Accept Me

by Marion Ueckermann

  She stretched her arms in the air, arched her back, then slid her feet out of bed. She gazed down at her toes peeking out beneath her gray, striped, flannel pajama pants. She needed to give herself a pedicure. Thankfully it was winter and no one but she would see her feet. Still…she had to live with herself.

  Like a bolt of lightning it hit Haddie. That’s what the feeling was. It was the taste of independence, something she’d never before experienced. And as scared as it made her, she liked it.

  Today, she’d venture out for the second time since arriving in Chapel Cove over a week ago. On Wednesday morning, Ivy had driven her down to the clinic where Dr. Johnson had examined Haddie’s peak flow recordings. He was satisfied with the improvement she’d made after the oral steroids and bedrest. She was to continue using her steroid inhaler in the morning and evening, and the doctor had given her a longer-acting bronchodilator to use if her peak flows dropped. He wanted her to come in regularly for checkups and to contact him at the first sign of trouble.

  After the doctor’s visit, Ivy had driven straight home and ordered Haddie back to bed. She allowed Ivy to mollycoddle her for longer than she felt Dr. Johnson had prescribed. But last night, Haddie had told her “no more.” This morning she was going out to see the town. And the ocean—not the glimpses she’d caught through the car window on the way to and from the clinic. Maybe she’d have breakfast at that pancake place Ivy couldn’t stop talking about. Then she was going grocery shopping. She needed to fill her small refrigerator with enough to last her until next Saturday, plus a few extras for entertaining. Ivy had looked after her the entire week, making certain she had breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She owed her new employer, and landlady, many meals to repay her for her kindness. And she had a few mouthwatering recipes in mind.

  Excitement she hadn’t felt in a long time fluttered about in Haddie’s stomach, making her smile. She did love cooking, not that she’d done much worth bragging about these past few months.

  She’d invited Ivy to join her, but Ivy had said she had a business meeting that morning with her niece, Nai, and a wedding to attend later at Chapel Cove Community Church—a couple called Aileen and Roman. Haddie hadn’t met Nai yet, but she’d heard a lot of good things about her from Ivy.

  She couldn’t wait for Monday when she’d begin working in the bookstore. There were several things she wanted to do. First, she’d tackle the second-hand books section which was currently a mish-mash of paperbacks and hardcover books. Last night, when everyone had gone home and Ivy had retired upstairs, she’d ventured a peek inside that section. She definitely had her work cut out for her there, and no doubt, the longer she worked at Ivy’s, the more ideas she’d come up with to improve the quaint shop.

  Haddie slipped into her favorite blue sweater, thick gray leggings, and black, ankle-length boots. Then she stepped into the short, pleated, chiffon skirt she loved to wear. The splash of dusty pink just completed the outfit. The soft, flowing fabric combined with the chunky knit added a few pounds to her delicate frame. She’d always thought she was way too skinny, but she struggled to pick up weight. No matter how much she ate.

  Haddie’s gaze roamed the room.

  Hmm, this place needs something.

  Oh yes, plants! Since the apartment had stood empty, Ivy had obviously not bothered to have anything live remain in the place. Haddie should buy a potted plant. Or two. One for the alcove where the bed was, and one for the bathroom. She should get a vase as well for the small round table where she’d eaten several meals with Ivy, fill it with fresh flowers—peonies—her favorite shade light pink with waves of cream swirling through the pale double form petals. Such romantic flowers, like old English roses. Sigh. How she longed for the day when her soulmate would show up on her doorstep, a bunch of these blooms hidden behind his back.

  Haddie strolled to the bathroom. But would she even find peonies at this time of the year? The world a global village, anything was possible.

  Note to self—stop by the flower shop.

  Before leaving, she pulled on a woolen hat, took two puffs of her steroid inhaler then set it down on the small table beside her bed. She dropped her rescue pump into her tote then slung the bag over her shoulder. She had promised Dr. Johnson to stick to the recommended doses, so the inhaler stayed behind. Besides, she really felt better than she had in a long time.

