The Underdogs Box Set - Books 1-3 (gay rockstar romance)

by K. A. Merikan

  Asher leaned back so that their eyes would meet and reached to his wrist, unclasping the Rolex he’d purchased for Sid so many years ago. With a smile, he lifted it slightly and exhaled with relief when his lover didn’t say a word of protest. Gently, Asher slid the watch that was still warm from his own touch, over Sid’s hand and closed it where it belonged. Granted, it was loose on Sid’s much narrower wrist and needed adjusting, but this time his gift has been accepted. After such a long time, it was where it belonged.

  “Merry Christmas.”

  The end

  You. Forever. Always.

  You. Forever. Always.

  K.A. Merikan

  ---Years of loving in secret. Now the secret’s out.---

  Mage. Reasonable. Mature. In love with his best friend’s little brother.

  Dawn. Painfully shy. Crazy talented. An anxious cinnamon roll in need of protection.

  Mage has always been Dawn’s hero. He’s been there for him when Dawn was bullied, when Dawn came out, and when he joined The Underdogs. He’s also been Dawn’s first and only love—painfully unrequited, since Mage is straight. But that’s only for the better, because they’re bandmates, and Dawn’s brother is Mage’s best friend.

  It would all be too intense, too complicated, too real.

  But then one drunken kiss proves Mage might not be as straight as he seemed, and their whole world turns upside down. Even though Dawn craves Mage’s love so much his heart could burst, his shyness stands in the way of any future they could share.

  While they have to keep their budding relationship under wraps and they prepare to sign a major record deal, Dawn’s anxiety gets out of control. Mage will have to choose between the success he’s always craved and the love of his life.

  POSSIBLE SPOILERS:

  Themes: rock band, bandmates romance, older brother’s best friend, coming out, bisexuality, first love, anxiety, compromise, music, secret love

  Genre: Contemporary M/M Rocker Romance

  Heat level: sweet, explicit scenes

  Length: ~50,000 words (Can be read as standalone, HEA)

  Prologue

  Dawn hated his parents for putting him through this.

  It had started with the idea that being on stage in front of a live audience could help with his shyness, but even performing for his peers during rehearsal had proved too much for Dawn’s anxiety. Eventually, his participation was relegated to helping out backstage. Yet more proof that he didn’t belong with the other kids, and would have been better off staying home. He wasn’t a part of the play, just the quiet boy who moved props or sprinkled fake snow from above during the performance. He could’ve been doing something much better with his time, and all the members of the group knew it.

  But no, his brother Dusk was in the theatre group, so Dawn had to be in it too. He was almost ten. Couldn’t he choose his own hobbies? He stood on his tiptoes to reach the high shelf for the bucket of Styrofoam balls, but it was no use. He went over to the ladder but could barely manage its weight and had to drag it, making the kind of noise he hated, the kind of noise that drew attention.

  “Aww, Bambi can’t handle the ladder! If only there was a prince to save you.”

  ‘Bambi’. He hated. Hated that nickname. It had started out with ‘fawn’ to rhyme with ‘Dawn’, but after one of the older girls had compared him to the most famous of deers, the name had stuck. Comments about his ‘delicate limbs’ and big green eyes were never-ending, making him increasingly uncomfortable, but his parents waved them off as Dawn’s friends teasing him.

  They were not teasing him. And they were not his friends.

  “I’m fine,” he mumbled, already wishing to be back in his treehouse, not stuck with other people he had no connection with. Dusk always had his back, but he was the star of the show, and needed to participate in rehearsals.

  “You don’t look fine, Bambi,” laughed Ned in his strange voice that had only recently started alternating between high and low tones.

  Ned’s best friend, Jack, rose from the bench they’d been sitting on and stepped closer. “And where’s your mommy when you need help?”

  He meant Dusk, of course, but he’d never say it to Dusk’s face, and Dawn wouldn’t tell his brother either, because he didn’t want Dusk to get in trouble over knocking out someone’s tooth. Again.

  “Mrs. Teller said you guys should rehearse. I’m okay,” he said, dragging the ladder toward the shelf.

  Jack grabbed the ladder to stop him. “Are you telling us what to do, fairy?”

