The Adventurer's Guide to Treasure (and How to Steal It)

by Wade Albert White

  Octo-Horse Pirate stepped forward and cleared his throat. All eyes turned toward him.

  “Not to be ‘that guy’ or anything, but technically we were here first,” he said. “Normally I would just let things play out, but I’ve invested a fair amount of time into organizing all of this, and you’re sort of stepping on my moment.”

  The lieutenant and the chief mumbled their apologies and stepped back to stand with their respective armies.

  “Thank you,” said Octo-Horse Pirate, and he turned back to Anne and her group. “Anvil, Keeper of the Sparrow, Rightful Heir of Saint Lupin’s, Dragon Slayer, and now Official Antagonist in the Pirate Treasure quest, also known as the Quest of the High Castle, the forces arrayed against you are vast, even if not entirely expected and/or welcome and/or in agreement with one another. Nevertheless, you cannot hope to win against any one of us, let alone all of us, and your time is running short. And so, I present you with a choice: You can stand your ground here and lose everything, or you can accept my offer of peace and my personal assurance that everyone here will be saved from the imminent catastrophe that is upon us.”

  The lieutenant raised his hand. “Just to clarify, to which imminent catastrophe are you referring? Because speaking only for my group, and in my capacity as a representative of the Wizards’ Council, we weren’t made aware of any impending disasters.”

  “Still my moment,” growled Octo-Horse Pirate.

  The lieutenant apologized again and lowered his hand.

  “What about the rest of the Hierarchy?” Anne challenged. “What will the corruption do to them? Turn them all to doppelgangers? Destroy all life in the Hierarchy? Are we simply supposed to abandon millions of people to their fate?”

  “Sometimes sacrifices must be made.”

  “I agree,” said Anne. “But just who and what a person is willing to sacrifice says a lot about them, don’t you think? And in any case, what gives you the right to decide how the world should be?”

  “Nothing,” Octo-Horse Pirate said matter-of-factly. “Nothing gives me the right. I merely have the power. When you have that, you don’t need the right. Why does no one ever seem to understand that?”

  “So you’re just going to sit here and do nothing while the corruption spreads?”

  Octo-Horse Pirate shrugged. “We can argue as long as you wish. I lose nothing by standing here. Can you say the same?” For emphasis, he held up his gauntlet-hand. Jeffery was still struggling to get free.

  “You think you’ve planned this all so meticulously,” said Anne. “But I’m afraid you’ve overlooked one thing.”

  “Are you referring to your master medallion? Because I know all about that. Suffice it to say, I’m not overly worried. You can’t use it if you can’t get into the tower.”

  “I’m not talking about that,” said Anne. “I’m talking about our secret weapon. Now, Marri!”

  Marri’s arm arched back and snapped forward again, and a small black object flew out of her hand straight toward Octo-Horse Pirate. It struck his gauntlet dead center, causing him to release Jeffery. The little sparrow soared into the air, well out of his reach.

  The black object looped around and came to a stop in front of him.

  It was Nana.

  Octo-Horse Pirate laughed. “This is your secret weapon? Forgive me for saying so, but however formidable her powers might be when it comes to rescuing sparrows, I think my entire army of doppelgangers can handle one tiny dragon.”

  “Who said anything about there being only one dragon?” growled Nana. “Hit it, Jeffery.”

  Jeffery’s eyes began to glow, and two tiny orbs of light shot out of them into the sky, well above the tallest of the towers. The orbs joined together and expanded into a single giant dragon.

  “The emergency beacon!” shouted Penelope.

  Every quest was permitted one use of the emergency beacon. Anne hadn’t been certain whether the beacon would activate using the master medallion, but Jeffery had assured her it would work. He had even made a few modifications.

  An instant later the air was filled with the sound of flapping leather wings as hundreds of dragons appeared in the sky over the castle. Most of them circled in formation around the airships, but a handful broke off and glided down to land atop the castle walls above the main gate where the rest of Marri’s pirate crew stood. In the center stood a large red dragon.

  “Valerian!” Anne shouted excitedly.

