Her Forgotten Cowboy

by Deb Kastner

  “Huh. What do you know?”

  As a test, he put the pup who’d chosen him back on the floor, facing away from him, and gave her rump a little boost. She turned right around and barked at him, chewing him out but good for abandoning her, and then leaped straight back into his arms.

  “I guess that’s it, then. Do you have a collar and lead for her?” Nick asked.

  Tanner shook his head. “Like I said, I didn’t think this through very well, other than just having the vague idea that a puppy might brighten everyone’s spirits.”

  “Not a problem. I’ll loan you what you need and you can visit Emerson’s when you have the opportunity. You know how the ladies are with shopping. They’ll probably appreciate the excuse to go out and buy all new things for their new puppy.”

  Tanner chuckled. His real problem was he didn’t know the ladies—everyone from his mother-in-law, to his wife, and right down to his three-year-old niece. They were all a complete mystery to him.

  Suddenly he was happy to be having a son. Maybe that would even things out a little bit. He suspected he might have a better idea what to do with a boy. He’d never felt quite comfortable playing dollies and princesses with Mackenzie. But he could teach his son how to throw a football. And invite Mackenzie out to play, as well.

  Or maybe he was just hopeless. This fatherhood thing was huge.

  “What’s Mackenzie’s favorite color?” Nick asked, digging around through a box marked Dog Stuff.

  “I—er—purple, I think.”

  Nick fastened a purple collar and lead to the Hamiltons’ new puppy and scooped puppy food into a baggie. “This will get you by for a day or two. I’ll bring her papers on Sunday. You’ve already got your hands full now.”

  As best he could with a wiggling puppy in his arms, Tanner pulled his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans and selected three hundred-dollar bills. “It’s three hundred, right?”

  Nick shook his head and held up a hand, palm out. “She’s on me. I heard in the church prayer time about all of the problems your family is going through right now. I really hope this tiny bundle of energy will give that little girl a reason to smile.”

  Tanner raised his brows. “You’re sure?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Tanner shook Nick’s hand. “I really appreciate it, and I know the girls will, too. You’re a good friend, Nick.”

  Nick helped him wrangle the puppy into his truck and before long, Tanner was back home again. He hadn’t felt this nervous in a long time, but it was happy nerves, a good kind of excitement. He couldn’t wait to introduce Rebecca and Mackenzie to their new puppy.

  He honked twice and all three ladies stepped outside on the porch to see what the fuss was about.

  He opened the cab door, scooped the puppy into his arm and carefully set her on the ground. Before he had a chance to grab her lead, the dog had dashed out of his reach—straight toward Mackenzie, wagging her tail wildly and barking an introduction. She definitely knew who she belonged to. Nick had told him dogs were intuitive like that, but Tanner hadn’t really believed him until now.

  The fluffy ball of fur practically bowled Mackenzie over with her enthusiasm and furiously wagging back end. She jumped and pressed her front paws onto Mackenzie’s shoulders, causing the little girl to sit down abruptly. Tanner’s heartbeat flared in panic, but then he realized Mackenzie was giggling as the puppy excitedly licked her face.

  Rebecca’s eyes shone with delight and Tanner grinned at her, walking to her side and slipping his arm around her waist as they enjoyed the Norman Rockwellesque scene of a little girl greeting her puppy for the first time.

  “Is it mine, Uncle Tanner?” Mackenzie asked excitedly. Apparently all worn out from the exuberant greeting, the panting puppy flopped down beside the little girl and rested her head on her paws.

  “It is a she, and yes, Mackenzie, she’s your new puppy. You even get to name her and everything.”

  The child turned suddenly serious, chewing on her bottom lip as she thought. Puppy naming was a serious business, and she didn’t want to get it wrong.

  “You don’t have to decide yet,” Tanner told her. “Mr. Nick, the man I got the puppy from, said to watch her personality emerge. Then the right name will just come to you.”

