I shrugged. “Sometimes…sometimes I think I want to run away.”
“Well, if you do, promise you’ll take me with you.”
“I will,” I said with a giggle. “We’ll pack our belongings in handkerchiefs tied to sticks and face the big wide world.”
Peter laughed and kissed me again, longer this time. “Sounds perfect.”
“A girl ran away from my prep school once. She didn’t get far, and all she had taken was a slice of bread and her hamster,” I said, thinking back to a girl at Bourne Park.
“Well,” Peter said thoughtfully, “I’m glad she got back before she ended up having to eat her hamster.”
I snorted a laugh, taken completely by surprise at his words. “No one more so than the hamster!”
Peter stroked his fingertip across my bottom lip. “It’s almost time to leave.”
Like Peter, I was beginning to really hate saying goodbye too. It felt like I was being split in two—there was the person I was, the good girl who did everything she was supposed to and never upset anyone, and also this other girl who wanted to brush off all her responsibility and just go and have fun.
Peter fell somewhere in the middle of this dilemma.
Both girls wanted him, but it was clear only one would get to keep him.
There was a new temptation that went along with accepting my fate and following the path that had been chosen for me years ago, and that was unbridled access to Peter.
I could hardly imagine a life without him in it anymore. It was like he had become a part of me, and me of him. Resigning myself to the inevitable came with great rewards, but also great sacrifices. Could I even do it? Could I break my mother’s heart, and Peter’s?
Could I be that selfish?
My chest ached under the pressure. Part of me wanted to close my eyes and wake up to find the decision had been made for me and this dilemma was all over. But…that was the problem, wasn’t it?
The choice had already been made for me.
I gazed up into Peter’s beautiful green eyes. I felt like I knew every inch of that face now. From his strong Roman nose to his wide, infectious smile. His eyebrows which could be so expressive. The tiny scar on his forehead from when Harriet had thrown a building block at him when they were children.
Everything about Peter made my head spin and my heart thump erratically. Like the way he looked at me, as though he couldn’t believe that he was with me. Like he was the luckiest boy in the world when really, I was the lucky one.
Peter moved his finger from my mouth to my eyebrows, where he smoothed them out from what must have been a considerable frown. “They look like serious thoughts.”
I tried to smile, but couldn’t quite make it reach my eyes. “I was just thinking about the future.”
He grinned. “Was I in it?”
Pressing my hand to his cheek, I smiled more genuinely. “Of course you were. I can’t even imagine a future without you.”
“I’m glad,” Peter said, turning more sombre. “It makes saying goodbye a little easier, knowing it’s not for long. And you know I feel the same way, don’t you?”
“I do now.”
Peter swallowed. “I’m thankful every day that I found you. And shocked that I get to keep you.”
I was saved from answering by Peter lowering his head to kiss me. Soft, sweeping brushes of his mouth against mine at first, before he applied a more heady pressure.
My head swam, my blood roared and all that mattered was the feel of him against my body. Peter nudged me onto my back and I went willingly, relishing in the sensation of the weight of his body. He kissed me deeper, making the world around me fade to a distant whisper.
I loved kissing Peter. I could do it all day, every day for the rest of my life and it still wouldn’t be enough.
The alarm on Peter’s bedside table bleeped, breaking the spell that had coated us like a blanket. Peter groaned as he broke the kiss, breathing hard as he rested his forehead against mine.
“I hate that bloody alarm.”
“Me, too,” I agreed.
“So let’s ignore it. They’ll never notice you’re gone from Mapleton Manor, right? You’ve already finished your exams, you could stay here and pretend to be an Upton boy for a few weeks.”
A laugh rose in my throat. “As tempting as that sounds, I don’t want to explain it all to Mummy when I inevitably get caught.”
He sighed. “Fair enough.” Peter kissed me one last time then pulled himself away from me.
I pulled on a layer of Peter’s clothes, my usual disguise, then gathered the rest of my things together.
The late Samantha sun had already begun its rise when I left Upton at an ungodly time in the morning. It was set to be a beautiful day, and no doubt my friends would take full advantage. I predicted an afternoon of sunbathing on the lawn, all of us in a neat row as we baked ourselves, making our skin a lovely golden brown for the leavers’ ball in a few weeks.
At the station, Peter kept me tucked into his body as we waited for the train to arrive. My heart sank when I heard the first rumblings of it on the rails, signalling the end of another wonderful weekend with Peter.
I turned and pressed my face into his throat, breathing in the intoxicating scent of his skin. “I’ll see you in a few weeks?”
“Of course,” Peter answered, hugging me tightly. “I wouldn’t miss your ball for the world.”
“Good.” I chuckled. “I’m sure this dance will go a little better than the last one.”
“So long as you don’t trick me into climbing any more trees,” he mumbled, pressing his nose into my hair. “Do you think you could sneak away that night?”
I pulled back so I could see his face. “The night of the ball? I should be able to, why?”
He smiled. “I have a surprise lined up for you, so you’ll have to wait and see.”
The train stopped and Peter let me go. I gave him one last kiss goodbye then climbed aboard. I took the first seat available, and waved to him out of the window. Peter blew me a kiss, and as the train began to move out of the station, he turned and headed back for the car park.
