Rock Star

by Kathi Goldwyn

  Her baby brother looked tragically banged up, and I couldn’t express what it did to me to see his little bruised, face lying snuggled up next to his mother. My heart felt like someone had tried to rip it right out of my chest. It hurt so much. I broke down and cried, this whole day was so emotional. I wiped away my tears. I needed to stay strong for her and for them.

  I wondered if we were going to have to take him with us for the rest of the tour. Her parents wouldn’t be in any shape to take care of him while they convalesced. I started thinking through everything we would need if we were taking Gaby. First off, we’d need a nanny type person to take care of him and help us while we kept up the pace. I’d need a vehicle that worked for all of us. I was thinking a minivan might do the trick. Naw, I should get a tour bus. I’d have to call around to find one that was available, and I just prayed I’d find something available. We needed to stick together.

  It was the distraction I needed right now. I worked out all the kinks in my plan. I felt some relief just focusing on something else for a change. I needed to concentrate on the music.

  I started calculating everything, ticking off a list in my mind. I needed to find a bus that worked for all of us, then hire some help and add rooms along the way. We stilI had miles to go, and I needed to process everything. Gaby needed support, the same as Callie.

  “Babe, I’m going to get some coffee. Want some?” I kissed Callie on the lips softly as I stroked her hair. She looked exhausted already, and stark reality blazed in her eyes. Dark circles carried all the baggage of the last twenty-four hours. She had been chewing on her bottom lip since we sat down by her mother’s bed. I was really worried about her. She was going to need every bit of strength that she could muster. I would, too. I had to steel myself for what was to come.

  “Yeah, sure, that would be great.” Callie whispered distractedly as she put her arms around my neck. Her head fell onto my shoulder, and her tears dropped, dampening my shirt. I pulled back just enough to look her over and cupped her face gently in my palm.

  “Babe, do you need to lie down? You look wrecked.” She really did. She looked like death walking, and I hoped she’d decide to rest.

  “No, I don’t want to leave Mama. What if she wakes up and we aren’t here?” Callie started to cry harder, sobbing into my shoulder. I put my arms around her and held her tight against me. I wanted to shield her from all the pain.

  “She’s going to be all right, babe. She is. She’s a fighter. I’ll get us some coffee, and maybe the doctor will come by. Why don’t you ask the nurse to get him, so we can hear what he has to say?” Callie nodded, then pulled back, her arms slipping away.

  I rushed to the cafeteria, grabbing large cups of coffee and a piece of cake. I always wanted something sweet in a crisis, and, just in case Callie was the same way, I grabbed a piece of pie too. Pie was perfect, I always said and either way, she’d have a choice.

  I hurried back to Mrs. Jenson’s room in time to see the doctor walking inside. I sidled up next to Callie, we needed to face this together. I put the food down and slid my arm over her shoulders, bringing her tight against me.

  “Ms. Jenson?” The doctor looked at Callie. He wanted verification that this was indeed the daughter. He was a middle-aged man, with thinning hair and, black framed glasses perched on his nose. He seemed rather detached, more business-like. There were just too many emotions surrounding the situation, and I thought it was good to hear the facts about her mother’s condition spoken plainly.

  “Yes, that’s me. Please, call me Callie...,” She sounded fragile, and I was really getting concerned for my girl. This was such a mindfuck, I didn’t know anything right now except that I had to stand by her side. I did the only thing I could think to do and gripped her hand tightly to let her know she wasn’t alone.

  “Well, Callie, your mother is alive. Right now, that’s about all I can tell you. She’s strong, and she came through the surgery well. We fused her spine in hopes to get her back on her feet. However, I won’t know the full extent of her condition until she wakes up. It might take even more time. I’m just not sure of the long lasting affects her injuries will cause, but she survived, right?” Dr. Smith looked Callie in the eyes. He said that last part with a hopeful glance.

  “Doctor, how long? How long until you know?” I asked, it looked to me like Callie was struggling to find something to say. She couldn’t spit out a word.

