This Is How I Lied

by Heather Gudenkauf

  As Nola unsnapped the gun from its holster Maggie reached for it at the same time. They wrestled for it, their fingers clawing at the cold metal. It fell to the ground with a clatter along with the syringe. Maggie knew she was no match for Nola’s speed and strength and kicked out at the revolver, sending it skittering across the cave floor and down into a deep crevice filled with water.

  A shiny layer of sweat gleamed across Maggie’s face and her breath came in desperate hitches. “I don’t understand what’s happening.” Maggie planted one hand against the cave wall. “I did what you asked me to. Why would I double-cross you? You hold all the cards, Nola. You can trust me,” Maggie said through gritted teeth.

  “I don’t think so,” Nola said regretfully. “You know all my secrets now.”

  “And you know all mine,” Maggie gasped. “I need to get to a hospital,” she whimpered. “I can’t have my baby here.”

  “Well, you really aren’t in a position to make any demands now, are you?” Nola snapped as she slipped on a pair of latex gloves over her fingers.

  A contraction overtook Maggie and she pressed her palms against the coarse wall of the cave with a low guttural moan.

  “Five minutes apart now,” Nola said looking at her watch. When the spasm passed, Maggie lowered herself to her knees as if in prayer and pressed her forehead against the limestone.

  “Do you want me to turn myself in for killing Eve? I will. I’ll do it. I’ll do it right now. But please, you have to get me to the hospital.”

  Nola sighed as if dealing with an annoying petulant child. “I still want Nick to take the blame for this. I will take great joy watching him being taken into custody. Now if only I could count on you to keep your mouth shut.” Nola shook her head.

  “I won’t tell,” Maggie cried. “I promise. Please,” she begged. “Please, call for help.” Maggie felt a rush of liquid and then blood bloomed between her legs. “Oh, God! Please, Nola, something’s wrong. Call 911.”

  “Lie down, Maggie,” Nola ordered. “The baby is coming.”

  “No, no,” Maggie shouted, shaking her head from side to side. “Someone help! Please, help me!” Tears streamed down her face and she struggled to catch her breath.

  Nola was a little bit afraid of this. Maggie going into full panic mode. Nola wasn’t worried that someone was going to hear her.

  “Shhh, now,” Nola said pulling a scalpel from her backpack. “Lie down and I’ll take care of you.” she cooed.

  “Please don’t let my baby die,” Maggie beseeched. “Please, Nola, please.” She reached up and grabbed a fistful of Nola’s shirt. Her eyes were wide and haunted. “Eve wouldn’t want this. She wouldn’t want you to do this.”

  Using her free hand, the one not holding the scalpel, Nola smoothed Maggie’s hair, slick with sweat, away from her face. “You have no idea what Eve would have wanted. You killed my sister and I’m afraid you’re going to have to pay for what you’ve done.”

  EVE KNOX

  Friday, December 22, 1995

  3:20 p.m.

  Eve stared down at the red piece of paper. The C had to mean Cam Harper, Eve thought as she folded the paper back into its bird shape. She had heard Cam call Maggie a little bird. More than once. Eve debated whether to confront Maggie with it. Not to use against Maggie. But to help her, in case Maggie needed proof. They could show it to Maggie’s dad or maybe to Miss Cress. Miss Cress would know what to do. Eve couldn’t wait until this awful year was over. 1996 had to be better, right?

  The house phone rang and Eve picked up the receiver absentmindedly. “Eve, what’s wrong?” Nick asked. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

  Eve’s mind swirled with thoughts of Maggie and Cam Harper. “I can’t talk right now, Nick,” she said and hung up the phone and seconds later it rang again. She lifted the receiver and pressed it to her ear.

  “I mean it, Eve,” Nick said. “I’m coming over there. You have to talk to me.”

  “I don’t have to talk to you,” Eve snapped back. “Do not come over here, Nick. I don’t want to see you. It’s over.”

  “It’s not over. I’m coming over right now and you are going to talk to me. You can’t do this,” Nick was shouting.

  Eve slammed down the phone and when it started ringing again she pressed her hands to her ears. Nick was acting insane and she knew that he would be here in a matter of minutes and when he arrived Eve didn’t want to be around.

