by Piper James
Unless…
I perked up as a plan started to formulate in my mind. If I could somehow trigger Nate’s asshole side, it would remind me of why I hated him for so long. And maybe those feelings of dislike and disgust would overrule the more tender feelings I’d been plagued by for the last few weeks.
Maybe it would poison that seed of love I was having such a hard time destroying.
I sat down on the couch to wait for Nate, ideas flowing through my head. It could work. If I could breed animosity between us again, things would go back to normal.
There’d be no more longing. No more regrets.
I’d be able to move on. Maybe I’d start dating more and find someone I could truly love, who loved me in return. I ignored the way my stomach turned at the thought.
I got up and went to the kitchen. Plucking the ring from the counter, I slipped it back onto my finger.
It was what I needed to do if I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, pining over what might’ve been. I needed to get over Nate Walton. And that process would begin tonight.
33
Nate
Ivy looked amazing. She always looked beautiful to me, but the leather jacket and boots somehow gave her an air of badass confidence I hadn’t seen before. It was sexy as hell.
We kept ourselves at a distance and made polite conversation until we got to the bar. Then it was show time.
I helped Ivy from the Mustang and wrapped an arm around her waist. She stiffened at my touch while the smile on her lips contradicted her discomfort. We walked into The Bullpen like that, outwardly affectionate while inwardly cringing.
This was fucking harder than I thought it was going to be.
Ivy slid into a booth, and this time, I took the bench across the table from her. The questioning look in her eyes vanished the moment I noticed it, and she looked down to peruse the drink menu. As our waitress neared, I stretched a hand across the table, and Ivy took it without even glancing up at me.
“What can I get you?” the waitress asked, popping out a hip as her eyes devoured me.
I was used to that reaction, but tonight I found it particularly distasteful. Didn’t she see me holding hands with Ivy? The girl across from me who outshined every other woman in the place, including her?
“I’ll have a light beer. Whatever you have on tap is fine,” I said, then turned my gaze to Ivy.
She was staring at the waitress with a critical eye. Nothing negative, but like she was sizing her up for some reason.
“I’ll have the same,” she said, dropping the drink menu to the table. “And some chips and salsa.”
“You got it,” the server said, writing on her notepad before looking back at me and shooting me a wink.
“She’s pretty,” Ivy said as the girl sashayed away.
“I guess,” I said, feeling distinctly uncomfortable.
“Maybe you should hit that,” she said, her face completely blank.
“Excuse me?” I replied, incredulous. Hit that?
“Why not?” she asked, turning her gaze back to the waitress as she put in our order at the bar. “She’s hot and obviously interested. Isn’t that the kind of girl you usually go for?”
What in the actual fuck?
“What are you doing, Ivy?” I asked, and she slipped her hand out of mine and dropped it to her lap.
“I’m trying to be your friend. You know, like a wing-man, or something.”
“I don’t need a wing-man, or a wing-woman for that matter,” I said, sighing.
What had gotten into her? Real or no, I would never hit on another woman while I was on a date. Especially not while on a date with Ivy.
“I was just trying to let you know I wouldn’t be upset if you decided to make a move. That’s all.”
“Thanks, but I’m good,” I said, but she just shrugged and looked away.
We sat in silence until the waitress returned with our beers, chips, and salsa. As she approached, Ivy perked up. Thanking her for the beer with a big smile, Ivy stopped the waitress from leaving with a hand on her arm.
“Excuse me, what’s your name?”
“Amber,” the server said, raising a questioning brow.
“So, Amber,” Ivy said, chancing a quick glance at me before refocusing on the woman, “are you single?”
“Are you hitting on me?” Amber asked, popping out a hip and resting her hand there. “Because if you are, you should know I’m straight as a fencepost.”
“You know, moisture can warp the wood, making it not so straight,” I chimed in, shooting Ivy a wink. If she was going to play games, so could I.
She narrowed her eyes at me before looking back at Amber. “I’m not hitting on you. I was just wondering, because I might have a friend who’d be interested.”
“Really? Is he good looking?”
“Eh,” Ivy said, tilting her hand back and forth, “he’s all right.”
I crossed my eyes and bucked my top teeth out, but Ivy didn’t laugh. She just gave me another irritated look before turning her attention back to her conversation.
“But I hear he’s excellent in bed. Some might even say his dick is…magic.”
“I think those reports are grossly exaggerated,” I cut in.
“I don’t know,” Ivy said, tapping a finger against her chin. “You can only hear something so many times before you start to believe it.”
“That’s the danger of rumors. Wouldn’t you agree, Amber?” I replied, looking up at the waitress.
“I…uh…” she started, but Ivy saved her.
“I assure you, these rumors are true.”
“Are you telling me you know from first-hand experience, my love? Who is this friend? And how long has it been since you fucked him?”
“Ex-c-cuse me. I have to get back to work,” Amber stuttered before rushing away.
“What the hell, Nate?”