  “As I said, I really don’t know. We have to wait and see.” ARGH! He said it so easily. I wanted to scream and demand answers/ I realized he was in an impossible situation. There just were no easy answers right now.

  I gently pulled Callie back into her chair. I kissed the top of her head lovingly and said, “Thank you, Doctor. We’re going to sit right here to wait with her.” Callie nodded.

  “Good, yes, good. Have the nurse call me when she wakes up.” Doctor Smith looked at Callie and added, before he walked out the door, “She’ll be sleeping for some time.” I saw him go to the nurses’ station and discuss something with our nurse. I was bitter over our conversation. I just wished he could tell us what we wanted to hear. I know, I know. It didn’t work that way, goddamnit.

  I noticed the bed next to Mrs. Jenson was empty. I whispered to the nurse, and she nodded.

  “That’s a great idea,” she said.

  “Callie, babe, the nurse said it was okay if you lay down right here. It’s going to be a long night, and I think you could use some rest. I can lay with you or sit by your mom’s side. Just tell me what you want.” I touched her cheek, and she grabbed me and kissed the palm of my hand. My heart melted. “Tell me what you need from me.”

  “I want Mama to wake up.” Callie looked up at me as I nodded. Her eyes were red from crying. They were puffy and strained looking. “I want her to walk again.”

  “Me too, babe. But while we wait, I think we could all use some rest. Can I get you to lie down with me? Just for a bit?” I pulled Callie out of the chair and laid her softly on the bed next to where her mama was sleeping. Gaby was softly snoring cuddled up next to his mother, and he looked peaceful, thank God. I pulled up the sides of the bed to keep him safe from falling off.

  I crawled on the bed and slid behind Callie, pulling her gently against me. I had her cocooned in my arms and could smell her sweet scent. I finally felt I could breathe for the first time tonight.

  “Babe, try to get some sleep. I’ll wake you if your mom stirs. I’ll guard all of you, I promise.” I felt Callie nod against me, and she finally started to relax in my arms. Her breathing evened out, and she was dead asleep. I finally nodded off. I was so exhausted from the emotional upheaval we experienced the entire day.

  This night couldn’t have been harder on her. The stress over her family was so extreme, and the poor girl needed some rest. I wanted to make sure Gaby didn’t wake up and start crying. But though I had good intentions, I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

  I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I was shredded for the entire family. I prayed the Jenson’s would get better. At least they were alive.

  And then the first tears fell, and I cried quietly beside the love of my life.

  I cried for Gaby and Mrs. and Mr. Jenson. I cried for all the pain. But mostly I cried for my girl, my beautiful, strong-as-fuck girl.

  Chapter 33

  Hunter

  I woke up to the sounds of Gaby crying and gasping. Though I tried not to, I nodded off. Exhaustion won. Fuck, how dare I? I jumped up and ran to the side of the bed that held his mother. He looked like he was in all kinds of distress. His little hands were tight, tiny fists punching out towards nothing, and his cheeks were bright pink with tears sliding down his face. I picked him up and felt his soaked diaper. “Aww, Gaby, we’ve got to take care of your diaper now, don’t we?” His crying slowed. I looked around and spotted the diaper bag sitting by the side of the bed.

  After I changed him, I kissed his toes and he seemed better. He stopped crying, but I knew he’
d start again if I didn’t get him something to eat. Babies woke up starving, didn’t they? I didn’t have a lot of experience with infants, but I felt like I knew this. “I’m gonna get you a bottle, little dude. Can you wait for me?” I whispered as I stuck him in bed with Callie. I went into the bathroom. I was relieved to find bottles and formula inside the diaper bag. I blew out a huge breath and then started reading the directions on the large can. I went to the nurse’s station for some bottled water, and they were sweet and offered to warm it up for him.

  “How is he this morning? Do you need anything else?” asked the nurse,I think her name was Nurse Betty? She handed me the warmed bottle.

  “He's hungry,” I answered gruffly. I was worried I was taking too long to get back.

