This Is How I Lied

by Heather Gudenkauf

  Now Nola rapped on the locked bathroom door. “Hurry up, I need to get in there!” she yelled.

  “Just a minute,” Eve called back. She was biding time, wanting to leave for school at the very last minute so she didn’t have to talk to her mom. She rose and leaned heavily against the sink and looked in the mirror. Her mother’s crimson handprint was long gone and the small cut, now covered with concealer, was barely noticeable.

  Her mother had never hit her before. Never. She yelled and screamed and threw things once in a while but never once had she gotten physical with her daughters.

  For a fleeting moment, Eve wondered what might happen if one of her teachers noticed the mark on her face. They would have to call family services and report an incident of possible abuse, right? Eve would be hauled into the counselor’s office and asked a million questions. What happened to your face? Does your mother hit you often? Are you afraid to go home?

  Then, she imagined, a social worker, a gray-haired woman with tired eyes but a reassuring smile, would show up at their house and inform their mother that the children were being removed from the home pending an investigation.

  Eve quickly slammed the door on this scenario. She didn’t want to leave home. Not now anyway. She just wanted her mother to leave her alone and for Nola to be normal. She’d be moving out of the house in a few years anyway, hopefully going off to college and it would be nice to know they’d be okay without her.

  “Eve! We’re going to miss the bus!” Nola pounded each word out on the door.

  Eve took a breath. The key was not to engage. Not to get caught up in her mother’s roller coaster of emotions and in Nola being Nola. She opened the door, her face a blank canvas. “I’m walking today, Nola.”

  “Walking?” Nola repeated. “We can’t walk, it’s cold outside. Come on, if we hurry, we’ll make the bus.”

  “I want to walk today. It’s not that cold out.” Eve breezed into her bedroom, went to her closet and pulled out a long multicolored scarf that was as wonderful as it was hideous. Knitted together in an array of pink, red, purple, blue and green blocks with fat, furry yellow puff balls dangling from the ends, Eve knew she had to have it when Maggie spotted it last winter at a secondhand shop in Maquoketa.

  When she arrived home with it wrapped around her neck, Nola had scoffed. That is one butt-ugly scarf.

  Someone made this with their own two hands, Eve marveled. She picked out the colors and the yarn...

  Someone color-blind, Nola interrupted.

  Maybe she sat in a rocking chair in front of the fire or on the front porch and pieced it all together, Eve had mused. I love it.

  And she had worn it every cold day since. Eve looped it around her neck, retrieved her backpack and started down the steps.

  “Whatever,” Nola called after her. “Go ahead and freeze to death. I don’t care.”

  “Eve,” came her mother’s voice from the kitchen. “Eve, are you leaving? Aren’t you even going to say goodbye?” she asked as Eve opened the front door and stepped outside into the cold, brisk morning. It was still dark outside and no streetlights lined their street but both the Harper and Kennedy houses had their front porch lights on.

  She wanted to tell Maggie about breaking up with Nick, wanted to just talk. Eve had been so consumed with Nick the past few months that she was just realizing how quiet and withdrawn Maggie had been.

  Now she wondered if Maggie had been sick or if something was going on at home. Colin was always in some kind of trouble and Eve had walked in on a number of shouting matches between Colin and Chief Kennedy. Well, Chief Kennedy yelled and Colin just kind of simmered.

  Once Eve’s second home, the Kennedy house had taken on an aura of anxiety and unease. When Eve did go over there, Maggie rushed them up to her bedroom and shut the door soundly against the tension below.

  There was a time when Eve would simply announce her presence with a loud hello and then let herself into the Kennedy home, but not anymore. She never knew what argument she might walk in on and instead knocked and waited for someone to answer. Colin opened the door. “She’s upstairs,” he said. “But I’d turn around and go home—she’s in a mood.” Colin was dressed in his usual uniform of black jeans and paint-splattered black tee. He held on to the door frame with fingers that were perpetually smudged with black ink and brightly colored paint from the shop and art classes he took at school.

  “I’ll take my chances,” Eve said squeezing past him.

