Faster We Burn

by Chelsea M. Cameron

  “I don’t know.” Refusing to look at me, she just stared at the half-finished drawing on her hand and wrist.

  “Tell me the truth, Katie. Did you not tell her about me on purpose to make a point? To piss her off?”

  Her head rose and her red eyes met mine.

  “Is that what you think of me?” she whispered.

  “Is it true?” It wouldn’t have surprised me if it was, even if she wasn’t aware that was what she’d been doing.

  She shook her head and put her hands in the air.

  “I don’t know, Stryker. Maybe a little. She just made me so mad about Zack. But it’s not just that. Not anymore.”

  She traced one finger on the design I’d made.

  “But I told you, I can’t do this. The relationship thing. Not with you. Yes, maybe I was using you, and I’m sorry. I guess I get the douche award today.”

  I nodded, since I’d expected as much. So why did it bother me? I slid away from her and got out, pulling open the driver’s side door.

  “Are you leaving?” she said, getting out of the backseat and standing behind me.

  “I don’t belong here, Katie. I don’t want to cause problems between you and your family.” I should have turned around the second I walked in the door, but I’d thought maybe I could make it work, but I’d been fooling myself. For a few moments, I’d imagined what it would be like to be a member of her family, but it would never happen. Could never happen.

  “Why did you come?” She put her hand on the door so I couldn’t move it.

  “Because you invited me and I thought it would be nice to see what a Thanksgiving is supposed to look like. I’ve never had one before.”

  She pulled in a quick breath, as if I’d said something that shocked her.

  “Way to make me feel like shit, Stryker.” She stepped back and looked up at the sky. “Why do you put up with me?”

  “I ask myself that question a lot. I still haven’t come up with an answer.”

  She tipped her head to the side and squinted at me.

  “Come on. Let’s go back inside. Dad’s probably got mom under control enough. Why don’t you bring your violin? You’ll seduce everyone with your musical genius. You don’t have to stay the night. Just for an hour.”

  She gave me a smile and it was the kind that a girl could use to sweet talk her way out of a speeding ticket, or out of paying the cover at a club, or to get the codes for a top-secret government facility. Christ, she could make me do anything.

  “Please?” Little did she know, if she asked me to cut off my right arm with a rusty saw, I would have done it for that smile and that little ‘please.’

  I could do this. It didn’t have to be a big deal.

  “Fine. But if your mom takes me out to the backyard and shoots me, it’s your fault.”

  “She doesn’t even know how to use a gun. It’s my dad you have to worry about when it comes to using firearms.”

  “Good to know,” I said as she pulled my violin out of the back and handed it to me.

  Katie

  Stryker stayed. Mom got herself together with the help of Dad, and everyone else warmed to him after he started interacting, and especially after he played a heartbreaking rendition of “Brown Eyed Girl”. Dad belted it out and danced her around the living room and she laughed as he dipped her. I rolled my brown eyes when I recognized the song, but Grampa Jack just laughed and joined Dad with his baritone voice.

  Kayla got me aside for a few minutes as Mom served everyone coffee and Grampa Jack told stories about the Vietnam War.

  “You like him, Katiebug. Admit it.”

  “Keep your voice down,” I said, glancing at the group in the living room. “It’s complicated. He’s just a distraction.”

  “Yeah, okay. You just keep telling yourself that.”

  Adam walked into the kitchen and Kayla wrapped her arms around him.

  “Hey, husband.”

  “Hey, wife,” he said and they shared a quick kiss. “Sorry to break up the sisterly moment, but I wanted to have a chance to talk to the girl who’s going to be my new little sister.”

  “First of all, the way to butter me up isn’t to call me ‘little sister’, okay?” I said.

  Adam just grinned a wide smile and looked at Kayla.

  “Yeah, she’s exactly like you said she would be,” he said.

  I was at a loss for something to say, so Kayla just honked my nose.

  “Well, you didn’t tell me anything about him, sooo…” I said, poking her in the ribs.

  “Hey, that’s not fair,” Kayla said. Adam jumped into to rescue her.

