by Sarina Bowen
“He didn’t want to miss your victory party,” Honey says, leaping to her new husband’s rescue.
“Do I know you?” Phil demands.
“Not yet, sir,” Decker manages. “Nrrrgh. I mean, congratulations.” He holds out his hand, which a confused Phil McAllister shakes.
“Thank you. And see that it doesn’t happen again.” He frowns deeply, then reaches out to adjust his son’s tie. “Ah, there. That’s perfect. And I see the buffet table is ready.” He strides off.
“More yummies!” Kate yells.
“Food,” Amy demands.
“We’ll make a plate for each of you,” Liam promises. He sets the girls down. “Get in line, okay? No pushing, no cutting.” They sprint away.
Decker just stands there looking at the back of Phil McAllister’s retreating form. He looks like he might cry.
“You’re dismissed,” I tell Decker, because he seems a little stuck.
His shoulders slump. “I’ve been trying to meet that man for years.”
“He’s not an easy one to spend time with,” Liam says cheerily. “Ask me how I know. I’d try the golf course next if I were you. He also enjoys adults-only cruises.”
“I love those!” Honey beams.
Liam just shakes his head.
“Should I, uh, take the girls home?” Decker asks quietly.
It takes a full beat to process the question, because it’s so unlike him. “Right now?”
He nods.
“Well, do you have two car seats, diapers, and extra clothes?”
He shakes his head.
“How about next weekend instead?” Liam asks. “Because I just promised them food, and I always keep my promises. Actually, they’re almost to the front of the line. Excuse me.” Liam trots off to ward off disaster. I don’t think he even realizes he still has a stuffed, pink pig under one arm.
I watch him go, feeling wistful. I love him so much. I really do. I’m already over our age difference. I’m over believing that I’m not young enough or thin enough or C-section-scar-free enough for him.
If only he were mine for keeps.
“Next weekend, then,” Decker says with a sigh.
“If you blow off our girls, I will notify my lawyer,” I say, turning my attention back to his sun-crisped face. “They were your kids first. I won’t let you push them away.”
“Right,” Decker says, looking grumpy again. My threat won’t sit well with him, but I need him to know I’m serious.
“We’re buying a house,” Honey says helpfully. “They’ll have a room with bunk beds.”
“No bunk beds until they’re five,” I snap. “Unless you want to spend a lot of time in the E.R. I mean, have you met Kate?”
“Twin beds, then.”
I sigh and turn to Honey. “Congratulations,” I say carefully. “I hope you’re feeling all right.” I’m not going to alienate this woman. She’s in way over her head, but Kate and Amy and I don’t need to make any enemies.
“Thank you. It was, um, unexpected.” She gives me a nervous smile.
I try not to flinch. I don’t know how this turns out for either of them. But it isn’t my drama. “Still a blessing!” I say with forced cheer. “And you can learn more about toddlers next weekend when my girls show up to entertain you both.”
“Looking forward to it,” Honey says, sounding about fifty percent convincing. “Shall we go home, Decker?”
“Yeah,” he says, looking tired. “I can shmooze another night. I’ll be along in a second, okay?”
Honey takes the hint, bidding me good night and then walking away.
“That was, uh, nice of you,” he says. “I mean, you were nice to Honey.”
I was, wasn’t I? “It’s not her fault you’re a shitty father. Do better, okay? I don’t want to lawyer up, but I will if I have to.”
Decker processes this for a second and he seems to accept it. “Got it,” he says. “We’ll, uhm, text about next weekend.”
“Right. Later.”
He walks away, and I head for the buffet line to dine with the three cutest people in the room.
21 Sparkles Everywhere
Liam
“‘…And then the sparkle princess asked her sparkle pony, ‘What adventures shall we have today?’ ‘Sparkly ones!’ replied the sparkle pony. ‘Let’s use the sparkle wand to scare up a spell!’”
It boggles my mind that someone actually wrote these words down on a page and called it literature. Maybe it’s all just a sick joke to find out what parents will tolerate at bedtime.
