Hooked on You

by Jenn Matthews

  Who knew you could make something so adorable? I think I might put in an order for one. I’m sure I can find a young family member or friend’s child to gift him to. Or perhaps I will just keep him for myself! X

  A longer than usual text, but she really felt the need to gush. The rabbit was beautiful, small as Ollie’s hand, with a delicate nose and thin ears folded to create spoon-shapes. The creation was finished with tiny paws and feet, and the hint of a round, fluffy tail.

  Her chest tightened at the expression on Ollie’s face, the darkness of her eyes, the pursing of her lips, her beautiful cheekbones. Oh Lord. I am in such trouble.

  After clicking away from the text message, she quickly found the number she needed.

  “Hi, Anna. What can I do you for?”

  “Patricia, hi. I know it’s been ages since we really talked, but I’m having a bit of a crisis and I could use someone to mull it over with.”

  Arthur stalked up her body and stood on her chest, making her squirm.

  “What’s the matter?” Patricia’s concerned tone was so different to her usual teasing self that Anna’s stomach immediately clenched.

  “I’m okay physically, don’t worry. Like I said, I’m just having a bit of a personal crisis at the moment. With someone I know.”

  “Oooh, do tell.” The familiar intrigued tone was back.

  Anna stroked the cat’s head gently as she tried to form what she wanted to say into a coherent sentence. “Okay. But before I start, I’d like you to promise you’re not going to go all…well, forgive me, but…all Patricia on me.”

  Laughter reminded her why she and Patricia were such good friends. The woman really was difficult to insult.

  “I’m going to assume your problem is relationship-related, then.”

  Anna let out an affirmative noise and noted Patricia hadn’t promised not to tease, but her stomach felt less like it was a tight ball of wool.

  “Start from the beginning.”

  So Anna did. She spoke about how close she and Ollie had become, how she felt safe with her, and how she wanted to spend time with her. How Ollie made her laugh and made her stomach warm when she looked at her. How she looked forward to attending the classes each week, and not just because of her newly acquired hobby.

  “I just…I think…I think it’s more than just friendship I feel. Which is ridiculous, when you think about it. God, have I ever been attracted to a woman, Patricia?” She was breathless and the tight ball in her stomach was back in full force.

  There was a moment of silence on the other end. Anna started to worry that Patricia had put the phone down on her until she heard a large sigh whoosh against her ear.

  “Sometimes it’s difficult to tell with you, Anna. You flirt with a lot of people, and, unlike with me, there’s rarely anything behind it.”

  Anna huffed. “That’s not very helpful.” She put a hand over her eyes.

  “I do apologise,” Patricia said. “Anna, you are usually so confident in how you feel. But the way you talk about Ollie is totally different. I’d say if you think you’re attracted to her, you probably are. I must admit, it’s refreshing to hear you talking about something other than work and that awful Liam. I’ve been meaning to say for a while: I don’t think he’s good for you. He’s turned you into an indecisive wimp.”

  “I broke up with him.”

  “Good. Now let’s look at this rationally.”

  “I’ve been trying to do that, but my brain just doesn’t seem to be working.”

  “Of course it is. Turn it around. If it was me in this dilemma, what would you ask me?”

  Anna scratched Arthur behind the ear. “I don’t know.”

  “Yes, you do. Close your eyes and think.”

  “I’d probably ask you whether you…you would like to kiss her.”

  “Okay. What else?”

  “Do you feel a spark between you when you’re close? Every time you touch her, does it feel like electricity? Would you want to spend time with her alone?”

  “And if I were attracted to this person, how would I answer?”

  “I assume you’d want to kiss the person. You’d feel a…a spark. Definitely. If you were attracted to her. You’d want to take her out. You’d want to take her to bed, spend all night…just…you know.”

  “Is that how you feel?”

  A long pause followed, but Patricia waited.

  “Yes.”

  “Then I think you have your answer.”

  Anna sighed deeply. “What if it’s just a phase?”

  “Really?” She sounded mightily unconvinced.

  “Could it not be?” Anna asked, feeling a little insulted.

  “I don’t think so, sweetie.”

  “Ugh.” Anna moaned, smacking her fist down onto the sofa.

  Arthur shot her a look and moved to sit down by her feet, regarding her with suspicion.

  “It’s just very… It’s so complicated.”

  “Why? Does she not find women attractive?”

  “I think it’s a case of whether she finds me attractive.”

  “She’s gay?” Patricia asked.

  “Seems so.”

  “Well that simplifies things, doesn’t it?”

  Anna didn’t answer.

  “Look, sweetie, I think you need to leave it to good old Mother Nature to convince you how truly attracted you are to this Ollie.”

  Sitting up, Anna stretched her neck one way then the other. The cracks both sides made, made her wince. “What do you mean?”

  “I think you should take some—well, let’s say some time for yourself—and see what…or more importantly who pops into your head.”

  “Time for myself?” Anna swallowed. “Are you implying I…Patricia!”

  Patricia laughed. “Look, don’t tell me you don’t; everyone does. If thinking about Ollie while you do it is…effective…then I think you have your answer.”