My chest ached watching him leave.
I hated saying goodbye to him when I knew I would see him again in a week or so…so how on earth was I considering a future where I would have to say goodbye to him for months?
Unless…
Unless I could convince him to go with me.
The last production of the school year was a big deal at Mapleton Manor. Lots of parents would come to watch, as well as other friends and family members. It was always packed, and it was always chaos. Almost every leaver was involved with the production in some way or another, and my friends and I were no exception.
We all had a part in the show, mostly minor roles, but Athena had the lead. She was a natural actress, and quite the chameleon. She could transform herself into any role, and I loved watching her perform.
This year, we all looked forward to the very last performance. Not for the show’s sake, but for the fact it was going to help us with a mass breakout. Exams were over, the leavers’ ball was next week and after that…school was finished. We were done. And to celebrate, we were all sneaking out to go clubbing in London.
The plan was simple, but hopefully effective.
We took to the stage for the final bow, grinning like maniacs and buzzing with excitement. The moment the curtain closed, we dashed backstage to one of the dressing rooms where we had stashed clothes for us all to change into.
“Has anyone seen my—”
“Ouch! That was my foot!”
“Hurry up, hurry up!”
When we were finally dressed in our clubbing clothes, we sneaked out of a back door to scurry across the grounds while the rest of the school was in chaos over the end of the show.
“Someone should have brought a torch,” Jemima grumbled.
“Why didn’t you, if it’s such a good idea?” Athena threw back.
“Are we alm
ost at the road?” Harriet asked.
“Almost,” I answered.
We cleared the school grounds and made it onto the narrow country lane. We peered around in the darkness, trying in vain to spot our lift. A short way down the lane, a sudden flash of headlights illuminated us.
“There he is,” Annie said. “Come on.”
We all piled into Annie’s friend’s car and we headed into the big city. Cassandra had smuggled a bottle of vodka with her and she passed it around. The journey was spent with us squirming in our seats as we impatiently waited to get to London.
When we arrived at the club, Liquid, we clambered out of the car. I smoothed down my outfit and we took turns double-checking our hair in the glassy reflection of the car window. Annie’s friend promised to be back for us by the time the club closed to drive us back to Mapleton Manor.
The night was spent dancing and getting tipsy, enjoying life and loving being young. For me, dancing away in Liquid was a welcome distraction. I didn’t have to think about university, disappointing or hurting people, sacrifices or my own happiness. I could just be me with my friends and have a great night.
We staggered out of the club close to four in the morning. Athena hung off my neck as she sang so badly and out of tune that I had no idea what song it was she was butchering.
“Uh, Annie?” Cassandra said. “Where’s your friend?”
There was no sign of the friend or his car. I bounced on the balls of my feet as I spun the wristband I’d got inside the club around my wrist. The sky was turning a greyish pink as dawn approached. We had to get back to Mapleton Manor.
After waiting twenty minutes and there was still no sign of him, we headed down to the payphone so Annie could try to call him.
He finally picked up the third time she called and promised to be there in a few minutes.
It was closer to forty-five minutes before he finally showed up, looking half asleep and scruffy. But by that point we were all shattered, Athena was feeling ill and all I wanted was my own bed. He dropped us off near the gatehouse and we cut through the wood to get to the school.
We slipped off our shoes so we could tiptoe inside the Sixth Form Centre hopefully unnoticed.
But alas, this was not meant to be.
“Did you have a good night, girls?”
We all jumped about a foot in the air at the sound of Housemistress’s voice. She sat in a corner, obscured by shadows. Housemistress stood and crossed the foyer to us. She folded her arms under her chest and gave each and every one of us an ominous look.
“It was a brilliant night,” Athena said with a hiccup. “You should have come.”
Housemistress’s lips twitched with amusement, though she schooled her features back quickly. “Next time, perhaps. Now, off to bed. You had best get a few hours’ sleep before you need to be up for Sunday service.”
My friends and I exchanged glances. That couldn’t be it…surely?
Housemistress smiled. “You’re all eighteen, you’re young and school is virtually over. There isn’t much point in punishing you all when you will be leaving in a week anyway.”
We laughed and hugged Housemistress before trudging upstairs and falling into our beds.
After we returned from Sunday service, I headed back to my room for a much-needed nap. It felt like my head had only just hit the pillow when there was a tap on the door and Housemistress poked her head into the room.
“Freddie, there’s a phone call for you downstairs. It’s your mother.”
I yawned and mumbled my thanks before stumbling back out of bed. Downstairs, I picked up the receiver and settled into the little chair beside the phone.
“Hi, Mummy.”
“Hello, darling,” Mummy said. Her voice was different, strained somehow. As though she was trying very hard not to cry.
I sat bolt upright in the chair and gripped the receiver so tightly my knuckles turned white. “Mummy? What’s the matter?”
Mummy laughed, a sad sounding noise. “Nothing gets past you, does it sweetheart? I’m fine, there’s nothing to worry about, I promise.”
“Then why do you sound like that?”