  “I warned you,” he called after her as she ran up the stairs. When she reached the top she glanced back down to find that Colin was gone. Colin was like that. One minute he was there, the next minute he disappeared. He always stayed off to the side, moved along the periphery watching, listening. He never had much to say, but Eve figured that when he did talk it was filled with ideas that were too big for a small town like Grotto.

  Maggie’s bedroom door was closed and like the front entrance, there was a time when she would burst right in, but it had been such a long while since they spent any time together, she felt shy, hesitant. She rapped lightly on the door and was immediately answered with a, “Go away, Colin!”

  “It’s me,” Eve called through the door. There was a moment of silence then the sound of footsteps across the wood floor. The door opened and Maggie stood before her, eyes red-rimmed and swollen.

  “Sorry,” Maggie said. “My brother is such a jerk. Come on in.”

  Eve stepped over the threshold and into the bedroom that she had always thought of as a sanctuary from the rest of the world. It was painted in a soft sage green and all the furniture matched. Substantial real wood furniture—and not covered in the half-ass coats of paint Eve’s mother gave everything. There was a tall dresser and two side tables on either side of a double bed. There was a bookshelf that went to the ceiling and a desk where Maggie could do her homework in the privacy of her own room.

  Maggie, still in her pajamas, flopped down on her bed and patted the floral-sprigged comforter for Eve to join her. Eve climbed up and lay on her back staring up at the textured popcorn ceiling. “You’re going to be late for school. Are you okay?” Eve asked, peeking over at her friend’s tearstained face.

  “Yeah,” Maggie said. “My brother is an idiot.”

  “I can relate. Nola is insane.”

  Maggie flipped over onto her back. “She is insane. Certifiable.”

  “I broke up with Nick,” Eve blurted out. “I can’t believe it, but I did.”

  Maggie sat up suddenly and gave Eve a playful punch in the arm. “Why didn’t you start with this information? This is huge! Was he okay about it? I mean, did he freak out?”

  Eve shook her head. “I don’t think he really believes I’m serious. When I left he acted like we were going to start right back up the same way.”

  “You always say you’re going to break up with Nick. Don’t you dare get back together with him,” Maggie said firmly. “You deserve so much better, Eve.” When Eve rolled her eyes, Maggie grabbed her hand. “No, I mean it. Nick is a jerk and I know he didn’t treat you well.” Eve felt her face flush.

  She never told Maggie about the grabs, the pushes, the occasional slaps, but somehow her best friend seemed to know.

  “Is there someone else?” Maggie asked.

  Eve thought about mentioning Shaun O’Keefe but something stopped her. He was just a friend from class. “Nope, nope and nope.” Eve shook her head from side to side. Seeing the skepticism on Maggie’s face she protested. “I mean it, there isn’t anyone. Boys are stupid.”

  “Most boys,” Maggie agreed. “But not all. You just haven’t met the right one yet.”

  “Oh, and you have?” Eve asked and a dark look passed over Maggie’s eyes as she swung her feet over the side of the bed. “Wait? What? Oh, come on!” Eve scrambled to her knees. “Who is it?”

  “There’s no boy,” Maggie sa
id but Eve wondered if she was being completely truthful. Ten years of friendship made Eve an expert on Maggie’s body language. It was subtle, but when Maggie lied she did this thing with her hands. She’d pinch the soft skin between her thumb and index finger. Eve had seen it a hundred times. The bigger the lie the harder the pinch. There were more obvious signs that Maggie wasn’t herself. She had lost weight and the circles under her eyes stood out in dark contrast against her pale skin.

  “Tell me,” Eve begged. “I know something’s wrong.”

  “I think I might have gotten in over my head with someone,” Maggie said, tears filling her eyes. “Someone too old for me.”

  Eve reached for her friend’s hand. “Who? What happened?”

  “I can’t talk about it.” Maggie swiped tears from her face. “Not right now.” Maggie glanced at her alarm clock. “Oh my God, I still have to shower. You want to ride to school with Colin and me?”

