Low The Last Day of Winter

by Low, Shari

  Come on, universe, throw me a fecking bone.

  ‘Hello, handsome, how are you doing?’ she said, with forced joviality.

  ‘Josie, I’ve been trying to phone you for the last hour!’

  Aw, bugger, he sounded like he was on a ledge and hanging by the fingertips. She had a quick glance at her screen. One bar. There must have been so little signal that his calls were going to answering machine.

  ‘Erm, sorry, Cammy. I’ve got a shite signal here. Are you okay?’ She already knew the answer, but hoped she was wrong. She wasn’t.

  ‘Caro has called it off. She’s saying she can’t go through with it.’

  Fuck, he knew. Shit. Bugger. Fuck.

  ‘How do you know that?’ She tried to inject a bit of calmness she absolutely did not feel. This wasn’t the time to tell him that she already knew about Caro bolting. They could do a post-mortem on the timeline later. All that mattered now was what happened from here on in.

  ‘She came here. Says she can’t go through with it. Says she needs some space. And I know you already know this and that’s why you were here looking for her.’

  Shit. Caught.

  ‘Och, Cammy, I’m so sorry, I was hoping I’d find her and sort this and… Look, we can’t give up. I’ll track her down and—’

  ‘No.’ The word was steeped in weariness. ‘I love you for trying – even the bit where you didn’t tell me that I was getting jilted…’

  Given the hint of teasing in his tone, she let that one pass.

  ‘So I’m just going to let her be. Whatever is going on, I know she wouldn’t be doing this if she could help it. I’ve told her we’re going ahead with the reception though. I can’t have everyone here and all of us sitting staring at each other. Christ, Josie, how am I going to do this?’ For the first time, his voice cracked and she knew this had to be excruciating for him. ‘I love her, Josie. All I care about is that she’s okay.’

  ‘She will be.’ As she said it, Josie realised she had no idea if that was true or not. Shit, how had it come to this? She was the worst wedding planner in bloody history. Rule number one of successful nuptial organisation – make sure you have a bride and groom.

  Cammy was still speaking. ‘What am I going to say? How am I going to tell everyone?’

  The cloying aroma of the plants that surrounded her stuck in her throat. Or perhaps that was just pure sorrow for this man that she loved like a son. Right, she was going to have to handle this and they needed a plan. First priority – support Cammy, and if he really did want to go ahead with the reception, she’d make sure it was organised and perfect. Second priority – sorting out the first priority would give her time to find Caro and make sure she was okay. Third priority – make sure this guy next to her didn’t flee the country. Fourth priority – get through the day without crumbling into a heap and wailing about the unfairness of bloody life.

  ‘Cammy, don’t worry, ma darling, I’ll take care of everything. If you’re definitely going ahead with the reception, then I’d wait until everyone arrives at the Kibble for the ceremony before breaking the news. That way, you won’t have to tell people at the hotel, and then tell the rest of the guests who are coming straight here. It also means no one will get all dramatic and decide to call it a day and go back home. No, wait until they’re all here, then make one announcement and tell them the wedding is off, but we’re going ahead with the party. It’ll sting for a bit, but I honestly think it’s the best way to handle it. It’ll also give us from now until then to work out the best thing to say.’

  ‘I feel so fricking helpless, Josie. I don’t even care about the damn wedding now – I just want to be with her.’

  ‘I know, and you will be, love. She obviously just needs a bit of time. Look, I’ll get in touch with Val and update her and we’ll all keep looking for Caro. I’m at the Kibble Palace right now and everything is set for tonight.’

  ‘You’re there now? She was coming over there to look for you and talk to you about it.’

  ‘Shit. I’m hiding in a back bit where no one would find me. Well, almost no one.’ Her gaze went to Seb, wide-eyed beside her. ‘What was she wearing and I’ll ask the staff if she’s been here?’

  ‘Her red duffle coat.’

  The line was fuzzy and she didn’t quite catch what he said. ‘Her red duffle coat?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Okay. I’ll ask them if she’s been here. If I’ve missed her, she’s probably headed back to the flat. Anyway, you take care of things at your end, look after all the guests, and I’ll find Caro. I know this sounds ridiculous but try not to worry. One day we’ll look back on this and it’ll all feel very different than it does now, son. We’ll get through it.’

