Two for Joy

by Louise Collins

  The one that got away.

  Romeo didn’t want him to get away.

  Romeo needed him to keep visiting. He needed Chad for himself to feel alive. He got up and started pacing around his cell. He needed Chad to feel good. The weeks with no visits had been hell, but he needed to ensure he kept him, needed to ensure Chad kept visiting. What did others do in relationships to keep the ones they loved?

  They lied.

  Romeo stopped in front of the mirror and looked at himself. The handsome mask that hid his ugliness. He needed to use his face, all the sorrowful, sincere expressions it could pull, and lie to Chad.

  All his life he’d lied to his parents to keep them happy, and he was about to do the same with Chad.

  He had to make Chad think he was disgusted about the copycat, because that’s how normal people would’ve reacted, they would’ve been afraid, horrified, disturbed.

  If that’s the lie he needed to tell to keep Chad, then he would. He couldn’t be completely honest with Chad because if he was, he’d lose him.

  ****

  The door to the visiting room opened, and Chad at least gave him a small smile. He was having trouble keeping eye contact again, and Romeo suspected guilt was the reason. He felt guilty over not visiting, Romeo was about to lie to his face and didn’t feel guilt at all.

  “I thought you were gonna stop.”

  Chad didn’t look at him. “I thought about it.”

  “Chad…”

  He looked up, finally connecting with Romeo. His eyes were still tired, the bags beneath were deeper. Romeo knew he’d look worse the longer the case went on, like Chad was slowly turning into a corpse.

  He snorted.

  Everyone was slowly turning into a corpse, that’s all living really was.

  “I couldn’t stop.”

  Romeo nodded.

  “Maybe I do take after my mother. I’m addicted to something that’s bad for me, and even though I know it is, you’d have to pry it from my cold dead hands to stop me from having it.”

  “I’m glad to hear it. Well, not so much the cold dead hands part…”

  Chad laughed, enough that it reached his eyes. He looked at Romeo, then his smile started to fade.

  “What happened last time,” Romeo started, “my…reaction—”

  “I’ve been thinking about Toby.”

  Romeo frowned. “Toby?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Your dog.” Romeo said slowly.

  Chad nodded. “I cared about him, and he cared about me. We had a good bond, an understanding, but we were still alien to each other.”

  “You were different species.”

  “Sometimes I did things he wouldn’t have understood,” Chad paused, then laughed. “And sometimes he did things I didn’t understand, but the bond was there, it crossed species.”

  Romeo nodded for Chad to continue.

  “And I was thinking, that even though I saw a side to Toby I liked. He might have had another one, a side I’d consider bad if I didn’t understand it.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “Well, to a rat he was a monster. He killed them, he enjoyed killing them, especially when he thought it made me happy, too. To me, it was only a rat, vermin. But he had that killer instinct, and if he killed something bigger, or if he joined in with other dogs while they killed something, or got excited watching, and felt like he wanted to join in, felt like he was missing out. It would’ve upset me.”

  “I could see why it would.”

  “But that wouldn’t have been Toby’s fault, it would’ve been mine for not understanding. He comes from wolves, they have instincts, desires, thought processes I couldn’t possibly understand. It would’ve been wrong for me to judge him by my own standards. We’re different species, but that doesn’t take away from our bond, it makes it stronger because we like each other enough to see past it.”

  “You and Toby.”

  Chad snorted. “Yeah, me and Toby.”

  Romeo didn’t have to lie. He didn’t have to use his handsome mask, and fake disgust, or fear over the copycat.

  Chad got it.

  He didn’t like it, but he accepted it.

  That made Chad pretty fucking amazing.

  Romeo let out a long, slow breath. “You’re something else, you know that.”

  “Yeah, I’m messed up.”

  “You make messed up look perfect.”

  “A compliment from a serial killer.”

  “A bloody hot one.”

  Chad laughed.

  Romeo bit his lip, then whispered. “I missed you visiting.”

  “Yeah?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, those few weeks were hell.”