  Opting not to use the side entrance, Haddie stepped out into the passage that led into the bookshop, ready to meet Chapel Cove. Her gaze traveled up the ornate wooden staircase to Ivy’s home. She should find out if Ivy needed anything in town.

  Haddie hurried upstairs, coming to a sudden stop on the landing. A raised voice drifted from Ivy’s bedroom. Ivy must already be in that meeting with her niece. Not wanting to eavesdrop, Haddie turned to go.

  “Aunt Ivy, this Haddie— If that’s even her real name…”

  Hearing her name mentioned, Haddie paused. She knew it was rude to listen in, but they were talking about her.

  “It is.” Ivy’s voice was strong and confident. She certainly wasn’t going to back away from this discussion with her niece. “But I believed that long before I checked for references from the Mercer County Public Library in Harrodsburg.”

  “Very well. But I heard from Violet that you’d offered Haddie a job the day you met her. And you’ve taken her into your home, fed her all week. I know you always mean well, Aunt Ivy, but she’s not one of those strays you continually rescue from the streets.”

  “Nai, this isn’t up for discussion. She’s a stranger in town, she knows nobody, she’s mourning her mother’s death, and she needs help. Plus, she’s been ill. What I’ve done is what the Lord would expect from any one of us. Remember the good Samaritan? He clothed and fed a total stranger too. So give the poor girl a break, will you.”

  “Help with what?” Despite Ivy’s mini-sermon, Nai still sounded suspicious.

  “I–I can’t tell you. It’s not my place. One day, I’m sure the truth will come out as to why Haddie Hayes has found herself in Chapel Cove. Then you’ll understand. Besides, she’ll be good for the bookshop—I have no doubts about that.”

  Haddie’s heart constricted. This was exactly what she was afraid of…suspicious people, judging her motives, wondering why she’d shown up in their town. At least Ivy had stood up for her. Hopefully Nai would understand and not be wary of Haddie’s every move. Still, what she’d heard had upset her. She needed to get out, to breathe.

  Fighting her tears, Haddie tiptoed back down the staircase then through the bookshop. Without looking to see if any of the staff were around to greet, she dashed for the door.

  Trying her best not to burst into a run, because that could set off another attack, she headed in the direction of the ocean, too distraught to even take a moment to get her car. She’d come back for it later to shop for groceries. Right now, she just had to get far away from that moss-green house and Nai.

  During the week, Ivy had given Haddie such a vivid picture of Chapel Cove, she literally knew where everything was.

  Except her birth mother. Ivy had never before heard the name Kayleigh Scott. Not now, and not during the past twenty-nine years.

  If only the fire station was en route to the boardwalk and beach, Haddie might’ve caught a glimpse of that kind EMT who’d saved her life. She was disappointed that he hadn’t come around to the bookshop this week. She could’ve sworn he’d said he would stop by to see how she was recovering.

  Haddie shook her head. Nah, why would he do that? Probably her oxygen-starved brain just thought it. That’s what one got from reading way too many romances.

  Still…she should buy him a box of chocolates to say thank you. Shouldn’t she? Men did eat chocolates, right? She knew so little of their habits, except what she’d read in novels.

  The sight of the ocean and the waves crashing on the beach filled Haddie with awe. It was more beautiful than she could have ever imagined. She leaned against the railing of the boardwalk, drinking in the vi
ew before her. If it wasn’t so chilly, and she wasn’t wearing tights, she would’ve kicked off her boots so that she could run—ok, walk—on the beach, feel the sand between her toes.

  But she could feel it running through her fingers.

  Haddie walked to the end of the wooden deck then stepped down onto the beach. She strolled a fair way up, away from the bustle of the boardwalk and the people, then sank onto the sand. Even though the trek hadn’t been that easy in her boots, she was thankful they didn’t have thin heels.

  Two joggers ran past, nodding their heads at her in greeting.

  While seagulls squawked overhead, Haddie dug her hands into the sand then closed her eyes, segueing to the afternoon she’d broken down in the stables. This was far softer and way more pleasant than when she’d dug her hands into the hay in a similar manner. Still, her heart ached. She missed her mom and dad, although Dad had called her every night. She’d kept her health scare hidden from him. He’d only worry, and what was the point of that?

