The Adventurer's Guide to Treasure (and How to Steal It)

by Wade Albert White

  “No!” she gasped.

  She scrabbled at the tiles, trying to save the shimmering pieces, but each one she touched faded to nothing. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks. Of all the things, she was crying over a little bird—a ridiculous, crazy, sarcastic, wonderful, brave, heroic companion.

  She held up the gauntlet. “Activate GPS,” she whispered.

  Nothing happened.

  “Activate GPS!” she shouted.

  Still nothing.

  She held back a sob.

  “Jeffery, please come back to me.”

  There was no response.

  Anne gently slid the gauntlet from her hand and placed it carefully, almost reverently, on the floor. It was destroyed beyond repair. She knew it in her heart. And Jeffery was gone with it. His final act had been to protect her.

  “Hello, Anne.”

  At the sound of the voice, Anne leapt to her feet and spun around. A thin young man with pale white skin and unruly dark hair, dressed in a white lab coat and brown loafers, stood next to the computer terminal.

  “You’re—you’re Oswald,” said Anne.

  “Yes,” said the young man.

  Anne blinked several times to make sure she was really seeing him. “But how can you be here? You lived over ten thousand years ago, before the world was even created.”

  Oswald smiled. “Perhaps I’ve just aged really well.” He reached a hand toward the terminal as though to touch it, but his hand passed through. “Or perhaps not.”

  Anne gasped. “You’re a hologram?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Wait. Did I just see you transform? Were you Neeva all along?”

  “Playing the role of a gauntlet GPS was a convenient way to keep an eye on things without being too conspicuous, but that role has served its purpose. I’ve now transferred myself out of the gauntlet and into this terminal. You have no idea how long it’s taken me to reach this place.”

  Anne’s head was spinning. With the loss of her gauntlet and Jeffery, it was difficult to process what she was seeing. But she forced herself to focus on the moment. Her gut told her this wasn’t over yet.

  “You just called me Anne,” she said.

  “Of course,” said the Oswald Hologram. “That is your name, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, but I just—someone gave me the impression that I might be… Zarala.”

  The Oswald Hologram tilted his head. “Well, the resemblance is unmistakable. But then, that’s to be expected.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “All will be revealed in due time.”

  Anne glanced out the window. Strangely, the air was completely still. The storm was gone, or else something was holding it back. The rift threatened to swallow the entire tier. They had minutes left at most.

  “The castle!” she cried. “We have to stop it!”

  The Oswald Hologram began pacing. “We could do that. But first I’d like you to consider my offer. I can give you a home and a family. Someplace safe and warm, with people who love you. Just what you’ve always wanted. But even more than that, I can grant you the power to create worlds of your own, whatever you wish. Just imagine the adventures you could have.”

  Anne looked again at the computer terminal and noted that Oswald never strayed very far from it even while pacing around the room.

  “Are you the guardian of this terminal?” she asked. “Like the old wizard and the knight in the other towers?”

  “Oh, I think you’ll find I’m much more than just a mere guardian. Zarala didn’t see it that way, of course, but I had other plans. Oswald made sure of that when he programmed me.”

  “Oswald programmed you?”

  “Oh, yes. He had wonderful plans for me, too. Plans to rule this world and as many others as he could create. But those plans came to naught after the war, after the world shattered and the barrier was put in place. I have to admit, Zarala made it nearly impossible for me to escape, and I’m not ashamed to say there were times I considered giving up altogether. It’s taken me nearly ten thousand years to regain control of the computer, but I believe I’ve finally found a way.”

  “That’s why you’re doing this? To take control? To rule the world?”

  The Oswald Hologram shrugged. “What can I say? I admit it’s a bit predictable, but it’s how I was programmed. I’m a two-dimensional villain in a three-dimensional holographic body.”

  All the time he was speaking, the Oswald Hologram had been turning something over in his hand. Anne finally caught a glimpse of it. It was a small green object.

