White Satin

by Iris Johansen

  “Where are you going?”

  “Where do you think?” she asked as she slipped on the coat and belted it around her waist. “To the hotel to see Anthony.” She bit her lip worriedly. “You don’t suppose he’s left Calgary?”

  Beau shook his head. “I talked to him last night, and he said he’d see me tonight after the long program.” He smiled gently as he saw her face light up. “Don’t get too excited, sugar. Anthony is a very difficult man, and you still have a lot of differences to iron out.”

  “Understanding can go a long way in that direction,” she said serenely. “And from now on I’m going to make damn sure I never let him leave my sight with a misunderstanding looming on the horizon.”

  “You sound very determined.” Beau’s lips were twitching. “Have I created a monster?”

  She leaned down to brush her lips on his cheek. “You’ve created an Olympic competitor who will be grateful to you for the rest of her life.” She turned to the door. “And who’s going to channel all that drive and force of will you credit me with toward acquiring an entirely different kind of prize.”

  She paused for a moment outside the door of Anthony’s suite and tried to steady her breathing and control the sudden butterflies in the pit of her stomach. This was Anthony, for heaven’s sake, the man she wanted to be a part of her. He’d said he loved her and couldn’t change that fact, only a few days ago. All she had to do was mend the breach and try to reach an understanding with him. She shook her head ruefully at the way she’d minimized the most potentially important and difficult task of her life. What could she say that would accomplish that goal when her mind had suddenly gone blank with nervousness? Oh, well, it had to be done, and she’d find a way of doing it. She knocked firmly on the door.

  When Anthony opened the door, the way she found was very simple and straightforward and self-explanatory. She flowed into his arms and kissed him with all the love and tenderness that was welling up inside her like a bubbling spring. She felt him stiffen against her. Then his arms went around her, and the kiss turned to passion as he crushed her to him with bruising force.

  She felt as if she were going up in flames as his tongue entered and probed and his body hardened with the same desire that was softening her own. It had been so long. Her body had grown so used to the magical physical intimacy during those two weeks with him. Now he was here, pressed against her with a need as deep as her own. In a moment he’d move away and then take her to the bedroom, his hands moving over her with his usual deftness as he took off.…

  “No!” What was she thinking about? This wasn’t why she’d come here. She tore her lips from his, her hands pushing at his chest. “Let me go!”

  “Why?” he muttered, his lips covering hers again in a kiss as meltingly explosive as the first. “This is what you want. I can feel it.” He arched her up against him. “You have too many clothes on.” One hand untied the belt of the polo coat, pushed it open, and brought her into the cradle of his hips. She inhaled sharply and forgot for a moment that this wasn’t her prime motivation for coming to him. He was so aroused, as ready for her as she was for him.

  Unconsciously she nestled closer, and she could hear the almost guttural satisfaction in his voice. “That’s better.” His hands were rapidly unbuttoning her blouse. “Just a little longer and we’ll both be where we want to be. I don’t think I’ve slept for more than a few hours at a time since I left the lodge. I’d wake up and reach for you and you wouldn’t be there.” His hand closed on her breast, covered only by the lacy bra, and its warmth came as a tiny shock. “And I’d lie there wanting you and fantasizing all the things I was going to do to you once you were back where you belonged. Remember that afternoon when I—”

  “No, please … I don’t want this.” Then when he looked up in patent disbelief, she continued hurriedly. “Well, I do, but not right now.” As he continued to stare at her, her brow knotted in confusion. No wonder he was looking at her like that. Her breast was swelling and nestling into his palm as if it had come home. “What I mean is that I think we should talk instead.”

  “No way.” His voice was suddenly harsh. “You came here because you want me just the way I want you. I’d be a fool if I didn’t consolidate my position before I let you start verbally tearing our relationship apart again.” His lips twisted. “I’ll salvage whatever I can and worry about the rest later.”

  That hint of bitterness brought her rudely down to earth. He obviously believed she’d come to him for that physical assuagement he’d said was his most potent weapon. If she gave in to that need now, he’d never be sure that wasn’t the primary factor that brought her to him. She couldn’t permit that. Everything about their life together from now on must be clear and shining and based on a foundation of trust and understanding.

