Finding the Green Room (The Sutter Family Book 3)

by Heather D'Agostino

  Chapter 21

  Jessica

  It’s been three days since I wiped out, and I still can’t feel anything from my neck down. My parents got here yesterday, and have been camped out in the hospital since. Ryan hasn’t left my side, and refuses to even shower. He’s still dressed in his board shorts and just slipped on a shirt. The doctors say I injured my spinal cord between the C7 and C8 vertebrae. I’ve been stuck in this bed unable to even feed myself, and all I can think about is the fact that I may never walk again, let alone surf.

  “Good morning,” my doctor, Dr. Williams, came in all too cheery today.

  “Morning,” I muttered as I turned to stare out the window. That’s about all I can do to escape him. They finally took the neck brace off yesterday.

  “How are you feeling?” He picked up the chart hanging on the end of my bed and made some notes in it.

  “Same.” I sighed. I wish he could just understand that I don’t feel like talking.

  “The swelling seems to have come down some, Miss Ryland. You may be able to feel some sensations in your lower extremities soon.” He placed the chart back in its usual spot. “I’m thinking that if you keep progressing at this rate, you may be able to start physical therapy soon.”

  “Ok,” I mumbled.

  “This isn’t the end of the world, Miss Ryland. You didn’t server the cord, you merely bruised it. As soon as the swelling goes down, you should make a full recovery.” He smiled one last time before leaving the room.

  Didn’t they all understand though? Who was going to want a has been? That was what I was, a has been. After this, they would all see that I wasn’t as good as they thought. Who knew when I’d be back in the saddle, and if that would even happen. Pipe was out the question now, and I’d be lucky if Phillip didn’t drop my ass.

  “Hey.” Ryan shifted in the plastic chair that he’d claimed as a bed this week. “You ok?”

  I blew out a breath, “I wish everyone would stop asking me that. Do I look ok to you? I mean, I’m stuck here.” I attempted to clench my hands against the sheets. My fingers barely moved and that angered me even more.

  Ryan pushed forward and started to stand, “I’m going to go get some coffee. I’ll be back in a minute.” He shuffled towards the door as he ran his palm down his face. Great, I was just a ball of happiness today.

  ooooooooo

  Ryan

  I shuffled through the maze of hallways until I found the coffee machine that had become my savior over the last three days. I’d been drinking this stuff it called coffee, but looked more like tar since Jess was rolled into this place. Yesterday was the first day she began to get feeling in her fingers.

  I’ve been sitting next to her since she was brought in and taken to surgery. They determined that she bruised her spinal cord and sustained a hairline fracture when she hit the reef, but it was repairable. She has a small rod in her back now to stabilize it, but according to the doctors, she should walk again. It’s going to take time and therapy, but she won’t lose that part of her. The surfing is another story. Dr. Williams said it would be a miracle if she stood on a board in competition again. None of us have had the guts to tell her that yet because we think it might hinder her recovery. I think she knows though. She’s asked me a couple of times already if I knew anything, and I haven’t been able to look her in the eye when I answer.

  Her parents want to take her back to Wilmington as soon as she’s cleared to fly. I understand why, but where does that leave me? I gave up my job, school, and already moved my stuff to California to be with her. I don’t know if I should go and pack my stuff back up, or just stay. I want to be wherever she is, and I’m so torn with whether I fight to keep her with me, or let her parents take over.

  Most of my conversations with her the last two days have been one sided. She lies there in her bed staring out the window while I try to get her to say anything to me. You can see the defeat on her face, and I wonder if she’s given up.

  “Hey.” I stuck my head in to see that she’s attempting to turn on the TV.

  “Stupid remote,” she growled as she strained to reach it and push the button for the power.

  “Here.” I rushed over to where she was. “Let me help you.”

  “No!” she shouted as she glared at me. “I can do it myself.”

  “I’m not the enemy here, Jess.” I flung my arms out to the side, almost sloshing my coffee on the floor. “I’m trying to help.”

