A Farm Girl's Despair (#5, the Winds of Misery Victorian Romance) (A Family Saga Novel)

by Dorothy Green

“That is quite peculiar of you Ross, considering that you are engaged to Miss Woodley. How do you account for that? You are not free to inquire after Miss Hilda Layles. It is very inappropriate of you to even think so. Have you lost your interest for Mary Anne already? Indeed, I find the engagement strange.”

  “How so?” Ross asked suddenly, feeling a bit panicked that they might be found out in that the engagement was indeed a false engagement.

  “You and Mary Anne have been friends a long time, and never has there been any romance between you, though there has been plenty of opportunity to do so. Then out of nowhere you are engaged. It is quite suspicious.” Adam squinted his eyes at his friend.

  “There is nothing to be suspicious about. Perhaps I'm only asking about Hilda because I feel that Mary Anne might decide that she does not want me. I am just looking after my choices.”

  Adam laughed. “I see. Little Hilda is not actually a choice for you, is she? Your parents would not agree to letting you marry a woman that does not come from nobility, and is your charge. Her adopted family has no title. Yes they have some wealth, but nothing close to what your family would expect of you, definitely not like Miss Woodley. And where is she from? What was she before she was adopted? Poor? A peasant?”

  “When have I ever cared what my family expects of me? I do as I please.”

  “Yes, that is very true, though in the matter of marriage they might take a different stand against that. Marriage is for life. Bonding families together is for life. Is this why you want to join me the next time I call upon Gemma? Because you fancy her sister?”

  “Perhaps?”

  “But I care for Gemma, and I will not have you expose her sister to scandal simply because you want to play. I expect you to be on your best behaviour and to act like a man that is engaged to another woman.”

  “Upon my honour I will not be inappropriate with Miss Layles. I only wish to be friends, that is all.” Ross held up his hand as though swearing on an oath.

  “Good. Then perhaps I will consider allowing you to come,” Adam teased him.

  “Thank you sir, I am much obliged,” Ross said. Then he took his shot and sunk in the last ball. “And I believe you owe me a guinea as I have won.”

  “Remind me not to play for money with you, the owner of a billiard table, when I have no table to practice on at all,” Adam laughed.

  “Then when I visit to Cornwall I shall purchase one for you so that eventually we shall be of equal skills,” Ross laughed.

  “More brandy,” Adam said moving to the bottle.

  “Yes indeed,” Ross moved to his side to partake in more libations.

  The two gentlemen played late into the night, lamenting on old times, school days, and getting drunk with silliness and brandy.

  Indeed Ross was very happy to have his old friend in London, for he was a like a brother to him once upon a time and seeing him every three or so years had not been merely adequate enough time to enjoy their company.

  After Adam stumbled into his carriage in the wee hours of morning, Ross finally went to bed. But he did so with a smile on his face, for he now had plans to see Hilda again through his friend, and that was far better a place than he was before Adam had arrived. For before his friend alerted him of the news of the Layles sisters, all Ross could do was think himself to distraction on the subject, but now however, he would actually be in the company of Miss Hilda Layles and that was definitely something to look forward to.

  * * *

  Hilda had been very happy that her sister was feeling such excitement. Indeed Gemma had been floating around the house ever since the day Adam Crossbury came to call upon her. She had never seen her sister so happy, nor had she seen her so moved by a gentleman. For there had been many suitors that have often taken a fancy to Gemma, for she was quite beautiful and pleasant to be around, but Gemma had never taken an interest the way she had now.

  Hilda noticed the difference immediately. In truth she was happy, but she knew that if her sister were to marry this man then she would be moving to Cornwall for half the year, and she would miss her dearly. Glad she was that Mr Crossbury was in Parliament and was required to be in London during the season. For she could not bear to have her sister living in Cornwall year-round. Not when she was dealing with such a feeling of melancholy because the man that she took a fancy to was engaged and of nobility.