She sighed. “Because I feel like I owe you a rather big apology. Since you left for school, I haven’t stopped thinking about our row. I feel awful.”
I frowned. “Whatever for?”
“I wasn’t fair to you. I should have listened to what you had to say instead of snapping at you.” Mummy took a deep breath. “Now, I want to make myself perfectly clear. The right thing to do is attend St Finbars after the summer so you can begin your studies. It’s the right thing to do because it means you will get your degree sooner, get a career started and make your whole family proud of you, including setting a wonderful example for your siblings.”
My heart sank. It wasn’t anything I didn’t already know, but hearing the words again felt like sealing my fate. I was heavy and resigned and full of sorrow.
“But,” Mummy said, “if you choose to…delay it for a short while, I won’t object. I won’t be happy about it, but I won’t stand in your way, either.”
“What?” I gasped. “Mummy, are you serious?”
Mummy chuckled. “Yes, darling. But I am holding out hope that you will make the right decision. Just promise me you will think long and hard about what you really want, and what you should do.”
“Okay, I promise,” I said. The only thing was, what I really wanted, and what I should do, were two entirely different things.
I hung up and bit my lip, unable to keep the smile from spreading across my face.
“Freddie, you missed your post yesterday,” Matron said as she spotted me. She handed me a single envelope.
Looking at the familiar scrawling handwriting, I smiled and thanked her before skipping back to my room. I tore open Peter’s letter and flopped down on my bed. As well as a short letter, there was also a sketch of a tree with what looked like a boy at the very top cheering in victory.
I laughed at his silliness and reminded myself to put the sketch somewhere I wouldn’t lose it. More than likely with all Peter’s other letters, which I carefully hoarded out of sight of nosey girls.
Dear Freddie,
I am counting down the days until I see you again. I can’t wait to see you in your beautiful ball gown and I just know you will look amazing. You’ll be impressed with my tux—I look like James Bond, only far better looking.
You might not believe me, but I have spent my free time over the last few weeks perfecting my tree-climbing abilities. I am now as good as you, if not better, and because of this I thought it better to send you proof of my new skills, rather than embarrass you in person. I wouldn’t want your pride to get hurt.
Until I see you again, beautiful.
Peter
Tears pricked my eyes as I lowered Peter’s letter to the bed. I had just been given the greatest gift my mother could have ever given me—the freedom to make my own choices, even if she didn’t agree with them, and now it felt like that choice had been taken away again.
With all my heart I knew what I felt for Peter was real, and I didn’t want to think of him as an obligation or a burden. If I stayed, it would only be for him. Could I live with that decision while never knowing what could have been?
Mapleton Manor had rolling, expansive grounds that were the perfect setting for the Masters Leavers’ Ball. A pristine white marquee had been set up on the principal lawn and all day we had all been trying to sneak a peek inside, but all our efforts had been thwarted.
My friends and I rode our bicycles to the Ville to get our hair and makeup done for the ball. I went for an elegant but loose chignon that left a few strands free.
We spent hours getting ready. Thanks to the wonderful weather, we were all indeed a gorgeous golden brown and our beautiful dresses showed off our tans. Athena and Annie both wore blood-red gowns, Jemima went for a sea green and Cassandra and Harriet wore different shades of a paler blue. I was the only one who had a champagne
-coloured dress, and I was thankful I seemed to be an individual.
Mummy had had the dress specially made for me by our childhood dressmaker, Jackie, and it was simply stunning. It was an A-line dress with a princess scoop neck and tiny, short sleeves that flattered my delicate shoulders and collarbone. It nipped in at the waist, which gave me a wonderful silhouette, and the bodice was decorated with intricate stitched patterns. The skirt was floor length and made of wispy organza. I felt fragile and effortlessly feminine.
Peter was going to love it.
When we were finally ready, we headed downstairs. Housemistress’s eyes welled up when she saw us, and she hugged us each in turn, whimpering about us growing up so fast.
Outside, the evening summer sun was still warm and bright, crickets chirped in the long grass and swallows swooped and dived in the air. Athena and I linked arms as we made our way round to the front of the school where our dates would meet us. She had invited a boy from Stonebridge, as had Annie and Cassandra. Harriet was meeting her boy from Minster College and Jemima…was dateless. He had cancelled on her at the last minute and we suspected it was because he got a better offer.
Somehow I managed to resist the urge to gloat that it was her ‘just desserts’.
A crowd of boys lingered near the front steps as they waited for their dates. I spotted Peter in an instant, standing tall and gorgeous in his tailored black tux. He looked amazing, and my heart stuttered at the thought that he was there for me. Me.
He looked up and spotted me, an easy smile falling from his face.
Peter broke apart from the crowd as he walked towards me, his eyes locked with mine. I stepped away from my friends and met him, suddenly feeling almost shy.
“Hi,” I said as we reached each other.
Peter took my hand and raised it so he could kiss the back of it. “Hi, gorgeous.”
My cheeks flushed at his compliment. “I like your tux.”
With a grin, Peter grasped his lapel and spun in a circle. “Not bad, eh? Well, I had to scrub up nice, seeing as I was going to be with the most beautiful girl in the world.”
Lady in Waiting Page 26
