Only You

by Bishop, K. M.

  I looked harshly at her. I had an urge to tell her to go fuck herself and storm out. I was so done with this bitch.

  She leaned in close to me and let her eyes take in my face, glancing from my mouth to my nose, to my chin, to my eyes. All the while the look on her face was turning glossy and dazed as if she hadn’t seen me before.

  “I love you,” Irene said as she leaned in to kiss me.

  Her lips were just touching mine when I stood up. I was done. I just couldn’t do it. I hated myself for trying this and I hated myself for the new realization that I just couldn’t go through with it. I wanted to do this for Maria, but we’d have to find another way or just roll the dice and take our damn chances. This was over.

  “No,” I said. “This isn’t happening.”

  “Excuse me?” Irene said. She was giving me that typical bitchy stare of hers she used when she didn’t get her way. “What in the hell are you doing?”

  “I’m not doing this,” I said. “We are over. This is not happening.”

  “Do I need to remind you about the evidence I have on you and the good doctor? I’ll ruin both of your lives if you try to fuck with me!”

  I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Wow, you are so damn pathetic. That’s the only way to describe you. Irene, you are nothing but a pathetic loser.”

  She stood up and slapped me hard across the face. It stung but I couldn’t stop laughing at her. This was priceless and it was fun to see how angry she was getting.

  “That’s all you’ve got going for you—meanness.”

  “How dare you laugh at me? Did you forget who I am? And what I’m capable of? I’ll have your nuts in a jar on my desk by tomorrow morning.”

  “Do what you want. I don’t care. I’m done being controlled by you and your pathetic games. This is insipid. And so are you.”

  “You bastard! No one treats me this way and gets away with it!” Irene was screaming now. I took that as my cue to leave.

  “Have a nice life,” I said. Then I exited the door. I could still hear her ranting and raving as I walked away. I felt good. This was the right decision. But at the same time, I felt sick to my stomach. I knew the consequences of these actions. I knew what was at stake and what was going to happen.

  As I headed home to get my car and go over to Maria’s, I thought about what I would say to her and how I would break the news to her about this. I was so sorry. I did something brash without really consulting her, but I just couldn’t go through with it. I had to be with Maria and the thought of any other woman trying to touch me and force me to be with her was sickening. I wasn’t sure exactly how Maria would react.

  What would happen now? How fast would it happen? Irene was probably putting the damning evidence all over the internet right then. It would go viral and be everywhere, at least among the school population. The coach and everyone would know what was going on between Maria and I. My career as a football player might well be over. I doubted I would get the pro contract now, if I got kicked off the college team, which after this scandal would no doubt happen. All I’d worked for was going to be gone.

  But it was worth it. Maria was more than worth it. But what about her? What had I done to her career? She wouldn’t get another job somewhere else now even, not after this sort of thing followed her around. We were both going to be left with nothing but each other. And that was enough.

  That was all that really mattered.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Maria

  I went to the game but I left right after. I couldn’t stand to stick around and wait. No one really needed my help or services as far as I could see, and being around Jacob right then when I wanted to congratulate him on his well-fought win was just too hard. He’d played brilliantly. He was great. I loved to watch him play and always would. But I had to stay away from him. I had to pretend we had nothing to say to each other that wasn’t professional in nature. Not just for the coaching staff and the public, but now for Irene as well. We had to put on appearances to make sure she never got the idea in her head that we were still together or sneaking around behind her back. Oh, it was such a mess.

  I came back to my house and had a couple beers while catching up on some of my favorite television shows, something to distract me and keep my mind off things. But I felt lonely. I missed Jacob. I wanted him there with me. We needed to celebrate after the game like we always did. But that wasn’t happening. That wasn’t going to happen again for a long time if Irene had anything to say about it.

  I ran my hand through my hair and sighed as I tried to lose myself in some mind-numbing television. That was the only thing that I thought could help pull me from this funk at the moment. It had been a while since I’d spent a lazy day in front of the television binge watching shows with a couple of drinks and some junk food.

  It was a good way to drown your sorrows. And I had a lot of sorrows to drown.

  I thought about calling Jacob. It was a big impulse, but one I had to ignore. He was probably with Irene. And they were probably doing… who knew what…

  Oh, the thought was disgusting to me. I would have loved five minutes alone with that bitch in a room. Just her and me squaring off. I would have melted her face in no time. I was sure of it. I’m not a violent person, but that woman made me want to do extremely violent things to her.

  I was just getting into my show and about to fix myself a few sandwiches when the knock at the door came. I walked to the door to answer it and when I saw the man standing there, my heart leapt for joy.

  It was Jacob.

  He was there. He really was. What was going on?

  “Hey,” Jacob said. “I have to talk to you.”

  “Ok,” I replied.

  Jacob came inside and I closed the door behind him. He sat down on the couch beside me. I could see he looked very stressed, and maybe a bit afraid. I’d never seen him look afraid before.

  I was very concerned now.