Tonight that sucker is me. I’m in a rocking chair with two sleepy toddlers on my lap. This is my second pass through the book, and both Kate and Amy’s eyelids are appropriately heavy. The sparkle princess uses her sparkle wand to save the kingdom, and the girls’ eyelids droop even further.
It was a hell of an evening. After Kate’s run-in with my father’s balls, and after Sadie’s run-in with Decker, and after I forced that fucker to apologize to my pompous father, we all ate our weight in steak and scalloped potatoes. Who knew that drama worked up such an appetite?
But as soon as everyone had eaten, I was ready to get the heck out of there. So I approached Sandy, the party coordinator, and asked if I could get two congratulatory mini cupcakes before they were officially served. “I know two little girls who need to go home to bed,” I’d said, pulling the kid card.
“Why, absolutely!” she’d said. “We can’t have them up past their bedtime, can we? Nothing ever goes wrong at Evergreen Springs.”
I’m not sure my father’s scrotum would agree. But he’s the kind of man who always keeps up appearances. I’d spotted him holding court in front of the faux stone fireplace, pouring brandy from a snifter for his cronies.
Leaving Sadie at the table with the girls, I approached my father to say good night. “Well done, Dad,” I said. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you, son!” He beamed at me and then at his stuffy friends. “Liam, your date tonight is very attractive. But she looks a little familiar. Have I met her before?”
He’d floored me, because I couldn’t believe he’d remember. “You hired Sadie to babysit us the summer I was fourteen.”
“Oh,” he’d said with a faraway look in his eye. “Indeed. I always thought that girl was a looker.”
That gave me an honest-to-god shudder. “Hey now. If you perv on my girlfriend I won’t invite you to our wedding.”
My dad had laughed, as if I were making a joke.
I wasn’t.
And it’s funny to realize how easy it is to admit that I want to marry Sadie. There’s something to think about later.
Now we’re safely back at Sadie’s house. When we’d pulled into her driveway, there wasn’t any discussion about whether or not I could come in for the night. I didn’t ask, and she didn’t object when I pulled my overnight bag out of the trunk to carry it inside.
“You want bedtime duty or to clean up the smoky kitchen?” I’d asked her.
Sadie had only given me a grateful smile. “It’s storybook time, now that you mention it. The Sparkle Princess is waiting upstairs.”
I give her a meaningful look. It’s half I want to get you naked, and half you owe me for mentioning that evil book.
“Wiam read it,” Amy had demanded immediately.
And so here I am in the rocking chair, two sleepy girls in my lap. “And the sparkle pony lived happily ever after with the sparkle princess,” I say, closing the book.
“More,” Kate says, but then she yawns.
“That’s all,” I say lightly. “More tomorrow. And if you both go right to sleep, I’ll make pancakes in the morning, I promise.”
“Pancakes,” Amy agrees.
“With faces,” Kate adds on, always upping the ante.
“With faces, sure. But only if you’re both super quiet now and go to sleep.”
“Shh,” Kate agrees.
I rock the chair one more time, just enjoying the stillness. Two sm
all people are snuggling me. Who would give this up? That asshole Decker broke a family in two just so he could bang the nanny. And a year later he’s married with another kid on the way.
For his own sake, I hope Decker learns what contentment looks like. Because it looks a hell of a lot like me right now.
“All right, ladies. Let’s get in those beds.” I set Kate down first, and she lies right down on her mattress, her diaper butt pointing at the ceiling.
Then I lay Amy on her mattress, tucking Piggypoo right beside her. The last thing I do before leaving the room is whisper “good night.”
The house is so quiet when I leave them. I tiptoe downstairs, looking for Sadie. But the kitchen is clean, and she’s nowhere to be found. So I walk back upstairs and peek into her bedroom.
And holy God. I am not prepared for the sight of Sadie lying naked on her back across the bed, one hand between her legs.