  “I don’t need your help. Go home,” she growled in frustration.

  “I’m not leaving you. I love you.” I sighed as I slowed my approach and lowered myself on the side of her bed. She wasn’t strong enough to move away from me yet, so she just turned her head away.

  I heard her sniff before she murmured, “Well, I don’t want you here.”

  “You don’t mean that.” I sighed as I reached over to where the remote was and clicked the TV on. I saw the defeat in her eyes, but she held back the tears. “You’re going to be fine. You just need to be patient and let yourself heal.”

  “I’m not going to be fine,” she grumbled before her head slowly rolled in my direction. Her eyes peered up into mine before her lip quivered. “I’m broken now, Ry. I’ll never be the same.”

  Watching her give up was one of the hardest things I’ve had to see. I slowly leaned down and wrapped my arm as best I could around her. I hugged her to my chest as I lowered myself down on the bed. “You’re not broken, just a little bruised. We’ll get through this.”

  “I don’t think I know how,” she whimpered, finally letting out some of what had been bottled up inside.

  ooooooooo

  Jessica

  I stayed in the hospital for nine days before they cleared me to fly. Going home was not what I wanted to do, but my mom didn’t really give me a choice. When we left the hospital, Mom flew home with me. Dad, on the other hand, went back to my apartment to pack up my things. The doctors had said it would be at least a year before I could surf, but I knew my days as a competitor were over. I may be able to climb on a board for fun, but that part of my life was over.

  Facing that fact was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Surfing has been it for me since I was little. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do now. Phillip called me a few days ago to tell me how sorry he was that I’d gotten hurt. He also had to inform me that the advance that Billabong gave me had to be paid back. I was replaced on the team, and it left me feeling like I was meaningless.

  Ryan had stayed in California to help my dad, but he promised me he was coming back. I felt terrible that he’d taken the time to move for me only to be coming right back to where he started. It seemed fitting though. We both grew up here, and this is where my heart always truly was.

  ooooooooo

  The days turned into weeks, and before I knew it, fall was around the corner. I’d been staying at home in my childhood bedroom as I recuperated. I’d started physical therapy when we’d gotten home, and was now walking with the assistance of one of those rolling walkers. It was embarrassing to go out somewhere, but it beat being in a wheelchair.

  “Your therapy appointment was moved to three,” Mom called from the kitchen. I was lounging on the couch as I popped chips in my mouth, not caring that I was slowly outgrowing my clothes. Being laid up for weeks made it hard to stay in shape, but my PT assured me that I’d be able to run in the spring if I kept working hard.

  “Ok,” I called back. I wasn’t sure why that mattered. I never went anywhere alone. Someone always had to take me out, so times never mattered to me. It affected them more.

  “I thought you might enjoy someone else giving you a ride.” I could hear the smile in her voice, but had no idea what she was up to.

  “Like who?” I grumbled. My mother’s plans never seemed to work out in my favor. I always ended up with a negative experience and I had a feeling that this would be no different.

  “Like me.” Ryan stepped around the corner with a giant grin
on his face.

  “You’re back!” I grinned right back. Ryan hadn’t been able move right away, and when he did, he decided to get his own place. His parents were great, but he said he needed his space. I totally understood after staying here for the last five months. I wanted my space too, but right now I needed the help more.

  “Yep.” He rocked back on his heels as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I finally got settled last week, but between work and school… well, you know.” He shrugged.

  We hadn’t spent any time together since I got back, not real time anyway. He stopped in regularly at first, but I wasn’t very welcoming. I’d pretty much told him to get lost more than once. My head wasn’t really where it needed to be then, but now I felt like I was healing. I could tell I was hurting him each time I pushed him away, but the last time was the worst. I’d been so mad at him that I’d hurled anything I could get my hands on, all the while blaming him for pushing me to surf pipe. I understood later that it wasn’t him I was angry with, but myself. I knew when I agreed to the Pipe Masters that getting hurt was a possibility. I knew the risk, and I took it willingly. Now, I was just glad that he’d come back.