  “It’s my fault. I told her not to say anything. I didn’t know how your family would react, seeing as how they hadn’t even met me yet. I wanted her to keep the engagement a secret, but I lost that fight. It will be the first of many, I’m sure.”

  “Yes, yes you did.” Kayla twisted the ring on her finger.

  “Couldn’t spring for the big rock, Adam?” I said, but this time Kayla saved him from answering.

  “I didn’t want one. There’s no point in having a huge diamond when we’re going to be going into areas where people don’t even have drinking water. It seemed extravagant. Plus, it would get stolen quicker than you could say, ‘stick ‘em up.’”

  “So what are you two going to do after you get married?”

  “I still have to get through medical school, so I’ll be doing that and then I want to join Doctors Without Borders and travel around the world. I’m lucky I found a girl who wants to go with me,” Adam said as Kayla rocked back and forth, taking him with her.

  “Now you’re stuck with me, husband.”

  “Wouldn’t have it any other way, wife.”

  “Get a room,” I said, pretending to be disgusted. I’d never seen her like this.

  Kayla had always been selfless. Between starting a penny drive that raised thousands of dollars for the food pantry when she was seven to the hundreds of hours of community service she’d put in, to volunteering to go places other people would avoid so she could build wells and deliver mosquito nets and help anyone who needed it.

  My parents secretly wished her altruistic values would rub off on me, but no such luck. Attempting to be better than Kayla was something I didn’t even want to try. Plus, I was a self-centered brat almost half of the time. Some people would say it was more.

  “We’re just going to do whatever feels right. You know?”

  “Yeah,” I said, even though I had no idea what she was talking about.

  She sighed and looked at the clock. “We should get going soon,” Kayla said. “We’re flying back on Saturday.”

  “Where are you staying?”

  “We haven’t figured that out yet,” Kayla said.

  “You can stay in the basement,” Dad said, jumping into the conversation. For a tall guy, he was really good at sneaking up on people. “There’s that extra bed down there. We got brand new sheets and everything.” I shared a look with Kayla. The basement hadn’t changed much from when she’d moved out, and she knew that.

  “Oh, that’s fine Dad, I’m sure we can just get a hotel room or something.”

  “Absolutely not.” Mom wasn’t as quiet as Dad. Especially because she was wearing her ugliest and most-comfortable shoes, which made her sound like a Clydesdale when she walked. “You are staying here. I haven’t seen you in months, and we need to get wedding planning.”

  “Oh, Mom, that’s not –” Kayla was interrupted by Mom grabbing her and dragging her away.

  I’m so sorry, Adam mouthed at Kayla as she was led away.

  “She’s been planning a wedding since we knew we were having at least one daughter,” Dad said to Adam. “It’s pointless fighting it.”

  “I hope Kayla’s going to tell her that we didn’t want a huge thing. Just my family and hers and a few of our friends. It’s going to be expensive enough flying them all in to wherever we’re going to have it, even though I don’t have a huge family,
” Adam said. He didn’t know my mother at all.

  “I hate to break it to you, but I think she’s already got a venue chosen,” Dad said. “I’ve tried to stop her, but once she gets something into her head she just goes for it.”

  “See? This is what you get to look forward to,” I said to Adam as Stryker started taking requests and I moved toward the living room.

  “Hey, Katiebug, can you come help me set up the bed downstairs?” Dad gave me a look that meant he wanted to talk. At least he was more subtle about it than Mom.

  “See you later, future big brother,” I said to Adam as I followed Dad down the stairs to the basement. The violin music faded behind us, and I hoped Stryker would be okay on his own for a few minutes. My mom had a serious problem collecting furniture, bordering on an obsession, and most of it was stored in the basement. Since I’d been at school they’d painted the walls and moved some of it out of the way so you could at least walk from one side of the room to the other without climbing over something. Sort of.

  The bed for Kayla and Adam to share was shoved in a corner, so Dad and I moved it out a bit so they could at least get in and out of it without crashing into one of the lamps Mom couldn’t say no to, or the gigantic chest that could have passed for a coffin.

