Conflict of Interests

by Denean Dawson

Jake hadn’t heard Jonathan come out of his room and, as he looked at his son, he knew he didn’t have the strength to explain what had happened. Not yet. He was still recovering from the trauma of Jake’s divorce from Elizabeth. “She had to go out tonight, but I’m sure you can make cookies another time,” he lied, putting on an unconvincing smile.

  “Oh, okay. What are we going to have for dinner?” Jonathan asked, too young to notice his father’s inner turmoil.

  “I think we’re going to go to uncle Jack’s tonight, how does that sound?”

  “Yay!” his son exclaimed.

  Jake had been avoiding his brother lately because he didn’t want to face his judgement. He had told himself that Jack wouldn’t understand, that Jack would suspect he had unprofessional feelings for Melissa. He had been lying to himself for weeks, but now it was time to come clean. Jake understood that he had put himself in this mess, and no one but him could do the work to get him out of it.

  He didn’t actually have dinner plans with Jack, but he was sure his brother wouldn’t mind. He had been hounding Jake to spend time together ever since Melissa walked into his office that day. Jake texted his brother, Caroline gone, life a mess. Dinner?

  He kept it straight to the point. He would explain when he and Jack were face to face. He hesitated, then also messaged Melissa, wanting her to know that things couldn’t continue the way they had been.

  Jack’s reply said, See you soon.

  Jake told Jonathan to put on some clean clothes before he went to his bedroom to change out of his suit. His heart ached when he saw some of Caroline’s things missing. In that moment, he resolved to do whatever it took to win Caroline back. He had been too stupid to realize it before, but now that she was gone, Jake could not imagine himself being happy without her.

  “Do you think Danielle would want to bake cookies with me?” Jonathan asked as they pulled up outside Jack’s new house.

  “I don’t know, buddy. Maybe if you ask her nicely, she’ll say yes,” Jake replied distractedly.

  Jonathan jumped out of the car and bolted toward the house; Jake followed him slowly. He felt like he was moving under water; everything around him seemed muffled and far away. He pictured Caroline walking out the door again and again, wishing desperately he could turn back time and do things differently, wishing Melissa had never come back into his life.

  As soon as they were through the door, Jonathan asked, “Is Danielle here?” bouncing excitedly from foot to foot.

  Understanding the situation perfectly, Jack said to him, “Oh, yes. In fact, she’s very excited to see you! Why don’t you go find her kiddo?” You go talk to her while I talk to your dad,” Jack ruffled his hair, and the boy disappeared into the house without another word.

  Jack turned to his brother, “Come on, let’s get you a drink.”

  Jake sat silently at the kitchen counter while Jack mixed a stiff cocktail for him, not knowing how to start the conversation.

  “So, tell me. What happened?” Jack broke the silence. He sat across from his brother and slid the drink across the table.

  “I’ve ruined everything. I was spending too much time with Melissa and she got in my head. I didn’t mean to lead her on, but she said she loved me when we were at lunch today. I…” Jake’s voice was becoming shaky, and he took a breath to steady himself. “...I told Caroline, and she just left. I should have turned Melissa’s merger proposal down. That’s why I’m in this mess.”

  “It’s too late to think of what you should have done, you can’t change the past,” Jack said, but not without sympathy.

  “Did you cross the line? Did you sleep with her??”

  “No, of course not! I’m not a cheater. I would never do what Elizabeth did to me to anyone else. But...well I thought about her. And I had a dream about her, a dirty one. It messed with my mind.”

  Jack just nodded, letting his brother get everything off his chest.

  “I was just confused, you know? Melissa and I never had closure, and having her around all the time...it’s like my instincts took over. I kept wondering what my life would look like if we hadn’t split up. But I love Caroline. I know that now more than ever. I need to get her back.”

  “Well then,” Jack began, “we’ll just have to see what we can do about that. I’ve got your back brother. We’re going to figure this out.”

  Jake was still distraught, but he was beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel. It was a relief to be honest with Jack, and it seemed like his brother understood where he was coming from. With his help, Jake believed he had a chance at repairing his relationship with Caroline. He had to.

  Chapter Ten, Going After What You Want

  Jack’s brother had been avoiding him for weeks. He had suspected the reason was Melissa, and what Jake had just divulged proved him right. He had wanted to say something, to force Jake to talk to him, but he had always been such a private person. The brothers’ relationship was better than it ever had been, but Jack had been reluctant to make Jake feel like he was attacking him. He didn’t want to risk pushing him away. He had hoped Jake would figure things out for himself, he was a grown man after all, but it was clear now that a lot of repressed feelings had bubbled to the surface and overwhelmed him.

  Jack thought he knew the answer, but he asked anyway, “So you don’t want to be with Melissa?”

  “No, no. I love Caroline. I was just confused. It took me a long time to get over Melissa, you know that better than anyone, and seeing her again brought up feelings that I thought were gone.”

  Jack could hear the pain and regret in his brother's voice; his eyebrows furrowed and he looked down at the glass in his hands. "I suppose sometimes things can be confusing when you have unresolved feelings like that. You need to make sure Caroline knows you’re ready to close that chapter of your life. But first, you have to be sure that’s what you want. You don’t want to be stuck in the same place in a few years, wondering what would have happened if you got back together with Melissa.”