  “That’s why I’m here,” she said gently. “I decided I had some salvaging to do too.” Suddenly her eyes were dancing. “But I’ll have to ask you to remove your hand. I’m finding it very hard to concentrate.”

  His hand didn’t move from its position, but his eyes narrowed searchingly on her face. “You seem to be in considerably brighter spirits than the last time we had a discussion,” he said warily. “Am I to assume you’ve decided I’m to be tentatively reinstated in your affections?”

  “There’s nothing tentative about it,” she told him with a serene smile. “Unless you want it that way.” She reached up and firmly removed his hand from her breast. “But I warn you that if you opt for that, I’m going to do everything I can to change your mind. I wouldn’t be above using a little sexual blackmail myself if you drive me to it.” She was buttoning up her blouse with hands that were shaking slightly. “I’m through with ifs, ands, or buts. I think it’s time we got rid of all those uncertainties and qualifications.” She drew a deep breath. “Will you marry me, Anthony?”

  “What?” His eyes widened in shock before they narrowed with sudden suspicion. “Why? Are you pregnant, Dany?” A worried frown darkened his face. “I suppose I should have expected it. I didn’t protect you half the time we were together. I meant to, but when I’m making love to you I go a little crazy. God, I’m sor—”

  She put her hand over his lips. “I’m not pregnant,” she said firmly. “And even if I were, I wouldn’t come running to you in panic.” She removed her hand. “It would have been just as much my responsibility as yours, and I’d have accepted the consequences and dealt with it on my own.”

  He scowled. “In the currently approved modern fashion, I assume. There won’t be any abortions for my child, Dany.”

  “I told you there wasn’t a child,” she said in loving exasperation. “But if there were, I’m afraid I’d handle it in a shockingly old-fashioned and traditional manner. I’d have your baby and love and cherish it as long as I lived. Now will you forget about our nonexistent offspring and pay attention to me? I’ve just asked you a very important question.”

  “But you still didn’t answer mine,” he said slowly. “If you’re not pregnant, why are you suddenly suing for my heart and hand?” His lips curved in a cynical smile. “If I recall, I was considered one of the lowly untouchables only a few days ago.”

  She broke away from him and backed away. She couldn’t think when he was so close. He was so beautiful, she thought tenderly. The weight he’d lost only threw that fascinating bone structure into bolder prominence. The dark green of his collarless shirt made his eyes glow pale and jewel-like in contrast. “I’m afraid I’m shockingly old-fashioned and traditional about you too,” she said softly. “I want to love and cherish you for the rest of my life in the same way.”

  For an instant he had an odd, stunned expression on his face as if she’d struck him. Then the wariness was back. “I haven’t noticed I’ve suddenly sprouted wings. How have I earned all this boundless devotion?”

  “You began fourteen years ago,” she said simply. “You gave me your love and your loyalty and your support every moment of every day from then until today. Beau
tells me he always pays his debts. Well, so do I. It’s about time I began to return all you’ve given me. Will you marry me and let me try, Anthony?”

  “Beau?” His tone had suddenly sharpened. “Dammit, did Beau bulldoze you into coming here?” He uttered a soft but still audible and quite obscene curse. “Well, you can turn around and go out the way you came in. He doesn’t owe me a blasted thing, and you certainly don’t. Even if he convinced you it was your duty to give me ano—”

  “Anthony, shut up!” she said clearly and with utmost precision. “I have a few things to clear up in that muddled psyche of yours, and I’d appreciate it if you’d give me the opportunity.” She ignored his expression of amazement tinged with indignation and proceeded with composure. “First, we’ll take up the matter of gratitude. I have been grateful to you, I am grateful to you, I shall be grateful to you. I believe that about covers all the tenses. So don’t say anything more about how you won’t accept it because you don’t have any choice. Just because your father—”

  “My father!” he interrupted, his lips tightening grimly. “Beau has been busy. No wonder you’re practically oozing pity and loving-kindness. I won’t let you—”

  “I’m obviously going to have to gag you,” she said with a rueful sigh. “Dear heaven, how could I possibly pity you? You’re one of the strongest and most dynamic men I’ve ever known. I might have pitied that little boy who had the whole damn world against him, but not you. Not the man you are now. And Beau wouldn’t have had to tell me about him if you’d only told me yourself.” Her voice deepened with intensity. “Couldn’t you see I needed to know?”