  She waved, and the red dragon winked at her. At the end of their last quest, in a gesture of thanks for all Anne had done for the dragon clans, Valerian had promised to come to her aid. She needed only to send out a special signal.

  “Begone, foul beasts!” yelled the lieutenant. “You’re interfering with the official business of the Wizards’ Council, and your presence here could be construed as an act of war.”

  In the blink of an eye, the red dragon took the form of a human boy with dark hair wearing a red cape.

  “If there is to be war, we will not shy away from our duty,” said Valerian. “For let it be known, the dragons of the Hierarchy stand with Saint Lupin’s!”

  He raised his fist in the air, and the dragons around him let out a mighty roar.

  Jeffery swooped overhead and dropped the bag of dice into Marri’s waiting hands. Marri quickly opened it and dumped the dice in her lap. One was bouncing, and she picked it up between her thumb and forefinger. A blue ray of light shot out from the dice, and Sassafras appeared in front of them.

  He blinked several times. “Did the bell ring already? Is class over? Is it naptime yet?”

  Another began to vibrate, and a blue ray of light shot out, depositing Captain Copperhelm in the middle of the courtyard. He surveyed the armies.

  “Status update?” he asked.

  “You’ve missed pretty much everything except for the final battle, which is happening right now,” said Penelope.

  Copperhelm hoisted his ax. “Sounds like good timing to me.”

  Rokk appeared next and looked around in what Anne took to be mild surprise. “My internal sensors indicate I have experienced a time lapse. Are we here to kick some tentacled equestrian butt?”

  “Close enough,” said Hiro.

  Three more dice began trembling and hopping about. From these emerged Princess Whiskers, Dog, and Jocelyn. Jocelyn brushed off her vest.

  “Well, that was a most unpleasant experience,” she said.

  Anne wrapped her arms around Jocelyn. “It’s wonderful to see you. It’s so good to have all of you back,” she added to the others.

  “Just so we’re clear, I’m not a hugger,” said Copperhelm.

  Jocelyn surveyed the awaiting armies. “Would you care to bring us up to speed?” she asked. “Keeping in mind you will be graded on both the conciseness of your summary as well as the relevance of the details.”

  Anne pointed at the third tower. “The supreme leader of the pirate factions stole my quest, and now I’m the Official Antagonist. We need to get in there and stop this castle before it plunges into the rift and brings down the BGFM, which is really a magickal barrier dividing the world in two and preventing a terrible corruption trapped on the other side from infecting the entire Hierarchy.”

  “That… might be a little too concise.”

  The five armies faced off. Octo-Horse Pirate and his army of doppelgangers looked quick and dangerous, while the army of wizards and iron knights from the secret Wizards’ Council warehouse appeared strong and menacing. The guards from the Pyrate Museum gripped their swords and seemed ready for a fight. Anne, Penelope, Hiro, and the staff from Saint Lupin’s stood with Captain Marri Blackwood and her pirate crew, and a contingent of dragons led by their king, Valerian, swarmed the skies and the castle battlements.

  “Oh, man, this is going to be epic!” said Penelope, twirling her sword.

  “That’s what I’m afraid of,” said Hiro.

  The time had come, and Anne felt completely calm. All her anxieties and nervousness melted a
way. She knew what she had to do.

  Anne lifted her gauntlet-hand above her head.

  “Activate Three-Handed Sword,” she said, grabbing the holographic copy of the sword out of the air as soon as it appeared.

  Octo-Horse Pirate raised his rapier, holding it over his head for a few seconds, and then dropped his arm.

  “Attack!” he shouted.

  “For Saint Lupin’s!” shouted Anne.

  The five armies launched themselves at one another.

  The iron knights smashed through the first line of Marri’s pirates, scattering them in all directions. Marri ducked a wicked blade slash and took off a knight’s leg with a stroke of her own, but it wasn’t enough. The sheer weight of the knights forced the pirates back to the wall. Several dragons swooped down and started plucking iron knights off the ground, flying them over the edge of the tier and releasing them into the rift.