  “I broke it off with Irene,” he said. “I just couldn’t go through with it.”

  Those words brought more joy to my heart than he would ever know. But I could see he was in pain and that this was very hard for him. He was struggling with the decision because of the ramifications of it. I had to console him and let him know that everything was just fine. It was all ok.

  “Baby, it’s fine,” I said. “I’m glad you did this.”

  “No, I’ve messed everything up. I’m so sorry, honey.”

  I reached out and took his hand in mine. “No, baby. It’s ok. I’m glad you did this, really.”

  “What about the pictures? The videos? Everyone will see us. And we will both be in so much trouble.”

  “I don’t care. I’ve made peace with it. All that matters is that we have each other.”

  “Your career might well be over.”

  I shrugged. “I’m not sure it’s the right career for me anyway. I’ve been thinking about pursuing writing full time, maybe supplement by teaching instead of practicing medicine. My heart isn’t in it. There is just too much politics and weird things going on. I hate having to toe the line and be someone that I’m not half the time. I’m just sick of all that.”

  His eyes met mine. “Do you really mean that? Or are you just trying to make me feel better?”

  “I really mean that, babe. You didn’t do anything wrong here. And I have faith in your career. You are too good, too talented for some professional team to not snatch you up. I know it hasn’t happened yet, but I doubt something this silly will ever toppled your emerging career in pro sports.”

  He smiled. “I hope you’re right. I just wish I shared your optimism.”

  I rubbed his hand in mine. “It’s ok. We will figure this out. But right now, I’m starved. Want a sandwich?”

  “Well, right before I left Irene ordered a pizza. It does sound good… kind of the only thing about walking out I genuinely regret.”

  We shared a good chuckle. Jacob was the only man who could make me laugh that way. He had s
uch a sweet sense of humor.

  I loved him so much.

  “That sounds delicious,” I said. I grabbed my laptop and ordered on online. Then I did a quick online search to see if anything pulled up about the scandal that was about to be unleashed. So far, I didn’t see anything. “Maybe Irene is bluffing.”

  He shook his head no. “I don’t think so. She isn’t that kind of person. When she says something, she means it. She is chomping at the bits to blast us into the stratosphere with this stuff.”

  “Can’t we sue her for invasion of privacy? Blackmail?”

  “Yeah, but those attorney fees are expensive, plus we don’t have any real evidence that she has done any of this. She’s been careful. I wish I’d recorded that conversation the other day when she threatened to blackmail me if I didn’t come back to her. Then we might actually have a shot. But now, doubtful. I’m sure that the accounts she is using to post this stuff is untraceable to her. She isn’t stupid; just crazy.”

  I sighed. So much for wishful thinking. “So, I wonder how long it will take? Do you think the coach will really kick one of his best players off the team for this?”

  “I don’t know. He might not have much say in the matter. He might just be forced into submission on this one. The school board will probably force his hand. Either way, the scandal will affect our lives in every way. We will probably be hunted down by news outlets and bloggers, private paparazzi. It seems extreme for a college football player, but it’s been known to happen. The media loves a juicy story they can spin any way they can. I’ve seen things happen to other players. It never ends well.”

  I leaned over and snuggled with Jacob as we watched a bit of television and waited for the pizza to arrive. He felt so good, so safe. I knew that no matter what happened, we had each other and we would be fine. That was the thing I kept telling myself, and kept keeping in the forefront of my mind. It was the only thing that really comforted me.

  I was scared, more than I wanted to be or let on to Jacob. Fear of the unknown is always that way. It’s always scarier when you don’t know what is coming, what to expect. I just wanted to rip Irene’s hair out until she was certifiably bald. That would have been so satisfying. And with her doing this to us, maybe there would be no real consequences for doing so, nothing holding me back.

  “Should we even go to school tomorrow? Or should we hide out and not face the music, be cowards? It might be fun,” Jacob proposed with a grin.

  “I’m not afraid,” I said. “I say we stand and face it all together.”

  The pizza came and we both ate way more than we should have. It felt good to cut loose and pig out for a bit and we were able to watch some funny movies and just laugh and forget about our problems. The big bad pain that we were expecting to come crashing down on us had not done so yet. And for right now we were just enjoying the freedom of it all. We could be together and though we were just hanging out at my place, it was nice knowing that we didn’t have to hide it and didn’t have to worry about people seeing us, or private investigators taking pictures somehow. I was still wondering how that had happened. Did this person sneak into my house some way? Or was the technology now so good that he could spy on me easily?

  It was creepy to think about. And it essentially had made me rather paranoid. I was left feeling that I had no privacy anymore. I felt exposed and after those pictures and videos surfaced, I would be exposed on a whole other level. My family, my friends—they would all see this. They would find out about it. And what was I going to tell them? There was nothing to say. They would love me no matter what, but it was still embarrassing. I’ve always been such a private person. And now that privacy had been eroded. I would have to get used to being in the spotlight, at least for a while.

