Not Another Hero

by Wendy Rathbone

  “What are you doing here? Looking at the view?”

  It’s like he didn’t see me with the computer console on. Good. “Uh, yeah. I like to hang out up here sometimes.”

  “Playing the captain’s role to the hilt?”

  I don’t like how that sounds but it’s true. “I guess.”

  Drac wears black Levis with the seat missing halfway down his crack and exposing the tops of the backs of his thighs, no underwear, and a mesh gold shirt. His black, old-fashioned cowboy boots click like hammers against the deck.

  “When you gave me the tour up here, you didn’t show me everything, did you?” he asks. His shoulder-length hair is haloed by the bluish viewport light.

  “What do you mean everything?” I get up and go to my chair in the center of the bridge, leaning against it. I move around the armrest to sit in it. He’s so handsome. It distracts me and all I can think is how much I want him and what the fuck is going on because he’s acting suddenly weird.

  Half-blocked blue light surrounds him as he shifts in front of the viewport, barely turning. His face is in profile now as he glances out the corner of his eye at me leaning on my captain’s altar.

  He laughs. “You know the computer systems on this ship are limited in order to monitor and maintain the areas they are situated in. All except the computer on the bridge which links everywhere, even to Earth. And responds to your voice commands overriding even the most complicated blocks.”

  My skull is throbbing now. “I do know that. But I never use this system up here. I don’t need to. And I didn’t show it to you because there’s nothing to it. Nothing to see.”

  “Nothing to see. But… you were accessing it just now.” He laughs.

  Something deep inside me sinks. When I don’t return the laugh, he comes over and hunkers at my feet. He’s seems more rough-hewn, gangly now that he’s sorta scaring me. And even more totally my type. His dark eyes are harder, chipped onyx. His mouth, when it smiles at me, doesn’t curve. I’m used to it. I’ve had that mouth all over my body. I want that again, but something’s not right here.

  As he looks at me without blinking, for a moment I have the queasy feeling he hates me. He knows what I’ve been doing. Spying on him. But if he has nothing to hide, why should he be bothered?

  His long fingers touch my leather-tucked knee. “How about we go back to your quarters?”

  Sounds great. “Yeah. But I just wanted a little time up here alone. You know? Meet you in half an hour?”

  A little time alone up here. Why did I say that? Oh gods, that sounds so stupid. Where’s a real script when you need one?

  “You want to spend time here pretending you’re really the one in charge?”

  It sounds like an insult. I refuse to take it as one.

  I lean forward and kiss him on the lips. I want him. My gut aches with want. He’s number two in the ratings. Nothing should fuck with that. I shouldn’t fuck with that.

  When I pull back I notice he’s carefully watching me. Too careful.

  Why am I doing this? I don’t care what Drac is up to. Let PTB handle it all when we get home. It’s not in the script. And I am not the FBI. I’m the captain, damn it. And it’s just not in me to be anything like a real hero, small “h.”

  I press my hand between my eyes. “You know, I’ve changed my mind. I want you. Now. In my quarters.”

  But something inside me is like warning bells going off. Armstrong’s words come back to me. There’s a rumor…. A voice in my head, trying to be heard over my self-criticism at my conflicted position, keeps saying, What if he’s really a scientist?

  The starlight seems to surge as I rise to my feet. He doesn’t move. When I try to step past him, Drac reaches out so fast to grab my ankle that I have no time to respond. He pulls my foot out from under me and I topple backwards to the hard deck, whacking my head on the gilded captain’s throne.

  “Star-shit! What’d you do that for?” My vision swims. My voice, strained with shock, comes out strangled. He straddles me and grabs both my wrists.

  “You know, don’t you?” His face fills my view.

  “Drac! What the fuck?”

  There’s a glimmer of moisture on the corner of his mouth. Is this the same Drac I’m in love with?

  “I saw you accessing my file from my computer in my quarters. Who’d you talk to? What’s the plan? To dump me at Jupiter? Gas me in my sleep?”