  “I’m sorry, I needed to get my head together.”

  “And it’s together?”

  “Yeah, as much as it can be. I won’t miss a visit again.”

  “Good, you’re all that gets me through the week.”

  “And you’re all that gets me through mine.”

  Romeo smiled so hard his cheeks ached. The uncharted territory of not wanting to kill someone was a minefield of surprises, and untapped emotions. He felt happy, relieved, and all he wanted to do was reach for Chad and tug him into a bruising kiss, back him up to the wall and touch him everywhere.

  He was getting hard just thinking about it.

  “I met Holly Stevenson.” Chad said, stopping Romeo’s fantasy.

  “Yeah?”

  “Well, I say met … she was waiting in the carpark when I arrived.”

  “What?”

  “I have the distinct feeling she hates my guts.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “She told me so. Warned me off you.”

  Romeo gawped. “What?”

  “Yeah…”

  “I’ll have a word with her.”

  “And I’m pretty sure I saw her car parked outside my apartment a few days ago...”

  “You sure?”

  Chad nodded. “Yeah. You said she was in love with you—”

  “I said she thinks she is.”

  “It’s a bit obsessive waiting for me in the carpark, following me home. It’s stalkerish.”

  “I’ll have a word with her, tell her to back off. Did she say anything else?”

  “She said that I’m tormenting you.”

  “I guess you do in some ways.”

  Chad recoiled. “What?”

  “You’re right there, but I can’t touch you. I can’t even hear you properly—your voice fuzzes as it comes through the speaker. I can’t smell you. The only sense of mine that’s satisfied is my sight, but even that is compromised by the smudges on the barrier, and the hazy light behind you.”

  “That’s not me tormenting you, but this room.”

  “Whose fault is it I’m in here?”

  Chad took a sharp inhale, and Romeo inwardly cursed himself. There was so much confliction in Chad’s face, a battle of rights and wrongs behind his eyes. Sometimes it was fascinating to watch, but not when Chad was already suffering.

  “My fault.” Romeo smirked. “It’s my fault I’m here.”

  Chad nodded solemnly.

  “But one day, I’ll get out of here…”

  Romeo waited for the glint in Chad’s eyes, the sparkle of hope and longing, and he wasn’t disappointed. It was there, treasure that only Romeo’s words could reveal, then Chad’s expression hardened, and the detective was back.

  “You’re in here for life.”

  He scrunched and released his hand several times, then took notice of his fidgeting and stopped.

  “We’ll see.” Romeo whispered.

  “I’ve—I’ve asked about visits next door.”

  “The room without the barrier.”

  “But they said it’s too risky.”

  “This is for your own protection.” Paul said. “He might have manipulated you to a point that you’ve forgotten he’s dangerous, you’ve forgotten he tried to kill you, but he hasn’t manipulated the
rest of us.”

  “Thank you for your insight, Paul.” Romeo said, “It won’t be needed again.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Anyway,” Romeo said, rolling his eyes. “Tell me what you’ve been doing, the parts you’re allowed to tell me?”

  “I made paella last week.”

  “Without the prawns?”

  “Of course. And I watch Quiz Master every day. I’d easily beat your scores now.”

  “That’s not fair, you’ve been practicing. All I’ve got to watch is the news and kids’ cartoons.”

  “Some of those cartoons are good.”

  “Maybe when you’re on antibiotics and morphine.”

  Chad closed his eyes, laughing. “And I watched Aliens Attack last night. I remember how much you loved it.”

  “I hated it.”

  “Looked to me like you enjoyed it.”

  “The worst film I’ve ever seen.”

  “And… I’ve been thinking about getting a dog.”

  The conversation not-really about Toby was still fresh in his mind. Romeo needed to be certain when Chad said dog, he actually meant dog.

  “With floppy ears, a waggy tail, and a shrill bark?”

  Chad scrunched his nose. “Yeah … that kinda dog.”

  “Just checking. I think that’s a great idea.”

