Bruno's Dream

by Iris Murdoch

  ‘Stop it, Nigel, stop it, I’ll faint with pain!’

  ‘Nonsense. There, is that better. Now will you stop twisting yourself about and attend to what I have to say.’

  ‘Who’s been punching you? I’m glad to see somebody has.’

  One side of Nigel’s face was severely bruised, the bluish shadow turning to purple as it ringed the eye.

  ‘Danby.’

  ‘Danby? Why ever Danby? Not that I care. I’ll black the other eye for you when I get out of this.’

  ‘Never mind. Listen, Will. Are you listening or do you want to be strung up any tighter?’

  ‘I’m listening, bugger you, get on with it. Loosen the bloody rope a bit more, will you.’

  ‘Please.’

  ‘Please.’

  ‘All right. Now listen. It’s about Adelaide.’

  ‘About Adelaide? What about Adelaide?’

  ‘You love Adelaide, don’t you?’

  ‘If I do it’s no bloody business of yours. I know you’ve been after her. You tried to get hold of her when you came back to London.’

  ‘No, I didn’t.’

  ‘You keep away from Adelaide, or I’ll really do you. That girl belongs to me and I’ll have her. I’ll get her if I have to kill her in the process. What’s more she loves me.’

  ‘So you imagine. But suppose there was somebody else?’

  ‘How do you mean, somebody else? No one could possibly be after Ad, she doesn’t see anybody, she doesn’t go anywhere.’

  ‘She doesn’t need to. It all happens at home.’

  ‘What on earth do you mean? Christ, do you mean you–’

  ‘No. Danby.’

  ‘What do you mean, Danby? Don’t torture me!’

  ‘Danby is Adelaide’s lover. Adelaide is Danby’s mistress. It’s been going on for years. I thought you ought to know.’

  Will lay still, breathing deeply. Then he said quite quietly, ‘Nigel, let go of the rope. I promise and swear that I won’t hurt you.’

  Nigel got up and drew the stick out between the rungs of the chair. He unwound the rope and the tension was loosened. Will turned stiffly and began to sit up on the bed. He groaned and began to pull at the tightened rubber manacle at his wrist. Nigel helped him to pull it off, and then loosened the anklet. Will, groaning softly, chafed the bruised flesh at wrist and ankle. He said, ‘I don’t believe you, Nigel.’

  ‘It’s true.’

  ‘Prove it.’

  ‘Ask Adelaide. Meanwhile take a look at this. You know Danby’s writing.’

  Nigel handed Will a small piece of paper which had been torn across several ways and put together again with adhesive tape. The paper said, Sweet Adelaide, I think I’ll spend tonight in my bed and not in yours, as I’ll be in rather late. Sleep tight, little one. Your D.

  Will studied the paper carefully. Then he uttered a long piercing shriek and turned and fell with his face into the pillow.

  ‘Sssh, don’t make such a noise–’

  Will sat up again, his face contorted, his jaw shuddering, grinning with pain and rage. ‘I’ll kill that man. I’ll kill her too.’

  ‘Don’t be crazy, Will–’

  ‘I’ll kill them. Years, you say. Years. And her stringing me along all that time and swearing there was nobody else and letting me give her presents and kiss her hands.’

  ‘Yes, I know, but listen to me still–’

  ‘And saying she wasn’t the marrying sort! Well, she’s not, she’s a bloody harlot! And I laid my life at her feet. I’ll cut her into ribbons. And I’ll kill him. I’ll go now and find them in their bed. Sweet Adelaide! Oh Christ, I’ll die of this. Where are my clothes?’

  ‘Stop, Will, stop and listen. I’ve hidden your clothes anyway, you won’t find them. Just listen to me–’

  ‘Then I’ll go naked. Get out of my way, Nigel. You’ve driven me mad.’

  ‘The door’s locked. Sit down, sit down.’

  Will let go of the door handle which he had been rattling. He stood rigid for a moment, his eyes rolling, and then collapsed back full length on to the bed with a moan, burying his face in his hands. ‘Oh Adelaide, Adelaide, I loved you, I loved you so.’

  Nigel drew the chair up close. He caressed the mop of shaggy dark hair and the shoulders which were shuddering with dry sobs.

