by Andrews, Amy
They’d had a beer and a laugh and it had been like old times. Good times. He’d remembered what he had seen in her all those years ago. And she had kissed him and looked at him with those big eyes and said she couldn’t believe he was truly leaving and it was like they were saying their final goodbyes.
Finally bringing a close to their relationship.
And they’d both been single and it had seemed fitting somehow. But it hadn’t seemed so fitting the next morning and they’d both agreed it had been a little foolish.
But their indiscretion had come back to haunt them well and truly. Maddy had looked at him with questioning eyes and the denial that had sprung to his lips had died an instant death. His mind had crowded with questions as he’d stood mutely trying to comprehend Tab’s news but he believed her - Tab wasn’t manipulative, nor was she a liar.
And then Maddy had left and the enormity of what he’d lost had hit him. Tabitha had tried to talk to him but despite the hundreds of question crowding his mind, Marcus had been so angry he’d known he couldn’t get into it tonight. Angry at himself that a moment of weakness and stupidity had led to far reaching consequences - for two women.
Angry that he’d hurt the woman he loved.
‘It’s late, Tab,’ he’d said. ‘We’ll discuss it in the morning. Have my bed.’ Then he’d gone to the linen cupboard pulled out clean sheets, thrust them at her, taken a pillow down for himself and stormed off to the couch, flicking off the light switch as he passed.
And here he lay, his pregnant ex-wife in his bed and the woman he loved gone, refusing to take his calls. He felt impotent and furious at himself and Tabitha for the position they were now in.
Marcus looked at the time on his mobile. Two a.m. Rolling on his side, he punched his pillow, squeezing his eyes shut as the heat of anger burned in his chest. He really needed to get some sleep — tomorrow was going to be harrowing. He and Tabitha had to talk and for that he was going to need all his wits. He forced himself to employ the meditation techniques he extolled with his clients and forget that for the first day in six weeks he’d be waking up without Maddy.
***
There were four missed calls and three texts on Madeline’s mobile the next morning when she switched it back on. Marcus. She told herself she wasn’t going to listen to them, her finger even hovered over the delete button, but a masochistic streak had her dialling her message bank just to hear his voice.
‘Maddy, please, Maddy, I’m so sorry. Please, switch your phone back on. Please.’
He sounded bleak and she knew how he felt. It felt like winter inside her again — cold and barren. The warm place inside that he had thawed only a handful of weeks ago snap frozen in a thick block of ice. Had it only been last night she had confessed her feelings?
With a sleepless night behind her and her love in tatters, it felt like an age ago.
An ice age.
At least his voice hadn’t been condescending. He hadn’t glibly said he could explain or that there’d been a mistake or dismissed what had happened as nothing. His voice told her how serious the situation was. And she couldn’t believe that the happiest six weeks of her life had ended so abruptly.
The questions that had circled her brain endlessly continued. When Tabitha had laid her trump card down she had looked at Marcus, waiting for the denial, waiting for him to dispute what she was saying. But she had seen it in his eyes. The truth. Tabitha’s baby was his baby.
And now she was in love with someone who was having a child with another woman. Someone who would be a father to that baby come hell or high water. Someone who obviously still had a thing for his ex-wife.
Had he gone straight from Tabitha’s bed to hers?
She quashed the urge to cry. And to ring the office and tell Veronica she was ill and couldn’t come in today. She would not. She had a day to get through. Patients who relied on her. It wasn’t their fault that she was appallingly bad at picking lovers or that Marcus was appallingly bad at keeping his dick in his pants.
And it would give her something else to think about other than the complete shambles her life had become overnight.
Marcus gave up on sleep at five-thirty and sat on the deck drinking microwaved coffee from last night’s pot, watching the colours of the river change as the sun rose. The morning traffic steadily increased and the River Cats started to ferry their first passengers across the river to their workplaces. His mind churned over and over the events of the night before in all their horrifying detail. He couldn’t think of a solution, just more problems.