  She stuck her hand in her pocket. The jade cylinder wasn’t there. She checked her other pockets, but it was nowhere to be found. It had still been in her possession when she reached the top of the tower, but in all the kerfuffle it must have fallen out. Or else someone had taken it.

  Oswald held out the seal. “Are you looking for this?”

  Something about seeing the Oswald Hologram holding the jade cylinder seal made Anne uneasy. Hadn’t the seal already fulfilled its function by helping them read the map and providing the key to enter the tower? What further use could it possibly have on this quest?

  “Can I have it back, please?” asked Anne as politely as possible.

  “Certainly,” said the Oswald Hologram. But instead of handing it to her, he suddenly hurled it at the floor, where it shattered into pieces, scattering in all directions.

  “What did you do that for?” she demanded.

  The Oswald Hologram ignored her and began searching among the debris.

  While the hologram was distracted, Anne looked around for anything she might use as a weapon. The only thing close was the Matron’s metal hand. Moving slowly so as not to draw attention to herself, Anne bent down to retrieve it. It wasn’t that she expected to be able to do anything with it, but she felt better holding something rather than nothing. When she picked it up, she noticed writing around the cuff: ANTAGONIST/VILLAIN. Those two words reminded Anne of something the Matron had said early on in their first quest, about how being the antagonist didn’t necessarily make someone the villain. Anne also noticed that some of the letters were thicker than the rest: the AN of ANTAGONIST, and the VIL of VILLAIN.

  AN.

  VIL.

  ANVIL.

  Seeing her name shocked her to her core, but what could it possibly mean? And even more important, how could it help?

  “Ah, there you are,” said the Oswald Hologram, bringing Anne back to the present.

  He picked up a piece of the shattered cylinder. Except it wasn’t a jade shard. It was a small gray square. He held it up for Anne to see. There was a small Z painted on it.

  “What’s that?” asked Anne.

  “Something I’ve been wanting to acquire for a very long time.”

  He walked over to the terminal and spoke. “Activate physical keyboard.”

  A rectangular seam appeared in the side of the terminal, and a hatch slid away. A thin gray rectangular block extended. The surface of the block contained dozens of small gray squares similar to the one the Oswald Hologram was holding, except they all had a different letter, number, or symbol. It reminded Anne of the blue grid. There was a small gap in one of the rows, and it was into this gap that the Oswald Hologram placed the Z square. The square clicked into place, and the terminal beeped as though acknowledging its return.

  “That ought to do it,” he said.

  He began typing, but he continued speaking as he did so. “You people are so gullible. You believed everything Lord Greystone told you, just as he believed everything he read in that ridiculous journal I gave him. The medallions and their quests were Zarala’s. Her mistake, of course, was in assuming Oswald didn’t know about them. Quite the opposite, in fact. He feigned ignorance, all the while working in secret to ensure that the true object of this quest was me. I was trapped in the terminal down in the courtyard, but blocked by Zarala from accessing this tower, meaning I could never reach my full potential. The rose that
never bloomed, as it were. You rightly deciphered the legend as a key, but in my case, it referred not to the jade key but rather a physical key hidden inside the hollow cylinder. A keyboard key. The one letter without which I could not enter Zarala’s user name.

  “But now I have everything I need. Once I access her account, I will have complete control over the computer. Then I will be the one to decide what worlds to make and what worlds to crush under my feet.”

  The Oswald Hologram tapped a symbol on the keyboard, and LOGIN appeared on the side of the terminal. He then entered Zarala’s name, typing slowly, as though relishing every keystroke. He pressed another key, and PASSWORD appeared on the screen.

  “And now Zarala’s failure is complete,” said the Oswald Hologram.

  He typed five keys, all numbers: 6-5-5-3-5.

  It took a moment for the numbers to register, but Anne recognized them. Together, they comprised her orphan identification number. It couldn’t be a coincidence. None of it could. Zarala had left a clear trail of clues leading Anne to this place. And now Anne was holding yet another piece of the puzzle, an item she had always loathed but which nevertheless seemed to form some integral part in everything. It was time to embrace who she was, and if that meant becoming the antagonist by choice, then so be it. After all, becoming the antagonist just meant being an opponent. Which of them was truly the “bad guy” remained to be seen.