  There was a slight hesitation in his reply and Josie wondered if he was wrestling a sob. It wouldn’t surprise her. He was a strong guy, but he adored Caro and this must be slaying him.

  ‘Thanks, Josie. I don’t know what I’d do without you.’

  A thought, that he’d soon find out what he’d do without her, flashed across her mind. She drowned it with a flippant attempt to console him by injecting a bit of levity into the situation. ‘Yeah, wait and see if you say that when you open my bill.’

  She hung up and sighed, which brought on a prolonged cough that sent shooting pains ricocheting around her chest. Only when they subsided did she speak, an edge of frustration in her tone.

  ‘He knows that the wedding is off. Goddamn it.’

  ‘I guessed that from your end of the conversation. Sorry, I’m not trying to involve myself in this, but if you need anything, please say. Can I help you look for her?’

  Josie thought about it, but then shook her head. This wasn’t the time to be adding a stranger – never mind a man who was possibly the bride’s long lost father – into the messed up marital equation. She stood up, feeling an uncharacteristic ache in her bones as she did so. ‘Thank you, but I’ll be fine. He thinks she came over here to find me, so she might be here somewhere. Anyway, let me try to sort this mess out and I’ll contact you via the hotel reception tomorrow morning.’ She moved to leave, but then had a thought. ‘The stuff I told you about my health – I haven’t shared that with anyone yet, so let’s be clear. Everything I told you is confidential and if you tell anyone I will hunt you down. And I’ll respect your privacy too. Nothing you told me will be repeated.’

  ‘Understood,’ Seb agreed, and Josie could see a wry smile playing on his lips. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow. In the meantime, I hope you get tonight’s plans back on track somehow.’

  ‘Jesus, I hope so. Did I mention I’m too old for this shit?’

  ‘You did. But somehow I think you can handle it.’

  He was teasing her now, and she felt an affinity for him, an inherent instinct that she’d met someone whom she would come to know better. That thought pleased her. She just hoped she had enough time to do it.

  ‘Right, much as I could sit here all night looking at that naked man over there…’ she nodded towards the statue, ‘I’m off.’

  ‘I’ll walk you out,’ he offered.

  In the foyer area, the staff were still setting up.

  ‘Was there a woman in a red duffle coat here? She might have been looking for me?’

  The supervisor broke off from staring at a glass he was holding up to the light. ‘Yes! Not long ago. I’m sorry – we thought you’d gone.’

  ‘Did she leave or is she still here?’ Josie asked, hopes rising.

  ‘She left.’

  Hopes dashed.

  ‘No worries. If she comes back, can you ask her to call Josie?’

  The supervisor nodded and she made a mental to give his team a large tip. The place looked like a fairy tale. If only they had a bloody princess and a happy ending.

  Seb followed her out to the exit. ‘I just realised I passed a blonde woman in a red duffle coat at the hotel earlier. I held the door open for her. Bloody hell. That could have been her.’

  ‘It could have be
en, Sherlock, but that’s no use to me now. Too little too late. Story of my life. Anyway, what are you going to do now?’

  ‘I’m just going to wander back through the gardens and over to the hotel. I’m glad I met you, Josie.’

  ‘Likewise. Sometimes you just never know what’s around the corner. Don’t disappear until we’ve found out what’s waiting there for you.’

  As she left, Josie saw a change in the stranger’s expression and thought it looked a little bit like hope.

  Twenty-Two

  Stacey

  Stacey could feel a migraine coming on. Or maybe it was jet lag. Or perhaps just the fricking strain of sitting here for over an hour, making small talk and trying to act normal when the love of your life was away having a cosy chat to the woman he was getting hitched to in a few hours. This had been the longest lunch of her life. The plates had already been cleared and it was well after four o’clock by the time Cammy rejoined them and he seemed… odd. Tense.

  ‘Bob said Caro popped in while I was at the loo? How was she?’ Pearl asked, as soon as he pulled his chair out and sat down. ‘I can’t believe I missed her! I was hoping she’d come back to say hello.’