Tabitha was still asleep when Marcus left for work a couple of hours later. He almost woke her but he remembered how tired being pregnant made her and figured it could wait a bit longer. He had to get to the hospital anyway as he’d promised Jenny Smith he’d call in before work.
Somehow Marcus managed to pull an academy-award-winning performance out of thin air. He was bright and breezy and positive because that was what she and Trent needed. But, if anything, seeing Trent look so small and defenceless between the white hospital sheets cemented his conviction. He could never turn his back on his own child.
He tried Maddy’s phone again several times before he reached work and hung up when her message bank picked up. Would she ever speak to him again? Did he deserve it? He would keep trying but he didn’t know what the hell he would say to her. That he loved her? That they could work it out?
But how?
He didn’t have any answers yet. And he really wouldn’t have any until he talked to Tab. There were things he needed to clarify. His head warred with his heart. His head told him he had to do the honourable thing and be with Tabitha and the baby, accept his responsibilities and step up to the plate and be a father. Not one in name only like his old man, but a hands-on, involved dad.
But his heart said he loved Maddy and any relationship with Tabitha was doomed to failure, even more so than the first time around. If he hadn’t met Maddy he might have been able to fool himself that marrying Tab again could work.
Except he had.
His mobile rang as he was opening up and his heart leapt. But Tabitha’s mobile number was flashing on the screen and he felt his hopes sink.
‘Hi Tab.’
‘You left without waking me,’ she chided.
Marcus wasn’t in the mood for pleasantries. ‘I had things to do.’
‘I was hoping for a grand tour of your new practice,’ she said. ‘And we need to talk. Do you get to stop for lunch? I could come down then.’
Marcus sighed. The sooner they got this over, the sooner he could figure out what the hell he was going to do. ‘One o’clock,’ he said, and hit the end button on his phone.
He glanced at his watch. Fifteen minutes before his first client. Maddy would be in by now. He rose - he had to see her. If nothing else to apologise. Her wounded eyes from last night haunted him and he wanted to say how very sorry he was that she had been a casualty of Tabitha’s announcement.
The thought that she was hurt and he had been responsible was more than he could bear.
He stopped at Veronica’s desk and gave her his most charming smile. Maddy had teased him mercilessly about the younger woman’s adoration and today he wasn’t beyond exploiting that. ‘I need five minutes of Maddy’s time. Can you hold her first patient?’ Somehow he managed to smile.
‘Too late. She should be finishing soon, though.’
‘Can I sneak in before the next one?’
‘You’ve only just left her, Marcus Hunt,’ Veronica complained good-naturedly. Maddy’s door opened and her patient walked out, holding a script.
‘Can you send my next patient in, please, Veronica?’
Even over the intercom Maddy’s voice sounded bleak.
‘Go on, then,’ Veronica said, lowering her voice, ‘I can stall for five minutes. Do you want me to announce you?’
Good lord, no! He doubted he’d make it past the desk. ‘No, thanks.’
‘Go get her, tiger.’ She
growled at him playfully.
Marcus left the reception area, feeling a little guilty about misleading Veronica, and approached Maddy’s office with great trepidation. She didn’t disappoint him. Her reaction was what he’d expected.
Madeline looked up from a chart and saw Marcus standing in the doorway, his features marred with uncertainty. ‘Not now, Marcus, I’m busy.’ She was proud of how business like she sounded when her heart was breaking.
‘Look,’ he said as he stepped into the room and shut the door behind him, ‘I can —’
‘What?’ she interrupted. ‘Explain? I doubt it.’
‘Tabitha —’
‘Don’t,’ she interrupted again. ‘I don’t want to hear about whatever little sordid arrangement you’ve got going.’
‘It’s not like that,’ Marcus denied reminding himself that she was hurt and lashing out and not to take it personally.
‘So you didn’t sleep with her?’