  “And this conversation is over,” Anna said, allowing fondness and humour to shine through her tone. “Thank you for the chat.”

  “Good luck, sweetie,” Patricia sang out.

  A groan of resignation left Anna’s lips as she put the phone down. She lay back again and closed her eyes. Really? Pleasure myself? Not that she hadn’t done it plenty of times quite happily, but the idea of basically booking a time slot like that made her feel self-conscious, especially when she knew she would be trying to do it with Ollie in mind.

  When she looked at the screen of her phone, she saw Ollie had replied to her earlier text.

  Of course you can have one! What colour would you like? Let me guess…Burgundy? ;) x

  Anna smiled but then rolled her eyes in frustration. Ollie had sent her a wink. What does that mean? Did it mean anything? She flicked back to the photo Ollie had sent. Dark eyes shone up at her. Her gaze trailed down. She imagined those smirking lips exploring her own.

  Sucking her bottom lip into her mouth, Anna locked her phone, then opened it again. Stupid. She needed to reply.

  How much are you charging for the rabbits? X

  For you, the first one is free. X

  She shook her head. I need to get up off this bloody sofa and clean something else. She thought back to Patricia’s suggestion. Would doing that while thinking of Ollie make it obvious how she felt? Did she want to do that while thinking about her friend?

  After another hour of cleaning, Anna decided to get some fresh air. Her head felt like it was swimming, and she needed to step out of the claustrophobic house. She grabbed her handbag, locked the door behind her, and strode up the road, hoping the crisp air would make her mind feel less like it was the inside of her vacuum cleaner.

  She happened across a café; a new place with red and white paint outside and a window table that looked out onto the street. It was on the main road, and
people hurried past, on their way to important places.

  A hot chocolate was definitely in order. She was feeling a little shaky after her stress-infused walk and hoped the milk and sugar would balance her body.

  Her head tipped to one side as she allowed the sweetness to roll around her mouth. She watched the people walking past. Resting her head in her hand, elbow on the table, she picked out one woman. Do I find her attractive? Another woman, a little younger than she was, trotted past, at least seven shopping bags slung over her arms, and her hair swiping against her face in the wind.

  The next woman had long brown hair in a plait and big brown eyes. A small boy hung from her hand.

  Her insides tingled as the boy asked his mother something and she beamed down at him and stroked his cheek.

  I’m not being selective enough. I’m sure Ollie doesn’t find every single woman attractive just because she’s gay.

  She shook her head to clear it and sipped from her still-warm hot chocolate.

  A tall blonde walked across the road, wearing skinny blue jeans and a black jacket. She wasn’t an exact match to Ollie, but she was close enough. Anna considered the woman, studied her eyes, the prominent cheekbones. Then she looked lower, areas she wouldn’t usually allow her eyes to wander along. I wonder what she looks like naked.

  Anna downed the remaining hot chocolate, gathered her coat around her, and left with her head lowered and her cheeks burning.

  Everyone was safely tucked up in bed. Arthur was curled up asleep on the sofa in the living room, and Anna had forced herself to have a bath to ease some of the tension in her shoulders. She’d used her favourite bubble bath and a freshly laundered towel.

  She sank into the deep mattress, naked except for the duvet, which was pulled up to her chin. After having consumed perhaps more wine than was strictly necessary, she could feel the drowsiness brushing over her skin in waves. Her mind wandered.

  Sod it. It’s not like anyone is ever going to find out.

  She closed her eyes and brushed her fingertips against her neck, then her collarbone, allowing her brain to go where it fancied. The image of someone lying next to her swam across her mind, and she allowed that person to lack facial features for a moment. Her palm slipped downwards to cup her breast, and she turned slightly to the middle of the bed, towards her invisible companion. She imagined the hand was not her own.

  She snuggled her cheek into the pillow as her hand steadily kneaded and smoothed against her own soft flesh. A sigh slipped past her lips and she stretched her back, allowing her legs to fall open under the duvet. As she rubbed a little harder at her breast, her thumb began sweeping in small circles, pebbling her flesh.

  Usually, she didn’t need quite so much foreplay—she was an expert at providing herself with pleasure. She knew the different ways she liked to be touched, and knew which way could be most effective, depending on her mood. But tonight she wanted to become completely immersed in her fantasy. She wanted to see who emerged into her evening daydream.

  Her ribs expanded as her breathing deepened. She rubbed her thumb more insistently over her nipple, shivering at the tingly feelings that shot down between her legs. The maintained caress caused her skin to pucker, her sex to blossom and ache. She rolled her hips and relished in the responding arousal that sparkled through her. After lifting her free hand, she brushed her fingers over her other breast and gave its nipple the same attention.

  She waited as long as she could before giving in, before allowing the person next to her in her fantasy to come into focus.

  Oh damn.

  A mop of blond hair, a small smile, and squinting dark eyes met hers. The hand that Dream Ollie used to touch her breast moved downwards and tickled her ribs.

  Anna shifted closer to the middle of the bed, could practically feel Ollie’s breath on her face. She rolled onto her side, before sliding her hand downwards even further. Her fingers tangled in her soft pubic hair and then curled between her legs.

  A knock sounded at her door. Of course. Anna pulled her hand sharply away.