I’m hard before I can step into the room and lock the door behind me. “You started without me?” I ask, hurriedly unbuttoning my shirt and tossing it aside.
“Can’t stop thinking about you,” she whispers, and her bare breasts heave on a sigh.
“Is it because I made your ex look like a jackass?” My belt is next. I hurl it to the floor and unzip my trousers.
“That was fun,” she admits. “But that’s not even it. I love the way you just deal with whatever comes your way. You make the best of it and still have fun. Your attitude is even sexier than your pecs.”
“You like my pecs?” That’s what I got from that sentence. So I flex them for her. She licks her lips.
I’m so hard I can hardly get my underwear off. But somehow I manage. Then I’m naked and crawling on top of her. She starts to move her hand away, but I grab her wrist. “No, touch yourself. Nothing has ever made me so horny as seeing that. I love it when you’re dirty, Sadie.”
She moans as I go in for the kiss.
Then we’re off to the races. Hot kisses and wandering hands. We roll around on her bed until we’re both breathless and desperate for each other. I need her so badly. But somehow I find the willpower to pull back and stand up at the foot of the bed. “Roll over,” I bark. “And move down here.”
Sadie hurries to comply. And when I take her hips in both my hands, she moans. I nudge her knees apart with one of mine. “Wider,” I demand, just because I can. This is the stuff of fantasies right here. In a month I might be sitting in the finest cafe in Rome, unable to notice the impressive scenery. Because I’ll be deep inside my own head, remembering how soft she is in my grip, and how lovely she looks—her back rising and falling with each heated breath—as I bury myself sweetly inside her.
“Oh fuck, Liam, yes,” she babbles at the quilt on her bed.
I take her in deep, measured strokes, trying to make it last. Then I let go of her hips, dropping my chest to her silky back, my forearms caging her body. “You are so fucking beautiful,” I whisper in her ear. “Don’t ever forget that.”
She gives a little sob of pleasure and I have to bite my lip to hold myself back. There’s no condom between us these days. This is everything, a voice inside my head suggests. It’s too hot. Too perfect. We have to come now.
Don’t embarrass us, I want to reply. And then I realize—fourteen-year-old Liam isn’t the voice I hear anymore. That kid has moved on. It’s twenty-nine-year-old Liam who’s so desperate he can’t stand it. Desperate for release. And desperate to stay here as long as Sadie will have me.
We could make another baby right now, that voice suggests. Or, you know, soon.
I groan at the decadence of that idea. And now I’m losing this battle, so I slip a hand under Sadie’s body and touch her.
“Yessss,” she hisses. “Don’t stop.”
As if. Because I never want to stop.
* * *
We lay there in a happy heap on her bed afterward. I’m exhausted, but I can’t stop kissing her on the neck. The jaw. The temple. “Sadie.”
“Mmh?” she asks, stroking my chest.
“I gotta tell you something you don’t want to hear.”
Her gaze flutters up to mine. “What?”
She’s sex-flushed and adorable. So I smile as I say it. “I love you. It’s inconvenient but it’s true.”
“Liam,” she breathes. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“Oh, please. I never had a chance.” I run a finger down her cute little nose. “I started falling before I got my driver’s license. And spending two months in your company—and in your bed—didn’t exactly scare me off.”
Her eyes dart away from mine, and she clears her throat.
“You don’t have to say it back,” I whisper. I already know she isn’t ready. But I’ve studied almost as much psychology as she has, and I also know she could love me, too. The way she smiles at me when I kiss her is a big clue. And then there’s the wistful expression on her face when I’m holding her little girls.
“I don’t deserve you,” Sadie says softly.
“Sure you do. And I don’t expect you to wait for me while I spend nine months in Italy. But you can bet I’m going to be desperate to check in on you the minute I’m back.”
Sadie inhales deeply and then lets it out again. “I don’t even know how to think about that. I don’t even know what I’m making for dinner tomorrow, let alone in nine months.”