  She grabbed her coat and rushed from the house and over to the Harper house where she knew that Maggie was babysitting. They needed to talk about the note. How could Maggie have kept this from her? They were best friends. It was so wrong. Eve wasn’t angry at Maggie but enraged for her. Cam Harper was an adult. A married man with two kids and Maggie was only fifteen. It was gross. People went to jail for things like this.

  Eve hurried down the steps and out the front door. Without looking around, she crossed over to the Harpers’ yard and heard laughter coming from the side of the house. She followed the giggles and found the twins bundled up in their parkas and stocking hats, kicking a soccer ball back and forth. They were engrossed in their play and Eve decided not to interrupt them. She knocked on the front door but got no answer. Tentatively, Eve opened the door and stepped inside, careful to wipe her feet on the rug. “Maggie,” she called out and wandered toward the kitchen and the scent of brown sugar and vanilla. The sink was filled with measuring cups and mixing bowls. Maggie must have made cookies.

  With Riley and Rebecca outside, Eve and Maggie could talk uninterrupted and maybe Maggie could explain to her what was going on. Eve searched the main floor but Maggie was nowhere to be found. Eve made her way up the stairs. She paused to look out the window and could see the twins still playing on the side lawn, their shouts floating up toward her.

  The twins’ bedrooms were empty as were the two guest rooms. The bathroom door was ajar and it was dark inside. Eve turned to go back downstairs when a noise startled her. The door to the master bedroom was shut but she could hear a man’s voice on the other side. It was low and honey-warm and made Eve’s stomach roil. It was Cam Harper’s voice.

  Eve heard creaks and soft moans and the unmistakable sound of two people having sex. Not sex, Eve thought. Rape. Maggie was only fifteen. Eve wanted to throw up, wanted to run from the house but the thought of Maggie in there with that man stopped her.

  Before she could stop herself, Eve was pounding on the door. “Maggie, Maggie,” she called. “Are you in there? Are you okay?”

  She was met with silence, then heard the rustle of clothing. “I’m okay,” Maggie finally called through the door, her voice unnaturally high. “Go home, Eve. I’ll call you later.”

  Tears burned Eve’s eyes as she rushed down the steps and hesitated about what to do next. She had hoped that it had all been a mistake, that she had misunderstood what was written in the note, but it was all true. There was no way she was leaving. She slipped into the hall closet. She would wait for Cam to leave and she and Maggie would talk.

  Above her she heard one low, angry voice in tandem with a desperate one. The rat-a-tat of footsteps coming down the steps echoed through the house.

  “Jesus,” Cam growled. “Your friends just walk into my house like it’s their own?” Eve held her breath. She had never heard Cam so angry.

  “I’m sorry,” Maggie cried. “Eve won’t say anything. I promise.”

  “Dammit,” Cam said. “You need to tell her she made a mistake. That it wasn’t me. That you brought some high school kid in here. I mean it, Maggie. You have to fix this. I wasn’t here this afternoon. Got it? I don’t care what you have to do, but you make sure that she keeps her mouth shut.”

  Their voices faded as they moved through the house. Then it was quiet again and Eve’s face burned at the thought of what Cam and Maggie had been doing upstairs. He was an old man. It was gross. Sick. Finally, she heard the cli
ck of the back door closing.

  A cacophony of footsteps filled the front entryway and a rush of cold air crept in. “I’m hungry,” came Riley’s voice.

  “Me too,” came Rebecca’s. Then came the sound of zippers and the shedding of coats and boots.

  “Come on,” Maggie said, her voice shaking. “Grab a cookie and you can watch TV until dinnertime,” Maggie said, her voice shaking with emotion. “One each,” she called after them.

  Eve stayed hidden as she listened to Maggie and the kids pound down the stairs to the television room. The frenetic music from a cartoon drifted upward. A few minutes later Eve heard Maggie’s heavy footfalls as she came up the steps.

  Eve emerged from her hiding spot and found Maggie in the kitchen leaning against the sink, crying. “Maggie,” she said softly, “what have you done?”