  Jack had to be straightforward with his brother, it was what he needed. He didn’t need someone to be gentle with him, because even though he had good reason to be confused, there were other people to consider. Jack needed his brother to face what he’d done and take responsibility for his actions.

  “You’re right. How...how will I know if I’ve made the right decision?” Jake asked seriously.

  “That’s not a question I can answer for you. Truth be told, you probably already know the answer. How did you feel when Caroline left? Was it the same as when Melissa left?” Jack knew his brother well, and could sense that his feelings for Melissa weren’t as deep as they were for Caroline, but Jake needed to come to that conclusion on his own.

  Jake was quiet while he thought about it then said, “I...no, it didn’t feel the same. I think that maybe I amplified my feelings for Melissa in my head over the years. Honestly, who knows if we would have stayed together. I don’t see a future with Melissa, I think I was just excited to see her again and I let myself get caught up in old memories. We were so young when we separated, and she was my first love...but Caroline...when she walked out that door it felt like she ripped my heart out and took it with her.”

  Jack smiled, “Well there’s your answer. Caroline needs to know you’re committed. You’re lucky nothing physical happened with Melissa.”

  “Right. Good idea. Should I even bring up the merger? Should we pull out of the deal? I obviously can’t keep working with Melissa if I want Caroline to take me back.”

  “Listen, brother. I know the merger would have been great for the firm, but there will be other opportunities. I don’t know if Caroline will want to talk about it. If I were you, I would let her lead the conversation.” Jack advised. He was confident the firm would be fine without the merger. The money would have been nice, but family was more important.

  “I know. I guess I just wanted to make dad proud,” Jake’s voice was thick with emotion.


  “Dad would be proud. You’ve done so well already. I was useless for years and look how far you got. I wouldn’t be where I am now without your help either. You made a mistake, but it’s not one you can’t recover from.”

  “I hope you’re right.” Jake’s drink was long gone, and he sat fiddling anxiously with the empty glass.

  “We all make stupid mistakes. Don’t think you’re the only one - look who you’re talking to!” Jack replied with a self-deprecating chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.

  Jake didn’t laugh, but he did crack a smile. "I guess that’s true. You made a bunch of small mistakes. I made one huge one.”

  “Looks like we’re even then. Want another drink?”

  “Hell yes. Okay, first I need to figure out where Caroline went.”

  “Come on, even I know where she probably went,” Jack rolled his eyes. Caroline didn’t know that many people in the city; there was only one person she would have gone to. He sat silently, watching his brother think about it for a moment. It took him longer than Jack expected but he clued in eventually.

  “Denise!” Jake exclaimed, slapping the table when he realized.

  “Took you long enough to get there. Now, go get your woman,” Jack said. Then he rose, walked to his brother, and grabbed him by the forearms, forcing him to stand.

  “Jonathan, what about Jonathan?” Jake said while Jack pushed him toward the front door.

  “He can stay here, we’re not going to kick him out,” Jack replied with a laugh.

  “Okay, okay. Thank you, Jack. I owe you one.” Jake downed the rest of his second drink, thrust the empty glass into his brother’s hand, and rushed out the door.

  Jack was pleased that his brother had gotten himself together and decided to go after the woman he loved. He just hoped that Caroline would see that Jake was sure he wanted to be with her.

  “Where did my daddy go? Did he forget about me?” a small voice asked from behind Jack.

  “Of course not, he’s gone to pick up Caroline. He’ll be back,” Jack smiled at his nephew, hoping it was true.

  “Oh, yay! Do you want to bake cookies with me and Danielle??”

  “Only if they’re chocolate chip!”

  While they waited for Jake to return, Jonathan, Jack, and Danielle made cookies. Jack was a terrible baker, and Danielle wasn’t much better, but they needed to keep Jonathan busy. It was a messy process, and soon enough the three of them were covered in flour and laughing riotously.

  “I could get used to this,” Jack whispered to Danielle once the cookies were in the oven and the three of them were sitting on the couch waiting for the pizza that they had ordered to arrive.

  “You could get used to what?” Danielle asked, a little confused.

  “To being a group of three instead of two,” he replied softly.

  Danielle looked surprised at first, but then a smile spread across her face. "I like the sound of that,” she replied as she reached for his hand.

  Jonathan sat, completely oblivious to the exchange, focused on the TV. Jack knew having a child wouldn’t be easy, nor was it something he wanted to do before marrying Danielle, but knowing she wanted the same thing he did made him that much more excited for their future together.

  “I love you more than anything,” Jack whispered in her ear.

  “You’re always so cheesy,” Danielle replied with a laugh.

  “Where’s the cheese?” Jonathan asked, snapping out of his trance at the mention of food. This sent Jack and Danielle into fits of laughter.

  Chapter Eleven, Hoping for the Best

  On his way over to Denise’s house, Jake tried to phone Caroline 5 times with no answer. He hadn’t expected anything different, but it had been worth a shot. After that, he texted Denise, Is Caroline there?