  Dawn frowned. Another stupid nickname? “I’m not a fairy. I don’t even have a role in the play.”

  Ned snorted, joining Jack with a milkshake in hand. “He doesn’t even know what it means!”

  “Maybe you should tell him then.”

  Dawn stiffened when Ned poured the remaining drink on him. The cold, milky fluid splashed his cheek, then drizzled down his neck and soaked into his favorite Moomins T-shirt. He froze, his heart beating faster by the second as the two bullies snickered to one another.

  “You like that or does it need to come warm?” Jack asked with a vile grin.

  Dawn’s eyes prickled with tears. What did he ever do to them to deserve this? He’d never win a fight, so he turned around to run away, but Jack grabbed his shirt.

  “Did I tell you, you can go?”

  “Yeah,” Ned added. “We’re not done here, Bambi.”

  “I’m pretty sure you are done.”

  A deep voice. Not Dusk’s.

  Dawn looked its way, at a tall boy wearing a large red hoodie. The stranger kept his shoulders steady, and his dark eyes burned behind thick-rimmed glasses, despite the neutral expression on his face. He was at least Dusk’s age and exuded the confidence of someone even older.

  Ned hissed, turning to face the stranger. “None of your business. You shouldn’t even be here. This is for the theatre group only!”

  The boy approached in slow, relaxed steps. “Good. I’m new. How about you talk to me instead of a boy half your size.”

  Dawn wiped the tears out of his eyes. “It’s okay.”

  Jack spread his arms, but even he was smaller than the new boy. “Nothing to see here. Move along.”

  Ned grinned and waved his hand dismissively, encouraged by Jack, but the new kid didn’t seem to care at all as he approached, proud as the bronze statues Dawn had seen during last week’s family trip to the art museum. There was a fierceness to his glare, as if he believed his skin was impenetrable.

  “He’s not old enough to understand what you’re saying. Now back off.”

  Jack’s hand tightened on Dawn’s T-shirt. “Or what? You send your gang after u--?”

  The boy’s knee went between Jack’s legs, cutting him short. “Let. Him. Be.”

  Jack made a high pitched squeal and let go.

  Dawn was ashamed just how much satisfaction he felt hearing that sound. He backed off so fast he hit himself on the ladder, but Ned turned all his attention to the new boy.

  “I’m gonna tell Mrs. Teller!”

  The boy frowned and crossed his arms. “Go on. I’ll tell her what you did and what you called him.”

  Jack was still holding his crotch, but snarled. “Let’s go, Ned.”

  Dawn didn’t dare move until they were gone, but he flinched when his savior dropped to one knee in front of him, his thick brows drawn together in a worried expression.

  “Oh no, look what they did. Do you have something to change into?”

  Dawn shook his head and wiped his face with the dry part of his ruined T-shirt, but he couldn’t keep his shoulders from trembling, and let out a sob. He couldn’t bear the shame of it all. In front of a stranger at that.

  The guy squeezed his shoulder. “Don’t cry. They’re not going to bother you again. Why don’t you tell me your name?”

  Dawn sniffed and dared a look into the guy’s eyes. They were so kind he might have been a knight who stepped into this world out of a movie about great hero
es. “It’s Dawn. I’m sorry—I mean, thank you. They hate me. Everyone hates me here.”

  The strange boy pulled off his hoodie, revealing a white T-shirt underneath. “I can’t believe that. You have such a cool T-shirt. I like Moomins, too. You need to wear it again once your parents wash it. Use this for now,” he said, offering the hoodie.

  Dawn stared at it in disbelief, but then took the hoodie off the boy’s hands. When he put it on, he was enveloped in a scent that made his heart flutter, and had no idea what to think when he looked up at the new boy’s smile. Dawn’s heart pounded even faster.

  “I’m Magnus,” the boy said and held out his hand.

  “There you are! Dawn, where’s the Styrofoam?” Dusk yelled, running their way, his long hair flapping behind him like a cape. He came to an abrupt stop when his eyes zeroed in on Dawn, and his hands balled into fists. “Hey, you! What did you do to my little brother?”

  Magnus frowned at Dusk and pulled his hand over his short-cropped curls. “Some kids spilled a drink on him. Maybe it would be better if he wasn’t on his own?”