  “I’m sorry,” I blurted out as I attempted sit up. I was moving much better, but I was still slow. “The last time… I didn’t mean what I said.”

  “I know you didn’t.” He nodded as he moved across the room and lowered himself onto the couch beside me. “You’ve been through a lot, and I can’t even imagine what you’ve been feeling. I’m just glad that you’re walking, and that you’re talking to me right now. I never should have pushed you to do something that you didn’t think you were ready for.”

  “No.” I shook my head vigorously. “This was not your fault. I should have never told you that it was.” I tentatively reached over and squeezed his hand. “I don’t want to go backwards right now. I want us to move forward, that is, if you do.”

  I waited a moment, but Ryan didn’t say anything. His other hand lifted and he placed it under my chin, and lifted so my eyes met his. They softened with understanding as his tongue slipped out to wet his lips. He blew out a deep breath before he nodded like he was convincing himself of something. Before I could say anything else, he leaned in and pressed his mouth to mine. I sighed and he took that opportunity to slip his tongue between my lips. It was a slow and sensual kiss. His hand slipped to the back of my head as he turned and cupped my cheek with the hand I’d been holding. I leaned into him, but he slowly pulled back, breaking our connection. “There will always be an ‘us’, and I will always want you,” he whispered. “Don’t ever forget that.”

  “I won’t,” I whispered back, and it was the truth. No matter what, I would never forget anything I shared with him. I tried for years to forget him, and we see where that got me. One encounter, and I was right back to the beginning. Ryan Sutter was my Green Room, and no matter what, I was never going to escape it. That was ok though, because I didn’t want to.

  Chapter 22

  Jessica

  It’s been weeks since Ryan and I started hanging out at my house. We really haven’t been able to go out because my parents are hovering over me like I might break still. I had my last regular PT visit today. Instead of going once a week, now I’m cleared to go once a month. No running yet, but I don’t need assistance walking anymore. I feel like I’ve been liberated in some ways. I can do normal things like shower, and drive. My mom doesn’t want to let me out of her sight though. I kinda understand where she’s coming from, but I feel like I’m being smothered. I mean, when I was little she didn’t hover this much.

  “Hey Mom,” I called from where I was sitting on the couch in the living room. This had been my perch since I got home back in the summer. Ryan had been furiously texting me for the last hour.

  “Yeah?” She poked her head around the corner as she dried her hands on a dish towel.

  “I’m going out tonight.” I winced because I wasn’t asking, but I was old enough that I shouldn’t have to.

  “Where?” She placed the towel somewhere behind her, and crossed her arms over her chest.

  “Dinner,” I shrugged, “maybe a movie.”

  “With Ryan.” Her eyes narrowed.

  “Yeah.” I grimaced as my phone dinged again. The words ‘pack a bag’ flashed up on the screen. I sighed, knowing that this was not going to go over well. “It’s a group thing,” I added. “Emma and Brock are going too. We might hang out at their place later.”

  “Uh huh.” Her tongue tucked into her cheek as she mulled that one over. “Ok.” She sighed.

  “OK?” I sprung to a standing position. “No third degree? No demands?” I rushed over to her and pushed gently as I looked around the corner.

  “Jessica, what are you doing?” She stepped back.

  “Who are you, and what have you done with my mom?” I stared at her as we both started to laugh together.

  “You’re nineteen. You’ve been cleared by the doctor. I figure whether I give you permission or not, you’re going to go. I’d rather you tell me the truth, than lie and go anyway.” I smiled as she reached in and hugged me. “Tell Ryan he better be a gentleman.” She kissed my cheek lightly before going back to what she was doing.