  ‘Stop it, Will. You can’t do anything tonight. You’ve got to think it out. You know the truth now, and that gives you power over both of them. Think it out. And don’t try to hurt Adelaide. Leave her to heaven and to those thorns that in her bosom lodge to prick and sting her. As for Danby, we’ll think of some way of punishing him. I’ll help you. We’ll do it together.’

  Will had stopped sobbing and was sitting up, once more twisting and chafing his right wrist. His eyes were dull and vacant with misery, his mouth half open, dripping saliva. ‘To think that she–’

  ‘Even she. I didn’t really cut your wrist, did I?’

  ‘After our being children together and all. I thought–It’s like being betrayed by one’s mother.’

  ‘Every man is betrayed by his mother.’

  ‘I trusted her absolutely. I thought she had no other life. For years, you say. With that fat swine. I’ll carve him. And she loved me so much when she was a girl. And so pretty. And so innocent. We were happy then.’

  ‘The three of us.’

  ‘The three of us. We used to go about arm in arm, remember.’

  ‘With her in the middle.’

  ‘And have tugs of war going round lamp posts.’

  ‘You always won.’

  ‘Do you remember the day when we told her about sex?’

  ‘And she wouldn’t believe us!’

  ‘God! It’s all so clear, so near.’

  ‘And the building site and the waste land where we used to pick dandelions.’

  ‘And climbing on the scaffolding.’

  ‘And stealing the bricks.’

  ‘And playing French and English.’

  ‘And Grandmother’s Steps.’

  ‘She belonged to the beginning of our life when everything was good.’

  ‘Before we ran away.’

  ‘Before the theatre.’

  ‘Before all those awful things–you know.’

  ‘I know. She was separate from all that. I felt she’d kept the early part somehow, kept our childhood, kept it for me.’

  ‘Kept it all fresh, all pure.’

  ‘Are you laughing at me, Nigel?’

  ‘No, no. Come, you promised–’

  ‘Did Adelaide go to see you, go to your place, after you came back to London?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘She was very funny about you then. I thought you were after her.’

  ‘No, indeed.’

  ‘Well, what’s your motive for telling me all this? What’s in it for you? You love her and you’re trying to come between us!’

  ‘No!’

  ‘You can’t have her and you don’t want me to.’

  ‘No, I swear.’

  ‘Well, why then? Is it just craziness? Or wanting to hurt me? Or wanting to hurt Danby?’

  ‘Just craziness.’

  ‘You hate Danby. You’ve got some sort of grudge against him. Is that it? What made him hit you, anyway?’

  ‘No, Will, that isn’t it, that isn’t it at all.’

  The increasing rain tapped on the dark skylight and ran down it in a steady stream. The brothers stared into each other’s eyes, sitting close together in the brightly lighted attic room with their knees touching.

  24

  THE WHISKEY BOTTLE was nearly empty.

  Danby was sitting on his bed with his face in his hands. Adelaide was sitting on the floor with her back against the chest of drawers. Her face was swollen up and her eyes practically closed with crying. Her mouth, through which she was breathing heavily, hung open. Every now and then she shuddered and another two large tears came out of the slits of her eyes. She was wearing a blouse over her petticoat but no skirt.<
br />
  The window curtains were half drawn. It was nine o’clock on the following evening and already dark outside. It was raining violently, abandonedly. A strong gusty wind was driving the rain almost horizontally, bringing it in sharp pattering flurries up against the window, like the crack of handfuls of small pebbles hurled against the glass.

  A distant voice was calling. ‘Danby!’

  Danby groaned and rubbed his face deeper into his hands.

  ‘Danby!’

  Danby got up and without looking at Adelaide stepped over her outstretched legs and began to go up the stairs. He felt stiff and aching and bruised all over.

  ‘DANBY!’

  Danby pushed open the door of Bruno’s room and looked in, frowning against the light and peering at Bruno from underneath his hand. The lamp illuminated the comfortless untidy bed which had been twisted and turned in all day.

  ‘Danby, what’s the matter?’

  ‘Nothing’s the matter. What do you want?’

  ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘As if you can’t see me properly.’