  ****

  Chad talked about him as if he were a drug, some addiction he couldn’t end, but it was the opposite way around. Romeo was still buzzing days after Chad’s visit, he found himself smiling for no reason whatsoever.

  His mind didn’t stutter on the past, or stew in the present, it went to the future.

  His fantasy future.

  It started with him standing in front of Chad’s apartment door, waiting for him to open up. He was wearing his orange jumpsuit, heaving for breath. Impatience grew and he thumped the door again.

  “I’m coming!” Chad shouted, making Romeo smile. Not yet you’re not, he thought.

  The door opened, Chad’s eyes bugged from his head, and Romeo struggled to hold back his laugh. Chad in his detective suit, all smart and ordered, and looking completely incorruptible. Romeo would win Chad over, and the detective would have no choice but to look the other way.

  “What the fuck?”

  “I said I’d get out…”

  “How?”

  Romeo blinked. Trust Chad’s detective mind to stall Romeo’s sex dream.

  He didn’t know how, the how wasn’t important. Not in that moment.

  “I just did.”

  “But ho—”

  Romeo put his mouth on Chad’s to shut him up and stop him from destroying his fantasy. Chad didn’t kiss back, but he didn’t push Romeo away either. His eyes slid shut, his lips parted, accepting the kiss, but not returning it. Romeo pushed forward with his chest, trying to get Chad back into his apartment, over the threshold of the doorway so he wasn’t so exposed in the corridor. Chad didn’t move, he stood firm, not letting Romeo inside.

  Romeo breathed against Chad’s lips. “Let me in.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Yes, you can.”

  Romeo leaned back in time to see Chad’s face scrunch. “I can’t… I need to call the police. You need to be locked up. This is wrong.”

  “But it always felt right.”

  Chad pushed Romeo’s chest, but it was weak, unsure, a case of him reacting how he thought he should rather than how he wanted to.

  “Didn’t it?” Romeo pressed.

  Chad stopped pushing against him. “Yes, we did.”

  “Then let me in.”

  Chad pulled a pained expression, shaking his head.

  “Fine.” Romeo took hold of Chad’s wrists, tugging him into the corridor. “I’ll have you out here.”

  “Here?”

  “Yeah,” Romeo said, nipping Chad’s ear. “Right here. This is mutual territory.”

  The corridor was no man’s land as far as Romeo was concerned. No monster. No detective, only Romeo and Chad.

  Romeo resumed their touch of mouths, slower and more sensual, it won Chad over, made him pant and plead, then kiss back hard.

  The next thing Romeo knew, they were on the floor, legs tangled, fighting off clothes. Kissing and touching with no hesitation. No care of who could walk into the corridor, no care for tomorrow. The monster and the detective gone, leaving Chad and Romeo and their need.

  “I’ve missed you.” Chad gasped.

  Romeo nodded, resuming their kiss and pushing an echo of the words back into Chad’s mouth. He missed this, this level of intimacy, this exposure and acceptance.

  They were both naked, clothes gone, the air around them perfumed with the smell of sex and sweat. Their bodies shimmered, their hair stuck flat on their foreheads, and every inch of each other had been touched.

  Chad sunk his teeth into Romeo’s lip, and he jerked in surprise. There was a time for gentle, usually after sex, but right then Chad was grinding against him, begging Romeo to have him. He entered Chad’s body with his fingers, curling and twisting, each motion mimicked by his tongue in Chad’s mouth. He was wet, lubed, and stretched as if he’d been waiting for Romeo to knock on his door every night. The thought made him groan and he almost startled himself out of the fantasy.

  Romeo couldn’t wait any longer.

  He hauled Chad onto his knees, got him in position, then guided his cock forward. With no resistance, he found his way home.

  Romeo fucked him with wild abandonment, spearing Chad’s hole hot and fast while pressing down on the back of Chad’s neck, keeping him pinned to the carpet.