  I walked into the room to find Callie awake with her arms around her brother. He looked so happy, and I sidled up next to them, handing over the bottle so she could feed him. He eagerly took the nipple in his mouth, and, as he sucked down the formula, his tiny fists held tightly to her fingers. Callie whispered, “Is mama awake?” As I looked over at Keri, her eyelids fluttered open.

  “Good morning, you’re awake,” I murmured, standing next to her bed. I took a hold of her hand.

  She looked around and finally croaked, her voice full of fog, “Where’s Gaby? Where’s Gaby? Oh my God!!”“Mama, I’m right here. I’m feeding Gaby. I’ve got to find Daddy as soon as Gaby’s finished. How are you feeling?” Callie held the bottle while she tried her best to comfort Keri.

  “Oh, thank goodness, my babies are here! I don’t really know, my back hurts so much, I can barely talk. Please, don’t make me talk.” Her pained words faded.

  “Okay, Mama. I’m going to go find the doctor. You rest. Don’t try to talk any more than you have to.” Callie looked over at me, tears glistening in her eyes, and I gently pulled Gaby into my arms and took over feeding him. His tiny hands reached around the bottle, he was so adorable, it was kind of killing me. My heart was pounding in my throat.

  Doctor Smith walked in the room with Callie trailing behind.

  “Mrs. Jenson, how are you feeling today? I heard you were in pain. The nurse is coming in right now to give you something for that,” he said, reassuring her.

  I watched as the nurse came in and administered the pain meds. Thank God. Her face, that had held such agony only moments ago, finally relaxed, and she seemed much better. At least she was out of horrific pain.

  “Thank you, oh thank God, thank you,” she whispered, and then she looked over at the doctor, “I’m alive, that’s all I can say. My back feels horrible. How long will I be laid up? I have a baby to take care of.”

  “Mama, don’t worry about Gaby. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.” Callie tried to reassure her mother, but she looked really concerned about her injuries. It didn’t look like her mom was buying it.

  “Baby, you have to get back to your tour. I’m not letting you quit,” Mrs. Jenson said, cringing. “How is he? How is Gaby?” She demanded answers, and I knew how much it hurt her to not be able to take him from me.

  “He’s fine, Mama. They said his great baby seat saved his life. He's got some bruising, but other than that, he seems good.” Callie tried to sound confident, but I heard her voice waiver. “The bruises look worse than they are.”

  As though we had forgotten he was standing there, Doctor Smith cleared his throat. “Ahem, you’ll be here for at least a week. You are going to need constant care when you go home, Mrs. Jenson. I suggest you figure that out first. Your husband needs bypass surgery. They scheduled that for later today.” Mama started crying, completely falling apart.

  “So, he’s going to be laid up for at least a month. He won’t be able to help with the baby. Neither of you can pick him up for a while. I hope your daughter here can help. Let me know if you need social services to come by and help you with these decisions.” Oh, hell no! Welfare workers were not getting their hands on this little guy.

  Then Doctor Smith gestured to the nurse to come talk to him. “Nurse, give Mrs. Jenson morphine upon requests. I don’t want her in pain.” Fuck! They left us alone with our mountain of problems stacking up one on top of the other.

  My mind was whirling around like a cyclone. So much to think about. I needed to find out what Callie wanted, but I couldn’t even broach the subject because I could see she was completely overwhelmed. This had been such a shit storm, and goddamnit, I knew I needed to protect her, but I needed to protect her brand too. Yes, I knew it sounded harsh, but someone had to think about her career.

  Gaby finished his bottle, and, after burping him, Callie sat him down next to her mom. Mrs. Jenson looked over at her beautiful baby boy with tears glistening in her eyes.

  She whispered as she held onto his leg, “Oh Gaby, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I can’t hold you.” She started silently weeping into his neck. “I can’t pick you up, my little soldier.”

  “Mama, did you know Daddy’s heart...” Callie’s words trailed off. I knew this was one more fucking thing to wrap her head around. I thought she might be in denial about her father’s failing health.

  “Well, he was going to go for a checkup when we got home. He’s been awfully tired. He just didn’t have his usual upbeat energy. So, please Callie. Go find out how he is and let me know.”