  He tipped his head down toward Rebecca so his mouth was close to her ear. “And maybe we can help her along a little bit by suggesting good puppy names. Does anything come to mind?” he murmured.

  Rebecca shook her head. “No. I think Nick is right. We need to interact with the puppy for a while before we’ll be able to pick out the right name.”

  Tanner shrugged. It didn’t make that much of a difference to him one way or the other. He wasn’t the type of man to go around naming his animals. If it were left up to him, the poor puppy would probably end up with a moniker like Dog.

  Rebecca crouched down and ran her hand across the worn-out puppy’s thick fur. “She’s so soft,” she whispered. “I love her coloring. And those big brown eyes! She’s perfect.”

  Tanner chuckled. “Yeah, well, she seems to think so. I didn’t pick her out of the litter. She picked me.”

  “She did what?”

  “It was Nick’s idea. He said if I just waited long enough, one of the puppies would make it clear that they wanted to go home with me. I didn’t believe him, but that was exactly how it happened. Once the pup had claimed me, she wouldn’t let any of her littermates near my lap.”

  She stood and faced him. “That’s such a lovely story. God is in everything, even picking out a puppy.” Rebecca blinked back tears.

  Tanner tensed. Why was she crying? Did she not think getting Mackenzie a puppy was a good thing?

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, brushing tears off her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

  She shook her head and smiled. “Nothing’s wrong. These are happy tears. I’ve always had a soft spot for dogs, ever since I was a child. That, I can remember.”

  He nodded and swallowed hard. He wouldn’t wish amnesia on his worst enemy, but in this case, perhaps her not remembering the whole story was better for them both.

  She frowned, her auburn brows forming a V over her nose.

  “We didn’t have a dog?”

  Tanner shrugged.

  “Why didn’t we have a dog? I imagine that would be one of my first orders of business after we tied the knot.”

  Tanner cleared his throat, which felt like sandpaper.

  “It was,” he admitted. “You wanted to head out to a rescue facility the moment we got back from our honeymoon.”

  “Oh. What happened, then? Did we—have one?”

  “No. It never seemed to be the right time.”

  She shook her head. “That makes no sense. Even with my amnesia, you won’t be able to convince me of that. There’s no wrong time to have a dog, any more than there’s a wrong time to have a baby. It’s all good. I know some people think if you look at it practically, you have to wait to have a child until later in life when you’re more stable. But the truth is you’ll never be able to afford to raise a child. And yet babies and dogs are both blessings. I think our household should be full of them.”

  She would think that way. She probably didn’t realize it, but she always had. Here she was, a math geek who knew every form of budgeting and accounting, and she threw them all away over dogs and babies. Full house. She trusted God to take care of all of them. Tanner had a harder time with that notion, being a little less able to throw away the practical, although he prayed on a regular basis that the Lord would bless his ever-growing family.

  Rebecca laughed and kissed his scraggly cheek. “Thank you. The puppy will be a good playmate for Mackenzie and help keep her mind off—well, you know.” She lowered her voice. “I’ll bet the puppy will help her with her nightmares, too. Give her the companionship she needs.”
/>   “That’s the goal,” he said, unable to keep from smiling. His throat swelled with emotion.

  “Did anyone ever tell you how sweet and thoughtful you are?”

  He felt the heat rising to his cheeks.

  “You give me too much credit.”

  “And you don’t give yourself enough,” she countered.

  “Well, as it happens, I didn’t just buy the puppy for Mackenzie. She’s also for you.” He handed her the pup’s leash.

  “Are you trying to get another kiss?” she teased, then followed through, brushing her lips across his lips this time instead of his cheek.

  He’d had no idea the whole puppy idea would go off so well or he would have brought home a dog years ago.

  But someone had to be practical, and he hated that it had always been him. Still...