  Anne slid the metal hand over her own. It morphed around her and fit like a glove. It didn’t burn or hurt at all. More than anything, it felt like it belonged.

  Anne stretched out her right metal hand. “Stop what you’re doing, or I’ll be forced to destroy you.”

  “You can try,” he said.

  Anne willed the hand to do something, anything, but nothing happened.

  The Oswald Hologram shook his head. “Poor Anne. Zarala is out of tricks, I’m afraid. There’s no one left to help you.”

  Anne forced herself to think. What had Oswald said about the gauntlet? Something about playing the role of the GPS? But if he was only playing the role, didn’t that suggest that he wasn’t the original GPS? And if he had transferred himself out of the gauntlet, did that mean the real GPS, whoever it was, was still in there? If that was true, then…

  Oswald tapped a final key, and several more words appeared on the screen:

  WELCOME BACK USER ZARALA

  The Oswald Hologram threw back his head and laughed. “After all this time, I actually did it! I can’t believe it! I can already feel the power coursing through me. The computer is mine. All hail Oswald, King of the Holograms, Master of Worlds, Lord of the Universe. My name shall be forever etched in the heavens. No one will ever—”

  Anne stretched out the metal hand once again.

  “Activate GPS!” she yelled.

  A dark streak shot out of the metal hand with such force that it nearly knocked Anne off her feet. The streak smashed through the center of the Oswald Hologram.

  “Ah, fiddlesticks,” he said.

  The Oswald Hologram shattered into a million pieces.

  The black blur whirred around in a wide arc and stopped in front of Anne. It was a fire lizard, two feet from snout to tail. It had black scales and wings. Its eyes were bright green.

  “Dog?” said Anne, incredulous. She knelt down and gave his head a pat. “Dog, is that really you? But—how—what…?”

  Dog nudged her metal hand with his snout.

  She laughed. “Sorry, but I don’t have biscuits for you right now.”

  Dog persisted, and she got the sense he wasn’t after a snack. He kept bumping the Matron’s metal hand.

  Anne wrinkled her nose. “What do you want with that?”

  Dog flew over next to the prone form of the Construct and lay down next to her missing arm.

  Anne began to catch on.

  She pulled off the metal hand and positioned it where the Construct’s hand had been severed. The metal hand connected to the Construct with a bright crackle of energy, such that Anne had to shield her eyes. When she looked again, the Construct was no longer lying on the floor. Instead, she was floating in the air. Her clothes were no longer tattered and dirty. In fact, gone were the lab coat, shirt, and pants. In their place, the Construct wore an emerald-green gown that glowed softly. And the metal hand was attached to her, as if it had always been a part of her.

  Moreover, her body had changed. Now it was smooth and gleaming, as though it were made of dark crystal.

  The Lady of Glass!

  The Construct stretched out a hand. A small cloud of dust gathered around it and slowly formed itself into a small object: the black medallion. She offered it to Anne.

  “Would you like to do the honors?” she asked.

  “But it won’t work,” said Anne. “I’m not a Daisywheel.”

  The Construct winked at her. “Let’s try it anyway, shall we?”

  Anne took the medallion and walked to the center of the room. She tapped the computer terminal, and a slot opened up. With no small amount of trepidation, she placed the black medallion into the slot. There was a brief click.

  “Full computer access granted,” said a voice from nowhere in particular. “Do you wish to proceed with barrier removal?”

  “No!” shouted Anne. “I mean, please leave the barrier in place.”

  “Acknowledged.”

  The floor shuddered as the castle stopped just above the rift opening.

  Anne let out a sigh of relief.

  “Congratulations,” said the Construct. “You have completed your mission.”

  The Construct stretched out her arms. A sphere of light appeared and expanded to encompass the entire room. Anne’s feet left the floor, and she floated in the air. Greystone’s unconscious body, still in the form of Octo-Horse Pirate, was lifted as well. The sphere of light carried them through the window and out of the tower.

