“It’s noble that you want to stand up for your friends, but if it puts you into a targeted position, then it might be better to leave well enough alone.”
“Nah. I’m not wired that way. I have too much fight in me to let crap like that go down. Besides, I’m one of his golden boys. I doubt he would do much to me. He needs me to win too badly and make him and his coaching seem relevant. The guy is a total joke.”
“That is true, but with an egomaniac like that you never know how he will react to something. His ego and desire to make you pay for your insubordination might trump his desire to win. He could make your life a living hell and really trash your future. Like it or not, that little weasel got some power given to him somehow and now he is using it the best he can.”
“That sucks. I guess he has me by the short and curliest, doesn’t he?”
“I am afraid so,” I said. “At least for now. Afterwards you might tell the whole world what you think and let it be known what a cretin this coach really is. You can get him out of there.”
“That might be the day,” Jacob sighed. “But then again, that sort of thing has to be done tactfully and without it being so blatantly out in the open. Otherwise, it has a way of tarnishing you too. So, I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I’m just overly fed up with his crap right now, you know? He bullies people. He humiliates them and he puts them down any way that he can. It’s so hard to stand by and watch it happen.”
“Well, maybe if the entire team goes to the board and complains, something might be done about it.”
He shook his head. “Our team is great. We are doing so well, they would be terrified to touch anything there at all. They can’t mess with any of the ingredients just in case. So, they would probably just tell us to suck it up. Which is what we are going to do for now. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lay all of this on you. Normally, I don’t complain about things.”
“No, it’s fine. I like knowing more about the people I’m working for and working with. It helps me to get acclimated to the working environment around me and it helps me to stay prepared, stay ahead of the game.”
“The game? I guess you’re right. Working with this coaching staff is in and of itself some kind of a game, right?”
“I can handle it,” I said. “Besides, now I’ve got you there to watch my back and I can watch yours.”
“Thanks, but I think it will be ok. Just six more games and that will be all she wrote. I will never play football at Indiana ever again. It’s kind of sad to think about. You go these four years and you get caught up in this micro-society where you feel comfortable and safe, but then you suddenly find yourself on the verge of being thrown out into the world that you don’t really know much about, despite all of your supposed education.”
“Right? I’ve long since thought that college doesn't prepare people for life; it only prepares them to be employees.”
“Is that how you feel? Like an employee?” Jacob asked.
“I do. I mean, technically I am. But I also like to keep my options open and I enjoy knowing that I can leave at any time and I can move to something else if I choose to. So, I’m always looking for bigger and better opportunities. I’m not planning to stay where I’m at for all that long. It’s a transition. Eventually, I might want to open up my own clinic and training facility. It’s an idea that I’ve had kicking around in the can for a few years.”
“That’s great,” Jacob said. “You should totally go for it.”
“Right now, I’m working on saving my money so I can keep flexible if something does happen to this job, and I can put money down on the right place when I decide to launch it.”
“I did not know I was in the presence of such an enterprising woman. I’m intrigued. Was your undergraduate work in business? Maybe a minor?”
“No, my undergraduate was in sports medicine. Minor in Biology. But I’ve always had a fascination with business. So, I’ve read enough books and journals over the years about it that I could probably obtain an honorary degree in it. Hell, bring on the exams and I’ll pass them all to get that degree in a week.”
Jacob laughed. I loved his sweet, easygoing laughter. He was always so relaxed and so sure of himself. It instantly put me at ease.
We finished up our breakfast and then Jacob said he was going home to work on a paper that he had to turn in tomorrow. I kissed him goodbye and watched him drive away before I went back inside and hopped in the shower. I wished that he was there with me in the shower. But we were having such a wonderful conversation getting to know each other and on top of that, I was still a little bit sore and worn out from our fantastic night together. It might take a day or two to heal up from it.
As I showered I thought over some of the things we talked about. The rules we’d set in place were there to protect us and we were fairly sure we’d accounted for any type of contingency and that if we followed these steps we would stay safe and sound. And our romance would continue to flourish. But on the off chance that something went wrong (and I honestly expected it to) then we would be prepared knowing that we had taken all of the proper steps that we could to avoid detection.
It felt amazing. The entire process of falling in love with this man. That’s what it was. I knew it from the moment he entered me. I was falling head over heels in love with Jacob and had been probably since the first or second time I’d actually seen him. That’s what made this so hard. There was that emotional connection we’d had right from the start. And we just couldn’t deny it was happening.
And now that we had officially taken that plunge together, we were both making peace within ourselves of the potential rewards and the potential consequences.
Chapter Fifteen
Jacob
“Alright! Pack it in and hit the showers!”
The coach’s whiney bellow roared across the field as I tried to catch my breath from the long run I’d just done which would have ended up in a score if it had been during a regular season game. It had been a good practice. We studied some new plays, we practiced them until they were tight and we could easily execute them, and we had preceded all of this with some good time in the weight room. But the day after a game, the practice was a bit of a workout and probably too much. We were all still pretty tired and banged up from yesterday.