  “What are you doing, dear girl?” Mrs Layles said, bursting into her room. Hilda sat at her desk, writing a poem that expressed her melancholy of her situation, into her diary. She quickly closed the book.

  “Nothing Mama, simply practicing some poetry.”

  “Poetry? What a fancy notion girl, nothing but fantasy. Practicing poetry is not going to get you a husband. You would be better off practicing your skills at the pianoforte; that way at the next social gathering you can play and sing in front of those in attendance, and perhaps when a husband over with your voice and skill. Getting the chance to exhibit is the reason you learn such an instrument to begin with. Now go,” Mrs Layles said, standing by the doorway, waiting for her to go downstairs.

  “Yes Mama.” She said as she put her diary away in the desk drawer, and left the room, going downstairs to the parlour to practice the piano Forte as was required.

  “Now you shall practice for an hour complete at least. I expect that you will find a suitable prospect for marriage this year, just as your sister has with Mr Adam Crossbury, such a grand and agreeable man. He comes from an old family name and has wealth, and a Member of Parliament to top it off. Those are the things that matter most for your sister.”

  “That may be what matters most for you and father, but I believe Gemma will marry for love, as I hope to.”

  “Love? What a silly notion. That is not the way of the world, dear child. Gemma will marry Mr Crossbury because he is a good match and will give her a comfortable living.”

  “That is not what is important; what matters most is that he is a good man to her and treats her well with kindness and love and that she loves him in return.”

  “Oh, that is enough of your fantasies child; now go and practice. We shall see if we shall find you a suitable match this year. Imagine what society would say if I got both my daughters married well in one season. Now go.” Mrs Layles said leaving Hilda to enter the parlour where she would practice pianoforte for an hour. With her mother's words and pressure at going in her mind, that she would find a suitable match at the end of the season.

  After sitting at the pianoforte for two hours, Hilda went back upstairs to her room when she knew that her mother would be taking a small rest in her own bedroom. Hilda still had the notion to write. But as she sat down at her desk and pulled out her diary with quill and ink, she could not focus. Her mother's words were echoing in her mind. Her mother wanted her to marry at the end of the season or at least have a prospect in mind. She did not know if that would be possible at all, considering that her heart still belonged to Ross Brookend, a man that was unavailable in the most inconvenient ways possible. Even if you weren't married, she was not a match for a marquis.

  She stared at the page in front of her, she could not focus and she could not right. Giving up she closed her diary putting it back in the desk, then she grabbed her wrap and made her way downstairs to the gardens.

  * * *

  chapter

  2 7

  * * *

  It was a grey and gloomy spring day, but she rather enjoyed the grey and dark blue colours of the sky when it was overcast in such a way. The smell of rain was threatening to fall at any moment and she enjoyed the crispness of the scent. She walked through the lavender garden, allowing the scent to calm her. It was not fair. Gemma was allowed to wait until she was one and twenty before having a true prospect of marriage that she found agreeable and that also matched what their parents wanted for her. So why was she only able to have until the age of 19?

  It was very unfair, and she did not want to admit to herself why she thought her parents would do
such a thing. It was because they found Gemma to be quite beautiful and her denial of marriage was because she was set on finding a match that she also liked, and if she did not, her beauty would find someone for her. Whereas Hilda was quite plain and she knew that her parents thought of her as such. Therefore one year older made her unattractive to any prospects of suitors. At the age of 19, she was seen as someone that was still quite useful, and that was something. This was why her parents were rushing her.

  Because of this, the lavender did not calm her nerves; these thoughts only made her angrier. How she wished that she could marry for love, and not out of responsibility. Perhaps her sister would marry Adam Crossbury after all and she could take her on as a governess. It was a future, not an agreeable one, but not a horrendous one either.

  A few moments later, the heavens opened up, and fat drops of rain began to fall. But Hilda did not move. The cold water felt refreshing against her heated skin. It was helping to relieve her of some of the agony she had been feeling. But before long, she found that she was quite drenched. This was not good. For she did not wish to catch a cold.

