by Piper James
But that was when I only thought it was a strong sexual attraction with a fair amount of affection. It was before I realized I loved him.
“We have arrived,” Karly called out dramatically when I opened the door for them. She whooshed past me bearing two bottles that she held up like prized trophies—margarita mix and a fifth of tequila. “And we come bearing gifts.”
“Don’t mind her, Ivy,” Felicia said as she followed Karly inside. “She’s been streaming that new historical romance series everyone is talking about and fancies herself a duchess.”
I laughed at the terrible British accent she affected with those last words, then turned to say hi to Jessa.
“Hey. Thanks for coming,” I said, closing the door behind her.
“Of course,” she replied, shrugging out of her coat. “I’ve got your back. Besides, I have a feeling these two are going to take full advantage of this pregnancy and make me their designated driver on a regular basis.”
She motioned toward the others. Karly was raiding my freezer for ice while Felicia set up the blender.
“Make Jessa a virgin,” I called out to them as she and I settled on the couch.
“Too late for that!” Karly quipped, laughing at her own joke.
Jessa rolled her eyes before settling her gaze on me. “How are you holding up?”
Her concerned expression and low tone immediately put me on the defensive. I knew I was being irrational, but these were special circumstances.
“Did Rafe tell you he came to see me?”
Jessa cocked her head at my tone. “He did say he came by, but he didn’t tell me what you guys talked about…and I didn’t ask.”
I groaned and closed my eyes. “I’m sorry, Jessa. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Something is obviously bothering her, and I’d bet my last dollar it has to do with N-A-T-E,” Felicia said, whispering the letters as she handed Jessa her virgin margarita.
“You know I can hear you, right?”
“That’s why it’s called a stage whisper,” she shot back with a wink before rejoining Karly in the kitchen.
Once everyone was settled with a drink in their hand, the three of them turned their attention to me. I took a drink of my margarita, cringing a little as the tequila burned my throat. Then taking a deep breath, I spewed out the words in one long run-on sentence.
“I’m in love with Nate but I’m scared because he doesn’t love me and I don’t know what to do and it’s driving me crazy.”
The silence was deafening as they absorbed my words. I nervously took another long pull off my drink, bracing myself for their response.
“How do you know he doesn’t love you?” Jessa asked, her words slow and careful.
“Because I just know,” I said.
Real eloquent, Ivy.
“But how do you know?” Felicia asked. “We need all the details if we’re going to make an informed decision on how to advise you.”
“Have you asked him?” Karly added.
“What? No,” I blurted.
“Have you told him how you feel?” Felicia asked.
“No.”
“Then how do you know?” Jessa repeated.
“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” I asked, my tone getting defensive again. “He had his fun with me, and now he’s done. He said it himself, that the sex clouded our judgment. That I was right, and we should end our arrangement the way it started—a business deal with zero benefits.”
Those weren’t his exact words, but close enough.
“Maybe he was only saying what he thought you wanted to hear,” Karly offered. “You did try to end the physical aspect of your relationship first.”
“That’s because I was getting swept up by my feelings. It was confusing. And dangerous.”
The three of them gave me matching pointed looks that I didn’t understand.
When it was apparent I wasn’t getting it, Felicia huffed. “Who’s to say he wasn’t experiencing the same dangerous confusion? Ivy, it’s obvious you have a connection. We’ve all seen it. There is no way Nate is not feeling it.”
“And that’s the real problem,” I murmured, looking at each of their faces. “If he does have feelings for me, and he surrenders to them, then he’ll lose his freedom.”
“Love is not a prison,” Jessa muttered.
“It is when you have to contain the basic characteristics that make you who you are. Nate is the type to have random sex with random girls in public places. If he were to commit himself to me, that would end. Or it wouldn’t, and I’d be devastated.”
Again.
35
Nate
The Bel Air was ready, and I’d texted Ivy to let her know she could come give it a final inspection and set up the delivery to her mother. I hoped she would agree to let me drive it out myself, rather than setting up a flatbed to transport it out there. I’d spent so much time making sure everything was perfect, and I wanted to experience driving this beauty before it slipped out of my life.
Like Ivy.
I’d been in a foul mood for days. Torn between storming over to her house to demand she give us a real shot and letting her go to live her life the way she wanted, I’d been on a never-ending carousel. I felt like I was constantly moving up and down while spinning around and around with no clear destination. No resolution.
I was in love with her. The concept was so simple, yet it was the most complicated situation I’d ever been in. Despite the fun we had together and our obvious physical chemistry, Ivy had gone back to hating me.
I wished I could say I didn’t know why. But honestly, I knew this was all my own fault.
I got scared and ruined everything by telling her we should backtrack. Make things simple and nonsexual. Why did I even do that? Why did I hit the brakes on something I never wanted to end?
Because I was an idiot. Because my feelings were intense and alien, and rather than tell Ivy the truth, I decided to cut and run to save myself from any possible pain if and when she ultimately rejected me.
And by not fighting for me, for what we had, she’d proven—at least in my mind—that I’d been right to do it.
“Fucking idiot,” I mumbled, running a soft cloth over the hood of the car.