  ‘I’m drunk. What do you want?’

  ‘Where’s Nigel?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘He hasn’t been here all day. And he wasn’t here last night.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter. Go to sleep, Bruno.’

  ‘It’s too early to go to sleep. And I haven’t had any tea. I called and called and nobody came.’

  ‘I’ll make you some tea.’

  ‘Danby, don’t go away, please, shut the door. You will forgive Nigel, won’t you, you won’t be cross with him?’

  ‘I expect Nigel’s cleared off.’

  ‘Nigel? He can’t have done. He can’t have, have left me–’ Bruno’s voice quavered upward. He was lying low down in his rumpled bed, only the big head and one claw-like hand visible above the bed clothes. Danby frowned at him over the hump of the foot cage. He seemed to be a long way off.

  ‘I’ll get the tea now. Want anything with it?’

  ‘Don’t go Danby. The rain is so awful and the wind. I thought I heard somebody screaming downstairs a little while ago.’

  ‘I expect you did.’

  ‘What was it?’

  ‘Adelaide screaming with laughter. Want any toast or anything? I’ll bring up the Evening Standard.’

  ‘What’s that girl’s name?’

  ‘What’s what girl’s name?’

  ‘That girl who comes. I mean Miles’s–’

  ‘Lisa.’

  ‘She didn’t come today.’

  ‘Oh forget that girl, Bruno.’

  ‘What do you mean, forget her?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter any more.’

  ‘What do you mean it doesn’t matter any more? What has the doctor been telling you, has he rung you up?’

  ‘No, of course not.’

  ‘He’s told you I’m done for and you’ve sacked Nigel and told the girl not to come–’

  ‘Oh stop it, Bruno, the doctor hasn’t said anything.’

  ‘Of course it doesn’t matter any more if I’m going to be dead–’

  ‘Bruno, shut up. You’re raving. I’ll get you some tea.’

  ‘I don’t want any tea.’

  ‘Well, go to sleep then. I’ll turn the light out.’

  ‘I can’t sleep with that noise, with the wind rattling the window. Is it rain or hail?’

  ‘Rain. It just sounds like hail.’

  ‘Danby, don’t go away. Sit with the old man for a little bit. I’ve been alone all day. You just threw that tray at me at lunch time.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Sit beside me, please, Danby, please.’

  ‘I can’t. I’m drunk.’

  ‘Please–’

  ‘Do you want the light on or off?’

  With difficulty Danby focused his eyes upon the head lolling on the pillow, the bearded chin dug deep into the sheets, the shrunken form which scarcely lifted the blankets to reveal its presence, the brown gaunt hand pawing a little in supplication.

  ‘Will you make my bed, Danby? Do my pillows anyway.’

  Danby strode across the room, punched the pillows perfunctorily and went back to the door. ‘Do you want the light on or off?’

  ‘Danby, I’m frightened, don’t go.’

  Danby saw that tears were beginning to run down Bruno’s face, finding their way across the reddened creases and bulges underneath his eyes.

  ‘Oh go to sleep Bruno, will you.’ Danby switched the light off and closed the door. He stopped at the top of the stairs to listen but there was no more sound from the old man’s room. He went down the further flight of stairs and reached his own room. Adelaide had not moved.

  Danby reached for the bottle and poured the rest of the whiskey into his glass. He sat down heavily. ‘Better go to bed, Adelaide.’ The rain hurtled across the window in a series of cracks like bursts of machine gun fire. The wind howled, rose to a scream, then howled again.

  ‘I love you, I love you, I love you.’

  ‘Oh stop it, Adelaide, there’s a good girl.’

  ‘Did you ever think of marrying me, did you ever think of it for a single second?’

  ‘I don’t know. Do stop it, will you, I’ve had enough.’

  ‘You knew it couldn’t last. You just amused yourself with me. You just took me on till something better turned up, something serious, something in your own class.’

  ‘Class has nothing to do with it.’

  ‘Hasn’t it? Then why do you feel you can treat me like dirt, walk out just the way you walked in?’

  ‘You were glad enough when I walked in.’

  ‘That’s a bloody rotten thing to say.’

  ‘OK. Agreed. Now let’s stop talking.’