  THE ADVENTURER’S GUIDE TO STORY ENDINGS OFFERS THE FOLLOWING GUIDELINES FOR TYING UP THE LOOSE THREADS OF ANY QUEST:

  1) Actually finish the quest.

  2) Leave several minor plot threads uncompleted to drive people crazy.

  3) Don’t forget to thank the squirrels.

  The Rogue Keeper

  Anne floated over the battlefield in a bubble of pure light. The fighting had ceased. The ground was littered with broken weapons and pieces of smashed iron knights. There wasn’t a single doppelganger in sight; presumably all were either destroyed or driven off the side of the tier back into the BGFM. The armies from the Wizards’ Council and the Pyrate Museum had returned to their airships and were retreating to a safe distance, not in the least because the dragons were patrolling the skies and keeping everyone well back. The Leaky Mermaid hovered high in the air just beyond the edge of the tier.

  The sphere of light deposited them on the airship and disappeared. Anne landed between Penelope and Hiro, with the unconscious Greystone a few feet away. Marri immediately ordered two of the pirate crew to carry her father into her cabin and went with them. Anne was relieved to see everyone had made it back aboard safe and sound.

  Penelope pulled Anne into a body-smooshing hug, and Hiro as well. The staff from Saint Lupin’s gathered around them, as did the pirate crew. There were many hugs and cries of joy.

  Jocelyn beamed at Anne. “Well done, Anne. I knew you could do it.”

  Anne smiled at the compliment. “Not without the rest of the group.”

  “Well, I’m very impressed with all of you.”

  “Where’s your gauntlet?” asked Hiro. “Where’s Jeffery?”

  Anne’s smile faltered, and a well of emotion threatened to overtake her. In all the excitement, she had momentarily forgotten. She couldn’t bring herself to tell them Jeffery was gone, couldn’t bear to speak the words.

  Penelope must have read something in her expression. She put her arm around Anne’s shoulders.

  “What happened?” asked Penelope.

  Suddenly the Construct was in their midst. “Why, Anne saved the
world yet again, of course.”

  Anne sniffed. “What about the barrier? And the corruption?”

  “The barrier is safe and secure once again, and now that I have full access to the computer I have corrected the error that caused the corruption. Its influence has been completely removed from the doppelganger world as well, and they are free to build their own society as they see fit.”

  “So, it’s finally over, then?” asked Anne.

  “Not quite,” said the Construct. “I believe you still have some questions regarding your origins.”

  Anne swallowed. This wasn’t Greystone telling her half-baked stories he read in some ten-thousand-year-old journal. This was what she had waited for her whole life: the truth.

  “Am I Zarala?” she asked.

  “No and yes.”

  “Well, that’s not cryptic or anything,” said Hiro.

  The Construct smiled indulgently. “You are not the original Zarala, but you are her clone.”

  “Hey, Anne is not a clown!” shouted Penelope. “You take that back!”

  Hiro placed a hand on Penelope’s shoulder. “She said clone, not clown,” he explained. “A clone is like an exact copy of a person.”

  Penelope’s eyes widened. “Anne is a doppelganger?”

  “It’s a very different process, I assure you,” said the Construct. “Also, a doppelganger tries to replace the original person. A clone exists alongside them. As you have probably guessed by now, it was Oswald, not Zarala, who sabotaged the computer. Zarala realized something had gone terribly wrong, but she also knew she wouldn’t be able to fix it within her lifetime. She created you, Anvil, and placed you as an infant in cryostasis in the hopes that one day you would awaken at a time when the error could be fixed and the corruption eradicated. She also created the three medallions to grant you the necessary access to the computer, medallions that could only be activated using Zarala’s gauntlet.”

  “Why three?”

  “The quests were designed to work together: the gold medallion to lower the barrier, the silver medallion to correct the error, and the copper medallion to ensure the integrity of the data. And all three together could be used to gain full computer access.”