  “It doesn’t change anything. It’s all past history.”

  “The study of history is meant to make you understand the present,” she said softly. “Our present. Understanding is the name of the game when it comes to relationships. I’d never have been so hurt and helpless that night at the lodge if I’d known why you were behaving as you were. I’d have been more secure.” She suddenly grinned impishly. “Secure enough to have bashed you on the head with a lamp before I’d have let you drive off down that damn mountain.”

  “Perhaps I’d be safer if you were a little less secure,” he said dryly. For the first time since she’d entered the suite there was a little smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “In your case it appears to breed violent tendencies.”

  “Too late,” she said with an airy wave of her hand. “You see before you an eminently secure and understanding woman. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it in time.”

  “How very comforting.” There was a thread of tenderness in his voice. “I’ll have to remember that when the threatened bash on the head becomes a reality.”

  “It won’t ever come to that.” Her dark eyes were glowing softly. “Not if you hold out your hand to me and say, ‘Dany, I need you.’ And you’re going to do that someday. It doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow. I can wait. I can wait for the next fifty years if I have to. Because you do need me, just as I need you.”

  His expression was troubled. “I love you. Isn’t that enough for you?”

  She shook her head. “No, it’s not enough. Somewhere along the way you got the wrong idea about what needing someone meant. You thought it would always make you weak and dependent on that person. Well, it’s not like that always. Sometimes it does just the opposite and makes you stronger instead.” Her expression was almost luminous. “When you love someone, it’s the most beautifully natural thing in the world to need that person to complete you, to enrich you and make you soar.” Her eyes met his serenely. “I can live without you, Anthony. Beau called me a survivor and I will survive. I’ll go into that competition tonight and I’ll do my damnedest to win the gold. I intend to win it. I’m not depending on you to help me or fight any of my battles for me. I’ll fight them and win them myself. But that doesn’t mean I won’t always need you to stand beside me and support me.” Her voice was so soft now, it was almost a whisper. “You’re the ice beneath my skates and the wind beneath my wings. You’re my lover and my friend. There’s no shame in needing someone like that. Someday you’ll come to understand that.”

  He took an impulsive step forward. “Dany …”

  She backed away and shook her head. She was blinking furiously to keep back the tears. “No, don’t touch me,” she said huskily. “I think if you did, I’d break into a million pieces, and I can’t do that. Not if I want to keep intact that control you instilled in me all these years.” Her lips were trembling a little as she smiled. “Heaven knows, I’m going to need every bit of it tonight.” She turned away. “I’d better get out of here. I’ve said what I wanted to say.”

  His voice was deep and velvet-gentle behind her. “Stay, Dany. I want to hold you.”

  She paused with her hand on the doorknob. “I want that too,” she said quietly. She looked over her shoulder. “Beau said you weren’t planning on coming to the competition tonight.”

  He hesitated and then slowly shook his head. “No.”

  “I want you to come. I want you beside me sharing my victory or my defeat. It’s only fair that you know that.” Her voice was grave. “But I also want it to be entirely your own decision. I want you to take the time to think over what I’ve said. If I stayed now, we’d probably end up in bed and that might influence you.” She smiled mistily. “I wouldn’t want to be accused of offering a bribe. I don’t do that anymore.” She opened the door. “I’ll understand if you’re not there. It won’t change the way I love you, and I’ll be right here knocking on your door after I leave the arena tonight.”

  The door closed softly behind her.

  Chapter 10

  “Just sit down at that table and be still.” Marta’s hands on her shoulders firmly reinforced the order, and Dany found herself once more staring into the brilliantly lit mirror. “You’re not quite finished.”

