“Stop teasing,” I said, grabbing his hand and giving it a light squeeze.
All humour bled from Peter’s face. “Who’s teasing? Certainly not me.”
I ducked my head, but Peter clasped my chin to raise my face back up.
He pressed a light kiss to my lips. “Never hide this face from me,” he whispered. “It’s far too beautiful to be kept hidden.”
Once all the girls had arrived, we posed on the front steps for photographs, then again with all our dates. After that, Mrs Macpherson led everyone down the lawn to the marquee.
Peter loosely clasped my hand in his as we entered the tents, and I couldn’t help but gasp when we did. I had known Mapleton Manor would throw an amazing Masters Leavers’ Ball, but they had seriously outdone themselves.
The theme was black and gold. Balloons were tied to the centrepieces—large glass vases with lit candles held in place with black sand. Each round table had white linens and were surrounded by chairs wrapped in black fabric with elaborate gold ribbon. The most eye-catching part of the ball was the parachute ceiling, made of glittering gold fabric with twinkling lights strewn across it.
It looked like something out of a fairy tale.
Peter and I found our seats, and I was pleased that Annie and her date would also be sitting with us, together with another couple from a different Masters House.
Mrs Macpherson stood on the stage in front of the band and gave a moving speech about leaving childhood behind as we embarked on the first steps of our adulthood.
It made a lump form in my throat and a dull ache throb in my head.
After the speech, we were served a delicious four-course meal. Peter pulled my chair closer to his so he could murmur in my ear, sending shivers down my spine.
Once dinner was over and the plates had been cleared away, the band started playing up on the stage. Peter wasted no time in grabbing my hand and hauling me onto the dance floor. My friends soon joined us with their dates and we made a tight group.
For the rest of the night, Peter won my friends over—even more than he had at Christmas—letting them see exactly why I was falling for him. He was polite and courteous, asked questions about them and really listened to their answers.
When I felt like my feet were about to fall off from overuse, I headed back to the table for a sit down. I left Peter on the dance floor having a weird dance-off with Harriet, earning many laughs and smiles from the people who watched them.
I had been sitting alone for a few minutes when Annie and Athena found me.
“Everything okay?” Athena asked as she sat beside me.
“Yes, just hot and tired,” I answered with a smile. “Are you both having fun?”
“I’m having a ball,” Annie said with a grin. “This night has been amazing, don’t you think we’ll remember it forever?”
Athena and I nodded our agreement.
“It feels like the end of things now, doesn’t it?” I asked quietly.
Annie leaned her head on my shoulder. “Maybe it’s the start of something new.”
“I like the sound of that,” Athena said. “One thing ends and another begins. I for one am looking forward to whatever comes next. Aren’t you, Freddie?”
For the last few weeks it had been on the tip of my tongue to unload my concerns on my friends. They would listen, and they would give advice. But I knew this was a decision I had to make on my own. “I am excited. Nervous and excited.”
Athena chuckled. “Whatever comes next for you, Freddie, you’ll kick butt.”
I laughed and nudged her with my elbow.
“Peter looks gorgeous in his tux, doesn’t he?” Annie asked.
“Scrumptious,” I agreed with a giggle.
“Has he told you what this surprise tonight is yet?”
I shook my head.
Athena leaned closer towards me. “Do you think he expects…something?”
My cheeks flushed. It had crossed my mind once or twice—okay, five thousand times—that perhaps Peter was taking me somewhere with the intention of taking our relationship to the next step. “I’ve thought about it. But, you know, he really isn’t like that. I don’t think he would presume anything without at least talking to me about it first. So he’s probably just got a romantic night planned, but with no expectations.”
“What are your expectations?” Annie asked. “Have you decided if you want to or not yet?”
That was the question of the hour—was I ready? A part of me was absolutely ready, but there was a tiny voice in my head that I couldn’t quiet, whispering that maybe I wasn’t. “I think I am. I trust Peter, you know? I trust him to take that step with him. And…I do want my first time to be with him. I can’t even imagine it being with someone else. I care about him so much.”
Athena hugged me. “Trust me, darling, when you’re in the situation, you’ll know if you’re ready or not. Peter is a good guy and won’t care if you aren’t ready yet.”
I nodded, knowing this to be true. Blowing out a long breath, I scanned the room, taking in teachers and students I had known for years. How was it I was sitting with my two best friends at our leavers’ ball, discussing my virginity already? It felt like I had only blinked since my arrival and now…now it was almost over. “It definitely feels like the end of an era.”
Annie giggled. “I bet they won’t forget us in a hurry!”
“Of course not!” Athena cried. “We have been the best Masters class in the history of Mapleton Manor!”
“I wonder if any other girls will find our spot in the woods,” I said.
“I hope so. This school needs some mischief makers.” Athena laughed.
“On that note, why don’t we mischief makers get back to our dates and enjoy a good dance?” Annie suggested as she stood.
“No way,” Athena said, also rising. “This one belongs to the girls. Come on, Freddie.”
I followed Athena and Annie onto the dance floor where we grabbed the other girls to shake our hips to the song the band played. The night was drawing to a close, and soon it would really be over.