  His hands drop mine and go for a tight grip on my throat. By this time I’m bucking like a star wrestler, trying to throw him off. I don’t think about the royalties for this play. I don’t think about the awards. It’s life that precious to a Hero. Life first. Then the stars. Then sex. Is Drac a bootlegger? A scientist?

  And why the ever-loving fuck does he think I want to kill him?

  “What the fuck.” I cough as his hand tightens.

  “You know everything. Damn you!”

  “Can’t breathe,” I say, retching, pushing at his wrists.

  “What were you going to do to me?” he yells, banging my head against the deck. “Was it all a ploy? You get close to me, get to know me, try to get information on me being a scientist?”

  The admission, after all this, still surprises me.

  I see tears start in the corners of his eyes.

  He’s bigger than me, stronger, but I’m a Hero. Primed for this. I’ve got twenty-five years experience on him and a still-young body myself. I work out four days a week.

  I push hard enough to get him off-balance. His grip loosens and I fling him with all my strength to one side, kicking at his bent legs in the process. I pummel his face with my fists and red blood flows from his nose. His skull knocks against the captain’s chair and that really slows him down.

  I grab his shoulders, shake. His dark head lolls. “Until now, it was your sister I suspected, you idiot. And there is no plan! I fucking love you!”

  “Screw me,” he says, and as most folks do after taking a Hero’s punch direct in the face, he passes out.

  *

  “I say we grease the rat-fucked son of a bitch!” Armstrong dramatically makes his bejeweled hand into a fist.

  “Oh quit quoting famous classics, Arm. You’re boring,” Hunter complains. She’s lounging on a table, eating dehydrated fudge. Thick brown hair hangs in her face. Her right bare foot rests on Drac’s gold-mesh-covered shoulder. The shirt is stained brown in front from the nosebleed I gave him.

  At the table, facing away from Hunter and toward the rest of us, Drac Blacque sits tied to a chair. A blue silk scarf gags him. Every time Hunter’s toes tickle his cheek, he rolls his eyes, very Danielle-like.

  Danielle, in the far corner, watches, cheeks tear-streaked. So far, she’s said nothing.

  “We’re not going to grease anyone,” I say, watching my captive’s reaction. I mean, we don’t do that out here in space. In worst case scenarios, we have a brig where someone can stay and cool off until the PTB decides whether to involve authorities when we return to Earth.

  Drac’s nose shows signs of a mottled, purple bruise. His eyes are the same hard darkness. Up to now, he’s revealed no emotion.

  I, on the other hand, have been fighting back tears, sitting with my knees tucked up to my chest in a chair at the head of the table. Drac hates me. Drac tried to kill me. I cannot get those thoughts out of my mind.

  “Why not?” Sigourney Quinn asks. Her hobby is dance, and she’s very good at it. “He attacked the captain. That’s a capital offense.”

  “Yeah,” Shariff Parque, Lacrosse’s vague excuse for a doctor – though he’s more talented at spacewalking – adds. “He tried to kill you.”

  “You guys are so stupid. You’re still just thinking of your ratings. All of you!” I get up from my chair and stalk over to Drac.

  I watch the chiseled brown eyes. For a moment I think I see fear spark them. “Maybe he was afraid for his life,” I say.

  “What?” Hunter’s chocolate-smeared lips scowl.

  “Maybe he thou
ght I knew about him and was going to kill him.” That’s what he told me on the bridge, but that’s stupid. If he had done his research on me, he would know I’ve never killed anyone in my life. I wouldn’t start with my own lover. He has to know that.

  Drac watches me with a piqued interest. His dark brows rise slightly.

  Darcy Chance, dressed all in black and the best singer on board, says quietly, “He’s entitled to a fair trial.”

  Is that the script? Is that what we’re going to do now?

  Danielle steps forward. Despite the tears, her voice is strong. “How can it be fair? He’s entitled to a jury of his peers and there’s none on this ship. We’re all Heroes. His I.Q. is higher than all of us put together.”

  Everyone turns and stares at her.

  “Are you really a scientist, Drac? Really?” Sigourney asks. Her black eyes glower as she turns to Danielle. “You’ve been protecting him all this time!”