  “I will Mama, I have to find out where he is. When Hunter went to check on him last night, he was off getting tests. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Hunter, can you stay and take care of Mama and Gaby?” I could tell she was torn between staying here and finding her father.

  “Yes, of course, Just go down the hall. He's not far, you should be able to find him easily. I’ll make sure they’re okay while you’re gone, babe.” I tried to reassure her, but I worried I wasn’t up to the task.

  Callie walked out, and I sat by her mom’s bed. “Hunter, could you get my husband moved to this room? I really want him near me.” She looked like she was ready to break apart. “I need him with me.”

  “Yes, of course. When Callie gets back, we’ll figure it all out, okay?” I tried to keep her calm, but she looked heartbroken. I realized there was nothing I could say that would comfort her right now.

  Gaby played with his mother’s face, squeaking her nose and pulling at her lips. I went over to the diaper bag and found a toy for him, and a cracker to chew on. I hoped something worked so he would quit bugging Keri. I kind of chuckled over that. I didn’t really mean it the way it sounded. I knew she was relieved to have him near her, snuggled up close to her.

  I handed Gaby the toy, but he looked more interested in the cracker, so I handed him one. He grabbed it with his tiny fist and smashed it to his mouth. It looked like Keri was nodding off.

  Fuck! I hoped Callie got back soon. I couldn’t imagine what she was going through when this situation was killing me. It was fucking ripping my heart right out from my chest. It was blowing us all apart.

  I wanted to find out who was driving that fucking semi! I wanted to know who blew a bomb right through this family.

  He’ll pay, I grumbled.

  He’ll fucking pay.

  Chapter 34

  Callie

  I went down the hall in search of Daddy. I was so worried about him. I fell asleep before I could see him last night and chastised myself for being so selfish. How could I be so cruel? I needed to find my father. Right the fuck now.

  Finally, I found his room just a few doors down and quietly entered. The room was shrouded in darkness, drapes pulled closed, lights turned off. But there he was, lying on his back. His arm was dragged up over his face and I couldn’t see his eyes. He had an IV hooked up to his left arm, and a pained expression on his face.

  “Daddy,” I whispered to the room. “Oh, Daddy.” I rushed to his side, telling myself to buck the fuck up, and faced him like he would me.

  “Callie? Is that you, Callie?” Daddy called for me as I frantically sidled up to the side of his bed, slipping my hand through hisand giving it a soft squeeze.


  “Yes, Daddy, I’m here. How are you feeling?” I asked. I prayed with all of me that he was doing well.

  “I’ve been better, kiddo. I’m so sorry this happened. I hate that we ruined your tour, honey.” Daddy’s voice was barely a whisper.

  “Oh, Daddy, I just want you to be okay. What did they say? What did the doctor say? Tell me the truth, Daddy, please.” I begged.

  He began to calmly explain what was happening to his heart. “I have a clogged artery, honey. They need to give me bypass surgery. I’ll be fine. I’m worried about your mother. Tell me how she’s doing today. Please, I beg you, tell me.” The last part he whispered like a prayer. I noticed the cast on his foot, and his face was covered in bruises, just like Gaby’s face. I tried like hell not to focus on the little things. My father was alive, and gratitude flooded my bloodstream.

  My parents were still so in love, and it did my heart good to hear him talk about her. They were my role models for what true love looked like. I had always admired them for that and how they treated each other with such kindness. I took a deep breath and told him everything I knew about Mama’s condition. He sighed deeply when I finished, seeming even more pained.

  “Oh, baby girl, your poor mother. I need to see her. Is there any way you can get me moved to her room? And how is Gaby? Oh my God, how’s my baby boy?” Daddy broke down and cried. I thought this was the first time I had ever seen him broken like this, and it made me cry.

  “Shhh, Daddy, he’s fine. He’s with Mama and Hunter. I’m going to go talk to the nurse about getting you moved. Mama has a spare bed in her room. I think the last person moved out last night. I’ll see what I can do.” I needed this to go Daddy’s way.