What defence did he have for that? Nothing. It wouldn’t matter to Maddy what the circumstances had been or that in the decade of their separation it had been the one and only time. He nodded. ‘The night before I left for Queensland.’
The confirmation hit Madeline hard and she bit back a gasp. Even up until now she’d been hoping it had all been a dreadful mistake.
But apparently not.
Madeline knew there was nothing wrong with what he and his ex had done in and of itself. She hadn’t known Marcus then - he’d been a free agent. But his actions had put their current relationship in serious peril.
And she wasn’t going to hang around and wait for Marcus to choose his ex-wife and their baby over her.
Hot tears stung her eyes. ‘For God’s sake, Marcus, you’re a doctor. You should at least have had the brains to have used a condom.’
‘We did,’ he said indignantly. ‘Guess we were just in that one percent.’
Madeline stared at him, blinking away the threatening tears. She couldn’t do this now. It hurt too much to think about. ‘Just go, Marcus,’ she said, feigning interest in a chart. ‘I have a patient.’
‘I love you, Maddy.’
Her shocked gasp rang around the room as her head snapped up and Madeline stared at him incredulously. She felt as if someone had come along with a big stick and swiped her feet out from underneath her, sitting her on her ass.
‘What?’
‘It’s true,’ he said calmly.
The air whooshed out of Madeline’s lungs in a big huff. God...he was so sincere and, despite everything, she believed him. She could see it all over his face.
But...now? He was choosing now to tell her?
‘Oh, right. And when did you have this revelation? Because less than twenty-four hours ago you didn’t. I mean, I gave you the perfect opening to tell me last night and you didn’t. And now suddenly your pregnant ex-wife turns up, and you find the words?’
Marcus had known it would be a hard sell but everything was such a mess right now, he wanted one thing to be right. ‘I realised last night when you walked out the door. Tabitha was there and you were gone and it hit me.’
‘I didn’t notice you running after me to confess then?’
‘Would it have made a difference at that point?’
Madeline thought about the intensity of her anger and knew she wouldn’t have given him the time of day, but she was damned if she was going to let him off the hook. ‘Well, I guess we’ll never know now, will we?’
‘Maddy, please...’
She heard the note of desperation in his voice and could tell he was just as miserable as she was about this turn of events. Despite the mess and her anger and disappointment, Madeline still loved him and could see he was being torn up inside.
Taking a deep breath she prepared to do what had to be done. She knew him well enough to know he couldn’t walk away from being a father. And when you loved someone you didn’t ask them to do things they couldn’t do.
If Madeline wasn’t on the scene this whole situation would be so much easier all round. Marcus was good with children, with Connor and Trent, and he’d make an excellent father.
As much as it felt like a knife between her ribs, she had to let him go.
‘Marcus, go and be with Tabitha and your baby. It’s OK —you have my blessing.’
Marcus frowned at her, not quite believing what she was saying. ‘I don’t want your goddamn blessing. I want your love.’
‘Well –’ She shrugged. ‘You can’t have it. I take it back. And I never said I loved you anyway. Just that I thought I was falling for you. Luckily for me, Tabitha came along at the right moment.’
‘That’s rubbish.’
‘Well, it doesn’t really matter anymore, does it? You have bigger things to think about.’
‘Of course it matters. I —’
‘Just go, Marcus. I have a patient.’ And my heart is breaking, damn it.
Don’t make me cry in front of you.
As if he could tell she was close to the edge, Marcus sucked in a deep breath and nodded, departing without another word.
Madeline took a moment to blink back her tears and collect herself before hitting her intercom switch. ‘Could you send in my next patient, please, Veronica.’
Thankfully Marcus’s morning was sufficiently busy to keep his mind off everything. There was so much he hadn’t had a chance to say to Maddy and he certainly hadn’t believed her when she’d denied loving him. This thing wasn’t over between them – not by a long shot. But Maddy was right, he did have bigger things to think about. He needed to sort things out with Tab first.