  “No, I’m going to walk today,” Eve said. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

  “I’m fine. Really. It’s nothing.”

  “Okay,” Eve said doubtfully. “But call me later, we’ll talk more.” Eve scanned Maggie’s bookshelf. “Hey, can I borrow a book? I have a feeling I’m going to be spending a lot of time at home over break.”

  “Sure, take whatever you want,” Maggie said as she got to her feet and began flicking through the clothes hanging in her closet.

  Eve ran her fingers across a row of spines until they landed on a thick book. She pulled it from Maggie’s shelf. The Thorn Birds. She read the back cover and decided that she could use a good long book to read over winter break. One that she could lock herself away with and not have to deal with her mom or Nola. One that would keep her mind off Nick.

  “You know you’ll probably just get back together with him,” Maggie said offhandedly as she pulled a shirt from a hanger.

  “No, I won’t,” Eve said. “Not this time.”

  “I’ve heard that before,” Maggie mumbled beneath her breath. “You always go back to him.”

  “Not this time. I really mean it,” Eve said with conviction.

  Maggie gave a derisive snort.

  Eve stared at her friend. Why was she being like this? “Why don’t you worry about the guy who’s too old for you and you let me worry about Nick,” Eve snapped.

  Maggie grabbed a towel off the floor. “Why don’t you just shut up?” Maggie shot back. “I wish I’d never said anything to you about it.”

  “Thanks for your support, Maggie,” Eve said, shaking her head. “You’re a great friend.”

  “And you are?” Maggie’s voice rose in anger. “You spend all your time with Nick and now all of a sudden you break up and you’re the friend of the year? I don’t think so. You’re only there for me when it’s convenient to you.”

  “That is not true,” Eve said, her voice quivering.

  “Just go,” Maggie said in disgust. “I have to get ready for school.”

  Trying to hold back her tears, Eve rushed down the steps, meeting Chief Kennedy at the bottom.

  “Hello, stranger,” the chief said with a smile. “We haven’t seen you around here lately.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been kind of busy,” Eve said, not making eye contact. She couldn’t wait to get out of there.

  “I’m glad you stopped by,” he said wistfully. “Maggie hasn’t been herself lately. Maybe you can cheer her up.”

  Eve couldn’t answer, afraid that she would burst into tears. She kept her head down and hurried out the front door.

  Eve slipped the book into her backpack and scurried past the Olhauser house, sure that the creepy neighbor was staring at her from behind the curtains, and trotted down the hill. What in the world was going on with Maggie? She wiped at her nose as she reached the bottom of the hill. A gaggle of kids, ranging from six to sixteen were already gathered at the bus stop on the corner. Two little girls in matching pink parkas stood beneath the streetlight, experimentally blowing frosty breaths into the air and giggling, while three preteen boys tossed a football back and forth. A cluster of older kids stood in a circle, laughing raucously. Eve’s stomach plummeted.

  “What are you going to do?” asked Robby Scheckel, a gangly sophomore with cheeks laced with acne, his voice rising above the crowd. “Dissect me? I’m so scared.” Again the group laughed.

  “Get the fuck away from me,” came Nola’s voice. It was steely and composed.

  “Leave her alone,” Eve called out as she ran toward the band of teens.

  “Hey, Eve,” Robby called out. “How does it feel to live with a freak? Aren’t you afraid to go to sleep at night?”

  “Real mature, a bunch of high schoolers picking on an eighth-grader,” Eve scoffed. “Your mothers must be so proud.”

  “Just looking out for small children and squirrels,” said a boy named Jason, sending the crowd into another round of laughter.

  “Just knock it off,” Eve said in resignation.

  “Or what?” Jason baited her. “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m not going to do anything, but maybe Nick will,” Eve snapped. She hadn’t meant to invoke Nick’s name but it was easier than continuing this stupid back-and-forth.

  “We’re just messing around.” Jason tried to smooth things over. Eve knew that if she asked Nick to shut the boys up, he would, except they were supposed to be broken up. “Come on, lighten up.” Jason scooped Nola up in a big hug.