  After dinner we sat there quietly on the couch just enjoying ourselves. We didn’t speak much. There was not much to say. We were both just so happy to be together and to not be living in fear anymore that it was nice and calming. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted, a dark cloud was now gone. We were essentially being told to face our fears and to do so was the hardest, but also the easiest thing to do. We’d feared it for so long it had almost crippled us to the point that we were forced into a situation we did not want to be in. But now, it was over and we were prepared for whatever came next.

  “What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you? Before this of course,” Jacob asked.

  I had to think a moment. “I’d have to say the time I got my first period at school when I was thirteen.”

  “Wow, that has to be traumatic.”

  “It was,” I said. “I was in class and of course I was wearing white pants and white underwear. I stood up in the middle of a quiz because I was feeling a bit queasy. I walked up to my teacher and was going to ask her if I could go to see the nurse. But then I noticed that I had blood all over the front and back of my shorts. The teacher took me to the bathroom and she helped me get situated with a tampon that they had in the bathroom. The other kids all laughed at me of course. I didn’t live that one down the rest of the year.”

  “Kids can be so cruel.”

  “Right?” I said. “But yeah. That was the most embarrassing thing for me. And I’d have to say that this one is probably going to eclipse it.”

  “Are you sure?” He asked. “That sounds pretty traumatic.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “When you are thirteen you can get over some pretty crazy things.”

  “I guess so,” He replied.

  “Now, same question for you,” I said.

  “Why do I feel like we are playing truth or dare?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “But it feels kind of naughty.”

  I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped me.

  Jacob sighed. “Let’s see… well, I’d say the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me before this would be the time I vomited on Susy DeMarco in the sixth grade.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah. I was so nervous asking her to dance at the big school dance that I just tossed my cookies all over her.”

  I couldn’t hide the laughter. The image came to my mind. It was hilarious. “What did she do?”

  “Oh, she called me a pig and ran to the bathroom to get cleaned up. And then she went home. I didn’t get the courage to ask another girl to dance for two years.”

  “Wow, that’s crazy,” I said. “But at least you had the courage at that seventh-grade dance to ask a girl, right?”

  Jacob shrugged. “I guess. But people made fun of me anyway for like ever. Or at least the rest of junior high. It was miserable.”

  “Well, I’m sorry that happened to you, but you can look back now and laugh at it right?”

  “Yep. Hard to believe that it’s only been ten years.”

  “I know,” I said. “But yet, it feels like yesterday that we were in junior high. You know, a lot of my friends say they don’t even remember that time that much, like they’ve permanently blocked it out or something. I don’t get that. I remember first, second, even third grade like it was yesterday. I remember things people said, times in class, and even how I felt about things at that age and what I wanted to do when I grew up.”

  “Me too,” Jacob said. “I sometimes wonder if some people choose to forget their childhoods on purpose. Like, it’s some sort of rite of passage that to move on to the next step you have to leave all of that behind you.”

  It was nice having these conversations together about the old nostalgia of our youth. It was a simpler time of life, even though at the time everything that happened felt like the end of the world and we were going to die if the thing we wanted to happen didn’t happen. It was funny. I wondered if a few years from now we’d be looking back on this time the same way as well.

  We eventually made our way to bed and snuggled together as we fell asleep, just holding each other, and really being one together. We didn’t need to say or do anything else. Just relaxing with one another was enough. The b
ig, bad world around us could just continue to go on and on spinning around. That was fine. As long as it left us alone. It needed to leave us alone so we could just be happy together. All we’d been fighting for this whole time felt silly now. We were afraid of what others might think, what others might do. Why did we give other people that kind of power over us?

  Tomorrow would be life changing. As I closed my eyes that night, I braced myself for what might come next.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Jacob

  I woke the next day to the disaster that awaited us. The moment I opened my eyes my phone was blowing up with texts and missed phone calls and voicemails. “Wow, man. This is messed up.” “I can’t believe it!” “Have you looked on your social media?” “The coach is pissed!”

  The messages just kept coming. I had tried to prepare myself for the worst, but now that it was here, I wasn’t sure I was really ready, or that anyone could ever be ready for such vicious onslaught of having your good name dragged through the mud. And this was my life now. The consequences were going to be harsh.

  I tried to shake it off anyway. I rolled out of bed, letting Maria sleep a bit longer. She didn’t need to see this quite yet. I put on my athletic wear and went for a run as I usually did. The morning was crisp and cold, the fall air in full swing now coming into the region. It would soon be winter with snow and ice everywhere. I hated the cold. I always had.

  Running was a good way to clear my head. What was going to happen? The coach would probably demand to speak to me when I got to practice that day. He would lay down the law and we’d have to deal with it.

  That morning, every jogger, every car that passed me, and every person I saw was a potential person who wanted to jeer and mock at me. They all had seen the pictures and the video that was posted on social media, and on several blogs even, and some streaming platforms as well.