  “I didn’t know about Drac! He’s a little shy, that’s all. Always has been since he was a kid. I wanted to help him settle in, protect him. All my family are Heroes. But now, now that we know the truth, that he’s a scientist,” she spits the words, “that’s no reason to…to…kill him! Come on, you guys. Why are we even using that word.”

  But she gives him a look as if he’s been hiding secrets from her their whole lives, and she’s hurt, too.

  I can’t help but feel sorry for her. If it weren’t for her true devotion to her brother, he might never have had the courage to come aboard. We would never have met.

  “No one’s killing anyone. And I think Danielle’s telling the truth,” I say.

  “She’s arguing to spare his life,” Armstrong says, nodding.

  “Life. A Hero’s first priority,” Shariff says.

  The others reluctantly agree.

  “Well, he’s one of us, too,” I say, pointing a shaking finger at Drac. “He passed all the tests to get here.”

  Danielle gives me a relieved look and comes to stand beside me. “Thank you.”

  “Well.” I glance down at her. “What do you suggest we do?”

  Danielle looks up at me, blinks away tears and says, “Let him speak.” She turns toward her brother. “He’ll tell me the truth. And if he’s working for anyone, we need to find out.”

  “He didn’t tell anyone the truth before,” Armstrong mutters under his breath.

  “Take the gag off.” I nod at Hunter. She puts down her fudge and scoots across the table on her ass. Her hands undo the silk scarf and free his mouth. She uses it to tie up her heavy hair, then goes back to her fudge.

  Drac coughs, licks his lips.

  Danielle says to Drac, “If you cooperate, maybe they’ll go easier on you back on Earth?”

  Drac rolls his eyes and gives a pained laugh.

  “You’re laughing now?” I ask. I start to get in his face, then turn away. I don’t want him to see the new tears that start to blur my vision.

  “What were you going to do, Drac?” Danielle asks softly.

  He looks away.

  “Drac?”

  “None of you can understand.”

  “Try us,” I say. “Are you working for someone? What’s the end game?”

  Drac lets out a forced sigh. “Do you realize that for eighty years space travel has been stagnant? Nothing’s changed. Oh, you bring back samples, but any computer could do that. You do Hollywood stunts like spacewalking and spacefucking, but what does that teach us? Not one byte of information we couldn’t get on our own. You’re not Heroes. You don’t take risks. You don’t break new ground. You follow a script. Well, we’re tired of it.”

  “Who’s tired of it? You mean scientists?” I ask. “Without us, all this wouldn’t even exist. We fund the space program.”

  “Yes, scientists are tired of you and your antics. And damn your ass, I know you fund it. But we’re left out and it’s not right. With this mission, we wanted to prove that scientists can be just as interesting, just as fun. So they prepared me and sent me. It took a lot of planning. I was the last person you suspected, wasn’t I? Number two on the charts. Above all of you.”

  Everyone nods dumbly except me. I feel used. He got to show himself off by using me. And I totally fell for it.

  I take a deep breath through my nose. I try to glare at him but the most I can manage is a pathetic grunt. I run a quick fist over my eyes.

  “Weldon,” he begins, voice going softer.

  “Shut up. Don’t ever call me by that name!” My hands are fists.

  “So what were you going to do on this mission?” Darcy asks.

  He scowls. “The ship’s computers were going to malfunction, endanger the lives of us all. I would be the only one with the knowledge to save us.”

  “That’s impossible.” My voice is loud to my ears. Am I yelling? “The computers are controlled from Earth. If there’s a malfunction, they fix it.”

  “I was to set it up so we’d plummet into Jupiter, into all that hydrogen and heavy gravity. The computers were to take more time to fix than we had. We’d break apart before control could be regained. So I was to take them off-line and pilot us out.”

  I frown because, you see, this is my ship and even I don’t know how to fly her. “You know how to pilot this thing?”

  “Yeah.” Drac studies his lap.

  “Wow,” Armstrong says.

  “What kind of scientist are you?” I ask.

  “Astrophysicist. Pilot. Specialties…” He looks up. “The nature of stars and long-term spaceflight simulation.”

  “How come you never told me you were a scientist?” Danielle steps forward and bends to his level, glaring. “I’m your best friend.”