  “Get off.” Nola lashed out, sending an elbow into his side. “You’re disgusting!”

  “Jesus,” Jason said, releasing her and then rubbing his ribs. “I was just joking. Relax.”

  Nola wasn’t going to relax. “Keep your hands off me,” she spat, shoving Jason away so that he fell backward into the crowd of teens. Eve saw Nola reach into her pocket and a surge of alarm coursed through her. She knew what Nola kept in her pocket.

  “Come on, Nola,” Eve said sharply, reaching for her sister’s arm. “Let’s go.”

  “I don’t need your help.” Nola shook her off. “And I don’t need your asshole boyfriend’s help either.”

  “Seriously?” Eve said in disbelief. “You know I’m your only friend, right? I’m so sick of you treating me like crap.”

  “I treat you like crap?” Nola raised her eyebrows. “I think you should be more worried about the way your boyfriend treats you.” Nola grabbed at Eve’s coat and shirt, lifting them to reveal her bruised ribs.

  The boys laughed again, this time uneasily.

  “Stop it,” Eve cried, slapping Nola’s hands away. “Get away from me.” She looked to the boys. “Forget what I said. Do whatever you want to her. I don’t care. But do it at your own risk.”

  First Maggie and now Nola. Everyone was turning against her. Eve turned and hurriedly moved down the street but after a short distance she felt a tug on her scarf.

  “I told you to get away.” She whirled around expecting to find Nola. Instead it was Shaun O’Keefe.

  “Whoa, sorry!” he said, raising his hand, stick-up style.

  “Sorry,” Eve said, instantly contrite. Shaun was a good guy, nothing like those other morons. He was two years older than Eve and they shared a study hall. Shaun would help Eve with her biology homework and Eve would proofread Shaun’s term papers.

  “You okay?” he asked with concern. Shaun lived outside of town and Eve found it odd that he was here.

  “Delivering a Christmas tree,” Shaun explained, seeing the questioning expression on Eve’s face. Shaun was nice looking in a wholesome, unimposing way, not especially handsome but he had a quick smile.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just having a bad morning,” Eve explained. “Bunch of jerks at the bus stop.”

  “You want me to beat them up for you?” Shaun gave a crooked grin.

  “Nah.” She laughed. “They aren
’t worth going to prison for.”

  “Want a ride the rest of the way to school?” he asked, pointing to his truck.

  Eve shook her head. “Thanks anyway.”

  “All right, see you later.” Shaun turned and walked away.

  The screech of brakes made Eve turn around. The bus had made its way back down the hill and paused at the stop sign to pick up the kids. One by one they filed onto the bus. Only Nola didn’t get on.

  Eve saw the arm worm out the window but it was the pop bottle in the kid’s hand that caused Eve’s stomach to drop. The dark-colored liquid flew from the window showering over Nola who stood there as if in shock. The bus began to inch forward and then the hand released the bottle, which struck Nola’s head and went bouncing across the pavement.

  “Freak!” came a shout. The bus erupted in laughter so loud that Eve heard it from a half a block away.

  Nola stood there dripping and looked back at Eve, her face filled with a helplessness that Nola rarely, if ever, saw. “Nola,” Eve called out to her sister, backtracking toward her. “Are you okay?”

  Nola ignored her and turned toward home.

  Eve made her way down another steep hill and once at the bottom turned left onto First Street. Two and a half more years. Two and a half more years and she could move out of the house. That seemed like an eternity.

  While she walked, the sun rose milky white behind leaden clouds awakening a brisk north wind. Eve had twenty minutes to make it to school before the first bell rang.

  The sun was rising about the treetops, splashing cold light across the windshield and the bus groaned and hissed as it crept past. Eve knew she should go after her sister to make sure that she was okay, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. Maybe this would teach Nola that she couldn’t treat people this way. Besides, Eve had bigger problems. Nick would be waiting for her at school and now, more than ever, she was resolved to end things with him. She would prove Maggie wrong. Eve hunched her shoulders against the cold and trudged toward school.