Ivy deserved better than that. She deserved the truth. She deserved to be loved.
“Hey, Nate. Is she ready?”
I looked up to see Dane walking toward me, his eyes glued to the Bel Air. A smile spread across his face as he circled the vehicle, examining every inch of her for flaws or imperfections.
I had put down the top and hung some red fuzzy dice that matched the paint job on the rearview mirror. The seats were white leather trimmed with red and the steering wheel had been covered with leather of the same shade. Clean and shiny whitewall tires threaded with chrome and red rims completed the look.
“Yeah, she’s ready,” I said before mumbling, “I’m not so sure I am, though.”
“Are you going to tell her?” Dane asked, no longer referring to the car.
“I think I have to,” I admitted. “I’m miserable without her. I know chances are slim to none that she’ll give me a chance to prove I can be a good partner. But I have to try.”
“I think you might be surprised,” Dane said, but before I could ask him what he meant, Ivy’s voice called out from the waiting room. “That’s my cue. Good luck.”
He slapped me on the back and headed inside. I heard him tell Ivy she could find me out in the garage before the tap-tap-tap of her booted heels echoed around me. The sound mimicked my pounding heart as I waited for Ivy to get her first look at the Bel Air.
A frown crinkled her forehead as she moved closer, her eyes on the floor in front of her. When she finally looked up, she froze in her tracks. Her mouth fell open and her chest heaved, followed a second later by a stream of tears splashing on her cheeks.
“Ivy,” I said, rushing toward her. “Are you okay?”
Pulling her eyes away from the c
ar to look at me for the first time, she shook her head. Turning her gaze back to the car, she moved toward it, her steps slow and measured like she was afraid it would disappear if she moved too fast.
“When I was young, my dad showed me pictures of these cars from the fifties. He would tell me that one day, this car would look like that again.” Her eyes met mine as she reached inside to stroke the buttery leather of the driver’s seat. “It’s perfect, Nate. Better than I ever dreamed.”
“I’m glad you like it,” I said, moving to stand beside her.
“I feel like you did too much,” she said. “All of this couldn’t have been cheap. Let me give you some money to help cover the costs.”
“No, Ivy,” I said, wrapping my fingers around her elbow to stop her from digging in the purse hanging from her shoulder. “I don’t want your money. You earned this.”
Her body seemed to petrify, and all the color drained from her face. She jerked her arm out of my grip and stumbled backwards. I tried to follow, but she held up a hand an ordered me to stop.
“What’s wrong? What did I say?” I asked as the blood rushed back to her face, turning it an angry red.
“I earned it?” she asked, her voice laced with venom.
“Yeah,” I said, sure this was some kind of trap but unable to pull myself free of it. “You held up your end of the deal and helped me get rid of Charity. I held up my end of the deal and restored this car.”
“You obviously put a lot more into this than either of us expected when we made that deal, Nate. Is this some kind of payoff for the sex?”
My head jerked back as if she’d struck me. “Whoa. What the fuck, Ivy? Why would you say something like that?”
She seemed to wilt in response, and I took the opportunity to step closer to her. Something was very off with her, and I was not going to let her leave here until I found out what it was and we hashed everything out.
It was time for the truth. From both of us.
“Why would you ever think I’d treat you like some kind of prostitute?” I asked, keeping my voice low and gentle.
Her anger was gone, but I wasn’t sure this new emotion was better. She reeked of dejection. Like she was tired of fighting and ready to give up. Unacceptable.
“I’m sorry, Nate. I don’t know what got into me. I’m just tired and not thinking straight.”
I shook my head. “No. You’re not doing that this time.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, giving me a quizzical look.
“You’ve always been so quick to think the worst of me. Whatever I say or do, your mind immediately takes the leap to Nate’s an asshole, doing asshole things. But it wasn’t like that in the very beginning, Ivy. I felt a connection between us—the same connection that ties us together now—but something changed. It’s time you told me what.”
“It doesn’t matter—” she began, but I cut her off.
“It does matter. Tell me, Ivy.”
She seemed to struggle with some internal battle, then heaved a sigh. She let her eyes trail over the Bel Air for a moment, then her blue gaze collided with mine.
“We were at Hero’s for dinner. You, me, Rafe, and Lola. I was so sure there’d been sparks flying between us for weeks, but you wouldn’t make a move. I thought maybe it was because I was Rafe’s best friend, and you considered me somehow off-limits. So I decided to make a move on you.”
“Was this the night you disappeared while I was in the bathroom?” I asked, remembering that as the turning point in my relationship with Ivy.
“You remember?” she asked, tilting her head. At my nod, she said, “I followed you, Nate. I was going to…I don’t know. Tell you the truth. Kiss you. Something.”
My heart picked up its pace until it was trying to pound its way out of my chest. Ivy wanted me from the beginning. I hadn’t imagined it. The connection between us was really there.
“Wait,” I said, grinding my excitement to a halt. “Why didn’t you? When I got back to the table, Rafe said you weren’t feeling well and had gone home. Nothing was the same after that. You went from flirty to ferocious overnight. What happened?”
