Uber Bossy: A Small Town Romantic Comedy (Jobs From Hell Book 2)

by Marika Ray

  “The hotel’s just up ahead. Staying for long?” Mentally I patted myself on the back for normal discourse as I waited for his reply.

  And I waited.

  And I waited some more.

  Okay…someone doesn’t want to talk. Totally fine. I’d just get him to his destination and go home to work on my paper. I should have probably done a few more rides for the extra money, but I just didn’t have it in me. Completely shorting out around a weirdo stranger with less than stellar manners should have been my first clue I needed to call it a night.

  I pulled up into the parking lot of Hill Hotel, the place run by one of my best friends, Amelia, and popped the trunk. The sign on the front of the building had been made decades ago with an unfortunate font. It looked exactly like Hell Hotel, which was what us locals called it. I had a hand on the suitcase when he barked at me, “I’ve got it.”

  I stepped back with my hands up. “Hey, no harm, no foul. You have a nice night, buddy.”

  His left eye twitched and he darted a glance at our feet before turning that cold gaze back on me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. Thank you for the ride.”

  I jammed my hands in my back pockets, somehow knowing an apology wasn’t easy to extend for this man. “You’re welcome. In fact”—I pulled out one of my business cards and handed it to him—“if you need another ride, just give me a call. Enjoy your stay.”

  His fingers plucked the card from my hand without touching me—a fact that left me both relieved and disappointed—and then he stepped back, suitcase in hand.

  “Night.”

  I scrambled back into my car and drove off, fully aware of him standing there on the curb outside Hill Hotel watching me drive away. I blew out a long breath the second I turned the corner and I wondered what just happened there. The guy was weird, which was saying a lot with the type of people I ran across on a daily basis. And oddly attractive for obvious reasons, but also in a non-physical way. There was more than meets the eye with that guy and I couldn’t help wanting to figure him out, along with his mommy issues.

  “He’s just a stranger, Lenora. Never even going to see him again.”

  I was now talking to myself, which was definitely a sign to call it a night. I had a paper to edit and submit. My college degree counted on it.

  The strange man with the velvet voice and eyes of steel would have to wait.

  2

  Jayden

  “Not on the suit, not on the suit,” I chanted, racing to the kitchen with Alfred held at arm’s length. I nearly went down tripping over a plastic truck I didn’t see, but I fought the good fight and made it to the kitchen where I grabbed a clean burping cloth. Red burbled against my shoulder, soaking the cloth, but thankfully not my suit.

  My ten-month-old son was a ball of teething drool, his finger a permanent fixture in his mouth. But even the four simultaneous slashes of white coming in on his lower and upper gums couldn’t dim his good nature, as evidenced by the grin on his face. I could swear that boy knew how much I didn’t need drool on my expensive suit as I headed out the door. Either that or he was deliriously happy to finally be getting teeth. I’d begun to wonder if he’d have that gummy smile forever, destined to drink his food rather than chew it. Not that that was a particularly bad way to go about life, what with all the smoothie bars all the health nuts flocked to here in Los Angeles. But alas, Red would know the delights of sinking your teeth into a juicy cheeseburger after all.

  I had exactly two minutes to get out the door before my ride arrived to take me to the airport. My stomach let out a loud complaint, but I ignored it in favor of wiping Red’s face—nickname fulfilled when his hair came in with a decided strawberry tint to it—and hollering for Kelsie, the nanny who’d quickly become indispensable after Red was born. I literally could not have made it this far without her. Single dad life was tough at any point in time, but a newborn when my business was reaching critical mass and I faced a hostile takeover? Downright impossible without help.

  Kelsie ran around the corner and snagged Red out of my hands, settling him on her hip like only a mother of three kids of her own could do. “Go on now, I got him.”

  “You’re a goddess,” I muttered.

  I kissed Red’s cheeks and gave Kelsie a saucy wink. She wasn’t quite old enough to be my mother, but she certainly acted like it, telling me what to do and how to do it. Thing was, she was more attentive than my own mother growing up and I quite liked her mother-henning me. ’Course I’d never own up to that, especially to my big brother who teased me mercilessly that I’d gone soft in parenthood.