  Maggie looked up, her face awash with fear. “Eve, it’s not what you think.”

  Eve shook her head. “I heard you with Mr. Harper. Maggie, why? He’s old. And married.”

  “You heard wrong,” Maggie said flatly and crossed her arms across her chest as if daring Eve to argue with her.

  “Maggie, don’t lie to me,” Eve said. “I heard you. I came upstairs to find you and I heard you.”

  “So?” Maggie said. “So what? It’s none of your business. Worry about your own boyfriend, not mine.”

  “Boyfriend?” Eve’s voice rose. “Mr. Harper isn’t your boyfriend. He’s a pervert. You’re only fifteen! It’s against the law.”

  Maggie flinched as if she had been slapped. “You aren’t going to say anything, are you?”

  “I have to,” Eve said, her voice filled with sorrow. “I have to say something. It’s not right. We’ll go to Miss Cress. She’ll help you.”

  “You can’t do that. Please, Eve,” Maggie begged.

  Eve opened the front door, desperate to get out of there, and saw Nick Brady pounding on her own front door. She couldn’t go that way. She turned and made her way through to the back of the house with Maggie right behind her. “Please, Eve, if you tell I swear to God I’ll never forgive you. I swear our friendship is over.” Eve hurried through the kitchen.

  “Stop for a minute.” Maggie pulled at her elbow but Eve brushed her off, opened the back door and stepped out into the cold.

  Eve had to tell someone. Her mother? No, her mom was useless in times of crisis. Mrs. Harper. God, no. She couldn’t see herself calling Maggie’s dad. How could she tell him that his daughter was having sex with a grown man?

  Eve ran toward the pine trees that edged the bluffs. From there the only place to go was down the trail that led to the caves.

  Part of her wanted to stay with Maggie and try to talk some sense into her but Eve knew Maggie too well. If Maggie wasn’t ready to talk, she wouldn’t. She would fold her arms across her chest and refuse to speak. But they were best friends; they would get through this. Eve would stick by Maggie no matter what; that’s what friends did.

  NOLA KNOX

  Friday, December 22, 1995

  3:55 p.m.

  The snow was just beginning to fall when Nola rounded the corner. Nick Brady’s car was sitting in front of their house. Great, she thought. He was pounding on the front door but no one answered. Nola paused. She didn’t especially want to run into Eve’s stupid boyfriend. Though Nola was only thirteen years old she knew better than her older sister what bad news Nick was. Nola scoffed at their relationship, told Eve she was stupid for being with such a jerk, but she was truly worried about her sister. Nick slammed his fist on the door one more time and then turned, rushed to his car and sped away.

  Nola jogged the rest of the way to the house and pushed open the door. It was quiet. No music or television blaring. “Eve,” she called out. She slipped off her coat and hung it on the hook by the door. She had decided to come home to try to talk to her sister again, to get her to understand that what happened with the dog was no big deal. “Eve,” she shouted again. No answer.

  Eve had it all wrong. The dog was already dead. Nola had happened on it by accident. Pissed off at Eve and the assholes at the bus stop, Nola needed to be by herself and decided the caves were as good a place as any. No one would look for her there except for Eve of course.

  Nola hadn’t seen any obvious signs of traumatic injury on the dog’s body. She’d taken off her glove and buried her hand into its thick fur. The skin beneath was still warm. She searched for a pulse and found none. Maybe the dog was hit by a car on the highway and then dragged itself to the caves to die. Maybe it had died of old age. It would be hard to tell without checking more closely.

  Nola had pulled out her pocketknife, not ideal but it would work. She sliced only once. An even measured cut, her hand steady. She felt something that she had never encountered before, something that she couldn’t put a name to. But then Eve came upon her and ran away horrified.

  It wasn’t fair, Nola thought. People just didn’t understand.

  Nola went upstairs in search of Eve. She pushed open her bedroom door and found it empty. Eve’s bed was rumpled, the book she was reading sitting on the pillow. Nola picked it up and returned it to the bookshelf. She wandered to the window. From this high vantage point Nola could see the entire neighborhood. It was quiet now. Most of the adults off at work. Mrs. Olhauser was probably in her kitchen baking spritz cookies.