  Dawn grabbed Dusk’s sleeve. “It’s okay, Magnus helped me.”

  Dusk shook his head. “Oh, hell no! Those fuckers need to learn their lesson. Who was it, huh?”

  Dawn groaned and pulled up the collar of the hoodie over his nose, inhaling more of the toe-curling scent that clung to the inside of the borrowed garment.

  Magnus shook his head. “You’ll deal with them later. Dawn here is having a hard time,” he said, and gently nudged Dawn toward Dusk.

  “Thanks for looking out for him. I’m Dusk. My brother’s a bully magnet. I told him he should learn judo, but he doesn’t wanna.” Dusk sighed, and when he took Dawn under his arm, Dawn couldn’t help but wish it was Magnus who held him this way.

  Magnus stood up. “He shouldn’t have to learn self-defense. It’s guys like those two who need to learn their place.”

  Dusk groaned and ruffled Dawn’s hair. “Don’t you wanna kick their asses one day?”

  Dawn sniffed. “No.”

  “There you go,” Magnus said with a smile.

  Dusk gave Dawn a hug. “Life is gonna kick your ass.”

  “Dusk? What’s a fairy? Jack called me that, but I’m not even in the play. Does it mean something else?”

  Dusk stiffened and glanced at Magnus. “Could you stay with him for a while? I need to go rip someone’s throat out.”

  Magnus opened his lips to answer, but Dusk had already pressed Dawn at him, and left with the determination of a tank. After two seconds, he gave Dawn a small smile and offered him his hand. “I hear there’s cocoa in the coffee machine downstairs.”

  Dawn squeezed Magnus’s hand, unable to take his eyes off his new friend’s noble profile.

  Chapter 1

  Dawn couldn’t stop crying. He’d left his friends under the pretense of needing to go to the restroom, but now he was stuck with feelings spreading through his chest like an infection. To make matters worse, they were all at the airport, so privacy was even scarcer than at the back of their tour bus.

  They’d driven for hours, they’d promised Sid that they would all help him get his boyfriend back. Dawn had imagined that the whole escapade would end like a romantic movie. They would have arrived at the airport, Sid would have run to the gates, caught up with Asher, confessed his love and solved any issues they might have had.

  Instead, they’d arrived too late. All because Dawn was a cautious driver and even his brother, Dusk, taking over in the last half an hour, hadn’t been enough to make up for lost time. Dawn had failed his friend. The pain of it was made worse by the fact that Sid didn’t usually express his feelings and kept a guarded facade. And the one time he’d let them in, asked for help, Dawn messed things up.

  He was a failure. At helping his bandmate out. At performing. And now he was making everyone wait for him, but he couldn’t let them see him like this—with tears streaming down his face, and skin the color of beetroot.

  Men were going in and out, sometimes exchanging a few words, and he did his best to hold in the sobs shaking his body, but breathing normally was too hard at times, so he ended up covering his face with the sleeve of his hoodie to muffle the sounds.

  There was a knock on the door, and before Dawn could have said the stall was occupied, he heard a familiar voice—dark and sweet like honey with butter on rye bread.

  “Can we talk?”

  Words got stuck in Dawn’s throat for far too long. This was the last thing he needed. To be a burden on Mage. Sweet, amazing, responsible Mage who wanted nothing but to see everyone succeed.

  “I’ll be out in a minut—” Dawn wanted to dismiss his friend but choked on a sob.

  On the other side, he heard Mage’s combat boots rub against the tiles, but he didn’t walk away. “Let me in, please.”

  Dawn pulled the baseball cap down to hide his eyes and unlocked the door. It was no use fighting it. He did want Mage around, he did want to speak to someone. Sometimes, feelings inside of him became so overwhelming he couldn’t stand their very existence, but the thick bundle of negativity loosened its hold on Dawn’s throat whenever Mage squeezed his hand.

  It had been Mage who’d gotten Dawn the baseball cap in the first place. When Dawn had gone on the first tour with The Underdogs, he’d been eighteen and he’d overestimated how much interaction with strangers he could take. On day one, when they’d stopped at a gas station and Dawn had been considering backing out of the whole thing, Mage was there to help him organize his thoughts. He’d been so patient as he listened to Dawn’s petty problems, and even reassured Dawn that he didn’t need to be around people as much as his brother. And then, when he’d walked off to get Dawn some hot chocolate, he also had the cap with him when he returned. He said it would help Dawn avoid photos and attention he didn’t like.