“I walked into the bathroom and saw you fucking that waitress!” she shouted. “Anna. The owner’s daughter. Right against the wall for anyone to see.”
The bottom dropped out of my stomach, and I staggered back a step. “I never fucked anyone in a bathroom. Not at Hero’s. Not anywhere.”
“I know what I saw,” she said, her voice edged with despair. “That’s why I’ve always hated you Nate. I was catching real feelings for you, and you made me think…it doesn’t matter what I thought. I was wrong. You went from making me hot and wet with flirty words and heated gazes to fucking some random in a public bathroom.”
Holy shit. All these years, and this was the reason? She hated me because of a mistake? A misunderstanding? So much time had been wasted while Ivy lived under the misconception that I’d somehow trifled with and betrayed her.
Well, no more. I refused to waste another minute. The rest of my life started now.
36
Ivy
While I stood there bleeding, the old wound I’d ripped open painful and oozing with pus, Nate’s expression flickered from confused to shocked to determined.
“I never fucked her, Ivy.”
The honesty in his voice was unmistakable. My entire body shuddered as I struggled to maintain the belief that my anger had always been justified. That I hadn’t been a fool, hating him for nothing.
“But I saw—”
“What you saw,” he said, cutting me off, “was a woman attempting—and failing—to get into my pants for the hundredth time. I got up to go to the bathroom because you had my dick so hard, it was painful, and I needed a minute to get myself under control. Do you really think I’d sleep with someone else when it was you that had been driving me crazy for weeks?”
“I…”
I didn’t have an answer. I had thought that. I was sure it had been true for years. But now… Could I really have been so stupid?
“She was coming out of the ladies’ room as I walked by. Before I knew it, she had me inside and backed against a wall with her tongue down my throat.”
“That’s what I saw,” I mumbled, feeling a bit shell-shocked.
“Well, if you’d stayed another two seconds, you would’ve seen me push her off. I told her to leave me alone. That it was never going to happen. She assumed that because she’s the owner’s daughter, she’s untouchable and could do whatever she wanted…including me. I disabused her of that notion, and I left. I went into the men’s room, washed my hands, and rinsed out my mouth. When I got back to the table, you were gone. I was so disappointed, because I’d planned on finally asking you out after dinner.”
“You didn’t…”
I couldn’t finish my sentence. My mind was spinning out of control as it tried to make sense of his explanation. If he didn’t do what I’d thought, then my hurt and hatred all those years had been for nothing. I’d shut him out, treating him like scum all that time, over a mistake?
“I wish you would’ve just asked me about it,” he said quietly, “but I understand why you didn’t. I’m so sorry, Ivy.”
Why was he apologizing? This was all my fault.
“Stop it,” he said, moving close enough to prop his hands on my shoulders. “I can see the wheels turning in your head, and this is just as much my fault as it is yours. If I hadn’t let my ego get in the way, I would have made you tell me what happened to change your attitude so drastically back then. Instead, I let my own hurt and disappointment over your sudden disgust get the better of me and started treating you just as badly as you treated me. After a while, I guess it became habit. But I never really hated you, Ivy.”
“You didn’t?” I squeaked, then cleared my throat. He shook his head, and I said, “I never hated you, either. Not really. I hated what you did—what I thought you did—and how it made me feel, but I could never hate you. I love you, Nate.�
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The words slipped out before I could stop them. I sucked in a sharp breath as fear spiked through me. What had I just done?
I was getting ready to work myself into a real panic, but Nate’s smile stopped me from uttering the litany of backpedaling words building in my throat. I blinked, and his arms were wrapped around me, pulling my body against his. His mouth sealed over mine, his tongue darting between my lips to taste me gently, yet somehow fiercely at the same time.
My fingers clenched in his shirt, pulling him closer as our kiss grew more heated. It was always like this with Nate. One kiss, one touch, and I was a goner. Nothing else existed but the two of us. Nothing else mattered.
Nate broke off the kiss abruptly, putting a few feet of space between us. We were both panting, and the fire banked in his blue eyes held promises of things to come. As if he’d read my mind, he began to speak.
“I’m going to take you to my bed and show you exactly how much I’ve missed you and how much you mean to me, Ivy Anderson. But first, I need to tell you something. When I came over that day and told you I wanted to keep everything between us platonic, I was lying.”
“Lying?” I asked, my brain still not firing on all cylinders after that searing kiss.
“I only said what I did because I was scared.”
“Scared of what?’ I asked, finally catching up.
“Scared of what I was feeling. I realized I never wanted this thing between us to end. That I was falling for you, but you didn’t feel the same way. I thought if I put up that wall between us, my heart could start to heal, and it wouldn’t be so awful when this deal between us was over and we went our separate ways.”
My heart fluttered as he spoke, beating faster and harder with each word. He thought I didn’t feel the same way as him? Did that mean…
“What, exactly, are you saying, Nate?” I asked, not wanting there to be any more confusion or misunderstandings between us.
“I’m saying,” he said, pulling me back into his arms, “that I am truly, madly, deeply in love with you, Ivy. I want to be your partner, your lover…your boyfriend. For real this time. No bargains. No end date. Just you and me, seeing where this might go.”