  “See you in forty-eight hours.” I grabbed my keys off the counter, threw them in my carry-on, and jogged to the front door.

  A white square of paper caught my eye on the entry table. I skidded to a halt and traced my finger along the edges, wasting precious time as I scanned the simple words and phone number.

  Lenora, Coastal Rides

  A vision of reddish-brown hair, doe-like eyes staring up at me, and the sexiest pouty lips parted on a soft gasp filled my brain and stole my focus. The driver from my last trip to Auburn Hill wasn’t a stunner. She wasn’t even classically beautiful. But she was arresting.

  Her attempts at conversation, her girl-next-door-you-can-trust-me attitude. She intrigued me more than I had time to analyze.

  A horn in the quiet still morning broke me out of my thoughts and got me back into motion. I snatched the card off the table and slid it into my pocket, no coherent thought as to what I’d actually do with it, just that I wanted it with me.

  The flight was on time and as uneventful as you want flights to go. I landed in Monterey several hours later and turned on my phone to three texts from Kelsie with updates on Red. I worked a lot of hours, but I was never too busy to know the tiniest details of my son’s life. His toothless grin with his favorite stuffed bear on top of his head made me smile as I waited to deplane. I may not have expected him and I may not have any sort of relationship with his certifiable mother, but I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

  When it was my turn to stand and exit the plane, I grabbed my carry-on bag from overhead and slid my phone in my pocket, a sharp jab in the knuckles reminding me of Lenora’s business card.

  “Oh no, please don’t pet him!” A shrill voice echoed ahead in the small airplane.

  I moved forward quickly, thinking the older woman standing in the aisle sounded distressed and I could help. I didn’t have karate skills or a service weapon—I left that stuff up to my brother—but I was sure I had something to offer. Maybe good looks, charm, or a brow beating were needed in the situation?

  “He’s an emotional support pet. He doesn’t like strangers touching him and neither do I.” The feisty lady cuddled something to her chest, her sharp frown already deterring the young man who didn’t look like a hoodlum to me.

  “Sorry, ma’am,” he choked out before spinning around and exiting the plane.

  The woman tsked under her breath and then set the bundle down on the seat so she could grab her bag. The bleating caught me by surprise. I glanced down as I waited for her to clear the aisle. A white and black spotted baby goat stood on the seat, staring me down while it voiced its displeasure.

  “It’s okay, dude. We’re almost off,” I whispered to him.

  He quit his bleating and tilted his head like a dog, those eyes tracking me without a single blink. For a quick second there, I thought maybe he understood me. Then his long tongue came out and he licked his nostril. I grimaced. Maybe talking to a goat wasn’t such a good idea.

  “I’m coming,” the lady told the whole plane she was holding up. Her bag got caught on the armrest as she tried to swing it onto her shoulder.

  I leaned forward to help her out, the strap finally coming off the armrest with assistance. As I was leaning, the passenger behind me must have gotten impatient, the accidental shove to my backside coming at an inopportune time. I stumbled forward, realizing with horror I might crush an old lady,
so I spun to the side and nearly crushed a baby goat instead.

  The thing didn’t even blink as my arms bracketed its head, my body finally coming to a stop thanks to the seat cushion. The animal just looked up at me like I was being ridiculous and licked my face. Unfortunately, I was startled from the almost fall, which meant my jaw had dropped open, giving the farm animal full access to my mouth.

  “Arghh!” I scrambled to my feet and swiped at my face wildly.

  I’d just been frenched by an underage goat.

  “Do watch your step, dear,” the lady warned loudly. “And don’t worry. Buttinsky Jr. is incredibly clean. Cleaner than most humans.”

  She proceeded to collect her goat in slow motion while the passenger behind me had the gall to chuckle. I gave him a dirty look and he sobered quickly. The lady finally moved down the aisle and I followed, feeling a bit light-headed. Could one die from a strange disease within minutes of being far too intimate with a farm animal? Goat flu or something?