  Jocelyn leapt and twirled her way through a squad of attacking wizards. Spells flashed by her head, but she dodged every one of them, all the while blocking and slashing. Beside her, Copperhelm employed the more direct approach of charging straight at the wizards and bowling them over. Sassafras fell asleep midspell and got knocked over by a flying pirate.

  Rokk led the charge against the doppelgangers. He plowed into their ranks, hacking and slashing at them with the real Three-Handed Sword, leaving trails of black smoke in his wake. Penelope was beside him, her sword in constant motion as she fought off two doppelgangers at once. Hiro managed to scoop up a fallen wizard’s spell book and started casting from that. He soon had several wizards gasping and wheezing inside a purple cloud.

  One of the iron knights made the unfortunate move of stepping on the tail of Princess Whiskers. The cat tore into the knight, hissing and clawing and tearing its armor to shreds. When she finished, she left the iron knight in a heap and chased away three others.

  “We could really use a few of those iron knights on our side,” said Anne. “Jeffery, can you tune a few of them to my gauntlet?”

  “Leave it to me,” said Jeffery.

  He swooped over a group of iron knights, pausing for a second or two over each one. The iron knights stopped, much to the surprise of the pirates who had been fighting them.

  Anne raised her gauntlet-hand, and the iron knights responded.

  “Much better,” she said.

  She sent the iron knights under her control running back into the ranks of the wizards. They cut a wide path, knocking scores of wizards off their feet. When they punched through the other side, Anne didn’t have them turn back. Instead, she sent them into the remaining iron knights. Anne was more experienced in operating them than the wizards with their control cubes, and she sent her iron knights tearing into theirs, ripping off armor plating and chopping off heads. Soon only Anne’s knights were left standing.

  With the iron knights under Anne’s control, the tide of the battle began to turn. The dragons and Marri’s pirate crew joined Rokk and Penelope, forcing the doppelgangers toward a breach in the wall that had been created when one of Hiro’s spells backfired. There was nothing on the other side but the edge of the tier.

  “Don’t let any of them escape,” yelled Marri.

  The pirates charged, and the doppelgangers were pushed through the breach. Some of them tried desperately to climb the outside wall to get away, but several dragons swooped down and flicked them off with their tails. Still, the sheer size of the doppelganger army gave them an advantage. One section broke away and flanked the pirates, and the tide of the battle shifted again, this time in their favor.

  Something tugged at Anne’s sleeve.

  It was Dog.

  He seemed to be trying to pull her in the direction of the third tower.

  “Right,” said Anne. “Thanks for the reminder.”

  Anne scanned the courtyard for any sign of Octo-Horse Pirate, but he was lost in the fray. She didn’t have time to go searching for him. Neither Penelope nor Hiro was nearby, but she spotted Captain Copperhelm and ran over to him. Dog tagged along.

  “I need to get inside that tower,” said Anne.

  “Do you need someone to go with you?” asked Copperhelm.

  Anne looked around the courtyard. “I think the best way to help would be to keep everyone else out.”

  “Say no more,” said Copperhelm. He grabbed Sassafras by the collar, hauled him to his feet, and shook him awake. “We need a path cleared from here to that tower. I’ll cover you.”

  Sassafras raised his hands and started chanting immediately. Museum guards rushed in from all directions, but none of them got near Sassafras—Copperhelm swatted them away like flies.

  Sassafras finished the spell, and a tiny ball of light appeared—accompanied by a rhinoceros. With a flick of his wrist, Sassafras sent the ball of light hurtling toward the tower. The rhinoceros followed, mowing down anyone unfortunate enough to be in its path. Anne hurried along behind it, with Dog at her side. When the rhinoceros reached the tower, it veered away, but Anne ran directly up and slapped her palm against the wall. The blue grid appeared, along with the expected INSERT KEY.

  Jeffery landed on her shoulder. “Did you find a way in?”

  “Not yet, but in the other quests there was always a clue in the quest riddle. In the first quest, the riddle explicitly said to find the Key You Cannot Hold. In the second quest, the riddle said to find the Three-Handed Sword, which is where the key was located.”