  As I shuffled back to where I’d left my phone on the couch, I texted Ryan back telling him I’d see him at six.

  ooooooooo

  Ryan

  Finally. We were finally going to go on a real date. I’ve been hanging out at Jess’s parents’ house for weeks now. Her parents haven’t left us alone yet. At first it was cute. I’d never had a girl’s parents sitting and watching me like a hawk, but after weeks it became so oppressive. I haven’t given her more than a peck on the lips since that first visit a month ago. Forget about touching. The last time my hands touched anything other than her cheek or hands was back in Hawaii. We haven’t had sex since our first time, and I think I might explode. I’ve been trying to be patient, but I know she’s dying as much as I am for human contact.

  When I came home back in the summer, the first thing I did was get an apartment. I was able to get a good deal in the same complex my cousin, Aaron, used to live in. It’s upstairs though, so I haven’t had Jess over. Climbing stairs was off the list on things she could do, but she’s been cleared now. I spent this week getting the place ready, and tonight I want to bring her back here. I want her to move in with me, but I don’t want to scare her off either.

  I’ve been a ball of nerves as I try to navigate all of this. I’ve never wanted to settle down, and I worry that we might be rushing. We’re both young, and I wonder if I’m just being naïve to think that Jess might be the one. She makes me feel things that I’ve never felt with anyone else, and she’s all I think about when we’re apart. I talked to my dad about all of this, and he laughed as he shook his head. I didn’t really get it then, but my mom has always told me I’m just like him. Maybe somewhere along the way he felt this way about her.

  Tonight, I’m thinking that we’ll do dinner on the beach. It’s been getting colder, but it’s not to the point that it’s uncomfortable yet. We can walk back here, and I can show her my place. Maybe watch a movie and see what happens. I know what I want to happen, but I have no idea if Jess is really ready to go back there.

  oooooooo

  Jessica

  “Do you mind telling me where we’re going?” I gave him the side eye as I turned my attention back to the road. It was hard to tell where we were headed due to the weather. What had started out as a nice fall day, had turned dreary as soon as the sun set. It was now raining, and Ryan seemed aggravated.

  “I was thinking a movie?” he muttered. “Wasn’t what I had planned originally, but it’ll do.”

  “Are you upset?” I touched his arm lightly, and he sighed.

  “Yes. I wanted our first night out to be romantic. I’d planned dinner on the beach. Some wine, you staying over, cuddling on the couch, then it had to do this.” He waved his hand at the windshield.

 
“We can still do all of that, just not the beach part.” I tried to cheer him up. “I’m looking forward to seeing your new place.” I leaned closer as I whispered next to his ear, “Especially your room.”

  “I’m trying to be a good guy tonight, Jess, but you’re making it really hard,” he groaned.

  “I hope so,” I teased as I slid back to the middle of my seat. I knew I was playing with fire, but I’d waited so long to be alone with him again that I didn’t care. I didn’t care about food, a movie, none of it. All I wanted was to go back to his apartment and get lost in him. I wanted Ryan to touch me as if I weren’t broken. I didn’t need the romance, I needed the passion.

  “Damn it!” He pounded the steering wheel. “You are so lucky that I’m driving right now.”

  “Uh huh.” I giggled.

  “We are watching a movie first. We’re having a real date, then I’m taking you to my place to make you scream,” he growled. I pressed my thighs together as I attempted to stifle the moan that was climbing my throat. The rest of the ride, I spent plotting how I could make him forgo the movie and just get to the screaming part.

  ooooooooo

  When we parked at the theater, Ryan looked at me longingly as he thrust his door open and climbed out. He came around to my side, opened my door, and held his hand out.

  “You know I can do this myself.” I rolled my eyes. I figured he was attempting to be a gentleman, but everyone’s been helping me with everything for months. I just want to do things for myself.

  “I know.” He blew out a deep breath. “I need to keep my hands busy,” he muttered.

  “Why?” I tried not to grin as I glanced up at him, but I failed miserably. When he didn’t say anything, I leaned into his side and tried again. “Why Ry?” I laughed lightly this time.