  By the time I made it to the curb, I was confident death was imminent. I stumbled back inside the automatic doors of the airport, thinking maybe I was just light-headed from lack of food. I had skipped breakfast, so who knew?

  Did I update my will? Crap, I think I mentioned to Bain that he and Lucille would take custody of Alfred, right?

  What could have been one hour or one minute later, I was halfway through a blueberry scone and a chai latte at one of the little tables in front of the airport coffee shop. I didn’t even like chai. I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten there, the last block of time a blank slate in my memory bank. But my head was finally clear. And I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to die today.

  I shook my head and blinked hard. Yep, everything was normal again. Damn, I’d never experienced a “low blood sugar” blackout before.

  My phone pinged and I pulled it out of my pocket.

  Lenora: On my way. I’ll be there in ten minutes.

  I blinked again, panicking for a second I was back to losing my mind. Why was Lenora texting me when I had no intention of ever seeing her again? Sure enough, as I scrolled back up, I saw I’d texted her twenty minutes ago, asking for a ride to Hill Hotel.

  “What the hell is going on around here?” I muttered to my scone.

  People streamed around me, intent on getting to their destinations, completely unaware I was having a personal crisis. I shoved the rest of the scone in my mouth and found the bathroom, needing to put my disguise back on. My hands didn’t shake as I glued on the mustache, which I took as a good sign. Lesson learned: keep myself well fed and away from goat tongues. Seemed simple enough.

  I trudged back outside right as Lenora’s silver sedan pulled up to the curb and she gave me a sunny smile and wave from behind the wheel. I hadn’t exactly been the nicest guy to her last time I was here, more silence and bark than actual talking, so I was pleasantly surprised by the warm welcome. That light-headed thing happened again as she stepped out from the car, but one deep breath and it was gone.

  “Good morning!” Lenora sang as she stepped up to me.

  My gaze traced down her face, confirming the features I’d seen flashing through my brain since I was here last. I hadn’t made her up; she was real and she was as interesting as the first time. Tight, ripped jeans showcased her curvy, slender legs. An oversized Niners sweatshirt covered her top half.

  “Morning. Thanks for coming to get me.” I smiled, the mustache tickling my top lip.

  “No problem. How was your flight?” Lenora kept her face to me, but reached back to open the car door for me.

  “Thanks. Um, good. Uneventful. Well, mostly.” The thought of the baby goat made me grimace.

  “Uh-oh. Sounds like a good story.” Lenora smiled again and then rounded the hood to slide in behind the wheel. I got into the back seat too, inhaling deeply. “Mint?”

  “Hmm?” I looked down and she held out a little bowl filled with individually wrapped mints. “Oh, yes, please. You have no idea how badly I need one of these.” I popped it in my mouth and wished for it to wipe my memory too.

  Lenora laughed as she pulled out into traffic. “What happened?”

  I relayed the story, surprised to find myself sharing so much with a virtual stranger. Especially of the female variety. I’d been completely screwed over by two women in the last two years. I didn’t go so far as to make a chastity vow—I wasn’t an idiot—but I had sworn off all relationships for all time. Women couldn’t be trusted. Period.

  Lenora’s laugh filled the car as I reached the end of my story. She swiped at her eyes and the sight filled my chest with helium. I felt lighter for having brought someone—and Lenora specifically—laughter.

  “When I die from some strange disease, you’ll feel bad for laughing,” I warned, enjoying teasing her far too much for a man who didn’t trust women.

  She swiped her hand through the air. “Nah, you’ll be fine. I actually have a friend of mine who swears that some animals are magical. Or maybe it’s that my friend’s magical and the animals bring it out in her. Sounds crazy, I know, but don’t be surprised if weird things happen after your goat encounter.”

  I smirked even as a prickle of unease crept up the back of my neck. “That’s ridiculous. Only thing that’ll happen is I steer clear of goats for the rest of my life.”

  Lenora shrugged. “I don’t blame you. I’m not a big fan of certain animals myself. Take seagulls for example. We have a ton of them in Auburn Hill, seeing as we’re right along the coast. They’re pretty, I guess, from afar, but up close? No, thank you. Those suckers are beady-eyed opportunists just waiting for your attention to shift and then they swoop in and steal your food. And don’t even get me started on the bird droppings on my car!”