Who knew when I would see these girls again once school was officially over in a few days? It could be months…years? I hoped not. We were as close as friends could be—probably closer than most people ever get to others, but life was sure to get in the way.
“Let’s make a promise,” I said to the girls. “Let’s promise that we’ll never be the sort of people who only say they’ll meet up after school. Let’s promise that we’ll never fall out of touch and we won’t be strangers at school reunions.”
Annie swiped a tear that fell from her eye. “I promise. I’ll love you girls forever.”
“I promise to always write to you girls from wherever I am in the world.” Cassandra vowed.
“Like you could ever forget about me,” Athena said with a laugh. “But I promise, too.”
“So do I,” said Jemima.
“Friends forever,” Harriet agreed.
“And ever and ever,” Alicia concurred.
We laughed and dabbed our eyes as the emotion swelled, then bundled together for a group hug.
I loved those girls.
I had a feeling I always would.
The boys grew impatient at being ignored, and soon cut in to steal us away. Peter pulled me close as the music slowed for a romantic dance. “It’s hot in here,” he whispered in my ear. “Do you want to get some air?”
“Absolutely,” I said. Cool night air sounded like heaven. I let him lead me out of the marquee and away from the bustle of the ball.
Peter held my hand as we strolled across the lawn, the light from the marquee stretching out like long fingers over the grass, casting strange and peculiar shadows.
“You’re quiet tonight,” Peter commented. He stroked the back of my hand with his thumb.
“I got a little nostalgic with the girls,” I said, leaning into him. “I think it only just hit me that I won’t live with them anymore. I won’t see them every d
ay and wake up to having all my best friends in one place.”
Peter leaned over to press a kiss to my temple. “You may not see them every day, but your relationship won’t change. I bet if you don’t see them for sixth months, when you do finally meet up, it will be like no time at all has passed.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Of course I do.”
It meant everything to me that he got how important my friends were to me. He didn’t brush aside my fears, instead he comforted and reassured me. Peter had made everything about this night special. He was incredible.
And I didn’t deserve him.
Especially not with the dark secrets in my heart.
“What are your friends’ plans for next year? Will any be close to you up at St Finbars?”
My chest ached, like it always did when I thought about uni. “Annie is going to Edinburgh for uni. Everyone else is closer to London.” I glanced at him. “Except Cassandra. She’s doing a gap year and is travelling all over the world.”
Peter didn’t respond for a few minutes. He wasn’t stupid and I knew just by saying that one innocent sentence he would hear the underlying query. “Are you thinking about going with her?” His voice, normally smooth and rich, was gravelly.
I let out a breath. “I have to admit I’ve been thinking about it.”
“Just thinking?” he asked quietly.
“There is a lot to consider,” I admitted.
“What does your mother think about it?”
“Mummy doesn’t want me to go. I think I would disappoint her.” My stomach twisted. “I don’t want to disappoint her.”
Peter cleared his throat. “Are you feeling pressured because I’ll be there? Is it too much, the thought of us going to university together?”
“No!” I cried. “Of course not.” Peter being there was the only thing that made the idea of going tolerable. “You’re everything to me, Peter. Absolutely everything. I don’t want to be apart from you.”
He was quiet for a few moments. Peter stopped walking and tugged me back so I stood in front of him. “Will you dance with me, Lady Frederica?”
I giggled. “Here?”
“Where better place than under the stars?” His face showed no humour as he gathered me in his arms. He held me tightly, as though any moment I would disappear. The music from the ball reached us like a soft whisper and we swayed in time.
I rested my head against Peter’s shoulder and closed my eyes. I was determined to remember every moment of this night for the rest of my life. I wanted to remember with perfect clarity how it felt to be held by him, to be in his arms and to feel his heart beating through his shirt.
My heart was full of turmoil and doubts, but this…this I was sure of.
Peter tilted my chin up and lowered his head so he could meet my lips. He cupped my cheek and held me all the closer to his body.
It became clear to me then, as I danced under the stars with Peter and as he kissed me like I was the only thing in the world that he wanted, that I was in love with him.
In the bustle of guests leaving Mapleton Manor grounds, Peter smuggled me into his car. I lay on the back seat until we were clear of the gatehouse, when I climbed over into the passenger seat.
“Where are we going?” I asked with a giggle.
“To your surprise,” Peter said, giving me a saucy wink.
I pretended to huff and stare out of the window, but I lasted all of four seconds before I forgot myself. “Tonight has been amazing, I can’t think of anything else that could make it even better.” I scooted over in my seat until I could rest my head on his shoulder.
Peter found my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Hopefully you will like it, then.”
A little while later, we pulled in to a small hotel car park. The hotel looked like a converted farmhouse, with dark bricks and creeping ivy trailing up the sides. Peter led us inside, bypassing reception but giving the desk clerk a nod, and headed straight for the lift.
On the second floor, we alighted from the lift and Peter fished a key out from the breast pocket of his jacket. He opened a door into a magnificent room, with tall windows framed with thick, heavy gold curtains. Red and gold leaf wallpaper decorated the walls and a few armchairs were placed around the room. An open door revealed a large en suite bathroom with a massive corner bath.