  ‘You never thought our thing was real.’

  ‘Yes I did, Adelaide. I just didn’t know this would happen, I didn’t think.’

  ‘You didn’t think! Of course you didn’t think! You just took what you wanted.’

  ‘If it’s any satisfaction to you I know I’m an absolute bastard.’

  ‘Well, I hope you’ll be happy with her, after destroying me and taking all my life away from me.’

  ‘I’ve already told you she isn’t interested in me, she’s got somebody else, she doesn’t want me, she’s told me to clear out.’

  ‘I don’t believe a word of it. You’re saying this to put me off. And tomorrow you’ll give me the sack.’

  ‘Don’t be silly, Adelaide. Don’t start all that again.’

  ‘I’m not being silly. I’m a servant. I’m your servant. Have you forgotten? I’m your paid employee.’

  ‘You’ve said all this before.’

  ‘And I was glad to be your servant, glad.’

  ‘Oh go to bed, for Christ’s sake.’

  ‘To think how I worshipped you! You’ll never know how I worshipped you.’

  ‘Well, more fool you.’

  ‘You took my love, you were glad enough to have it, and now you just call me a fool!’

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean–’

  ‘Anyway, I told her, I told her.’

  ‘What on earth are you talking about?’

  ‘I told that stuck-up bitch about you and me. You didn’t know that, did you? I told her we were lovers. I told her we’d been lovers for years. I told her to bloody well keep off.’

  ‘Oh Christ.’ Danby got up. He stood hunched, staring at the empty whiskey bottle. ‘When was that?’

  ‘Last week.’

  ‘What did she say?’

  ‘She pretended not to care.’

  ‘Adelaide, I’m sorry you did that.’

  ‘I’m glad you’re sorry.’

  ‘Not that she could think any worse of me–Well, she could–Anyway it doesn’t matter.’

  ‘You just kept mum about little me, didn’t you? Thought you could tidy me away, sweep me under the carpet–’

  ‘Oh never mind, never
mind. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.’

  ‘I loved you so much–’

  ‘Don’t start crying again, I can’t stand it.’

  ‘I loved you so much and I was so happy–so happy–’ Adelaide choked in sobs.

  ‘Go to bed–or else I’m going out–’

  ‘I’ll kill myself. I can’t go on existing now. I’ll kill myself–’

  Danby made for the door.

  Suddenly there was a different sound at the window. The rattling spatter of the rain had been resolved into a steadier and more insistent tapping. Danby stood rigid. Adelaide stopped crying. The tapping came again, louder, purposive, menacing against the wailing background of the wind. Adelaide and Danby stared at each other and then at the window. Between the half drawn curtains the space was blank, quartered with reflections. Danby strode across and dragged back the curtain, leaning forward and peering. A hand was clearly visible, pressed against the glass from without. Adelaide screamed. Danby could now see a bulky figure standing directly opposite to him in the darkness outside. The next moment there was a sound of shattering glass and Danby leapt back as the fragments of the glass pane came showering after him into the room.

  Danby spun round, jumped over Adelaide’s legs, and ran up the stairs two at a time. He threw open the front door. Through the swaying curtain of the driven rain he saw a hurrying figure just reaching the corner of the road and disappearing. Danby stood for a moment on the verge of the rain, with the wet wind blowing into his face and his heart beating hard. Then as he began to close the door he saw that he was standing upon an envelope. He picked it up and went slowly back down the stairs.

  Adelaide had risen. She stood clutching her blouse against her throat. The cold air was blowing in through the big jagged hole in the window pane. ‘Who was it?’

  ‘I don’t know. Whoever it was he probably left this note. It’s addressed to me.’ Danby ripped it open. It read as follows.

  I know about your life with Adelaide. She was mine but I discard her as trash. You may keep her. Just tell the hell-bitch to stay out of my way if she wants to keep her looks. You I shall punish in my own fashion. I challenge you to a duel. The weapons will be pistols. You may select the place. If you refuse this challenge I will brand you as a coward, I will publish your degrading liaison with your servant, I will persecute you at your home and at your place of work in every way that I can devise, until I have made your life a misery. If you accept the challenge I will do my best either to kill you or to maim you.