  “You became a Hero right out of school. You were never home. Left when I was still young. I never told you I went to another school for eight years after that because you wouldn’t understand.”

  “You could have tried me,” she protests.

  He shakes his head. “Heroes are well-known for their prejudice toward scientists. So I never told you where I worked while you were gone in space. And, the typical self-centered Hero, you never asked.”

  “I thought you were a bum.” Danielle reaches out to touch his cheek. “You always had money, though, so I thought mom and dad were helping you out.”

  Drac turns away.

  “That’s why I was so excited to help you out when you decided to become a Hero like the rest of the family. Why I’m here now. And you used me?” Danielle lets out a loud puff of air and stomps her foot.

  Looks like Drac used everyone.

  I feel that strange queasiness in my stomach again when I look at him. He really hates us.

  The rest of my crew shifts uncomfortably. There’s a brief silence.

  “So, what are we going to do with him?” Armstrong scratches his left buttock and stares around the room.

  “Let him go,” I say.

  Gasps fill the air. Only Danielle, Drac and I are silent.

  “You can’t let him go ahead with his plan,” Hunter insists.

  “He tried to kill you,” Shariff says, crossing his arms.

  “I wasn’t trying to kill him. I thought he would kill me. I was trying to get the truth out of him!” Drac explains.

  “Would you have killed me?” I ask.

  “Would you have killed me if you’d known my plan?”

  “Heroes don’t kill except in self-defense. Besides, I’ve never killed anyone in my life. I’m a pacifist. But you should have already known that.”

  “I was defending myself,” Drac says glancing at us all in turn. “When I saw you on the bridge with my file up, I thought you knew about me. I thought all of you knew.” He looks imploringly at Danielle.

  Danielle, kneeling at his feet, touches his bound hands. “And you think you’re so smart,” she whispers, brushing the hair back from his face.

  She looks up at me. Drac follows her gaze. All of them are looking to me.

  My heart is like broken glass
in my chest. I have a decision to make.

  Chapter Twelve

  Space seems a lot blacker, the bulkheads a duller gray, when one of your crew is unhappy. And when your heart is broken into so many pieces you know you’ll never find them all even if you have forever to search.

  We voted to let Drac go. There were no hold-outs even though everyone seemed to want Drac dead. In truth, he seemed harmless enough. Would he still sabotage the ship? I made sure the answer would be no. I locked him out of every computer device on board.

  I alerted our Earth-based computer techs to search for anomalous programs in our systems.

  After that, we all watched Drac slink off in those seatless pants of his, go to his quarters and immediately switch on the privacy light.

  No one’s seen him since.

  As a result, everyone’s spirits decline. Hunter loses her appetite for fudge. Armstrong loses his for sex, and when I’m not feeling despondent over lost love, I feel guilty to have stolen the stars from someone who, in his own tedious, user-unfriendly way, might be as deserving as I.

  This is a real life problem, and as the captain I’m obligated to solve it. I’m not liking it one bit. Problems are always best handled when you know the outcome beforehand. When they’re scripted.

  The morale on this ship sucks now. That’s unscripted and I can’t just wave my hand and un-do everything that’s happened.

  I consider paying Drac a personal visit, but I can’t think of what we’d talk about now that I know we have nothing in common, that he’s a scientist, that he doesn’t really love me.

  Still, we have over three months of our mission left and it will surely be a holo disaster if I can’t get him to participate again in Hero activities. If I can’t boost morale. Or stop my own private crying.

  Since it’s my responsibility to fix things, I decide I must learn everything about this new Drac to better understand the nature of his being. I’ve never known a scientist before.

  My first step is to call up vids of him in action before our love affair began. I never wanted to spy on him before. Now it’s all I seem to do.

  I watch him in that first week on board when he stayed mostly to himself. When he does come out of his quarters, different crew members try to flirt or joke with him. There are many moments of him looking shocked or not amused. Stoic and untouchable. Strangely, it’s unique and endearing. Almost innocent. Virginal. I guess I can see how fans might be intrigued, ask for more about him, tune in to see if he’s showing more interest the next day and the next.