His ex-wife wandered in at one, and stood in his doorway.
‘Come in,’ he said. ‘Sit down.’
Tabitha did as she was asked and looked at Marcus for a few moments. ‘I’m sorry about bursting in last night and being rude to your...ah...guest. It was late and I was tired and I guess I just wasn’t expecting it. So who is she?’
‘Madeline Harrington. She’s a GP in the practice next door.’
‘It didn’t take you long,’ she said pleasantly.
‘I love her, Tabitha.’
She blinked and Marcus could see he’d surprised her. ‘You used to love me.’
‘Oh, Tab,’ he said gently, ‘that was forever ago.’
She nodded. ‘But now we have this second chance.’
He sat back, ignoring the statement. ‘How far along?’
‘Ten weeks according to my GP.’
Marcus did a quick calculation in his head. That would most certainly fit the time frame. ‘Have you seen an obstetrician yet?’
‘I have one in a month. I was...hoping you’d come with me.’
‘In Melbourne?’
She nodded and he could see all his hopes and dreams with Maddy and his new practice come crashing down.
‘I can’t move here, Marcus. It’s too hot. Too far away from my family and friends.’
So if he wanted a relationship with his baby he was going to have to go back. ‘Tab...’
‘I can’t leave Melbourne, Marcus. Please, don’t ask me to.’
He nodded, not bothering to disguise his irritation. She couldn’t leave Melbourne but it was okay for him to up sticks? Turn his back on everything here? His practice. Maddy.
God...would Maddy go to Melbourne with him?
‘I don’t love you.’ He didn’t mean it to be harsh but he wasn’t going to pretend, either.
She nodded at him. ‘We could make it work this time. For the sake of the baby. This child deserves two parents, Marcus.’
‘Yes, thank you, Tabitha,’ he said testily even though he was trying not to be – this wasn’t her fault, either. ‘I think I understand that better than anyone.’
‘I’ve booked you a flight home.’
Marcus blinked. ‘You what?’ he asked quietly.
‘You know you’ll come back home.’ She shrugged. ‘Might as well just rip the band aid right off.’
There were a lot of things
about this situation that Marcus couldn’t control but he was damn sure he was going to control the things he could.
And Melbourne didn’t feel like home anymore.
‘I don’t know what I’m going to do yet but I do know I’m not rushing into anything. There are things that need settling here. I can’t just take off.’
‘You mean you won’t,’ she said, her voice sharp.
‘I need time.’
‘So you can make up with your girlfriend?’ she asked, her emphasis disparaging.
‘Oh I think you’ve killed any chance of that.’
‘God...this is just like before,’ she said bitterly, her voice raising an octave. ‘You didn’t want a baby then either.’
Marcus sighed. ‘I was twenty-two.’
‘Well, no need to worry,’ she said standing. ‘Maybe I’ll conveniently miscarry this time again.’
She glared at him across the desk before turning on her heel and storming out of his office and slamming his door.
***
Two hours later Marcus was seeing a client out when his mobile rang. Again he got his hopes up but again it was just Tabitha’s number flashing on the screen.
‘Hello,’ he said tersely.
He couldn’t make out a word she said initially she was crying so much. ‘Slow down, Tab,’ he said, ‘I can’t understand a word you’re saying.’
‘I said,’ she said hiccuping as she drew in a couple of deep breaths, ‘you got your wish, you slime ball. I’m bleeding. I hope you’re happy.’
Tabitha dissolved into more tears and Marcus took a few seconds to fully comprehend what she’d said. Oh, no! Not again. Tab had been devastated the first time around, depressed for months after.
‘What am I going to do, Marcus?’ she wailed. ‘I can’t go through this again.’
His heart went out to her and his medical training came to the fore. ‘What do you mean, bleeding? Fresh blood or more like spotting?’ he asked.
‘Spotting.’ She sniffled.
‘Any cramping?’