  Alone, tears began to flow. For her mom. For home. For the mammoth task that lay ahead of her in finding answers in a strange place. And yes, even for the suspicion Ivy’s niece bore toward her, a mistrust she’d done nothing to deserve.

  Hearing fast footfalls and panting, Haddie wiped her cheeks, opening her eyes to see the blur of someone jogging past. A man dressed in gray sweatpants and a matching hoodie. He stopped and pivoted, pulling the hood away from his head.

  “Haddie?”

  Riley? The EMT? Her EMT.

  Blast, she probably looked a mess. No doubt her mascara had smudged, and her nose and eyes would be red.

  She offered a wobbly, “Hey… Riley, right?” Of course it was right. How did one forget the name of the person who had saved one’s life?

  He jogged closer. “I’m so glad I ran into you. Well, ran past you to be more exact. What are you doing sitting here alone on the beach, in the cold?”

  Haddie glanced away, focusing her gaze on the sand, and shrugged. “I–I’ve never been to the ocean. I wanted to take it all in.”

  Towering over her, Riley chuckled. “With your eyes closed? Oh yeah, I noticed as I was passing. What guy wouldn’t notice a pretty girl alone on a beach?”

  Pretty? He’d called her pretty?

  Haddie raised her gaze to meet his.

  Immediately, Riley squatted down in front of her. His hand touched hers, and Haddie caught her breath, the tingles through her body foreign but oh so pleasant. “Hey, what’s the matter? What’s wrong?”

  Everything?

  At his concern, the waterworks started again, except this time harder and uglier. Haddie couldn’t stop herself.

  Riley sank onto the sand beside her then wrapped his arms around her, drawing her into his strong embrace.

  She sobbed on his shoulder as he stroked his hand over her head. The nearness of him, his arms around her… It all felt so wonderful, so safe, and she could’ve enjoyed that if not for her embarrassment at her meltdown. Twice this man had met her. Twice she’d been unable to breathe.

  Except, this time her breathing problems had nothing to do with her medical condition.

  “If it helps, I’m a good listener,” he whispered, his breath warm against her cheek.

  Haddie’s soft hair brushed over the top of Riley’s hand, sending a long-forgotten thrill through him, as she shook her head and sobbed. “What am I doing here?”

  She leaned forward, pulled her legs up to her chest, then rested her forehead on her knees. Already his arms felt empty, and he longed to draw her back where she’d been moments ago, protect her from whatever troubled her.

  Instead, he mimicked her action, turning his head to face her. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here.”

  Her body racked as she wept.

  Riley smoothed his hand up and down her back in an attempt to calm her, though she probably couldn’t feel the gesture through her thick sweater.

  Haddie lifted her head, keeping her gaze fixed on the ocean. She pressed her palms against her eyes for a moment. “My mom just died, I’ve left my dad grieving at home alone, and for what? To find some woman who never wanted me in the first place? Am I crazy?”

  What was she talking about?

  He lowered his voice. “I–I don’t understand.”

  She turned to stare at him. “I’m adopted. And I only found out on my mother’s de–deathbed. I tried to stay with Dad for as long as possible, but I couldn’t stop the need to find my birth mother, to find out why she gave me away. It’s eating me up not knowing.”

  Haddie swirled her fingers over the sand, making patterned lines across the soft surface.

  “I–I could have a mother, a father, brothers, sisters out there. I need to know what I was robbed of before I can have peace in my soul again.” She brushed her hand off against her leggings then swiped her wet cheeks with the back of her hand. “And I miss Perdy terribly.”

  “Perdy?”

  “M–my horse. My Appaloosa.”

  Riley remained quiet. Pete often joked that Riley was a professional rescuer, but right now he didn’t feel that way. He didn’t know how to comfort this woman, what words to say. It wasn’t as if he could just whip out an EpiPen and make her breathe again, or hook her up to a defib machine, shock her heart into beating once more. Haddie was dealing with so much all at the same time, and for once, he didn’t know how to help.