  “I didn’t buy any stuff for the puppy yet. Nick let me borrow a collar and lead. I thought you and your mom might enjoy taking Mackenzie to Emerson’s to get whatever you think the puppy needs. Toys and treats and kibble. In the meantime, Nick has provided us with enough food to get by for a day or two.”

  “You really are something,” she said, running a hand over his jaw.

  Hopefully, that was a compliment. There was a time it wouldn’t have been.

  “Let’s take the puppy inside,” Rebecca suggested, handing the lead to Mackenzie. I’ll find some old blankets and we’ll make her a bed. Then we can play with her some more and see what her personality is like. Maybe we’ll be able to figure out the right name for her.”

  Mackenzie gave the puppy a tight hug that the dog immediately wriggled out of.

  “Gentle,” Rebecca reminded her. Tanner didn’t miss the way her hand strayed to her belly.

  Puppies and babies. Mackenzie would need to learn how to be gentle with both, because before they knew it, Mackenzie’s baby cousin would be arriving.

  And Tanner would be a father at last.

  * * *

  Rebecca gasped, but no air entered her lungs. Her eyes were pressed closed but she sensed the darkness around her as if it was a living thing, a deep, dense fog. She felt weighted down, the blood in her veins as heavy as lead. She tried to lift up her arm, to reach across the bed for Tanner, but even that simple movement was almost more than she could handle.

  Her chest ached, her lungs clenching tightly, as if she’d run too far, too fast.

  When she was finally able to stretch her arm out, she found the other side of the bed was empty.

  She pried open her nearly sealed eyelids. With the heavy, light-deflecting curtains keeping out the sun and moon, she didn’t even know if it was night or day, only that Tanner wasn’t there with her.

  And then it hit her, like a punch in the gut.

  Of course Tanner isn’t here. He sleeps on the couch in the living room.

  It was true—he had relegated himself to the couch ever since she’d returned. She didn’t think it was fair for him to give up his bed and she’d protested, but he pointed out that it used to be her bed, too, and with her being pregnant, she really needed the extra support.

  She appreciated his thoughtfulness. Given that she didn’t remember having married him, it seemed like the right thing to do.

  But that wasn’t what was bothering Rebecca right now.

  It was where that thought—that Tanner was sleeping on the couch—had come from.

  It had been a memory.

  Something from before. But that made no sense.

  Or maybe it did. She had, after all, been separated from him, even though with the relationship they now had, she couldn’t imagine why.

  Pain coursed through her body again and she curled into herself—or as much as she could being eight months pregnant. She felt as if someone had used her as a punching bag. Though physically she was fine, she was emotionally bruised and broken. Her baby protested, kicking at her ribs as Rebecca’s stomach tightened uncontrollably.

  Rebecca breathed in shallow pants as she’d been taught to do in the pregnancy-and-delivery class she and Tanner had just started the previous week. She still had a month to go before her baby was supposed to be born.

  This couldn’t be labor—could it?

  Get a grip on yourself.

  This wasn’t labor, or even Braxton-Hicks contractions. The cramping wasn’t focused, or even mostly centered on her belly. But it wasn’t just a bad dream, either.

  The biggest pain came from inside her chest.

  Her heart.

  She rolled onto her back and tried to relax and let her mind drift, but no other memories rose from her Swiss-cheese brain. Just the feelings—bad feelings. Was this how it had been when she’d left Tanner?

  The question now was why? What could have happened that would cause her to experience such a deep depression, for she was now convinced that’s what she must have been feeling.

  Something had set her off back then—something truly awful to make her feel like she was shrouded in darkness and was being pulled into the deep. What was it that had made her believe her only option was to separate from Tanner?

  It was time to have a serious conversation with her husband and set things straight once and for all. She wanted the truth—the whole truth. She knew this about herself—she was a strong woman, and together with Tanner, they would get through whatever it was that had broken them apart the first time around.

