Low The Last Day of Winter

by Low, Shari

  ‘Stacey Summers, you haven’t taken my advice since you were ten years old and I think it’s highly unlikely that you’ll start now.’

  ‘I will,’ Stacey argued.

  ‘Okay, don’t do it. It’s crazy. Cammy is marrying Caro. She’s a lovely girl and they’re blissfully happy together. I’m sorry, love, but you’re right – you don’t stand a chance. And if you try to get in the way of the biggest day of their life, you’re only going to fall flat on your face and lose his friendship. If you want to change your life, then do it. Find a good guy, settle down, have kids. But that guy isn’t Cammy. So there’s my opinion. Don’t do it.’

  Stacey stared at the table. Her mum was right. Of course she was. How bloody stupid had she been, charging all the way over here, on some kind of crazy mission to land the guy she was in love with?

  She wouldn’t do it. She would stay here, change in to her comfies and spend the afternoon on the sofa, cuddled up with her mum, watching some of their favourite movies… except My Best Friend’s Wedding. Probably a good idea to give that one a miss. And then she’d go to Cammy’s wedding, and sit there with her mouth welded shut while he promised his life to the woman that he was actually in love with. Afterwards, she’d go back to the USA, face Jax and build a new life plan. Yes, that was what she’d do. Definitely. Absolutely.

  Nodding slowly, she gave her mum a weak smile. ‘You’re right. I know you are.’

  The relief in Senga’s voice was palpable. ‘So you won’t go charging over there?’

  ‘Nope, I’ll stay here with you. Sorry, Mum, I know I’m acting deranged, but I just… Ah, bugger, I don’t know what I was thinking. I love him. But that’s my problem and I need to get over it.’

  Senga reached over and put her hand over her daughter’s hundred dollar Beverly Hills manicure. ‘You’re right. And I’m proud of you for coming to your senses, love. No good would have come from it and you’d only have hurt yourself. Now, bung the kettle back on and I’ll go and run you a bath and then we can have a lazy afternoon before we get ready for the ceremony. And at the “does anyone object to this couple marrying” bit, me and Ida will sit on yer hands so you don’t make a show of yourself.’

  The mental picture of that made Stacey giggle, and all at once the tension she’d been feeling since the moment the invitation had dropped into her mailbox lifted. She wasn’t going to do anything. Yes, it would hurt to see the man she loved with someone else, but she’d get over it. Other people did. This wasn’t the end of the world. She’d just focus on all the other good things in her life and wait for the pain to subside, then she’d move on, find her happy ever after somewhere else. Maybe this would even clear her mind enough to give her relationship with Jax a fair chance. Maybe this temporary aberration would turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to her.

  Senga was halfway out of her seat when Stacey’s phone buzzed. That would be Jax, Stacey thought as she picked it up and checked the screen.

  Nope, not Jax.

  Senga caught the change in expression on her daughter’s face. ‘Here we go,’ she muttered. ‘Cammy?’

  Stacey nodded, to a knowing eye roll from Senga.

  Her heart, which had reverted to a normal rhythm for a whole two minutes, began to thud again as she opened the text.

  Silence.

  ‘Oh, for feck’s sake, what’s he saying?’ Senga blurted, her buttocks now firmly back down on her seat.

  ‘He saw the footage Ida tweeted of my arrival at the airport. He’s invited me over to his hotel for lunch at 2 p.m.’

  Senga gave her the one raised eyebrow of warning, a facial gesture that had once been enough to strike terror into her heart. ‘But you’re not going to go, are you? Because we’ve just discussed this and you know that upsetting the biggest day of his life will only lead to heartache, most of it yours.’

  Stacey nodded, saying nothing, mind racing. A few seconds ago, she’d been so sure of what she should do. Hadn’t she conceded that her mum was right and going near him would be incredibly stupid? This didn’t change a thing. She’d just text him back, refuse his invitation, wish him well and turn up like all his other friends and family to watch him getting married.

  That was what she’d do.

  Unless… what if this was a sign? Did she really want to give up this easily? Isn’t that what she’d done last time? She should have been bold, brave, should have told him exactly how she felt.