  “He’s an interesting young man you brought home, Katiebug. Is he your boyfriend?” He pulled a sheet set out of the ‘rustic’ dresser Mom had paid an arm and a leg for.

  “Well, Dad don’t beat around the bush.” We shook the sheets and set about making up the bed. “No, he’s not my boyfriend.”

  “But you want him to be.”

  I wished everyone would stop asking me that. “I don’t know what I want. Right now, after everything with Zack, I can’t really think about dating. It’s just too complicated.”

  “I think that’s a good plan, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to work. Sometimes life gets in the way.”

  “Hmm,” I said tucking a corner of the fitted sheet over the mattress.

  “Mom doesn’t like him, does she?” I said.

  Dad spread the flat sheet out and started tucking it in, looking down at the drawing Stryker had done. He really was crazy talented.

  “I’m not so sure about him myself, Katie. He’s not who I would have chosen for you.”

  “I’m not choosing him. He’s just a guy I’m hanging out with.” That was all he needed to know. I would rather dive naked into a volcano than admit to Dad that Stryker and I were having casual sex. Hell, my parents hadn’t even had ‘the talk’ with me. They’d handed me one of those books with graphic anatomically correct drawings and said to come to them with any questions. Little did they know that Britt’s Dad had a secret porn collection we’d sampled during junior high sleepovers when her parents went to bed.

  “Have you heard from Zack?” Dad said as we tucked the quilt over the flat sheet. I knew he wouldn’t have brought it up, so Mom must have convinced him to do it.

  “Not really. I think his parents are keeping him on a short leash. I’ll have to see him soon enough.” Bless our legal system for drawing this whole thing out longer and longer.

  “He’s talented.” Dad tossed a pillowcase at me and I slid it over one of the pillows. It took me a second to shift gears and realize he wasn’t talking about Zack.

  “Yeah, he is.” I sighed. “He intimidates me.”

  “He is, ah,” he said, coughing, “intimidating.” Our eyes met and he smiled.

  “You really like him, don’t you?”

  I shrugged.

  “I don’t know what I feel anymore.” We finished with the bed and I glanced back up the stairs. “We should get back before Mom plans Kayla’s entire wedding.”

  “I never really liked Zack. Just so you know.” He put his arm around me and pulled me in for a hug, placing a kiss on the top of my head. “You know how you feel, I think. You’re just scared because you’re hurt, but that will pass. You’ll figure it out.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” I hugged him back and we walked up the stairs together.

  Chapter Ten

  Stryker

  As the day wore on, the relatives departed, including Grampa Jack who gave me a hearty handshake, another wink, and a bit of advice.

  “Treat that girl right, you hear?”

  “Yes, sir.” He wheezed all the way down the steps as Katie’s Aunt Carol helped him into the backseat of the car.

  Mrs. Hallman was still shooting me disapproving looks whenever she could, and I had about had it. Yes, there were those people who were into body modification that got mad when people stared at them, but I wasn’t one of them. People stared. Get over it. If you didn’t like it, don’t go out, or don’t get modified.

  I’d told Zan that people judged you and put you in a box when they first met you. Mrs. Hallman had seen me, and put me in the “troublemakers who shouldn’t be allowed near my precious daughter” box. It was both scary and disconcerting that she hadn’t put Zack in that box.

  I’d put my violin away, and Katie and Kayla were catching up while Adam listened, when I saw my chance. Mrs. Hallman was cleaning the kitchen, again, and Mr. Hallman had manufactured some excuse to leave the house. Smart man.

  “Mrs. Hallman?” I wasn’t going to buy her telling me I could call her Regina. “Could I talk to you for a moment?” She paused as she wiped the counter with a sponge, her back to me. I probably shouldn’t have snuck up on her. Bad idea.

  She stiffened, as if what I was asking was a huge inconvenience. I wasn’t going to beg, so I waited.

  “Fine.” She put the sponge in the sink and faced me, crossing her arms.

  “You don’t like me, and I get that, but I just wanted to thank you for opening up your home to me and letting me stay. You could have shut the door in my face. I know you wanted to.”