And I was tired for other reasons….
Every time I thought about Maria, I got a little jump in my step and a new song in my heart. She was beyond amazing. What we had was something I would never even begin to describe. The feeling, the connection, the vibes we got off each other was so far beyond the comprehension of what most people had probably been through that it almost sounded like a total fantasy. That’s what it was. It was a fantasy come to life. And I found that the more I thought about it, the happier I got, but also the more nervous I got. I was even more scared to lose this, to do something that might mess things up, or worried that someone might actually see us somehow and that would mess up everything as well.
I went into the locker room and took a long, hot shower. My muscles were suddenly aching all over and as I showered under the hot water I did some good stretches, wishing the whole time that Maria was there with me to touch me, hold me, and kiss me with her soft, sensuous kisses. And she might even give me a nice massage on my sore muscles before I turned around and gave her the lovemaking of her dreams.
When I’d orgasmed with her, it was like I’d never known what a real orgasm was until that moment. Everything before that had simply been an informal rehearsal.
That was all. And now I had arrived at the real show and things were coming along more beautifully than in my wildest of dreams. This was real. I was in love. I was beyond love. Whatever the top level of total infatuation was with another human being—that was how I could best describe the way I felt about Maria.
I strode to my locker, sprayed on some body spray and then ran a comb through my hair while checking myself in the mirror briefly. Then I began to get dressed. I was
kind of lost in my own little world thinking about seeing Maria again later. I hoped anyway.
But was it too soon? From what I could gather we both realized that this thing between us was deep and that we both had enormously strong feelings for each other. So, did the normal dating rules apply here? Or had we skipped several steps. We hadn’t actually declared anything but from what I felt Maria and I were an actual item. We were together. This wasn’t a fling. This wasn’t just a fun new venture that we were kind of trying to see exactly where things were going to go. We cared deeply for each other. These feelings had been simmering under the surface and growing hotter and hotter since the moment that we met each other. And now we were there, broiling hot in this beautiful thing.
I wanted to see her later that day. I figured that I would call her and ask her if she wanted to see me. Hopefully, we could pick up where we left off. No matter how sore my body was, my mind had ramped up the endorphins and the hormones inside of me so that by the time practice ended I was really ready to go again. Would it be as good as the first time? I actually thought it was going to be even better.
“Hey, man,” Bobby said slapping me a hard one on my already sore shoulders. I tried not to wince and ignore the pain. It was a silly display of macho behavior and I let it slide. It was Bobby, King of the Goofballs.
“What’s up?” I asked pulling on my shirt.
“Me and Jake are going to go to Lipman’s and grab a few beers. You’re, down right? Beers are half price after five on Sundays. Plus, I’m starving. Great deal on wings as well.”
I thought before answering. Checking the time, I realized it was just past five now. It was still early. I wanted to go to Maria’s, but if I said no to this it might arouse some sort of suspicion. I didn’t want that. Hell, this thing had just started to happen and it would be a shame to start stirring up a bit of small talk already. The scene around there was notorious for gossip. Some moron would get an idea in their head and tell other people and then everyone would be paranoid looking for the smallest clue that might prove the shocking allegation. It was like being back in junior high school again. I thought we would have matured past that crap at this stage of life, but it was alive and well, and much worse than ever.
“Um, sure,” I said. “Let’s go.”
“Alright!”
I finished getting dressed and as I headed for my car, I thought about texting Maria, but decided against it. I couldn’t risk her texting back and someone seeing it, or grabbing my phone. It was just too risky.
Or was it? Was I letting this stuff make me paranoid? I’ve always been pretty laid back and non-emotional. I just don’t let things bother me too badly. I’m not sure why, but I’ve never been that guy that responds to things with emotion. I’m much more analytical.
But right now, I was feeling very emotional. I was questioning every little thing I did or said, or thought about doing. And that was the worst thing that could happen. Because these things were very out of character for me. People were going to pick up on this and notice that I was acting strangely. This would not do. I had to suck it up and stop worrying about it.
But it was so difficult. I felt like I was denying myself the full pleasure of feeling what I needed to feel with the best thing that had ever happened to me. It was like pretending that it didn’t exist and in doing so it took away some of the joy. I wanted other people to know about it. I wanted to show off our amazing love to the world and for other people to be happy for us. I wanted to just be in love and happy to be with my beloved, but right now that wasn’t in the cards. It would have meant the death of Maria’s career and possibly the death of mine. I’d lose my scholarship if I got kicked off the team and I would have to drop out of school.
I arrived at the bar and we quickly found ourselves a booth in the corner. The place was popping pretty well for a Sunday night, with everyone taking a stab at a last-ditch effort to enjoy the weekend before the grind of the work week came rushing back at them and they had to ignore their hangovers and become productive citizens first thing tomorrow morning. Life was a chore sometimes.