“We’re going out for dinner tomorrow, because I’m going to ask your sister to babysit. And I don’t expect you to be thinking about me while I’m gone.” I hope she will, but I won’t burden her with my dreams.
“Liam,” she whispers. “I love you, too.”
“Wait, what?” I probably just hallucinated that.
She gives me a sad smile. “You’re so amazing that you’re probably too good to be true. But yeah—I’m a little bit in love with you. And I’m so grateful that we got to spend the summer together. You made me feel like me again.”
My mind is pretty much blown. I never expected her to admit that our relationship is bigger than just sex and childcare. And I didn’t blame her for protecting herself from feeling things for me.
I swear to God, I can’t even speak right now. So I just kiss her instead.
22 Late Night Heartache
Sadie
At one in the morning my eyes fly open. I lie there in the dark, trying to figure out what’s wrong.
Oh. I’m alone in the bed. That’s what’s wrong.
I roll over, but the only sign of Liam is the way my sheets carry the scent of his skin.
Did he go home? I hadn’t asked him to. I hope he didn’t think I needed him to do that. We have so little time together, I wanted to make the most of it.
The pang I feel when I think about him leaving has me wide awake now. So I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. My robe is on the chair, so I grab it and slip it on, and then tiptoe out of the open bedroom door and into the hallway.
All is quiet at the girls’ door. So I continue to the top of the stairs, which is lit by the glow of a downstairs lamp.
I ease my way downstairs and into the living room, where I find Liam on the sofa, his adorable reading glasses perched on his phone as he taps on his iPad. “Everything okay?” I ask, causing him to startle.
“Jesus,” he says, placing a hand on his heart. “I didn’t hear you come downstairs.”
“What are you doing? Can’t sleep?” I move around behind him. His iPad has the email program open. He’s writing a letter.
Dear Charles,
I too am an associate of the Child Study International program, headed to Rome next month. I noticed that you’re slated for a research spot in Chicago, and I’m actually writing to ask if you’d have any interest in swapping places.
Liam catches me reading over his shoulder, and quickly lets the tablet fall face down on his chest. “Sadie, look…”
“Chicago?” I gasp. “Why would you do that? You’re supposed to go to Rome.”
He sighs. “I am going
to Rome. Probably. But I was just reviewing my options.”
“No,” I correct him. “You were just making plans without telling me.”
Liam cranes his neck to look at me. “Come here, would you? Sit down.”
I bristle at the suggestion, which is ridiculous, because we clearly need to talk. But I’m experiencing rapid onset symptoms of fight or flight. And flight sounds really good right now.
“Please. Sit,” he says again.
So I do the mature thing and march around the sofa to sit stiffly beside him. “You’re supposed to go to Rome and learn Italian and ride a Vespa around the fountains.” I try to say this firmly, but I might be a little on the emotionally wobbly side.
Liam actually laughs. “I’ve done that very thing, but it was in Prague. I love Europe, but I love you, too. So I was trying to figure out whether it’s possible to stick around without blowing up my research fellowship.”
Stick around. “Oh.” I feel suddenly cold inside, so I pull my robe a little more tightly around my body.
Liam’s face falls. “I see. You’re looking forward to our expiration date, then?”
“No,” I say quickly. “No, I’m not. But you can’t just give up your trip like that. It wouldn’t be right.” I’m not looking to tie another man down before he’s ready. Did that already. Have the T-shirt and the divorce papers to prove it.
“What if I want to stay, though?” Liam asks.
“No. You only think you do,” I whisper. I’ve heard that before, too. “You’re still in your twenties.”
“Yeah, for about three weeks.” He rolls his eyes. “I hate it when you say that. Like I couldn’t possibly know what I want in life because I’m not as experienced as you are.”
“Well, you’re not.” I have plenty of experience in these matters. All of it bad.
Liam puts the tablet on my coffee table and then props his forehead in his hands. “I don’t know how to prove it to you, Sadie. I really don’t. I want to be here with you and the girls.”
I hear him say the words. And I hear in his voice that he means it.