But all of this faded into the distance because of the absolutely enormous four-poster bed that completely dominated the room.
“Whoa,” I mumbled, turning in a circle to view the entire room. I came back to the bed and was awed all over again. “Whoa.”
Peter quietly closed the door behind him. “What do you think?”
“I think it’s beautiful,” I said, letting out a breath.
“Apparently, royalty used this room when they visited Dambrook,” Peter said.
A laugh bubbled in my throat. “Really? No way.”
Peter nodded. He crossed the room to where I stood and wrapped his arms around me. Dipping his head, he brushed his mouth against mine. “Only the best for my lady. Do you like it?”
“I think it’s incredible,” I said quietly. Reaching up, I threw my arms around his shoulders and kissed him briefly. “Did you get this room for us?”
He nodded but a small crease formed between his eyebrows. “Not because I expect anything, because I don’t. But so we can spend a proper night together, not cramped in my tiny room at Upton. Just the two of us, before I don’t get to see you for most of the summer.”
Emotion rose in my throat at his thoughtfulness. It really was a beautiful gesture, and it made me love him all the more for it. Especially because he’d done it with pure intentions.
Athena had told me that when I was ready, I would know. At the time a part of me had doubted her words…until now.
I wanted to be connected to Peter in every way I could possibly be. I wanted to somehow repay him for all his kindness, to give him a gift—the most important gift I had. I wanted this with him before…before whatever happened next actually happened.
“What if I expected something?” I asked, searching his eyes.
Peter’s eyebrows drew together. “Freddie?”
“Yes, Peter?”
He cleared his throat. “I really didn’t bring you here for that, you understand that, don’t you? Please don’t feel like this is an obligation or anything.”
I smiled. “I don’t.”
Peter swallowed.
There were no nerves present. I wasn’t afraid or apprehensive.
I trusted him.
I loved him.
“Kiss me, Peter.”
Pale sunlight drifted into the room. It couldn’t be too late in the morning. Beside me, Peter still slept soundly, his breath blowing past his lips in a soft snore. I pulled out of his embrace, mourning the loss of his body the second I was away from it.
I grabbed the bag that Annie had packed for me and given to Peter. How on earth the girl had kept the secret I had no idea, as she was far too excitable most of the time to keep anything to herself.
After a quick shower, I dressed in a floaty yellow sundress and left my hair hanging loose to dry naturally. Peter was still asleep when I left the bathroom. I curled up in one of the armchairs by the window, and watched the world begin to wake up.
My heart was heavy.
I had thought last night would change my perspective, in all regards. I had thought the prospect of saying goodbye to my friends and the life I had known for ten years would dispel any and all remaining doubt about doing a gap year. I had thought being intimate with Peter would cement my feelings for him to the point that the notion of leaving him would be ridiculous.
But as I sat in that armchair, my mind was still drawn back to a life of freedom.
If anything, it was now abundantly clear not just what I wanted, but what I had to do. I didn’t think I would ever forgive myself if I didn’t. Nothing else stopped me now, except myself. And I would always wonder. I feared that
wonder could easily turn to resentment. Especially if I stayed for all the wrong reasons.
I loved Peter, more than I’d ever thought possible. I hadn’t been prepared for the overwhelming feeling of caring so much for another person. It felt like my heart had been cleaved in two and the other part was in the hands of someone else. Part of me did still want to stay with him. He was worth staying for…but at what cost?
If I left, did that mean we were over?
We didn’t have to be.
He could always come and see me, wherever I was.
We could have little holidays together.
Or he could—
Could he?
Would he?
I slid my gaze over to his sleeping frame, his gorgeous face relaxed in sleep. I didn’t want to say goodbye to him. I wanted him to come with me. Surely if he felt as strongly about me as I did him, he would at least consider it?
The sheets rustled as Peter turned over. He stretched and reached for me, but when all he found was an empty space he sat up and scanned the room. When he spotted me, a sleepy, contented smile stretched across his face. “Morning, beautiful. What are you doing all the way over there?”
“Thinking,” I said as I smiled. Rising from the chair, I practically skipped over to the bed. Sitting cross-legged, I said, “I have something I want to talk to you about.”
Peter chuckled and sat up, leaning back against the pillows. “This sounds interesting.”
“Okay, but before I start, I know it will sound a little mad, but just hear me out, okay?”
Peter nodded.
Taking a deep breath, I decided to just blurt it out and get it over and done with. “How do you fancy taking a gap year with me?”
Peter blinked. “Are you being serious?” he asked, deadpan.
“Of course! Just think how amazing it would be! A new location whenever we feel like, seeing the world together, visiting all the places we’ve ever dreamed of. I could take you to China and show you the Terracotta Army, though we would definitely by flying, no way would I ever get on that train again! And we can go to America, you can see where all your favourite authors are from—Poe’s house, Hemingway’s, Steinbeck’s…we can see them all!” I sucked in a breath and laughed, caught up in my excitement.
Lady in Waiting Page 27
