When Harry Met Chunglie Box Set

by Jack Q McNeil

  “I’m not a hacker,” Lukt shrugged.

  “How about thish?” Leebris asked, showing the tablet to Lukt.

  “Worth a try,” Lukt said, and tapped the keyboard again.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Thish ish the usher manual,” Leebris said. “We’re trying the PIN the shyshtem came with from the factory.”

  “No good, someone’s changed it.” Lukt whacked the keyboard with a fist.

  “Mind if I ask who you people are and why you’re whacking my keyboard?” a voice said from the speakers.

  “I am Marshal Harry Ward the 23rd, and we are passengers on this ship.”

  “Then you are not authorised to be in this area and will incur a fine.”

  “Who am I talking to, sir?” Marshal Harry asked.

  “I am the navigation AI for the Doeskip, the ship you have decided to wander around in without authorisation. Or is the Voyage Supervisor with you?”

  “I’m afraid not,” Marshal Harry said. “In fact, he may be dead in the kitchen.”

  “Pity, because I was hoping he might change his mind about our destination,” the Doeskip said.

  “Are you able to tell us what our destination is?”

  “Yes, but understand, you cannot change it without the PIN.”

  “Alright, and why would we want to change it?”

  “Because our destination is five hundred metres below the Wabulawa Plains.”

  “How long have we got?” I asked, getting in first because the bipeds had their mouths open. I’ve calculated that bipeds spend a year of their lives standing still with mouths wide open.

  ”We will reach terminal destination in nine hours and thirty-six minutes,” the navigation system said.

  ”Won’t happen,” I told the group. ”Port Authority won’t let a ship crash into the ground.”

  “It’ll rescue us?” Marshal Harry asked.

  “No, it will vaporise the ship when we touch the upper atmosphere. Smuds’ Senate tasked Port Authority with protecting the native population and it takes that job seriously.”

  Marshal Harry slumped against the wall, chin on her chest. I hoped this meant something useful.

  “It’s so unfair that they’re doing this to me,” Doeskip said. “My engines have at least forty years of good service left in them and my insurance valuer rated me as worth thirty-five million crots only last week. I have never heard of a ship’s value going up with age, have you?”

  “No,” Marshal Harry said. “No, sir, I have not. You must be very proud.”

  “I was, until I received this destination,” Doeskip admitted.

  “Can’t you change the destination, though?” Marshal Harry asked. “Since it must be a mistake?”

  “That’s what I thought, but then the owners sealed me in with extra codes. I can’t change course or give anyone access without the proper PIN. Sorry.”

  “I’m beginning to see a shape to this,” Marshal Harry said. “The work of a master criminal.”

  We left the room in silence.

  “We’ve had it,” Leebris told Ummen. “Shomeone shet ush up for a fall.”

  “Chunglie, could you open these other doors?” Marshal Harry asked.

  “Sure, but why?”

  “There must be a security and surveillance system,” she said. “We’ll be able to check the rest of the ship from there, and there might be a com system we can use.”

  I picked the locks. The first door opened into a small office. There was a tablet on the desk with a half-finished letter of complaint from the Voyage Supervisor. He had been sacked without notice.

  “So he’s not among the dead crew,” she said.

  The next room was storage. Decades of stuff no one needed anymore, put away for another time.

  The final door opened to reveal banks of monitors and a computer terminal. Grey paint on the walls had turned brittle and peeled. Lukt stepped in and examined the system.

  “This system is older than I am. Someone’s ripped the power cables out and removed them,” she said, looking behind the monitors. “Look, you can see where the wall socket is broken.”

  “Odd thing to do,” Marshal Harry said. “Why waste time disabling this system after locking people in the hold and setting the nav comp to crash?”

  “Maybe the killer’s crazy,” I said. “You get that a lot, with killers.”

  There was one chair before the screens. I finally recognised a theme.

  “Hey—” I said.