“So, I need some advice,” Jake said. Jake was a newer guy on the team, despite being a senior. He’d had some knee issues the past few years and hadn’t been able to play at all until this year. But now, he was healed up and had proven to be a great tight end and a hell of a good guy to party with.
“Ok,” I said.
Bobby smirked. “Wow, I feel a crying jag coming on.”
I nudged him in the arm to indicate annoyance. He continued to smirk. At times Bobby was one of those guys who was terrified to talk about feelings, at least with people he didn’t know extremely well. It was a comfort issue and a trust issue with him.
“Well, my girl Ashley just broke up with me a month ago. We’d been going out for two years, right. And suddenly she just tells me that we aren’t working out anymore. A month later she was dating someone new and it appeared serious. Now, I feel like I got punked. What is the likelihood that she was seeing this other guy for a long time while we were still together?”
I looked at Bobby who was no longer laughing. This was a bit of a serious matter, at least in the sense that it could really cause a bunch of heartache in somebody if handled insensitively. “It’s hard to say. Did she give you any other indications while you were still together that things weren’t right? Or maybe things that she did were out of sync?”
“No,” Jake said. “Not that I can remember. This hit me like a ton of bricks between the eyes right out of the blue. What do you mean by ‘out of sync’?”
“Was she varying her routines at all? Did she seem to be losing interest or romance?”
Jake shook his head. “Nah, she actually seemed to be even more interested. I mean, the weeks leading up to the breakup when she finally just broke it off were amazing. It was like we were humping the way we did when we first got together.”
“Wow,” I said. “That’s different.”
“No, I’ve heard about this,” Bobby chimed in. “I think I saw it on Steve Harvey or something, but they said when a woman is cheating on her man she actually gets even hornier and wants it all the time. It is something to do with sperm wars or something. I don’t remember all the science they spilled out there, but it was kind of a trip.”
“You watch daytime talk shows?” I asked.
“Sometimes, I skip class and they are on. What else am I supposed to do?”
“Well, it sounds like quite the productive life you lead there,” I teased.
He flipped me the bird sarcastically.
“Damn,” Jake said. “Then I can see it now looking back. But I don’t know why she suddenly got bored with our relationship. I mean, I’ve been putting a lot of work into the team lately, trying to get better, and then since I’ve been back on the team, I’ve had to work hard to prove I belong here, but she understood all that. I mean, surely she understands that.”
“Right, “I said. “Sometimes people just grow apart. But when that happens, you would think that someone would talk and communicate their feelings. And then again, maybe sometimes they don’t know how to.”
Or they were not the person you thought they were all along and you found out too late what they were really like. I could relate a bit with my Irene issues.
“Well, I just don’t know what to do to try to get her back. Is it possible? Or am I just delusional?” Jake asked. I could see the sincerity in his eyes. I’ve never been an expert in people asking for romance advice. Most of it is a big mystery to me, and most guys won’t ask for help from other guys anyway about it, so I was rather surprised and shocked by what was happening here. But it was intriguing. I wondered what Maria would have to say about it. She would probably be able to offer some great, keen insights into the mysteries of the female mind for us.
“I think you should write her off man,” Bobby said. “You said she is with someone else, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then the best thing to do i
s to move on. Use it as a learning experience and just move on, man,” Bobby said. He emphasized the last word. Man. Yeah, it was that important.
“I guess you’re right,” Jake said. He took a big gulp of his beer finishing it off and grabbed another bottle from the bucket.
“It gets easier,” I said. “I’m also fresh out of a relationship.”
“Is that right?” Jake asked. He leaned in very interested. I didn’t really want to go into it and I regretted bringing it up instantly, but here was this guy pouring his heart out and he needed a kindred soul. So, I was willing to share my experience with him a little bit.
“Yeah, I just ended it with Irene.”
“Oh, yeah. I remember seeing you with her. You ended that? Why?”
“It wasn’t working out at all. She had crazy trust issues and she was violent and just wouldn’t listen to reason. She proved time and time again that she did not respect me or what we had, so finally I just ended it.”
“Wow, that’s rough. I got to admit you seem like you are doing alright. How are you managing that?”
I wanted to tell him that I’d just met the woman of my dreams. In fact, I wanted to stand up and tell the entire bar, but that wasn’t happening. It would have been a scummy thing to do anyway to a guy who was so heartbroken, to rub it in his face. Yeah, that wasn’t right.
“I’m just taking it a day at a time. Irene and I realized we were both over for a while, or at least I did. So, I think having that time to mentally prepare myself really did help a bunch. And it’s still very hard. I have times, some days even when I just have to fight against the urge to call her and tell her I was wrong. We can give this another chance, but then I just sit there and think about why I broke it off, about what led me to reach that decision. And then I’m able to center myself once again.”
Only You Page 13