  A flash of color streaked across the Harpers’ long backyard. Eve, hurrying toward the bluffs, then disappearing as she stutter-stepped down the side of the bluff. Interesting, Nola thought. Then a few moments later came Maggie running after Eve. Even more interesting.

  Something was happening. Nola rushed down the stairs, grabbed her coat. Felt for the heaviness of the knife in her pocket. It was getting colder and the snow was coming down in lazy loops. The cold, Nola thought, would help with preserving the dog but the moisture from the snow could cause a problem. Quietly, Nola fell into step behind Maggie Kennedy.

  NOLA KNOX

  Monday, June 22, 2020

  Nola, scalpel in hand, looked down on Maggie whose eyes were glazed over with pain. This was taking too long, Nola thought. An hour had already passed since they arrived at the caves and the chance of someone coming across Maggie’s car was growing. Nola needed to speed things up. She had to admit, though, that this was more fun than she thought it would be.

  “Focus,” Nola said sharply and gave a quick slap to Maggie’s cheek. Maggie’s eyes snapped open with fear. “I need you to listen to me, Maggie. Did you really think I would let you get away with killing my sister?”

  “I’m sorry,” Maggie said bracing herself for another contraction. “I swear I didn’t mean for it to go that far!”

  “Are you sure?” Nola asked, unconvinced. “You killed her, Maggie. It sure seems like you were more than willing to let it go that far.”

  Maggie moaned in pain. “I don’t understand why you are doing this,” Maggie cried. “Just tell me what you want.”

  “It’s pretty simple, really,” Nola said curtly. “I want Nick Brady to go down for what he did to me. And I want you to pay for what you did to my sister. See if you can keep up.” Nola stood upright and tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Nick beats up Eve and gets away with it. You kill Eve and get away with it. Nick sexually assaults me and gets away with it. See a pattern here?”

  “I was hurt too,” Maggie tried to explain. “Cam Harper hurt me. Please, we can stop all this right now. We can end it.”

  “Damn right, we can,” Nola said triumphantly. “So this is what’s going to happen. Or at least what people are going to think happened. Nick killed Eve. With the new investigation you began to suspect Nick. The DNA will eventually back that up. In the meantime, Nick kills you. Nick gets arrested for two murders.” Nola smiled as she held up another small syringe, this one filled with what looked like blood. “What do you think, Maggie? Does that cover things?”
r />   EVE KNOX

  Friday, December 22, 1995

  4:00 p.m.

  Eve carefully picked her way down the bluff. The rocky terrain was slick and she held on to spindly tree branches to help steady herself. She was afraid for her friend. Mr. Harper knew that Eve was in the house, that she was aware of what was going on between the two of them. Eve needed a few minutes to catch her breath, to clear her head so she could figure out what to do next. And she needed to make sure that Nick wasn’t staked out in front of the house.

  If Cam Harper was horrible enough to have sex with a teenage girl, what would he do to try to keep it quiet? She shivered at the rage she heard in his voice when Cam told Maggie to take care of things.

  Behind her, Eve could hear Maggie calling her name. She hoped that Maggie would give up and go back to the Harpers’. Eve didn’t want to be talked out of this. Loose stones shifted beneath her feet and she reached for a branch, the pine needles leaving behind a sticky sap on her palms. She stopped, regained her footing and cautiously continued downward.

  When she finally reached the bottom of the bluff she was breathing heavily and her legs ached. The caves loomed in front of her. She would stay here for a little while, then go back home. Nick couldn’t sit outside her house forever.

  Eve peered into the scowling mouth of the cave. It was dark and still. Daylight was fading fast and Eve was hesitant to step over the threshold but she was curious. She had never been here in the dead of winter and had never come alone. When she and Maggie came during the warmer months, they were used to the sound of dripping water, a constant plunk, plunk that Eve found comforting.

  But now it was quiet. Too quiet. And too dark. When they did come, they always made sure to come armed with flashlights. Without a beam of light to guide her way, Eve felt naked, exposed to whatever might be lying in wait behind each limestone corner. Thoughts of coyotes and bats crossed Eve’s mind.