  Cammy smiled, but Stacey could see that it was forced. Had he had a fight with Caro? Was there a problem? And did it make her a complete cow that she really hoped that was the case? She already knew the answer to that. No wonder her head was pounding. She deserved every bit of the pain. This wasn’t the kind of shit she pulled. She was a good person. A decent human being. And yet now she was not only in denial about the fact that she already had a boyfriend back in the USA, but she was set on wrecking a marriage that hadn’t even happened.

  Yes, she told herself that she would just be giving him the facts, but the intent was there and she knew she was giving no thought to the consequences or the ramifications for anyone else. From everything she’d heard from others, Caro seemed like a good person, and if Cammy wanted to marry her, then she must be someone special. And Caro’s family – her Aunt Pearl, Uncle Bob, and her cousin, Todd, and his husband, Jared – could not have been more welcoming to her since she’d turned up and joined them for lunch. Did she really want to stab them in the back? Especially when Cammy had so clearly moved on from whatever he felt about her when they were in LA. Fuck.

  ‘She had to get back to do… er, bride things,’ Cammy answered.

  Wow, definitely something wrong. Stacey could hear it in his tone and see it in every contour of his face. There was clearly a problem, but this wasn’t the time or place to ask him, not only because they were surrounded by family, but because he kept getting up every ten minutes and nipping out, using the excuse that he was trying to get hold of Josie. He’d come back in every time looking even more stressed than before.

  No one else was paying too much attention to his emotional state, all engrossed in their own light-hearted conversations, so the lunch chat continued in a jovial fashion.

  On any other day, Stacey knew she’d be loving this group and having a great time. Today, she just wanted them all to leave so that she could talk to Cammy alone.

  When he returned from the fourth absence, citing another attempt to call Josie, Avril put down the spoon she was using to scoff her banoffee pie.

  ‘Did you get her?’ she asked Cammy, who shook his head in response. ‘Nope, still going to voicemail.’

  ‘She’s bloody rubbish with that phone,’ Avril sighed. ‘We’d be better getting her a pigeon to send messages. Last week she sent me three texts – two were supposed to be for Val and the other one was entering a competition on Good Morning Britain to win a caravan. I mean, why the hell does she want a caravan? She won’t stay anywhere on holiday unless it’s got a minibar, a shagpile carpet and somebody bringing her hourly pina coladas.’

  ‘Did Mum look okay to you?’ Michael asked pensively, throwing the question out to Avril, her and Cammy.

  Stacey thought about it. Actually, Josie had seemed different, a little weary, but Stacey hadn’t seen her for a couple of years so she’d just put that down to the passage of time.

  ‘Maybe a bit tired?’ she’d offered.

  Michael nodded. ‘I thought the same. We forget what age she is sometimes. I’ll have a chat later and see how she’s doing.’

  ‘Good luck with that,’ Avril retorted. ‘I tried to persuade her to let me install an alarm button in her house last year and she told me that if I went ahead, I’d be the one needing medical intervention to remove it from an orifice.’

  That made Stacey laugh. Josie and her gang of pals, Senga included, were the kind of forces of nature who would never be tamed.

  ‘I’ll just go and try her again. Be two minutes,’ Cammy said, getting to his feet. Stacey wanted to go after him, but decided that could look weird to the others round the table. Instead, she watched as Avril put her napkin down on her empty plate with a contented sigh. ‘That was amazing. I think I need to go and lie down for an hour.’ Avril checked her watch. ‘We’re leaving here at 6.30 p.m. then? The invitation said to be at across the road at seven. I’m guessing it’s seven thirty for the “I do”s. That gives me an hour for a nap and an hour to make myself irresistibly gorgeous. Perfect.’

  Stacey giggled at Avril’s comment, but inside her stomach flipped at the mention of the ‘I do’s. Cammy was going to promise his life to someone else and if she wanted to have even a sliver of hope of changing that, she’d have to woman up and say something.