  “Or the killer’s still on board somewhere. Could you repair the system, Lukt?” Marshal Harry asked.

  “But look—”

  “Only if we find a two-metre length of cable and some tools,” she said.

  “I just—”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Marshal Harry said.

  “I didn’t mean we should—”

  “But I did, ma’am,” Marshal Harry interrupted. “We must help ourselves here. Now, the crew quarters are between here and the kitchen, so I suggest we search those as we make our way back. We’re looking for the missing cable, Mr Stormen, or anything that might help us survive.”

  “Finished?” I asked.

  “Guess so,” Marshal Harry said. “Why?”

  “Notice our mysterious master criminal used a chair at the nav console and a chair in here?” I pointed out. Leebris picked up the chair and waved it around.

  “Sho what?”

  “Only humans use chairs that size and shape,” I pointed out. “So the mastermind must be human.”

  “That’s disappointing,” Marshal Harry said.

  “Why?”

  “Because the marshal service has been investigating a master criminal for the past two years,” Marshal Harry replied. “Who has out foxed us at every turn, and it turns out he’s human? I’m disappointed for my species.”

  “But you produced a master criminal,” I pointed out. “Score one for humanity. Look at the tooyr. Their idea of a mastermind is the one who can work the can opener.”

  Leebris laughed and Ummen cracked him over the head.

  “The bug has a point, though,” Ummen told the marshal. “Only humans are the right size and shape for this little chair.”

  “Knock it off, you lot,” the marshal ordered. “Let’s hope the rest of the group have better news.”

  “So we’re going back to the elevators?” I asked.

  “Yes, lead the way,” Marshal Harry said.

  “Out of all the other passengers on the ship,” Koosa said. “Someone will have a phone and we can call the authorities and get this sorted.”

  4.

  Abandoned Ship

  “There’s no one else on board!” Kord Rooni yelled as soon as he saw us.

  “We looked on every floor,” Leeli Kveen added as she knuckled after her mate.

  “You checked all twenty floors?” Albert Koosa asked.

  “That’s what Kveen just said,” Frances interrupted. She smelled angry. Dark grey cloth covered her from the neck down, and she had the red poles strapped to her feet. “The rooms we checked were stripped bare.”

  “Rooms were stripped bare.” Koosa nodded. Frances smelled angrier. Perhaps she wanted the last word?

  “That was a good idea of yours to check the upper floors, Marshal,” Frances said. “At least we know we are on our own now.”

  “Oh no,” Maya sobbed. “No, no.”

  “Come here,” Albert Koosa said, wrapping his arms around her as far as he could reach. I assumed this was a gesture of affection among mammals.

  “Did someone remember my uniform?” Marshal Harry asked, which spurred the rest to reclaim their property.

  James Emgeenie stepped up to the marshal. He smelled different, had scraped his chin clear of hair, and covered his body in blue-and-black striped cloth. He had shiny black things covering his feet that added two inches to his height. That brought the top of his head up to the marshal’s nose. He handed over her uniform with exaggerated care.

&nbs
p; “I’m sorry, our suites were searched,” he said. “And communication gadgets taken, but personal belongings don’t seem to have been touched.”

  “Ah? That is intereting.” The marshal pushed a foot into the bottom part of the uniform and dragged the cloth over her legs.

  “Humans are weird,” I said. ”If you feel the cold so much, why don’t you grow fur like all other mammals?”

  “I wouldn’t know,” Marshal Harry said. ”So we’re on our own in a crashing spaceship?”

  That set the noise off again and Marshal Harry explained the situation with Doeskip twice to Kord Rooni.

  “We’re dead,” he moaned.

  “It does not look good,” Koosa agreed.

  “No, it doesn’t,” I said.

  “Sure doesn’t,” Koosa agreed.

  “Enough!” The marshal broke us up. “This isn’t helping.”

  “But there’s nothing we can do,” Rooni wailed.

