Ugh, I didn’t know what to do. I hung my head and walked over to the couch where I sat down beside her. I wrapped my arm around her body and held her close to me. She buried her head on my shoulder and cried. The tears were real, so she was either hurting badly at the thought of losing me, or she was the best actress that I’d ever seen.
I kissed her on the forehead and brushed her hair back off her face. Then I tilted her face up towards mine. “Look, I’m sorry. I don’t want this to end, but you have to get a handle on yourself. You can’t act like this. It’s tearing us apart. Your jealousy has gotten way out of control. If there is someone you need to speak with down at the student health center, maybe a counselor or somebody, then you should do it. But we can’t go on like this. I can’t go on like this.”
I saw the rage flashing in her eyes a second before she pushed me away and stood up. “Oh, so I’m crazy, now? Is that the way you want to think of me? I’m acting crazy? You’re not? Please… if you could only see how messed up you are. I’m not worried about losing you; you should be worried about losing me.”
With that, Irene stood up and walked to the door. She turned back towards me and glared. “You’d better think about what you really want and really think if I’m someone you want as your enemy.”
Then she slammed the door behind her as she stormed out.
I sat there stunned for several minutes. What had just happened? I thought Irene was torn up about the thought of us breaking up and then somehow, she turned it back on me and put me on the defensive. What in the hell was happening here?
I warmed up my dinner and ate it in silence as I struggled to focus on my studies, but the thing with Irene was still with me. What was I doing? I needed to just break it off and end it. This was not going to get better. In fact, it was only getting worse from what I could see. I was delaying the inevitable and it looked like something awful was going to happen with us if I didn’t just take that step.
I picked up my phone and I tried to make the phone call. I doubted that she would answer me. I then thought about sending her a text, but then it hit me how lame that was. Breaking up with someone by text or email was a pretty punk move. I wasn’t going to do things that way.
And a part of me still wanted this. I still wanted to be with Irene, but the sweet, loving Irene whom I’d fallen in love with so quickly. And I knew that was not real. She had lulled me into a false sense of security and she was not backing off now that she had me in her grasps. There was no real her, I didn’t think. At least not the woman I thought she was or wished she was. No, that was all a carefully constructed illusion.
I finished my dinner and eventually I was able to immerse myself in my studies and let the thing go from my mind. After a few hours of intense study, I felt better about my schoolwork and I had a much clearer vision of how I needed to handle Irene. I was going to break it off with her in person, very soon. I figured I would need to contact housing and have them change the locks first. Then I would tell campus security about Irene just in case she tried to do anything stupid.
And then lastly, I would set up a meeting with her in a public place to tell her that we were through. That was it. That was how it all had to go down.
As I drifted off to sleep that night I couldn’t help thinking about Irene and all of the wonderful times we’d had in the beginning. I wanted that again. But I wanted it with someone else, with someone real. Would I find that any time soon? Or maybe I was meant to just focus on the game and advancing my career for right now. Perhaps this was all a sign that I had to ignore my lustful and romantic feelings for a while.
But I couldn’t help but feel that I was just floundering for the moment. Just floundering.
Chapter Two
Maria
I entered the restaurant and approached the host in the front. He was a nice looking, middle-aged man wearing a nice suit. If he hadn’t been standing at the front desk and his body language had been more of a commanding presence, I might have thought he was the manager.
“Yes, can I help you?” He asked. His voice was higher pitched and softer than I would have imagined of a man of his stature. It was a bit of an odd fit and it caught me off guard for a moment.
“Yes,” I said. “I’m supposed to be meeting some friends here at seven. I might be a tad early. It should be under Winters.”
“Of course,” he said. “Allow me a moment to check, please.”
He looked at the roster and then up at me with a smile. “Your party hasn’t arrived yet. Would you like to have a drink at the bar while you wait?”
“Sure,” I said.
I went into the bar section and ordered a martini. I was a bit nervous, but I wasn’t sure exactly why. I was meeting three of my closest girlfriends for a night of dinner and drinks. Tomorrow I was leaving. I couldn’t get my head around it. New York had been my home my whole life. I loved the city, the culture, the atmosphere—but now it was going to be gone from me. I was packing it all up and heading to Indiana the next morning.
It was scary but exciting. I was following my dream. Ever since I was young I had wanted to practice medicine. And then as I grew up and became more interested in sports, that interest merged into sports medicine. Which is what I was highly trained at NYU to do. I’d just finished my degree and my residency. And I’d sent my resume out into the world hoping to land a job fairly close to home, possibly even at my alma mater. But that didn’t happen. Indiana University had come calling. They needed a new team doctor since their last one had just retired.
I gladly accepted and got ready to move. But the closer it came to actually packing it all up and doing it, the harder it was. I was going to leave my friends, my family—everything that I held dear behind. And I was venturing into a new world, a new city and place that I knew very little about. It was scary and intimidating.