  Now she had a second chance.

  ‘Stacey Margaret Rosina Summers, are you listening to me?’

  Crap. Her mother only used her full name when she was seriously pissed off with her.

  ‘I’m listening, Ma.’

  Senga sighed. ‘And you’re going to ignore me and go charging on over there, aren’t you?’

  Stacey put her mug down, closed the biscuit tin and made her decision.

  She wasn’t that girl in the romcoms. Rushing over there wouldn’t be cute, or romantic, or lead to a happy ending.

  But she was going to do it anyway.

  Fourteen

  Website – www.itshouldhavebeenme.com

  Members Discussion Forum

  Responses to post by member, screen name NotOverYet:

  Comments:

  CarolSaidGoodbye: Hey NotOverYet, I get how you’re feeling. Been there, done that, messed it up and watched him be with someone else. I didn’t fight for him. I wish I had. You go, girl!

  NancyBirmingham: No! Don’t do it. Only two possible outcomes. 1. His bride will mess you up. 2. You’ll look like a tit.

  JessieInAJam: Two words – restraining order.

  NotOverYet: I can’t believe I’m getting negativity on here. I’m just doing what every single one of you wishes you’d done. Couldn’t care less about the haters tbh.

  BethanySunshine: You’re right and I so admire your courage. I should have done this ten years ago when my Rodger left me and married my best friend. Wasn’t brave enough. Still haven’t found anyone #SineadO’Connorunderstood #nothingcomparestoyou

  RealityCheck: Remember to pack a bag and put in something warm. Police cells get cold at this time of year.

  2 p.m. – 4 p.m.

  Fifteen

  Caro

  Shock robbed Caro of her words for a few seconds, as Lila’s challenge echoed in her head: Isn’t this the day you’re meant to be marrying my ex-boyfriend?

  And given the tone of her half-sister’s voice, it wasn’t a friendly opening to a casual conversation. Caro, always a people pleaser who avoided confrontation, found the strength to fight fire with fire. She wasn’t going to let her sister bully or dominate her. Not here, not now.

  ‘Yes,’ she replied, deadpan. ‘How is the man you ran off with on the same night that you dumped Cammy?’

  As far as Caro knew, Lila had last been seen heading off into the sunset with a French footballer she’d picked up the night their worlds collided. Caro had instigated the showdown with her father five minutes after Lila had ended her relationship with Cammy and stormed out of the building. At the time it looked like Caro and Cammy were the losers – both rejected by people they’d loved, but that had turned around when they’d got talking and it had led to so much more.

  As for Lila, hooking up with the footie star had been a social media sensation. Caro didn’t have so much as a Facebook page, so she hadn’t kept track of what had happened to Lila after that. She’d had no interest whatsoever in the new-found side of the family.

  However, she was interested enough to notice that Lila squirmed before spitting out. ‘It didn’t work out. Not my type.’

  Caro highly doubted that was true. The guy had money, celebrity and over half a million followers on Instagram. From what she knew of Lila, that was exactly her type.

  It still baffled her that Cammy and Lila had been a couple. Cammy struggled to explain it too, his only reasoning being that Lila had come along at a time in his life when he’d just moved back from LA and was finding it tough to transition to being b
ack in Scotland. Caro hadn’t delved any deeper into it. It was the past. All she’d cared about since the moment she met Cammy was the future. The one she was about to blow away by pulling out of their wedding.

  Not that she was going to reveal that information to her sister. ‘But yes, I am getting married to Cammy today. How did you know?’

  Lila looked at her like she was stupid. ‘Because he put it on his Facebook page. A whole load of soppy crap about marrying the love of his life. Urgh,’ she groaned, ‘That’s, like, so basic.’

  Caro had absolutely no idea what that meant, but she was guessing it was in the same category as the ‘lame’ from earlier.

  A maelstrom of irritation settled down as sheer loathing for her sister. How dare she mock Cammy? And how dare she speak about their marriage with such contempt? What. A. Bitch. A wave of guilt came swooping right over that feeling – in a bitch competition, Caro’s actions today beat any petty barbs that Lila could come out with. Maybe they had more in common than she wanted to admit. Despite this, she fought fire with fire.