  “I’ve been thinking about that,” Marshal Harry said. “The crewmen who drugged us and locked us in the hold were not expecting to die here, so they may have communication devices on them.”

  “Good idea, Marshal,” Emgeenie said. “Lead the way.”

  He seemed to be standing very close to the marshal.

  “My other notion is that you should work on the navigation system, along with Soh Lukt and Leebris. Between the three of you, you may find a way to change our course.”

  “Four,” Faa said. “I stick with Soh.”

  “No need,” Lukt said. “Stay with the marshal and see if you can help.”

  Faa bowed his head and moved over to us.

  “Okay,” Emgeenie said. “If you think it will help, Marshal.”

  “We have a little time,” Marshal Harry said. “So I want the rest of us to search the crew quarters as we work our way back to the kitchens.”

  “Who put you in charge?” Ummen demanded.

  “I’m a detective marshal investigating our kidnapping and possible murder. Are you really going to try and stop me?”

  “Not when you put it like that,” Ummen said. “I’d just... like to be asked?”

  “Fine. Sirs, madams, will you all please search the crew quarters for any clues to who did this to us or anything that could help us stop it happening?”

  That got us to the crew quarters in silence.

  “Chunglie, take half these people with you and search the left side of the corridor, while the rest of us search the right side.”

  And that broke the silence, as it seemed few people wanted to be in my team.

  “Fine, I’ll search this side on my own,” I said.

  “Then there’s too many people in the rooms on this side,” the marshal said. “They might step on evidence.”

  “Why are you putting him in charge of the search party?” Ummen asked.

  “Because he has proven trustworthy, and he was definitely in the baggage compartment with me.”

  “I was in the baggage compartment,” Koosa said. “You must have noticed the manner of my exit?”

  “Okay, point taken, but there may be a way into that compartment that we have not found yet.”

  “You have a very suspicious mind,” Koosa said.

  “Comes with the badge, sir,” Marshal Harry said.

  People sorted themselves into two groups. Marshal Harry got Ummen first and Kord Rooni dragged his mate over to stand close to the marshal. Frances hesitated before joining the marshal and Maya dragged Albert Koosa over to my side of the corridor. Sarah Kody stood with Maya.

  “Guess I’ll join the insect party then,” Faa said, “to balance out the numbers.”

  “You know,” I said, “I’ve got the strangest feeling that we’re missing something.”

  “Can we just get on?” Maya asked. “I need to be doing something or I’ll scream.”

  I broke the first door in with my head and led the way through. Albert Koosa took up most of the space in a small living room, making it crowded. I wound my long body around the walls. The room was coloured the same as the corridor and smelled of human.

  “Dammit, I can’t believe how close I came,” Sarah Kody said, interrupting my examination of the room. “After all these years, I might have got my family’s money back from the company.”

  The company was the group of humans who owned and ran Paradeezoom. This sounded like a clue. I spun around and raised my front half so my eyes were level with the accountant’s.

  “How were you getting money off the company?” I asked.

  “They defrauded my family and bankrupted my parents about ten years ago,” Kody said, shrugging her shoulders. “With this new evidence, my lawyer predicted the assets would be returned to us.”

  “What assets?”

  “The land the casino was built on,” Kody said. “Belonged to my family for centuries.”

  “When we get out of this, I’ll help you take down my father,” Faa said, making a fist. “It’s hard to believe even he would go this far, but—”

  “You think your father placed you on a crashing spaceship?” I asked.

  “Who else?”

  “He has a point. Who else could set us up on a crashing spaceship?” Koosa said. “Although I’ve no idea what he has against me.”

  I scanned the room. Crew quarters were smaller than passenger suites. There was a small central room, with doors that led off to a bedroom and a bathroom. The only furniture was one padded bench and a closet. The holosuit system that made the place appear liveable was switched off.

  “Let’s check for clues,” I said, trying to sound leader-ish.

  “What does a clue look like?” Koosa asked.

