury, but by determination.

  Mordecai falls to walk beside me. ‘We need to talk about the Hooded,’ he says, his voice soft in the still night. ‘I’ve been studying the pattern of their attacks. At first glance they seemed random …’

  ‘But you don’t think they are.’

  He shakes his head. ‘I mapped them out. They’re getting closer.’

  I frown. ‘To the palace? Is Eena right, are they coming for Rafe?’

  Mordecai shrugs. ‘I don’t know, but something’s pulling them this way.’

  ‘In that case it’s even more important we protect the settlements. We know there are already bandits here.’

  Mordecai looks at me sideways. ‘Do we?’

  I realise he doesn’t know about what happened last night, but before I can say anything, Astrid has come up behind me. ‘Yes, I told her. Heard rumours from patrol.’

  Mordecai’s not stupid; he knows there’s more we’re not saying, but before he has a chance to probe further a sound catches my ear and I grab his arm to silence him.

  It’s a cry, like the raw wail of grief I made when Tomas died. And I know it’s not bandits here tonight. The Hooded have come for the children.

  My legs move faster than I knew was possible as I race towards the sound. The settlement is quite large and well populated. With only moonlight to guide us and the streets filled with people – sobbing and desperately searching – it’s hard to see what’s happening.

  As I run up, a man points urgently to his left. ‘They went that way. Help us, please!’

  I nod and head in the direction he indicated, my mind sharp and focused. I’m ready to fight. I can hear the steady sound of breathing just behind me, and know Olwyn has my back.

  And then I see one: a hooded figure – face hidden by their cloak – carrying two children, one under each arm.

  ‘There,’ I whisper to Olwyn, who has come up beside me.

  The Hooded reaches a barn and goes through the door.

  ‘That’s where they’re taking the children,’ I say. ‘Go round to the back, make sure there are no other exits.’

  Olwyn nods and disappears into the shadows.

  If we can trap them in here, we can end this once and for all. The stories that have grown around the Hooded have made people think they are unbeatable. But they’re just people. Anyone can be stopped.

  But as I creep towards the barn the weight of a body leaping from the rooftops sends me crashing to the ground. Both my attacker and I are on our feet instantly, and though his hood is up I can see the glint of cruel eyes.

  Hatred rises inside me, and I pull my second dagger from my belt, so I have a knife in each hand. And then I attack.

  He parries with equal speed, our hands moving furiously fast, so that sparks fly as our blades meet. His defences are strong, and it’s hard to find a way to break through, but I keep going because there is no alternative. One of us will fold first, and it won’t be me.

  When it comes, the slip is small, but any error in this fight is costly. He simply doesn’t move his hand fast enough and my blade cuts across his thumb, slicing right through the bone and leaving the top half of his thumb dangling by a few threads of muscle and sinew.

  The hooded man recoils in pain and I kick him hard in the guts, wanting to end this, to finish him. But to my surprise he turns and runs.

  For such fearsome warriors I wouldn’t have expected the Hooded to be cowards, but push the thought aside as I chase. He’s heading for the barn, but if he thinks he’ll be safe there with his fellow Hooded to protect him, he has no idea who’s pursuing him.

  I fling the barn door wide open, ready to fight anyone waiting for me, only to skid to a halt. The barn is empty. There is no one in here.

  There are few places to hide – the harvest clearly hasn’t been bountiful this year – and I look behind every barrel of grain, every stack of crates, under every pile of empty sacks in the loft. I check the floor thoroughly for trapdoors or secret compartments. Nothing. The only way in or out is the door I came through.

  They have simply vanished. Gone like smoke in the night.

  We return to the palace dismayed and disbelieving. I hadn’t truly believed the Hooded were an enemy we couldn’t fight, but how do you destroy what you can’t see? Though it’s early when we arrive home, I head straight for Eena’s quarters. Perhaps if she knows how close the Hooded are to her beloved Rafe, she might be willing to offer us the army we so clearly need.