  She entered the house through the back servant stairs and made her way up to her room. She dried her hair and changed out of her wet clothing. Then she decided to go downstairs to the kitchen for a hot cup of tea to warm herself. After she drank the tea, she wanted to go back upstairs and take another try at completing her work of poetry that her mother had interrupted. Perhaps now with a clearer mind having been washed by the rain she would be more successful.

  She quickly made her way passing her father's office.

  “Hilda, come into my office.”

  She sighed; she had already had one lecture today and did not need another.

  “Yes father," She said walking in.

  “Are you happy, my daughter?"

  “Whatever do you mean, father?"

  “I mean, you seem very distant and strange lately, ever since the night of the ball. Tell me, was a gentleman inappropriate with you? There's something very off.”

  “No Father, I am quite fine. Nothing inappropriate happened at the ball. I am just feeling a lot of pressure from Mother these days. I understand that it is simply because she cares for me and wishes to see me find a good husband, but it is quite stressful indeed."

  “I understand. Just know that she does it and I do it out of love. I should have had a son, and I do not know what will happen to my estate when I am gone. That can happen with old age or it can happen any day, I just want to see you secure, and so does your mother.”

  “Oh Father, do not speak in such a way. You will be here for a very long time. But I understand.”

  “Good. Then I hope to see a smile on your face again, daughter, for you are quite to radiant when you smile. You are a beauty just as much as your sister, do not let anyone tell you any different. I know that you will find your match, but perhaps take into account that though you might not love your match in the beginning, love can grow.”

  She was quiet. She knew exactly what her father meant. That she should consider marrying for security and not for love, and banking on the prospect that love would grow between her and her husband even if it was not there in the beginning. She knew that it was possible, and had seen many examples of it amongst marriages; she just never thought that she would have to do such a thing.

  “Yes father, I understand. I will take that into account when meeting suitable prospects for marriage. I am quite exhausted, I am to my room to rest."

  “Yes my dear, I am feeling the same. Have a good rest and I shall see you for dinner." He placed a kiss on her forehead and then she was on her way.

  Hilda quickly left his office and made her way to the stairs. She climbed them fast, hoping not to run into anyone because there were now tears in her eyes. She was very glad when she made it to her room and close the door behind her.

  Once she was on her bed, she allowed the tears to fall down her cheeks freely. For hearing the talk from her father was far worse than the ramblings of her mother. Hearing her mother say things to her about marriage was an everyday occurrence. But it was very rare that their father took them aside to lecture them in such a way about their future. In fact he had not had a talk with her like that since her coming out season. It was then that his words were much different. He had told her then that she would find a man that was wealthy, and that loved her unconditionally. She had great hopes then.

  Now, only a mere three and a half years later, his words were drastically different. Now he was saying to just marry someone agreeable and to allow love to grow between her and her husband organically. There was no notion of a great love, love at first sight, and passion.

  Hilda felt sick to her stomach, for this lecture along with knowing that Ross was engaged was too much to bear in less than a month. It was quite stressful indeed.

  She stayed in bed, feeling quite distraught. When she was called for dinner, she told Sarah to say that she had a headache and was still in bed and would not be coming down for dinner. She sounded quite exhausted and indeed her head did hurt, but it was from crying.

  After dinner, there was a knock at the door and Gemma entered.

  “Sister, are you not well?”

  “I do not feel well. I was outside in the gardens and got caught in the rain, perhaps it is catching up with me a bit. It is only just a headache and I'm sure will be gone by tomorrow. I just need to sleep.”

  “I understand. Is there anything I can get you? If you wish, I could press a cold wet cloth against your forehead until your headache has gone away.” Gemma sat beside Hilda on the bed and placed her hand on her forehead. “You are slightly warm, sister.”