  It didn’t take long for him to come, and when he did, he opened his eyes, finding Chad beside him on the wall, his hand wet in his boxers, and his cock still pulsing.

  The fantasy served its purpose, but afterwards he was left feeling cold.

  “How am I gonna get out of here?” He asked Chad, then he swallowed the unsure lump in his throat. “Would you even want me to?”

  Part of Chad would, he knew that, but he wasn’t sure it would be the dominant part.

  ****

  Saturday, showdown with Stevenson day. Romeo’s mind games had bred something ugly in her, something bordering on dangerous.

  Romeo sat down opposite, and before she had a chance to speak, he leaned over the table.

  “Leave Chad alone.”

  “What?”

  “Following him, confronting him in the carpark…”

  “Someone has to call him out on his actions. Chad’s not good for you.”

  “You don’t know what’s good for me, and what’s not.”

  “I was looking out for you.”

  “Don’t.”

  “Romeo—”

  Romeo fixed her with the most menacing stare he could muster. “Make a note of this. Stay the fuck away from Chad.”

  “Okay—”

  “I’m not answering any of your questions until you write that down.”

  Holly huffed, then wrote down Romeo’s words at the top of her page. “Done.”

  “Good.”

  “I was doing it for you. You can forgive me, right?”

  “I’m nothing towards you. I feel nothing.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “You’ll believe what you want to.” Romeo sighed, then jutted his chin towards the papers on her desk. “Let’s get on with it…”

  “I’ve got a publication date now.”

  “Maybe this time you’ll stick to it, not push it back.”

  Holly looked down, nodding. “There’s a few bits…”

  “There always is, and always will be.”

  She went on like he hadn’t spoken. “I wanted to ask why random people?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Your victims are random, no pattern to them, no group. Other killers I’ve read about choose similar victims. Whether age, sex, sexuality, profession…”

  Romeo shrugged. “It wasn’t about them, it was about my own need.”<
br />
  Holly wrote something down, then covered it with her arm. “I always thought you might have been looked at differently if you’d gone after bad people.”

  “Bad people?”

  “Yeah, if you’d have targeted other killers, you’d be like an antihero.”

  “Why would I kill other people like me? We’re family.”

  “A family?”

  “Yeah, we’re a separate species from the rest of you.”

  “All murderers?”

  Romeo rolled his eyes. “Anyone can kill. Jealousy, anger, money, accidentally, but those people aren’t my family. The killers who have the need in their heads, the desire to end life, I’m a member of that. We’re the bad, the rest of you are the good.”

  “We’ve gone through this. You weren’t born bad.”

  Romeo sighed. “I was thinking more about Trisha Nobel, the woman I didn’t kill.”

  “And?”

  “Trisha had a kid—”

  “Yes,” Holly interrupted “And it bothered you that her son would grow up without his mother.”

  “No, I went upstairs, and his bedroom door was open—”

  “You saw him and changed your mind.”

  Romeo huffed. “You gonna let me finish or what?”

  “Sorry, go on.”

  “He was awake in bed, drowsy, but awake. He saw me, even asked if I was the boogie man,” Romeo smirked, remembering. “And I pointed at my face and said, “would the boogieman look this good?” I didn’t kill Trisha because her son saw me, he would’ve been able to describe me to the police, not a good start for my countdown.”

  “How do I know you didn’t just make up that story in your cell.”

  “Why the hell would I do that?”

  “A defense mechanism, you’re trying to push me away.”

  Romeo knocked his head back and groaned at the ceiling. “I tell you what happened, and you don’t want to believe it.”

  “Your whole life you’ve pushed people away after the way you were treated.”

  “I had a great life. I’ve lied to you about all the bad stuff. My parents loved me, I had friends, a great job.”

  “No, you’re in denial.”

  “Jesus Christ, you are. Close your eyes and listen to the words coming out my mouth. I enjoy killing people. I feel nothing for them, or their families. I always felt the urge, the craving, but I didn’t do it while my parents were alive, didn’t want to destroy their image of a perfect son.”