  ‘So, you look… different from last time I saw you.’

  Lila’s eyes flared. ‘I’m taking some time out while I decide what I’m going to do with my life.’

  Caro didn’t respond, feeling bad that she’d lashed out. That wasn’t her. She didn’t resort to this kind of stuff. She was someone who lifted other people up, who ignored negativity and whose first instinct was always to help anyone. Her self-reproach compelled her to speak, but before she could get the words out, Lila got in there.

  ‘Or is that not what you want to hear? Do you want to hear that I lost my job, my new boyfriend publicly humiliated me by shagging someone else and then dumping me, my followers on social media all disappeared as soon as my life crashed, and I’m back here, living with my parents because I have absolutely nowhere to go, and I feel like my life is over?’

  Caro’s jaw dropped as Lila’s voice cracked on the word ‘over’. This was definitely a very different soul from the one Caro had seen across a restaurant two years ago, and she could sense now that underneath the bravado she was… broken. That was the only word to describe it. Caro felt a pang of pity.

  ‘Look, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise all that happened to you.’

  Lila shrugged. ‘I think now that I probably deserved it. I was a selfish cow. But you don’t see that at the time, do you?’

  Another pang of sympathy. Caro immediately felt regret that she hadn’t reached out to Lila before now, but it had just been too complicated, too sore, too damaging.

  ‘Maybe we could…’ Caro began, planning to take the first step in establishing some kind of relationship, but then stopping, interrupted by the banging of the front door.

  She froze as she listened to the steps coming down the hallway, then watched as her father’s frame filled the doorway. An immediate clutch of disgust twisted her stomach, but she forced herself not to react to his evident surprise. Or maybe shock was a better way to describe it. Either way, he didn’t throw his arms open to welcome her.

  ‘Caro,’ he nodded, as if it was completely insignificant that she was there. Another thing to add to the list of reasons why she hated him. Apparently she wasn’t even worthy of some kind of hurried apology or hug or a gasp of relief that the daughter he hadn’t clapped eyes on for two years was standing in his kitchen.

  Also on the list? He looked exactly the same as he had the day he walked out on them for the last time. His hair had greyed over the years, but he was one of those blokes who looked better as they aged. Blue eyes. Golf course tan. Still in great shape, thanks to a health and fitness schedule that he maintained religiously.

  Suddenly, Caro realised that she couldn’t make small talk, couldn’t stand on ceremony. She wasn’t here to play happy families. She wanted to understand, to find a way to untangle her feelings about her parents, so that perhaps, just perhaps, she could gain enough insight to explain to Cammy why she couldn’t marry him today.

  The words of castigation poured out in one long rant. ‘I need to know why. Why did you marry Mum, why did you stay with her when you had someone else, why did you lie to us for all those years? Did your marriage mean nothing to you?’

  He tossed his keys and a newspaper down on to the kitchen island and pulled out a chair. Caro could see that Lila was as interested in the answer as she was.

  ‘Caro, what do you want me to say?’ he asked, with almost disdainful disinterest. Bastard. ‘It’s all in the past. There’s no point in dredging it all up now.’

  A torrent of uncharacteristic rage began to build inside her and she fought to control it.

  ‘Answer the questions,’ she said, through gritted teeth.

  She could see that he realised he wasn’t going to be able to palm her off.

  After a pause, he spoke. ‘I married her because I loved her.’

  The rage in Caro built again. She didn’t believe that for a second.

  ‘But then I met Louise and fell in love with her too. Your mum wanted to stay in Aberdeen because her family was there and you were settled there, but my work was in Glasgow. When Louise fell pregnant, it just made sense to go between the two. I suppose I didn’t want to hurt anyone.’

  ‘Bollocks,’ Caro spat. ‘You didn’t think you were hurting Mum by only giving her half your life? She shut down completely when you weren’t there, spent her whole existence waiting for you to walk back in the door. Meanwhile, you were off fucking around and living it up down here.’