  Except now was the absolute worst conceivable time to have such a conversation. Tanner had enough on his plate since becoming Mackenzie’s permanent guardian. His next step was adopting her. That took a lot of time and effort, talking to their lawyer and preparing all the paperwork, and that was nothing to say of the emotional battle he was fighting, knowing his sister had chosen jail over her own daughter.

  He didn’t need the added stress of Rebecca pressing him for details on their lives before.

  Her curiosity, even as compelling as it was, would have to wait. Besides, it was the after that really counted, wasn’t it? She couldn’t imagine her life without Tanner now, and didn’t even want to think about it.

  She didn’t care what had happened in the past. This time would be different.

  The heaviness that had weighed her down when she’d first woken had now dissipated enough for her to get up and get dressed. She stretched out her cramped muscles and headed for the kitchen.

  Things were complicated enough right now. She didn’t want to be part of the problem. She wanted to be part of the solution. And she couldn’t imagine the burden Tanner was carrying trying to provide for his ever-growing family.

  Even though there was so much she didn’t know about herself, she knew how much she wanted to be a mother. Every time she felt movement in her womb she rejoiced. She was also conscious that she used to love teaching middle school math—she had not only somehow retained those skills, but the passion for teaching kids had recently sparked to life.

  “I’ve been thinking,” she said to Tanner as she slid into her seat and buttered a piece of toast.

  The puppy propped her front paws on Rebecca’s knee and tilted her head in the most adorable fashion to beg for toast. To Tanner’s chagrin, Mackenzie had chosen the name Sprinkles for the puppy. He’d already complained that there was no way to man up a name like Sprinkles.

  Rebecca, however, loved the name—and the puppy. She couldn’t resist Sprinkles’s big brown eyes and broke off a corner of her toast to feed to the dog.

  Tanner groaned. “It’s bad enough that I have to face my friends with a dog named Sprinkles without you going and spoiling her that way.”

  Rebecca chuckled. “I’m sure your male ego will survive.”

  The corner of his lips curled up. “Says you.”

  “I eated all my eggs, Uncle Tanner,” Mackenzie said, pointing at her empty plate. “Can I go play with Sprinkles now?”

  “Pu
t your plate in the sink and then yes, you may,” Rebecca answered for him.

  With the little girl gone and Peggy out for the day with her friends, it was just her and Tanner at the table.

  “So, whatcha been thinking about?” Tanner said around a bite of bacon. He turned toward her as he spoke. When they’d first met after she’d returned to Serendipity, Tanner wouldn’t even look at her face. Now he graced her with full-on eye contact and an open, friendly smile.

  Was he finally learning to trust her?

  More to the point—should he?

  It frightened her that she didn’t know.

  “I...I remember that I used to teach math at the middle school,” she stammered. “At least, I think it’s a memory.”

  He nodded. “That’s right. You used to love teaching. But—Rebecca, they had to replace you when you took off and didn’t return after the winter holidays.”

  She couldn’t maintain eye contact any longer. Shame washed over her, even if she wasn’t precisely sure why.

  “Yes, I know. Well, I figured as much. In any case, I couldn’t go back to teaching school this year anyway. Not with our son due to be born next month. And there’s Mackenzie to think about, as well. She’ll be going to preschool in three weeks or so, but that’s only half days three days a week. I need to be here for her when she is home.”

  “Your mom could help out.”

  “She could. But I don’t know if you’ve noticed—she’s tired. I would never insinuate that we are her caregivers, but I do want to be able to keep my eye on her and help her get the rest she needs.”

  “I’m fine with you staying home to raise the children,” Tanner said bluntly. “I mean, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “No—that’s not it. I do want to feel like I’m contributing more than I do.”

  “You don’t think caring for the children is contributing?” He ran a hand across the muscles in his neck.

  “Of course I do. But I also want the freedom to follow my passion projects. Taking care of the alpacas, of course. And teaching math. I thought I could hang out my shingle and do some tutoring for middle and high school students. I like the idea of it being one-on-one, although I could probably handle small groups, as well.”