  “Mum?”

  Forcing away a growl, Anna grabbed her pyjama top and pulled it on before nestling her duvet securely around her ribs. “Come in.”

  Bethany’s face emerged when the door opened. She was chewing her bottom lip, and her gaze was trained on the floor. “Sorry. I couldn’t sleep and was going to make some hot chocolate. Would you like one?”

  Anna cleared her throat, her heart pitter-pattering. “No, thank you. I’ve already brushed my teeth.”

  “Okay.” Bethany blinked into the dark room. “You okay?”

  Attempting a smile, Anna clutched the duvet a little more tightly. “Yes, darling.”

  Bethany backed out, closing the door behind her.

  Inconvenient. Anna sighed heavily and flopped back into the pillows. Her phone buzzed on her bedside table. She let out a growl, but it was cut short when she saw who the text was from.

  Thought I’d say goodnight. And let you know that the yarn I’ve used for your rabbit is so soft. X

  Anna stroked the side of her phone, and her whole body calmed.

  Goodnight. And I look forward to cuddling her when you’ve finished. X

  Anna placed her phone back on her bedside table. She rested back into the pillows, her hands folded over her stomach, and closed her eyes.

  What to do now? Would it be right to continue? The double interruption had brought her arousal down a few notches. She turned her head on the pillow and stared at the space where Dream Ollie had been. Now there was simply empty air. But her body was still squirming. Her sex twitched when it remembered what she had been about to do. I’m not sure I’ll sleep if I don’t.

  Slowly, she trailed her fingertips down her now-pyjama-clad breasts, enjoying the way the cotton felt against her skin. She closed her eyes and slipped her fingers through her pubic hair, discovering that her sex was still slick. She imagined Dream Ollie uttering soft words to her, imagined they’d been together a while; neither of them were new to it all. There was no nervousness or fear, just comfortable understanding and desire. Dream Ollie knew how to touch her, how to stroke her clitoris just so, back and forth in slow sweeps. She rolled onto her side.

  Her previous elongated foreplay had left her so very wet and swollen that soon she was pushing against Dream Ollie’s fingers. She gasped quietly as waves of pleasure built within her. Her fingers slipped inside, and she pushed hard against her own hand, her other one clutching the side of her neck the way she imagined Dream Ollie would. She would stroke Anna’s cheek as they lay so close together. She would whisper words of affection and encouragement, her voice low and gentle.

  Anna toppled over the edge into burning pleasure and release, Dream Ollie’s soft chuckle reverberating through her head.

  When the pleasure seeped away and when she could finally think again, Anna removed her hand and rested the back of the other against her eyes. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I guess that answers that question. She sighed. She slightly hated herself in those few moments afterwards. A feeling of sickness washed over her and brought tears to her eyes. Ollie’s my friend. She’s so kind and pretty. She wiped at her eyes and then rolled out of bed to wash her hands and use the toilet.

  Once she returned to her bed, the sick feeling had dissipated. It all made sense now: her relief at Ollie not wanting to call the woman Anna had seen her kissing, her eagerness to receive a text from Ollie, her unwillingness to miss a week of the class. She felt so wonderfully warm when Ollie looked at her.

  Does Ollie feel the same?

  Wednesday morning rolled around, and Ollie hopped downstairs with a spring in her still-lopsided step. Those painkillers Anna suggested had been a good idea, she admitted begrudgingly. She felt much better for it. Her knee had behaved itself lately, and it helped that she hadn’t done any more running, if only to stop
Anna from being so concerned.

  The visit to the physiotherapist on Monday night had resulted in a sheet full of the exercises Ollie really should have been doing all along to maintain the strength in her right leg. She did them religiously, as instructed.

  She settled into a day of dribs and drabs of customers and, with a wave of hope, decided to text her children. She started off light, with the same text to each.

  Hi, how’s it going? Was hoping we could meet up soon for another coffee? Text me back and let me know. Mum x

  She tapped the side of the table and stared at her phone for a while. I need to calm myself. They won’t text back immediately. They have lives. She looked around her empty shop and sighed deeply, forcing her happy mood back into place. They’ll text back when they have a moment, I’m sure.

  But after a few hours of no reply, and a slowly eaten lunch Ollie barely wanted, her good mood was dwindling. She stared back at her phone, the large numbers of the clock on it appearing to change every hour, not every minute. She placed her phone face down on the table.

  The minute she did, it buzzed. Her heart leapt as she picked it up.

  Hi Mum. I’m game for a coffee, but Helen’s not keen. She told me she doesn’t want you to text her, so I’d leave it up to her. Phone you later? Kx

  As it dropped back into her boots, Ollie’s heart felt like lead. She left her phone on the table, tucked her hands under her thighs and stared at it.

  At least I know. But I refuse to not try. Maybe if she knows I’m here she’ll start to see I’m not a monster.

  The rest of the afternoon seemed to drag, and Ollie found each tinkle of the bell announcing a customer a relief from her melancholy thoughts.

  Her phone rang as she was turning off the till, and she picked it up hastily. “Matthew, you okay?” she asked, staring at her watch.

  “You still okay to help me move?”