As I sat there at the bar drinking my drink and looking around, I observed a handsome man entering the bar area. He was tall, broad shouldered, and very clean cut. He looked like some kind of business professional. As he entered he had a very casual way about him, as if he didn’t take life too seriously. His eye caught mine and he smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back.
It had been a while since I’d been even mildly interested in being romantic with someone. My previous boyfriend Dale and I had broken up three months before. He travelled so much for his job that eventually we just drifted apart. It’s hard to be with someone you never get to see. I wished him well, but our lives were just too incompatible.
“Hi, there,” he said as he sat down beside me. He quickly ordered an Old Fashioned. The pretty female bartender gave him the eye as she brought it to him. He barely blinked. I could imagine he was used to female attention.
I was trying not give him any signals though. I had no interest in meeting anyone tonight, or grabbing onto any fleeting reasons to stay in New York. I was going to start that job, no exceptions.
“How are you?” He asked.
“I’m fine,” I replied.
“I’m Walter.”
I paused, wondering if I should indulge this or if I should be short and curt with the whole thing so that it didn’t develop beyond this point. No reason for him to get his hopes up or waste his time.
“I’m Maria,” I said. “Maria Charles.”
I wasn’t sure why I volunteered my last name. This guy had a way about him that made you want to divulge your darkest secrets to him somehow. He was good. Smooth, a real student of the game. I didn’t know enough to say he was a player, but he was a guy who had a natural way with women and probably often used his talents for one-night stands. That had never really been my thing.
“So, what brings you out and about tonight Maria? Surely, a beautiful woman such as yourself isn’t sitting here all by her lonesome.”
I smiled. Smooth, if not a bit cliché.
“No, I’m waiting for some girlfriends of mine.”
“Oh, I see. Is it a girl’s night out kind of thing? No boys allo
wed?”
“It is for me,” I smiled.
“Well, I can’t tell you how much that disappoints me,” he teased with a slight, fake sadness to his voice.
“Oh, I’m sure you will recover,” I teased back. A little harmless fun was never a bad idea.
“I hope so. But you never really know. That’s what I love so much about New York City. You never know where the beautiful night will take you.”
I sighed. “I know that. I’m going to miss it.”
“Why?”
“Well, I’m leaving tomorrow morning. I’m starting a new job.”
“Wow, that’s too bad. But it must be quite the job for you to leave our beautiful city.”
I nodded. “It is. You might say it’s a bit of a dream.”
“Well, then.” He lifted up his glass. “Here is to a great new start for you and to hoping your dreams turn out to be every bit as magical as you want them to be.”
That was a sweet sentiment. “Thanks.”
“Maria!”
I looked up to see Josie and Tammy walking through the door. They quickly sauntered over to greet me with some hugs. We had all been so busy with finishing school, getting jobs secured, and trying to move on with our lives that we hardly ever got to see each other much anymore. And now I would be lucky to see them a few times a year. Wow… it was depressing.
“Hey!” I exclaimed as I wrapped my arms around my two best friends. We’d met in college and just become totally fast friends instantly. We’d been practically inseparable, even as they went into graduate school and I moved onto my degree in sports medicine.
“Our table is ready,” Josie said.
I grabbed my drink and started to follow them into the dining room. I glanced back at Walter who was watching all of this with a relaxed, mild amusement. “You take care of yourself,” he said with a smile.
“You too,” I replied.
A few moments later at our table, Josie quickly asked me, “Who was that hunk you were talking to?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Just a random guy who sat down there.”
“Well, you should definitely go home with him,” Tammy teased.
I rolled my eyes. “Would you go home with him?”
“Absolutely,” she said.
“What? You don’t know the first thing about him. He might be some kind of a psycho or serial killer.”
“Did you ever see a serial killer in an expensive suit like that?”
“What? Psychos can’t have money?” I laughed.
“I’m just saying that since this is your last night in New York, you should go a little nuts and just have some fun. Toss all your cares aside and let the chips fall where they may. Have one last, meaningless fling.”
The idea did sound somewhat appealing. But it would probably just be something I regretted. I tried to push it out of my mind.
“Well, tonight I belong to you ladies, my best friends. This is our night,” I said.
“Ok,” she replied. “If you insist.”
“I do.”
“I can’t believe you are leaving us,” Josie said. “It makes me very sad.”
I could actually see some moisture budding up in her eyes. She quickly dabbed at her bright blue eyes with a napkin.
I reached out and took her hand. “Hey, we will make time to get together as often as we can. I promise.”
“Me too,” Tammy said.
It was so hard to say goodbye. We had delayed this step of our lives as long as we could, staying in school until the three of us had doctorates and now at the age of twenty-five, it was time for us all to move on and see where the world was going to take us. I was excited to work hard and truly make my mark on the world. Sports medicine seemed like the perfect place to do that.