  Cammy returned just as everyone was getting up and leaving the table in a flurry of hugs and joyful declarations of excitement about getting back together to witness the wedding. Stacey didn’t share the sentiment. Not only that, but she felt at a loss as to what to do next. All the others at the table were going back to their rooms, Cammy was no doubt going to do the same, and she’d have no choice but to jump in a taxi and go home. Unless, of course…

  ‘Stacey, what’s your plan now?’ he was asking her. It was as if he could read her mind.

  To ask you if you’re still in love with me. To tell you that I love you too and I’m ready now to make it work for us. To make you see that you’re foolish to be marrying someone else and you should be with me.

  Again, the unspoken thought that stayed in her head.

  ‘Erm, nothing really,’ she said out loud. ‘Just head back home and get changed for tonight, I guess.’

  The others interjected with hugs and goodbyes, so Cammy couldn’t speak again until they were alone.

  ‘Do you fancy coming upstairs for a coffee? Or something stronger?’ he added, his words tense. He was also running his fingers through his hair, a gesture that did stirring things to her ovaries, but that she also knew was one of his habits when he was stressed. What the hell was going on here? Whatever it was; gift horse, mouth.

  ‘Of course. Be good to catch up,’ she said, trying to sound natural.

  He didn’t even seem to notice. In fact, she wasn’t even sure that he was listening.

  They squeezed into the lift with two sexy Santas and three elves, so conversation was impossible until they were on his floor. Even then, not a word was spoken until they’d gone along the corridor and into his room, his hand shaking as he took a couple of attempts to get the key card in the lock. If only it was trembling out of excitement at seeing her, but she knew him so well she could sense that this was about something much bigger than that.

  As soon as they were inside, he leaned against the wall and she could see that he was on the edge. Something had definitely happened and it was nothing good. Had he changed his mind? Had he told Caro and she’d come here to persuade him to go ahead with it. Or was she… Oh, shit, was she pregnant? If she was, then Stacey had no chance. Absolutely none. She’d concede defeat and back off quietly.

  Cammy looked absolutely tortured as he shook his head and slid down the wall, until he was sitting on the floor.

  Stacey tossed her coat on a nearby chair and sat on the bed directly in front of him.

  ‘What’s
happened?’ she blurted, unable to contain herself any longer. She had to know. He was such a good guy that if he’d changed his mind, this was exactly how she’d expect him to react. He’d feel terrible, be torn up with guilt.

  ‘Caro doesn’t want to marry me. She’s called off the wedding. Says she can’t do it.’

  Stacey’s heart stopped beating. Caro pulling out was the last thing she expected. Why, dear God, why, would anyone not want to marry this man? This was crazy. Unbelievable. Was there actually a possibility that this wedding wouldn’t go ahead and it would be nothing to do with her? This wasn’t the time to get her hopes up though. Bizarrely, his crushed demeanour was breaking her heart and all she wanted was to help him. This afternoon was definitely not playing out in any way that she could possibly have anticipated.

  ‘Oh, Cammy, I’m so sorry. Why? I don’t understand.’

  ‘That makes two of us,’ he said and there was a tinge of bitterness there.

  Stacey got up, opened two beers from the minibar and handed one over. He took it without hesitation and she wondered if it reminded him of all the nights that they’d sat on Venice Beach, drinking Buds and putting the world to rights. She should have realised back then that they were meant to be together. It would have saved them so much time and heartache.

  ‘Did she give a reason?’ Stacey probed, not sure how to react. Nothing in her life had prepared her for this scenario. The man she loved had just been jilted on his wedding day. This kind of stuff only happened on TV soaps.

  ‘She says she still loves me and wants to be with me, but it’s the thought of the wedding. I think it’s just all overwhelming her.’

  ‘But why?’

  He shrugged and Stacey realised there was so much she didn’t know about his relationship with his fiancée.

  ‘Her parents had a pretty screwed-up marriage and after her mum died she found out all kinds of stuff that was totally brutal. Her dad was a complete bastard – still is – and I think this is just bringing up all sorts of negative things for her.’ He paused. ‘Why the hell am I trying to explain this when I don’t even understand it myself? I don’t get it, I really don’t. I’m not him. I love her, Stacey, and I’d never do anything to hurt her. She has to know that. Why doesn’t she believe it?’