  Three years on, the cap was still one of Dawn’s most prized possessions, and he only took it off when it needed a clean. Mage was also the first to argue that Dawn should have the same rights as the other band members, even though he’d never once graced the stage with his presence and insisted on playing his keyboard where the public couldn’t see him. His friends had constantly bent the rules for him, despite it being a challenge none of them needed. Maybe they would be better off if he wasn’t a part of it all?

  He wiped his face with his sleeve just before Mage entered the stall. With the black-rimmed glasses in place, he looked like Lenny Kravitz’s nerdier twin, but even Lenny Kravitz himself couldn’t have made Dawn’s heart beat quite as fast.

  Mage pushed back his long dreadlocks and locked the door behind him. Heat tickled Dawn’s flesh when he heard the click, and even though he knew this wasn’t a porn flick, that his friend was here for purely platonic reasons, he couldn’t help but imagine Mage’s large hands slowly pushing him back.

  But that wouldn’t be happening, because Mage was straight. If he had even an inkling of interest in Dawn, in men, he would have made that clear at any point in the twelve years they’d known one another.

  Since Dawn refused to meet his gaze, he saw the broad chest expand under the logo of their band, The Underdogs, written in a font resembling lightning.

  “Dawn, what’s wrong?” Mage asked in the end, touching Dawn’s shoulder. His high school graduation ring glinted in the faint light, contrasting with the acorn shade of his hand.

  Dawn rubbed his face once more before daring to look up. “I don’t want everyone to worry. I’ve messed up enough already.”

  Mage’s thick eyebrows lowered, and he leaned down. “Messed up? What are you talking about?”

  Dawn inhaled a huge gulp of air, struggling not to cry. “I drive like a grandpa. Lolly said so. And that’s why we were late, and why Sid didn’t get to catch Asher, and his heart is broken, and it’s all my fault.”

  Mage shook his head and poked the visor of Dawn’s baseball cap. When his nostrils flared in anger, the little septum ring he wore made him appear like a bull abo
ut to charge. “Are you for real? Asher left because Sid wouldn’t acknowledge their relationship. It has nothing to do with you. You did everything you could.”

  Dawn grabbed the hem of Mage’s T-shirt. “Did I, though? I saw that defeated look in Sid’s eyes when we arrived late. He must have been thinking that we were too slow.” Dawn’s head throbbed with pain the moment he thought back to the expression on Sid’s face. It could have crumbled mountains with its sorrow.

  Mage rested his hands on his hips, watching Dawn. He had the kindest eyes, even though his features were pronounced, and his arms broad. “Yes, you did. I’m sorry for him too, but none of us actually made them break up. It was Sid’s own responsibility, so you can’t beat yourself up about it.”

  Dawn let go of Mage’s shirt because his hand was getting sweaty. “I just had to remove myself. I can’t handle their breakup, and it’s ridiculous. I should be supporting Sid, not whining about my own messed up feelings. I just wish he was happy, you know?”

  Mage leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “If it wasn’t for the tour, he could have just followed him to Aspen. I mean, how many houses with music notes on the gate could there be in that town?”

  Cogs moved in Dawn’s head at an alarming speed, and he stepped closer to Mage. “Why don’t we do that? Just go?”

  Mage gave a short laugh. “What? Dawn, the first concert is in two days. We can’t just drive the opposite way because of personal issues. Not at this point in our career.”

  Dawn dared to pull Mage’s hand into his. “The gig after that is a week later. We can drop this first one. Isn’t real love far more important than the one concert? What if this is Sid’s only chance at true love, and he’ll miss out on an opportunity of a lifetime? I’ve never seen him as happy as he is with Asher.”

  Mage went silent, his throat working as he looked away from Dawn. “Dawn, that’s nuts. We’ve only recently started earning enough to drop our day jobs. We have new fans… we can’t just disappoint them. Why can’t Sid fly to Aspen after that gig?”