  I knock on the door, and Eena calls for me to enter. But as I go into the room someone’s coming out. His head is down as he brushes past me, but I would recognise those amber eyes anywhere and my heart leaps into my throat, momentarily choking me. The last time I saw this man he was leaping from a window after plunging my knife into Torin’s chest.

  ‘Can I help you?’ From the tone of her voice I think the only assistance Eena wants to give me is a sharp push off a high cliff.

  Thinking quickly, I erase any trace of my increasing alarm at seeing the assassin here. The last thing I want to do is let on that I recognised him.

  ‘Sorry to disturb you,’ I say with friendly warmth. ‘I was looking for Gaius.’

  Eena looks with exaggeration around the empty room. ‘Well, as you can plainly see, he’s not here.’

  ‘You’re right, I’m sorry.’

  And I shut the door quickly behind me, looking up and down the corridor to see if there’s any sign of my would-be assassin. He’s disappeared as quickly as he did out of Torin’s room that fateful night.

  My heart is racing and I start to run. I find my friends returning to their quarters and their expressions fall at the sight of my panic.

  I pull them into Astrid’s room and tell them what I saw.

  There’s silence.

  ‘Are you sure?’ Jax says, exchanging concerned looks with Mordecai.

  ‘Yes,’ I say, cursing my own stupidity as everything comes together in my mind. I’d seen the clue in Astrid’s fighting style, in all the Guardians’ fighting. It seemed familiar because it reminded me of how exceptionally skilled the assassin had been. ‘The assassin was a Guardian. He was there to kill me.’

  ‘Then someone else must have known about you,’ Mordecai says. ‘I swear, I knew nothing about him. I came East alone.’

  I believe him completely. There’s no deception in his shock.

  ‘Rafe found out then. Or Arlan. Or Eena. One or all of them knew and sent someone to kill me to eliminate any threat to the throne.’

  ‘When he failed, he must have thought your incarceration was enough to prevent you from being a problem,’ Astrid says as Olwyn stands up to give me a hug.

  ‘He didn’t know who he was dealing with,’ she says with such fierce loyalty it hurts.

  ‘So what do we do now?’ Jax asks.

&n
bsp; ‘Nothing,’ Mordecai says and everyone looks at him in surprise. Apart from me. I think I know what he’s planning and agree completely.

  ‘Nothing?’ Jax clearly doesn’t.

  ‘Look, at the moment we have an advantage,’ Mordecai explains. ‘They don’t know we’re on to them. If we show our hand now, we lose. We don’t have the support yet. But we can get it. More and more of the Guardians hate how we’re trapped inside these walls while our people are suffering out there. When we tell them what happened last night, even more will join us. More importantly very few of them like Rafe – they only support him out of loyalty to Arlan. If we can build a convincing case of how they tried to have Marianne murdered, we can finish them once and for all.’

  ‘Then we wait, lie low,’ Astrid says. ‘Time to raise that army after all.’

  I manage to give them a grateful nod in agreement, but the truth is I can’t stop thinking of Torin, of the look on his face when he was attacked, of everything he’s had to suffer because of me. It’s all my fault. I’ve never wanted to be by his side more than I do right now.

  I realise I haven’t mentioned my argument with Gaius to them. It doesn’t seem as important, though, given the enormity of this new revelation. Besides, putting aside my dreams of becoming a Mage means I’ll have time to meet other Guardians and try to win their support.

  Because I’m no longer under any illusions. The Hooded aren’t the only ones I need to fight. I am at war with Rafe. I have been for months. I just didn’t know it.

  We spend the rest of the day together, devising strategies. But for all the seriousness of our conversation I can’t help but notice Mordecai smiling to himself.

  ‘What’s so funny?’ I say eventually, exasperated that he can find humour in this situation.

  ‘Oh, just you.’

  ‘Me? What did I do?’

  His smile widens. ‘You’ve decided to be Queen.’