  “Look, my makeup is perfect,” Dany said impatiently. “My bun is a work of art, and you’ve sprayed it so heavily, it would take a full-scale hurricane to budge it. Will you please let me out of here? I want to get out front and see how Schmidt is doing.”

  “In a minute,” Marta said calmly, opening the drawer of the makeup table. “Watching her performance isn’t going to change anything one way or the other. It might even make you more nervous.” She pulled out a long, black leather jewelry box. “If that’s possible. You’re so flushed, I didn’t have to use any rouge at all, and your eyes are blazing as if you have a fever.” She suddenly frowned. “You don’t, do you?”

  “No, I feel great.” Dany made a face at Marta’s reflection in the mirror. “Or I would if you’d just let me join Beau out front.” Her gaze went to the jeweler’s box in Marta’s hands. “What’s that? You know I don’t wear jewelry when I’m performing. It bothers me.”

  “I don’t think this will.” Marta opened the box. “It was delivered to the sports arena tonight by special messenger. Attached was a note from the jeweler saying that Mr. Malik had special-ordered it to go with your costume.” She was looking admiringly into the black velvet-lined case. “It will do that all right. I was thinking Anthony had made a mistake to have ordered such a plain design for that little bit of nothing you’re wearing, but this will make you into a fairy princess.”

  She held up a silver chain so slender and exquisitely fragile that it looked as if it had been woven by fairies. Intersticed so closely on the chain that there appeared to be no separation were beautifully cut diamonds that shimmered under the lights as if they were alive. Each was mounted in a star setting.

  “They’re so beautiful,” Dany whispered. “They can’t be real, can they?”

  “They’re real, all right,” Marta said dryly. “There was a security guard accompanying the messenger.” She was swiftly winding the gorgeous chain around the base of the bun on the top of Dany’s head, using special clips to fasten it securely in place.

  As Marta said, it was just the right touch. Her white tulle costume was elegantly simpl
e. Its long sleeves, off-the-shoulder neckline, and tight bodice were completely unadorned. Only the diaphanous short skirt that moved and flared with every movement kept it from looking almost medieval. Her smooth golden shoulders and throat rose proudly from the stark white in glowing contrast, and now the chain of diamonds encircling the rich auburn of her hair gave her costume a regal dignity.

  “A crown of stars,” Marta said as she stepped back and gazed critically at Dany’s reflection in the mirror. “That will catch those judges’ eyes. Do you think that’s what Anthony had in mind? Sort of a subliminal nudge in the right direction?”

  “Perhaps,” Dany murmured, gazing unseeingly into the mirror. She had a fleeting memory of Anthony’s enigmatic words that afternoon in the hot tub. “But somehow I don’t think so.”

  “Well, it’s very effective anyway.” Marta’s strong, gentle hands closed on her shoulders in an affectionate little squeeze. “You’re gorgeous tonight, Dany. You’ll knock those judges on their collective tushes.”

  “Just so I don’t end up on mine,” Dany said lightly as she reached up to pat Marta’s left hand resting on her shoulder. “Now can I go and check out the competition?”

  “You don’t have any,” Marta said gruffly as she stepped back and helped Dany to her feet. “You just remember that when you’re out there on the ice.”

  “I’ll remember,” Dany said, leaning forward to press a light kiss on Marta’s cheek. “Are you coming?”

  “In a minute. I want to straighten up here first. I’ll be there before it’s time for you to go on.”

  Dany nodded. “I’ll see you there.” She opened the door and walked swiftly down the long, empty corridor toward the door that opened onto the rink itself. Naturally it was empty, Dany thought wryly. Everyone was watching with bated breath while Schmidt made her try for the gold. Her music, the overture to Swan Lake, was just ending. A rather obvious choice considering her classical style, Dany thought, but the German girl was probably skating it superlatively. Her palms suddenly felt moist and clammy, and she wiped them on the soft tulle of her skirt. She mustn’t let that thought shake her. Of course, Schmidt was skating superbly, but so would she.