  ‘I can’t change any of that now,’ he snapped back.

  ‘Why didn’t you do the decent thing and leave her when she was still young enough to start a new life? Instead, you waited until she was sick, until she had no chance of real happiness, and you walked out the door for good. Is that what marriage meant to you?’

  He snorted. ‘Marriage is just a piece of paper.’

  Caro reeled like she’d been slapped. There it was. The whole crux of her issues today. Marriage was just a piece of paper.

  ‘Not to Mum. She stayed faithful and loving to you until the day she died. Your marriage made her life a lie. I think you were hedging your bets. I think you didn’t leave Mum because she adored you, and you loved the fact that you were the centre of her world. I think you knew she was sitting in an expensive house that could give you both a very luxurious retirement if she’d lived longer. And I think you couldn’t make up your mind what wife…’ her eyes flicked to Lila, ‘or what family you wanted to live with. So you tried to have both. And then when Mum got sick, that made your decision for you and off you fucking trotted.’

  He barely flinched at the onslaught.

  Caro remembered reading somewhere that the opposite of love wasn’t hate but indifference. This man, who shared her DNA, who was responsible for her life, could not be more indifferent to her right now. None of this was even permeating his shell of nonchalance and that was driving her crazy.

  ‘Like I said, nothing I can do to change that now. You’re entitled to your opinion and I can see I won’t change that. We all just need to move on.’

  Two years ago, when she’d first discovered his treachery, she’d kicked his chair, the only time in her life that she’d ever lashed out in anger. Right now, she wanted to do that again. But what would she gain from that? Not a thing. He truly wasn’t worth it. She wasn’t sure what she’d come here for, but she should have known he’d give her nothing. Story of their lives.

  For a moment, Caro thought Lila was going to speak, but she said nothing. Two peas in a pod, like father like daughter, Caro decided.

  But she couldn’t be like him. She just couldn’t. She didn’t want to have anything in common with this lying, cheating, vile excuse for a human being.

  She loved Cammy. But for her, marriage would always be tainted by her parents. She had to see him, had to explain it, had to make him understand why she wasn’t going to be at the altar tonight. And she had to hope that he would accept that, because if he couldn’t t
hen there was no hope for them. She couldn’t live on someone else’s terms. Her mum had done that her whole life, and it had only brought her loneliness and betrayal.

  She picked her bag up off the kitchen island and slipped it over her shoulder. ‘You know, you really are a soulless prick. I sometimes wondered if there was any hope for us to forge some kind of redefined relationship. Now I know that there isn’t. But I hope that one day you find out that karma comes back and bites your arse and I hope you suffer. You deserve to. Good luck, Lila. You’re going to need it if you stick around here.’

  With that, she turned and walked quickly down the hall, knowing that he wouldn’t follow her. She jerked open the Yale lock on the front door.

  ‘Caro!’ Not her dad’s voice. Lila’s.

  Caro paused, her gaze meeting her half-sister’s face. All the defiance and anger that had been in Lila’s posture when she’d arrived earlier was now gone. Caro waited, unsure of why Lila had stopped her at the door.

  ‘I just wanted to say… that erm…’ This clearly wasn’t a woman who was good with emotions or expressing regret. ‘I just wanted to say…’ she repeated. ‘I’m happy for you. Good luck with your wedding tonight.’

  Caro couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but there was something there, a genuine undertone that convinced her that Lila really did want to reach out to her and this wasn’t some twisted mind game.

  ‘Thanks,’ Caro said hesitantly.

  ‘I hope it all goes well.’ Again, there was a sincerity there. Maybe her fall from grace really had humbled her.

  Caro gave her the closest thing she could muster to a smile.

  They may have taken a baby step towards some kind of relationship, but that didn’t mean Caro was suddenly going to tell her sister the truth.

  There wasn’t going to be a wedding. Nothing that had happened in the last hour had changed her mind. The very thought of putting on that dress and replicating the ceremony that had destroyed her mother’s life still made spikes of anxiety shoot through her.