  Tell her your story. And then something sweet.

  His story? God knew he never liked talking about his past, and yet, it had made him the man he was today. The helper. The fixer. Could his story really fix things for Haddie?

  Probably not, but it might make her feel better.

  All right. You win, Lord.

  “I’m so sorry, Haddie. That’s a lot to deal with, but I might know a little of how you feel.”

  She studied him, her deep blue eyes drawing him in.

  It was his turn now to hug his knees—everyone needed a crutch when baring their soul.

  “I never knew my real parents either. They died when I was still a toddler. With no living relatives to care for me, I landed in the foster system, moving from one home to the next, one state to another.”

  He filled his lungs and closed his eyes for a moment as he mustered the strength to revisit the memories, even if only briefly. “I won’t lie to you—it was rough—some of those places were bad. But the Lord, in His wisdom and mercy, placed me with a godly couple when I was fifteen. They showed me love and taught me about Jesus. When they became my parents, it changed my life.” And even in the times since when he’d slipped and fallen, God was there to love and forgive him.

  “I’m so sorry you had a tough childhood. Here I am selfishly thinking I’m the only one with problems.” This time Haddie was the one to reach out and comfort. Her hand on his felt wonderful.

  Riley shrugged. “Over the years I’ve realized that everyone has something they’re dealing with or have dealt with. But I’m in a good place now—have been for the past two decades. I’m not sorry for the foster homes. It was there that I determined to stand up for the little guy, to fight for the underdog, to help, to care. The Lord used those hard years to shape me, and I can promise you this, Haddie…even when we can’t see it, God is good. Never forget that.”

  Yes, he probably was a professional rescuer, and he was proud of it.

  His thoughts darkened. Except when it came to Anna Alverson. He definitely did not wish to be her knight in shining armor. And as soon as he’d paid his debt to Anna via the date of her choosing, he was going to be firmer with her. She needed to move on—not that there’d ever been anything between them—find someone who would love and pursue her the way she desired.

  Haddie on the other hand… Riley got the feeling it wouldn’t be long before he was seeking out a white stallion and an armorer’s shop.

  Haddie merely nodded at his words, and Riley wasn’t sure she was entirely convinced of the fact that God would also work her situa
tion for good.

  Something sweet.

  Oh yes, Lord.

  Riley shoved to his feet and held out his hand to Haddie. “Do you know what you need? A trip to The Pancake Shoppe. You hungry?”

  “Starving. I had plans to stop there first for breakfast, but I’m glad I took a detour onto the beach.” She smiled. “I’m so grateful I don’t have to eat alone.”

  Riley resisted the urge to remind Haddie that her very change of plans was God working her situation for good. If she hadn’t been on the beach, he might’ve missed her, missed the opportunity for them both to be open about their lives. But he got the feeling that Haddie wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be preached at. Instead, he’d buy her breakfast and show her love in action.

  God’s love, that was.

  Right…

  Chapter Nine

  HADDIE STEPPED inside The Pancake Shoppe as Riley held the door open. What a lovely place with its blue and white décor that matched the myriad colors of the ocean.

  Haddie turned to look over her shoulder at Riley following close behind. “Thank you.”

  “My pleasure.” He shot her a grin that made her heart miss a beat, then pointed to the serving counter. “Before we find a seat, I need to say hello to someone.”

  A dark-haired, middle-aged woman had just walked through the doors leading, presumably, to the kitchen. She carried a tray of freshly-baked cookies. Their aroma wafted toward Haddie, making her hungrier. She hoped Riley’s detour didn’t take long.

  “Paula!”

  The woman looked up and gave Riley a broad smile. “Riley. It’s so good to see you. You’ve been scarce.”

  Riley rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve been working double shifts this month. One of our guys is on vacation in Florida, and another is recovering from an accident. But that all ended today, and I can’t tell you how relieved I am. I think I need a vacation now.” His baritone laugh stirred Haddie’s heart even more.