The waiter came by and took our drink orders. I ordered a Manhattan and set about trying to get at least a little bit drunk tonight. It felt good to cut loose with my girls for a bit, but it was also bittersweet. I didn’t want this sort of thing to end. In fact, I wished we could do this so much more often. But big changes were happening to our lives, and to my life in particular. This was the last chance we’d have to be together for a while.
“So, you the college football team?” Tammy asked. “Sounds pretty yummy to me. Taking care of all those young, well-muscled, tan athletes---maybe I joined the wrong career field.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not getting into it for that reason you pervert. It’s all about the sport to me.” I said.
“Well, then why didn’t you just play sports? Weren’t you a big-time soccer player in high school and college?”
“Yeah, and softball. But it’s hard to make it to the big leagues in those sports, and honestly unless you are the top of the tops, you aren’t going to make any real money. Sometimes you might barely survive. And there isn’t as much hope for longevity of a career. By the time I’m thirty I would be practically done, or a dinosaur. It’s ridiculous. It is definitely a young woman’s world. Besides, I was injured fairly seriously more than once. All it takes is one bad injury and your career is also over. I love helping athletes recover when it’s possible so they can get back to doing what they do best.”
“That’s wonderful,” Tammy said. “And what do your folks think? Are they sad you are leaving?”
“Yeah, they are sad, but they understand. I’ll be flying back in every now and then to visit for holidays and so forth. We will have to hang out then as well.”
“What if you meet the right guy, there? Are you going to bring him back to meet us as well?” Josie asked with that naughty gleam in her eye.
“Maybe,” I said. “But what makes you think I’m going to meet the right guy there? My plan is to keep trying to get on at a school much closer to New York, to my home.”
“You might like it there,” Josie said. “Maybe the pace of a smaller town will work for you. Besides you aren’t that far from Indianapolis. I’ve never been there, but surely, it’s a fun city, too. At least, that is what I’ve heard, sweetie.”
I smiled and took a sip of my drink as the waiter laid it down in front of me. We all ordered our entrees and then relaxed back into some of the conversation. I loved the way the quiet atmosphere of a nice restaurant wrapped itself around you. When you were loud and animated, it became so as well, and when you were trying to be quiet and reserved, it did the same. I wondered what nice restaurants there were in Indianapolis… It was true that Bloomington, where the university was located, was only about an hour’s drive from the big city. So, I wasn’t going to be that isolated, was I?
But then again, without friends or a social network to count on, for a while I might be. There were going to be some massive changes happening in my life I would have to be prepared for, some I couldn’t even fathom until they happened.
“I’ll try to keep you all posted,” I said.
“But seriously, what if you develop an attraction to one of the players? How are you going to hide that? Do you have to hide that?” Josie asked.
She and Tammy smiled and cheered with each other slapping a good high five in the process. They were already getting a bit toasty. They were adorable.
“I doubt that will happen,” I said. “But no. I’m not allowed to do that. It’s very much frowned on.”
“Frowned on, but not forbidden?” Josie reached.
“It is actually. There are rules against faculty and students dating each other. They’ve really cracked down on this sort of thing, calling it an abuse of power.”
“What abuse? You are all adults at the college level. Consenting adults are consenting adults. Where is the issue?” Josie asked. She had a good point.
“I know, but those are the rules. I have no idea why, but they exist for some reason. And this school has recently cracked down as being one of the toughest that enforces it.”
“And how do you know this, exactly?” Tammy asked.
I didn’t really have an answer at hand. I had heard it somewhere. Reading the
employees handbook, maybe?
“Ah! She specifically looked for it!” Tammy grinned.
“Wow, is that it?” Josie asked.
“No,” I replied. “That is definitely not it.”
But they might have been right. I had been curious. I had always had a thing for athletes, especially football players. Part of it stemmed from my love of the game and another part of it was that these guys were always so tough and in amazing shape. They were perfect specimens of masculinity. Most of the men I had dated in the past had been athletes. There was just something about them that drew me to them. They were irresistible. And if they had a touch of the bad boy in them, oh, it was all she wrote. I was theirs.
“I’m serious, though,” Tammy continued. “You might actually fall for one of these guys. And what if you get caught? You would be fired for that?”
“I would, and the player would probably be kicked off the team.”
“Wow, that is harsh. So, you’d just better not get caught.”
I laughed. “Or, maybe I won’t fall for a player to begin with.”
“You can’t control who you fall in love with.”
“I think you can. You can shut it down and move on.”
“No, you are way wrong on that one.”
I let it go, and we continued on with a fun evening. This night with my friends was wonderful and entertaining. At the end of the night we all hugged each other and promised to keep in touch often.
When I got home I finalized packing up a few items and then poured myself a glass of wine as I sat down on my couch and watched the clock rolling towards midnight. I was planning to leave at eight o’clock tomorrow; the movers would be there at six to load everything into the U-Haul truck.
Only You Page 2