  “So you think the riddle for this quest contains a clue?” said Jeffery. “But the only location it mentions is the High Castle.”

  “The location of the key might not be a place,” said Anne. “It could be inside an object.”

  “Like the rose?”

  “I was thinking more about the legend’s power,” said Anne, and she pulled the jade cylinder seal from her pocket.

  “You think there’s some clue hidden in that thing?”

  “The lines of a riddle can have more than one meaning. What’s another name for legend?”

  “A key!” cried Jeffery.

  “Activate key,” said Anne.

  A jade key appeared in the air over the cylinder seal. Anne carefully reached for it with her gauntlet-hand. When she touched the key, it disappeared.

  She held up her gauntlet-hand. “Activate Jade Key.”

  The key appeared again and Anne grabbed it. She jammed it into the slot in the wall of the tower, and an archway appeared. Anne wasted no time and ran inside.

  “I don’t think I’m going to be able to follow,” said Jeffery, and even as he spoke he began to fade.

  “That’s okay,” said Anne. “I need you to let Penelope, Hiro, and Marri know that we found a way into the third tower. Tell them to come right away!”

  “Will do!” said Jeffery, and he shot back out through the archway.

  Dog was no longer with her, but Anne didn’t have time to go looking for him. She rode the elevator to the top of the tower. The doors opened to reveal yet another long gray corridor. Anne stepped out hesitantly, but there didn’t appear to be anyone around. At the far end of the corridor was a single door bearing the faded image of a dragon. Anne walked to the door and stopped. A rectangular spot on the wall next to the door was lighter in color, as though something that had hung there for a long time had been removed.

  Anne turned the knob and opened the door.

  It was the same room as the one in her dreams, yet different. For one thing, there was no Oswald, although she hadn’t really expected him to be there. Also, there was a ramp along the back wall leading to the next level. Anne climbed the ramp. The room at the top was identical to the other two towers, complete with a black computer terminal in the center.

  And then she remembered.

  Only a Daisywheel could activate the gold medallion.

  She needed Jocelyn.

  How could they have overlooked that?

  She turned to head back down the ramp, only to discover someone coming up. It was Octo-Horse Pirate, st
ill with the parrot on his shoulder. He stopped at the top of the ramp and blocked the way.

  “You have a habit of showing up where you’re not wanted,” he said to her.

  “How would you know?” asked Anne.

  “I know more than you realize.”

  Octo-Horse Pirate began to spin, but it wasn’t an attack. He spun faster and faster until his body became a blur. His tentacles formed themselves into two groups and melded together, and his head changed shape. When the spinning stopped, he had undergone a complete transformation. The tentacles had become two human legs wearing a pair of gray pants and black leather boots. The armor had changed to a charcoal tunic with a midnight black cape slung over one shoulder. And the parrot had become a crow.

  The gauntlet remained on his right hand.

  Most important, instead of the horse-shaped helmet there was a man’s head, with tanned white skin, a firm square jaw, and dark wavy hair graying at the temples.

  Anne stumbled back in shock. “Lord Greystone?!”

  Lord Greystone smiled back at her. “Welcome to the end of the world.”

  THE INSTRUCTIONAL GUIDE HOW TO SPOT A FAKE BEARD OFFERS THE FOLLOWING TIPS ON HOW TO DETERMINE IF SOMEONE YOU’RE TALKING TO IS WEARING A DISGUISE:

  1) Ask “Are you wearing a disguise?”

  2) Pull on their beard if they have one. (If it’s fake, it’ll come off; if it’s not fake, though, you’re in big trouble.)

  3) Tell a very long and detailed story about your last vacation. When they fall asleep due to boredom, they’ll drool all over themselves. This won’t tell you whether or not they’re wearing a disguise, but it’ll be really funny.

  The Legend and the Lady

  Anne could hardly believe what she was seeing. Octo-Horse Pirate—Marri’s father—was actually Lord Greystone, the Minister of Questing.

  “But—when—where—how?” she stammered.

  “All succinct and articulate questions,” said Greystone.

  “I was expecting someone else.”