  She tried to hide her shock, but it still took over her face for a few seconds.

  “I know you judge me by the way I look, and the funny thing is that you’re wrong. You let that monster, Zack, near your daughter and the first time I saw him, I knew what he was. That night that she went to see him, I told her not to go. She probably didn’t tell you that, but I knew. I knew he would do this to her.” Her face went white and then red with the speed of a traffic signal.

  “How dare you? How dare you accuse me of putting my daughter in danger? I’m only letting you be here to keep the peace with Katie, but I’m not so sure I want you spending the night in my home. I would appreciate if you would just leave.” She crossed her arms, standing her ground.

  This had been a mistake. A huge mistake.

  “How dare you?” I hadn’t heard Katie come up behind me. “Mom, seriously? Just give it a rest.”

  I jumped in before they could lunge at each other’s throats. I’d done enough damage already. “No, it’s fine. Thank you for the lovely meal, Mrs. Hallman.” I went to the living room and grabbed my violin and then to the guest room to pick up my coat where Katie had left it earlier.

  “You’re not leaving, are you?” Katie followed me.

  “I shouldn’t be here. I’m just causing problems for you, and I don’t want that. You shouldn’t have asked me to come. I don’t want to be the guy who makes you fight with your mom, so I’m going to go.”

  “You’re just going to leave because my mom doesn’t like you? I don’t care what she thinks.”

  She sat down on the bed, and tried to take my coat from me.

  “Yeah, I think you do. She’s your mom, Katie. Even if you have a fight, you know she’ll always love you and always be on your side. My mom tried to sell me for drugs once.”

  “Stryker.” Her wide brown eyes begged me and I wanted so much to give in and stay. Oh, I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I didn’t belong here.

  “Just let me go, Katie,” I said, yanking the coat away from her and put it on. She wasn’t going to make this easy on me. I was going to have to go into dick mode. “Leave me the fuck alone. Don’t call me for sex anymore, because I can’t do it. I’m
not your slave, and I’m not a guy to bring home just to piss your parents off. Just leave me the fuck alone.” I slammed the door open and stomped through the house and out the front door. Katie tried to catch me, but I was peeling away from the house before she even got down the porch. I’d done a quick getaway more times than she could imagine.

  As I accelerated down the street, I turned on my radio and found the loudest, most obnoxious music I could, which turned out to be some weird punk version of a popular song. I hit the gas even though the speed limit was 25. I was probably going to get a speeding ticket, but I didn’t give a shit. I realized too late that I’d driven the wrong way from Katie’s house, but I wasn’t going to turn around so I just kept driving.

  My GPS was yelling at me, but I ripped it off the dashboard and threw it in the back. I’d find my way back. My phone started blowing up, so I grabbed that, turned it off and tossed it in the back as well.

  I hadn’t been this pissed in a long time. I hadn’t fucking cared this much in a long time, if I was being honest.

  Realizing how much I cared caused me to blow a stop sign and get an angry honk from another driver. I saw a sign for the highway and turned. I had no fucking clue where I was.

  I followed the signs and got onto the highway going in the right direction to get back to school. I pushed the accelerator and got in the passing lane.

  “Get fuck out of my way,” I growled at everyone who wasn’t driving at least seventy-five miles an hour.

  The faster I drove, the more I realized how much I wanted to go back and apologize and tell her we could work it out. That we’d find a way. That we could go back to just being fuck buddies, if nothing else.

  But I couldn’t, because I wanted more, even though it would never, ever work.

  I was a guy who she’d fool around with in college before meeting someone better and then she’d tell her own daughter stories about me when she was doing the same thing. I was the cautionary tale.

  I wasn’t husband material. I wasn’t boyfriend material. I wasn’t forever love material. I was ‘guy you fuck’ material.

  It wasn’t until I realized that I was nearly out of gas that I pulled into a gas station and stopped. I had a moment of weakness and found my phone in the backseat and turned it back on. Yep, I had a million texts and messages from Katie. I couldn’t read them, because I knew they would pull me back.