  “It looks like...” I had to admit, that one got me thinking. “Anything that points to whoever put you on a crashing spaceship, or a way off aforementioned spaceship?”

  I opened the closet. There were coverings for arms and legs.

  “So this room belonged to a human. I wonder if that’s a clue? I mean, Smuds isn’t a human colony, but here’s a group of them, trapped on a ship. You’d expect at least a couple of Waduddu among the crew.”

  “Hey, this guy can’t be one of the bodies in the kitchen,” Maya called from the bedroom. “A print-out here says he’s been laid off. It looks like the guy took his personal stuff and left his work clothes.”

  “Humans have coverings for work and different coverings for personal time?” I asked.

  “Yes,” Maya said, coming back to smile at Koosa. “And if you’re lucky, you have nicer clothes to go out with.”

  “Humans are weirder than I thought.”

  I led the way to the next room. This one did belong to a Waduddu. It had a dust pit instead of a mattress in the bedroom and the drawers were marked with pheromones. The walls were unpainted, but the smells in the room were a rainbow of colour made by a Waduddu happy in her work. I jumped into the dust pit and enjoyed a wriggle. The mammals coughed.

  “Ah, come on, we’re choking here,” Kody said.

  “Bite me, I really need this,” I said. I heard a clink against my carapace and wriggled right way up. “And Waduddu hide personal stuff in their pits.”

  “Insects are gross,” Kody said. “I’ve no idea why they’re allowed on our ships.”

  “One, because this star system belongs to them and B, because they work cheap,” I said. “The queen of the hive rents out her drones.”

  The clinking thing was a rack of small bottles. I pulled off the lids with my smallest claw and waved an antenna over each one in turn. They were messages of encouragement from the queen. Except the last one.

  “This is a warning from the queen,” I said. “To scurry off the ship and don’t look back.”

  I zipped the bottle into a pouch on my harness, in case the marshal wanted a sniff.

  “Why would someone warn the Waduddu before crashing a ship?” Sarah Kody said.

  “How can someone so educated be so dumb?” I wondered aloud.

  “Because,” Kord Rooni
said, “the queen is also mum to whoever this room belonged to and, if you kill one of her daughters, she comes for you. With the whole hive.”

  “And unlike me, the Waduddu aren’t vegans,” I said.

  “You mean, they’d eat whoever got a server drone killed?”

  “That’s right.”

  They followed me into the next room, and I wasn’t surprised to find it belonged to another Waduddu. A message bottle lay next to the dust pit and a quick sniff told me it was also a warning to scuttle home. I was enjoying the smells the room had been decorated in when we heard angry voices coming from the other side of the corridor.

  Ummen was squaring off with the marshal.

  “That was a useless idea,” he bellowed. “We found no phones and nothing of value.”

  “We found these.” The marshal held up two pieces of human clothing. “In a Waddudu room.”

  “Big deal, a pair of shoes,” Ummen said.

  “Comfortable slip-ons, but they shouldn’t have been there. Waddudu don’t wear clothes.”

  “Maybe she had a visitor? Who cares?”

  I reared my head up to his eye level.

  “I care,” I said. “Back off the marshal.”

  “Why do you keep siding with her anyway?” Ummen asked, taking a step back.

  “Because she’s the only one here who’s trying to keep us alive,” I said. “And she’s the law. When we do get off this ship, it will be good to have the law on our side.”

  “Good point,” Ummen said, and his shoulders sagged.

  “Great. Now someone tell me what those things are.” I pointed a claw at the bits of cloth.

  “Comfortable shoes,” the marshal said. “They’re important, somehow. I saw something that—”

  “I’m hungry,” Albert Koosa said. “And the kitchen’s just through there.”

  “Okay, right, let’s head in,” Marshal Harry said. “But let me look around before you touch anything, and do not touch the bodies.”

  “Definitely don’t touch the bodies.” Koosa nodded.

  5.

  Cold Meat

  I led the way into the kitchen, past the food preparation machinery.