  Denise’s response came almost instantly, Yes, but she doesn’t want to see you.

  Tough luck, I’m outside.

  Jake would risk everything just to talk to Caroline, he needed her to know that he couldn’t live without her. He stood on Denise’s doorstep for a moment, listening to the voices coming from inside of the house. He knew Denise had seen his message so she was probably discussing it with Caroline. He didn’t bother knocking or ringing the doorbell, someone would come out eventually.

  Without warning the front door was yanked open and there stood Caroline with her arms crossed over her chest. Jake could tell that she had been crying, her eyes were puffy and her cheeks were a blotchy pink. His heart ached because he had never wanted to hurt her.

  “What do you want?” she demanded. He could tell that she was trying to be strong.

  “I want you. Caroline, I know I messed up and I allowed feelings from my past to cloud my judgment, but I can’t picture my life without you in it,” Jake said as he stepped forward.

  In response, Caroline took a step back. “How can I trust you? I know you say you didn’t do anything physical, but you told me that I had nothing to worry about and then you came to me telling me this woman confessed her love for you and you’re all confused,” her voice was flat and emotionless.

  “I know. I know I broke your trust but I will do anything...anything at all...to gain it back again. I can’t lose you, Caroline. You are my life, my present, my future, my everything. Please, Caroline. I’ll do whatever it takes,” Jake pleaded.

  Caroline stared at him, searching his face with an unreadable expression. He hoped she could see that he meant everything he was saying. He didn’t want to play games, he didn’t want to risk losing her, if that meant she wanted Melissa to be removed from the equation, he would do it.

  “Will you end the merger with Melissa and her firm?” Caroline asked, seeming to read his thoughts.

  “Yes, if it means that I get you back, I will end the merger. I will never talk to her again if that is what you want.”

  “But how will that fix anything? What if someone else comes along and then you decide you don’t want to be with me. What difference does it make?” Caroline asked, her voice shaking as she allowed her emotions to show for a moment.

  “That won’t happen. I was confused about Melissa because of the way things ended between us. We never got any closure. Maybe I needed this to happen to see that I’ve got everything I need right in front of me. I know that’s a stupid excuse for what’s happened, but I know now that I don’t want to be with anyone else,” Jake said softly, taking another small step forward.

  This time Caroline allowed Jake to step into her space, and tears began streaming down her face as she looked at him.

  “I love you, Caroline. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  “I don’t know, Jake. I mean, yes, I love you too, but you’ve hurt me, and I never thought you would do that to me,” Caroline said, shoulders slumping and chest heaving.

  “I’m so sorry, Caroline. I wish I could go back and change how I acted but I can’t, I can only promise that I’ll never act that way again,” Jake took another step closer.

  He wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her because, even though they had only been apart for a few hours, he had missed her. He hated himself for causing her so much pain and for making her question their entire relationship.

  “I don’t want to throw our relationship away...but things have to change,” Caroline turned her back to him and walked back into the house. For a moment, Jake thought she meant to end the conversation, but then she looked back over her shoulder and said, “You can come in if you want.”

  Jake followed Caroline into the house feeling a lot more hopeful about the situation. He knew the hard part wasn’t over, but he felt positive that there was still hope for their relationship. Jake knew that he would have to spend a lot of time making things up to Caroline, but he also knew that he would never make the same mistake again.

  ********

  Caroline and Jake sat on Denise’s couch, talking late into the evening. She still didn’t trust him c
ompletely, but she was willing to give him another chance.

  He held her hand tightly as they walked to his car. “You know I’m not running away, right?” Caroline asked as they made it to his car.

  “I know, I’m just grateful that you’re here with me,” Jake said, lifting her hand to his lips and kissing her knuckles.

  Caroline smiled at Jake, and the sight filled him with pleasure because he felt like he hadn’t seen her smile in ages.

  “I love you and I want this to work, Jake. But you’re on thin ice,” she replied.

  “I’ll be better, I promise.”

  Caroline and Jake had agreed that he shouldn’t pull out of the merger, but that Jack would have to take over the process. She had told him that pulling out of the merger for personal reasons would give the company a bad reputation, which was true. As long as Jake limited his contact with Melissa, Caroline would be okay. She had also said that cutting every woman but her out of his life was stupid. In order for her to trust him, he would have to prove that he could interact with other women without becoming infatuated with them. Jake was sure he could do that.

  He had been blindsided by the resurgence of his feelings for Melissa, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized they hadn’t been real. Caroline had agreed that Jake would have to talk to Melissa. He didn’t want to be friends with her, in fact, he would be happier not seeing her at all, but he at least owed her an explanation.

  Jake was relieved that Caroline agreed to take him back, not just for his own sake, but for Jonathan’s sake too. It had been a painful time for the boy when his mother left, and Jake didn’t want something like that to happen to him again. He wanted Caroline to be Jonathan’s mother, because he loved her and because he could tell that Jonathan loved her too. She made their family complete.

  On the drive back to Jack’s, he told Caroline that he hadn’t said anything about their fight to Jonathan, finishing by saying, “As much as I don’t want to live without you, I don’t want Jonathan living without you either.”