“I should be asking you that,” I retorted, leaning over the table so I could keep my voice down. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I told you,” she said, most of the fire draining from her. “I was just trying to help you.”
“And I told you I don’t need your help.”
“Of course you don’t,” she said.
She looked away from me, taking a sip of her beer as if those words settled something in her mind. I just wasn’t sure what.
“Ivy—”
“Just drop it, Nate. This is our last date together. Might as well enjoy the food and drinks.”
We sat in silence after that, drinking our beers and eating the snacks. Outwardly, we appeared civil. Ivy made sure to smile if she felt someone looking at us. She flashed her ring around, and my mood grew sourer by the minute.
I didn’t like how fake she was acting. I didn’t like her refusal to make any further eye contact with me. I didn’t like how she said it was our “last date,” like it was no big deal to her.
Or that she was in a hurry for this to be over with.
And I especially didn’t like how my chest hurt at the idea, or how my stomach dropped at the end of the date when she slid the ring off her finger and handed it to me.
It really was over.
“Hey.”
“What are you doing here, Rafe?”
I spun around and stalked back to the couch, leaving the front door open. That was the only invitation Rafe was going to get. I was in a foul mood, and didn’t feel like having company.
“Jesus, what crawled up your ass and died?” he asked as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. “This is the second time you’ve answered the door like that.”
“If you’re just going to be an asshole, you can leave,” I growled.
“I think you cornered the market on dickish behavior today, little bro,” he replied, moving to stand in front of me. “What’s going on?”
I closed my eyes and sighed. “I don’t know, man. I’m sorry. I’m just in a mood today.”
He went into the
kitchen, grabbed two bottles of water, then came back and plopped down on the couch next to me. Handing me one of the bottles, he twisted the top off his and took a long swig.
“Tell me what happened. Maybe I can help.”
“I doubt you can fix this, Rafe.”
“Try me,” he said.
Taking a deep breath, I set my water on the coffee table and told him about my date with Ivy the night before. He sat quietly, listening to the whole thing without interrupting.
“So she was actively trying to set you up with your waitress?” he asked when I finished.
“Yep,” I said, popping the “p” for emphasis.
“And how did that make you feel?”
I arched a brow at him. “What are you, my shrink?”
“You’re deflecting, Nate. Answer the question.”
How did it make me feel?
“Angry, at first. Then amused. I tried to play along like it was a big joke, but Ivy was dead-serious. Then I just felt…wounded. Like she stabbed me in the chest and jiggled the knife around to cause a little extra damage.”
He nodded thoughtfully, then asked, “Why do you think she was trying so hard to hook you up with someone else?”
“Hell, if I know,” I said, throwing my hands into the air. “I told her to stop. I told her I didn’t need her help.”
“And what did she say to that?”
“She said, ‘Of course you don’t. Let’s enjoy our last date,’ and refused to speak to me the rest of the night.”
Rafe tilted his head to observe my expression. “So…are you more upset that she was trying to set you up with another woman, or that she said it was your last date?”
“I don’t know. Both?” I said, shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over, anyway. Charity is done toying with me, and Barb’s car is being delivered from the upholstery shop tomorrow. The terms of our deal have been met.”
My stomach dropped as I said the words, and I unconsciously rubbed the area with my hand. Something was wrong with me. Maybe I needed to see a doctor. With that thought, I looked back at Rafe.
“Can you give me a physical, or something?” I asked.
“What? Why?” he blurted, looking confused.
“I don’t know. Something is wrong with me.”
“What are your symptoms?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.
“Intermittent chest pains—could be heartburn. Nausea. Lack of energy.”
“And when did these symptoms begin?” he asked.
“I don’t know…a couple of weeks ago?”
“I don’t think you’re sick, Nate,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“What’s wrong with me, then?”
“It sounds like you’re in love.”
My first instinct was to scoff, but the laughter died in my chest. My breathing became erratic as my heart pounded out a staccato rhythm.
“No,” I whispered.
“Yes,” Rafe said. “These so-called symptoms started after you and Ivy decided to put a halt to things between you and keep things platonic, right?” He held up his palms at my questioning look. “Jessa told me. And they keep getting worse as the distance between you spreads?”
My wide eyes stared at him, and something inside me clicked into place. Could he have been right? Was I in love with Ivy Anderson?
I knew the answer before I finished thinking the question.
The new question was, what was I going to do about it?
34
Ivy
I put on some clean clothes, brushed my teeth, and tried to pinch some color into my cheeks. Rafe had called and asked if we could hang out, and he was on his way over. It had been far too long since we’d spent any quality time together, and I was trying to perk myself up so I wouldn’t be a total downer.
I put on a pot of coffee, and as I watched the thin stream dribble into the pot, I tried not to think about Nate.
My attempt to lure out the asshole in him had been a complete failure. He’d been rightfully offended that I’d be so brazen as to try to hook him up with another woman instead of taking the bait like I was sure he would.