  “Thank you Gemma, I appreciate your kindness, but I really am exhausted and can barely keep my eyes open. I shall see you in the morning.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, good night, dear sister.”

  “Goodnight, Hilda.”

  With that, Gemma left the room quietly. Hilda was very glad that it was very dark in her room ,with only one candle burning far away from the bed. This way Gemma was not able to see that Hilda had been crying and that her eyes were very swollen from doing so. Then Gemma would not leave the room at all if she saw such a thing. She would not leave until she knew exactly what was upsetting her.

  Hilda moved from her bed and blew out the candle. She climbed back into bed and once more cried herself to sleep. But it was a good heavy sleep, and it was one that she needed more than she knew. For she did not know that the emotional exhaustion was taking a toll on her physically.

  The next morning she felt quite refreshed and back to herself again. Though she was not prepared for the events that the day would bring.

  * * *

  chapter

  2 8

  * * *

  Hilda sat at her simple wooden desk that butted against the window affording a view of the back gardens. Her bed stood in the middle of her room against a wall with thick curtains hanging from the canopy. Across the room a fireplace was situated in the corner with a small pile of cut wood.

  The wallpaper was a soft pale pink with a floral pattern of the same colour. This was her solace and she quite loved her room, and found it to be the perfect place to write in her diary. This room and the pages of her diary, held her secrets and her secret affections for the MP of Cornwall.

  The gloomy skies outside the window cast a grey and blue light on the pages of her diary and she rather loved the English weather of this sort. The smell of rain falling somewhere in the distance caught on the breeze that pushed her tendrils surrounding her face.

  She dipped her quill in ink and continued to write her new found feelings toward all that had recently happened.

  Focused deep on writing in her diary, Hilda suddenly stopped. A flurry of voices trailed up the stairs, echoing into her room. What could it be now?

  She left her room, standing in the galley overlooking the staircase. The unmistakable deep voice of Adam Crossbury wafte
d up to her, along with Gemma and her mother. Hilda was not one to intrude but, she did not want to pass up any chance to hear news of Ross Brookend.

  She composed her hair and skirts and walked down to the bottom of the staircase that stopped at the foyer entryway.

  “Miss Layles, good day to you,” Adam said, catching sight of her, offering a bow.

  “And to you, sir,” she curtsied.

  “How fortunate as Mr. Crossbury was just inquiring about you,” Gemma said with a big smile.

  “Me?” Hilda said astonished.

  “Yes, well that is, I came to inquire to your sister if she would be so kind as to grant her presence on Saturday at the Greenery Stables. I often go riding there, and would like for her to join me, if you would chaperone of course,” he said, looking at Hilda.

  “Oh, chaperone me? Well I am sure that...”

  “Of course she would be happy to, sir,” Mrs Layles interrupted Hilda before she could finish her answer. “Both of my daughters shall meet you there. What time shall be convenient?”

  “At noon on Saturday ma’am,” he said smiling.

  Hilda felt annoyance that her mother was not allowing her to answer her own invitation, or think for herself, but she faked a smile regardless and nodded in agreement. For she could see that Gemma was beaming with joy and she would do anything to make her sister happy.

  “Sir, that will be most agreeable. We thank you for the invitation,” Mrs Layles said, overtaking the conversation and saying comments that should belong to Gemma.

  “I assure you the pleasure is all mine, ma’am,” he said, giving Gemma a big grin. “Until Saturday then. Goodbye to you Miss Layles.” Then he turned to Hilda, “Miss Layles.” Then to their mother, “And to you, Mrs Layles.”

  “Yes Mr Crossbury, thank you for stopping in,” Mrs Layles said, escorting him to the door.

  Gemma gave Hilda a happy glance as she watched Adam head out of the door. It wasn’t until the door was closed completely that Mrs Layles and Gemma began a flurry of joyful noises. “Oh, such a handsome, agreeable man,” Mrs Layles grabbed Gemma’s hands.