  I chuckled, thoroughly enjoying our casual conversation. I hadn’t had a lot of those in the last fourteen months. It was either nonsense spoken to Red to calm his crying or barking at a business associate as we got the company ready to sell. Friends? What were those? Dates? Nope again. More like late night hookups where conversation didn’t happen.

  The minute we exited the freeway, I knew exactly where we were. I’d only been to Auburn Hill a few times, but I was already starting to know my way around. Which was good considering I planned to move there once I got things squared away with the new business venture.

  The welcome sign zoomed past my window as I stared it down. “Hey, the sign isn’t graffitied anymore.”

  “Yeah, it’s kind of a cycle. Someone spray-paints it. The city cleans it up. And then a few days or weeks later, it’s—”

  I lurched forward as Lenora slammed on the brakes. A loud clunk came from the front of the car, sending adrenaline pumping through my body.

  “Son of a fuck trumpet!” Lenora shouted through the windshield at a large tow truck that looked like it needed to retire before it rusted out entirely. At this close of a distance I could even see a few spots where the rust had gone clear through the metal.

  I didn’t know whether to stare at this young woman who’d seemed so docile previously and inquire as to what a fuck trumpet was, or to stare at the traffic cluster playing out in front of us. I chose the cluster since it seemed like my life might depend on it resolving itself sooner rather than later.

  “What’s happening?” I asked, leaning forward into the space between the two front seats. In the back of my mind, I registered the scent of sweet apples.

  “That dickweed, Clyde, just cut me off in his ridiculous tow truck and now we’re fucked.” Lenora waved her hands around.

  My eyes widened as I saw the steering wheel move without her hands doing the moving.

  “What do you mean ‘fucked’?” My heart rate accelerated, getting the sense that this wasn’t good. I mean, I didn’t know Lenora all that well, but dickweeds and fuck trumpets weren’t exactly common language for her—or anyone for that matter—which meant we might be in a tough situation. That, and though I took ride shares frequently, I was pretty sure keeping your hands on the steer
ing wheel while driving was of utmost importance.

  “My front bumper is hooked on the back of his damn tow truck!” Lenora rotated her head to look at me, her eyes as wide as Red’s mouth when he let out a loud wail if I took too long getting his bottle.

  The car started to turn left, following directly behind Clyde’s truck. I looked out the side window and saw us circling a bronze statue of a man with a pan, but no canal or Panama.

  “The stupid dickweazel has issues getting out of this new double-lane roundabout like half the town, so we might be here awhile. Sit back, grab another mint, and enjoy the ride. Oh crap, you don’t get car sick, do you?” She twisted in her seat to face me, having given up the pretense of driving altogether now.

  Her brown eyes held misplaced concern, though I appreciated it just the same.

  “No, no car sickness, but aren’t you worried about your car?” I’d only gotten a tow once in my lifetime and they hadn’t latched on to my flimsy bumper.

  Lenora shrugged. “It’s just a bumper. Cosmetic only.”

  I raised an eyebrow. Interesting. Most women I knew would have been crying by now or pissed off about damage to their car. Lenora seemed to take this bizarre carjacking in stride. Like this kind of thing happened all the time in Auburn Hill.

  “Can’t you honk at him?” Surely the guy would notice us, right?

  Lenora grunted. “The guy’s half deaf. Honking won’t help. I’m sure someone will come along and get him to stop.”

  I racked my brain for a way out of the situation, but by the third revolution around the statue, I still came up empty. Wasn’t every day you got towed by accident.

  I saw it before I felt it. As if in slow motion, Clyde’s tow truck took the next revolution a bit too tight, running up one side of the tires onto the curb. A loud squeak hit my ears right before Lenora’s car lurched and she spun back around.

  “Back in business, bitches!” she shouted, a fist punched in the air. She yanked the wheel and with a squeal of the tires, we were out of the roundabout and on Main Street, on our way to Hill Hotel. I sat back in my seat, a bit stunned.