So I’d latched onto one thing he said—that he didn’t need any help getting women—and ran with it as a last-ditch effort to harden my heart against him. The problem was, I knew he didn’t mean it the way I was trying to interpret it. I thought I could convince myself he meant he could get any woman he wanted with his magic dick.
That my time with him didn’t matter. That he’d be onto his next conquest without my help. And soon.
But hard as I tried, I just didn’t see him that way anymore. I saw the sweet, funny guy he’d introduced me to over the last few weeks. I saw his secret smiles that were only for me. I saw the man that gave me the greatest pleasure of my life.
I was in love with him. And that depressed the hell out of me, because I couldn’t have him.
A knock sounded at the door, and I shook off my dark thoughts. Infusing a little pep in my step, I hurried over and swung it open for Rafe.
“Hey, you,” I said. “Come on in. Want some coffee?”
“Sure,” he said, looking at me strangely as he stepped inside.
I ignored the look and breezed into the kitchen. Pulling two oversized mugs from the cabinet, I poured two cups of coffee, adding cream and sugar to mine.
When I met him in the living room, Rafe asked, “How many of these have you had?”
“This is my first one,” I said, handing his cup to him. “Why?”
“You’re acting a little manic. You’re not taking diet pills or anything, right?”
“No, Rafe,” I groaned.
We were both in the medical field, and we both knew how ineffective and possibly dangerous so-called weight loss drugs were.
“Is it meth, then?”
“Shut up,” I said, nudging him with my toe. “Tell me, how is Jessa? Did she have her first prenatal yet?”
“Yesterday,” he said, grinning. “We heard the baby’s heartbeat.”
He was positively glowing, which made me smile. It was the first real one I’d formed in a while.
“I’m so happy for you, Rafe.”
“Thanks,” he said, then cleared his throat. “So, enough about me. What’s going on with you? We’ve been on opposite shifts for so long, I feel like it’s been forever since I saw you.”
“It’s been a week,” I deadpanned. “And nothing new here. Same old, same old. How are plans coming along for the wedding?”
“Nuh-uh,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ve known you for a long time, Ivy, and I know when you’re trying to hide something. Out with it.”
“Rafe. I can’t,” I said, my breaths puffing out erratically.
“Ivy, listen to me,” he said, setting down his coffee mug to lay a hand on my knee. “I’m your best friend. You can talk to me. I won’t judge, and nothing you say will leave this apartment.”
“Not even when Jessa asks?” I countered, one side of my mouth lifting.
“Not even then,” he stated. “Though, if I were a betting man, I’d put my money on the fact that she already knows whatever it is.”
It was true. At our last girls’ night, the truth had been torn from me no matter how tightly I tried to hang onto it. Jessa and the others were the ones that made me face the fact that my feelings for Nate had evolved.
“It’s your brother,” I mumbled.
“I figured as much. What did he do now?”
“He didn’t do anything,” I said, perhaps a little bit too vehemently.
“So, what did he not do?” Rafe countered.
He didn’t love me.
I didn’t realize I’d said the words out loud until Rafe’s head jerked back. I could feel my face heating with a blush, and one look at me had Rafe’s expression smoothing out.
“How do you know?” he asked.
“How do I know what?”
“That he doesn’t love you,” he clarified.
A sardon
ic laugh burst from me, but Rafe didn’t smile.
“You can’t be serious,” I said.
“Do you think he’s incapable of love?”
“I…uh…no. I’ve seen his love for you and Lola. His love for his work. I just think he’s incapable of loving me.”
“Why would you think that, Ivy? You’re an amazing woman. Beautiful. Caring. Fun as hell.”
“He ended things, Rafe.”
“Didn’t you try to end them first?”
“Yeah, but—”
“But, nothing,” he cut in. “People make mistakes. Stupid judgment calls when they think they’re doing the right thing. Have you told him how you feel?”
“No. Of course, not.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to get hurt.”
“And yet, here you are,” he said, gesturing a hand to encompass all of me.
“An outright rejection would hurt worse,” I argued.
“If you say so.”
“Damn it, Rafe. Don’t patronize me,” I gritted out between clenched teeth.
“Ah, there she is,” he said, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. “Don’t lose that fire, Ivy. It’s what makes you…you. Now, what would the girl who told my asshole brother off on a regular basis do?”
“Hide under the covers while eating all the ice cream?” I offered. When he just stared at me, I slouched down. “I don’t know if I can.”
“Tell him how you feel, Ivy. Let the chips fall where they may. Otherwise, you’ll spend your whole life wondering what might’ve been.”
My conversation with Rafe lingered in my thoughts the rest of the day, plaguing me with indecision. I decided to run out and find Nate no less than seven times, but my doubts and insecurities kept me firmly planted in my apartment.
Not knowing what else to do, I sent out a nine-one-one via my group chat with the girls, and they were on their way over now. I wanted to lay everything out on the table for them and get their opinions. They’d already dragged most of the details out of me the last time they were here, and had advised me to tell Nate how I felt.
