The Write Escape

by Charish Reid

  When Eddie said it like that, she felt only a tad mortified. “You weren’t there,” she tried to explain. “He was so sure that I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’d think that would include almost having sex with him, right? If he doesn’t trust my judgement, maybe I shouldn’t bother with him.”

  Eddie laughed. “That’s a lot to infer from a conversation about your novel. Are you sure you weren’t transferring some of your own baggage?”

  Those sounded like Octavia’s words. And even though they made sense, she resented them. “This isn’t transference,” she said.

  “I don’t know how you’d be so upset if it weren’t,” Eddie said. “Did it occur to you that he just might be a nice guy who cares? While I agree that he probably doesn’t know you well enough to say that you’re being sensitive, it sounds like he’s just concerned.”

  Antonia paused to think. “You think I sound stupid.”

  “No, but...” Eddie trailed off. “What’s that noise?”

  “What noise?”

  “Are you listening to ‘Formation’ right now?” Eddie’s tone was wary. “Is that what’s booming in your house?”

  “I was angry listening to Beyoncé.”

  Eddie at least had the decency to hold the phone away from his face before howling in laughter. “God, Toni. Why are you like this?”

  “Because Solange was too mellow!”

  “You’re not being stupid, but I think your Irish dude is right. You’re going to have to make a decision while you’re out there. Do you want to throw yourself back into a job that didn’t make you particularly happy or do you want to chase the thing you’re brilliant at?”

  “But I don’t know if I’ll be brilliant at it,” she said. “Besides I’m on vacation; I should be resting.”

  “But you’re not just on vacation. You’re in another country trying to find your new purpose. This is your Eat, Pray, Love for black girls.”

  He was right and she knew it. Eddie succeeded in calming her down just enough to make her realize that she was being unreasonable. There was too much on the line for her to be in Ireland for a good time. In the time she was to spend here, she had to get honest with herself. Things would have to change when she got back to Chicago. “Alright,” she muttered.

  “Alright, what?”

  “Alright, I hear you,” she snapped. “But I’m not ready to talk to him. I’m still angry.”

  “That’s okay too. But just so you know, he doesn’t sound like Derek. If you want to be angry at someone, it is supposed to be the asshole who cheated on you.”

  Eddie’s words were like a sucker punch to her gut. “What else was I supposed to do to Derek?” she asked angrily. “I called off his stupid wedding, didn’t I?”

  “I’m saying that I’m excited that you’re finally angry. I know you well enough to know you hate confrontation, so lashing out at Adrian was probably cathartic, right?”

  “Aiden, and yes, it did feel good actually.”

  “Well, being in your feelings is a good first step in the right direction,” Eddie said gently. “But don’t lash out at the wrong guy. Save it for the next time you see Derek.”

  She didn’t want to see Derek for as long as she lived. The humiliation that he caused her still burned. How could she confront the man who she fell head over heels in love with? Maybe Aiden didn’t know how to be as tactful as she wanted him to be, but could he have a point? “I think I’m afraid of Aiden,” she admitted.

  “How so?”

  “He just...he’s caught me by surprise. I don’t know what it is about him, but he’s not what I expected.” Antonia struggled to articulate her feelings. “I feel like I’m losing control of the plot.”

  “Hm.”

  “It was similar with Derek. Like, I just got caught up in his world and lost my own in the process. The difference is that while I’m still overwhelmed by Aiden, I’m actually enjoying myself. He lets me be myself, even when I’m pissy.”

  “And he likes you when you’re being yourself?”

  “I think so?” Antonia said. “Is all of this too soon?”

  “I can’t be sure,” Eddie said. “I hate to sound corny, but you have to follow your heart on that one. I support you in any case.”

  “I think I’m probably just horny,” she sighed.

  “Ew,” he said. She could picture the scowl on his face. “You’re basically my sister; I don’t want to hear it.”

  She smiled. “I had to hear all about it when you and Megan first started dating.”

  “You heard nothing that could incriminate me later,” her friend reminded her. “But yeah, you’re probably horny. Go get some.”

  “Thanks for signing off on that, but I’m going to stew for a while longer.”

  “Whatever makes you feel better, but remember that Derek still deserves your anger. You have no idea how hard it was not to beat the hell out of that guy when I saw him last.”

  “When did you see him?”

  “When Octavia met with him to discuss dividing the cancellations. I saw them meet up at Murray’s Deli on Monday,” Eddie swore under his breath. “I stopped inside to see if she needed any help twisting his arm.”

  “I doubt she needed your help,” Antonia said with a chuckle.

  “No, she was her usual calm yogi self. Derek was being a dick about the cost of your ring and I wanted to lay that idiot out.”

  “Well, he’s lucky I bothered to send the ring back to him,” she said lightly. “I’m sure he’ll find a way to pawn it.”

  “Anyway, Octavia had to push me out of there before I caused a scene.”

  “But you’ve been kicked out of much nicer places.”

  “I know, right?”

  “Thanks for talking, Ed,” Antonia said as she returned to her bedroom. She turned the music off. Apparently, Aiden was not ready to stop his attempt at drowning her out. He had switched to The Rolling Stones. “I’m glad you’re my buddy.”

  “I’m glad you’re my buddy. By the way, while I’m sure Beyoncé appreciates your use of her album, I think it should be used as a weapon sparingly.”

  “Noted.”

  “I have to get going, Toni. Take care of yourself, okay?”

  “I will, Ed. Bye.”

  When she hung up, she flopped back onto her bed, listening to the steady bass line of “Paint it Black.” Had he created a music playlist especially for the women who annoyed him? Antonia thought about her friend’s words. Perhaps she still had a rage in her that should have been spent on Derek. The memory of leaving his apartment flashed in her mind. She had been so afraid of what she wanted to say to him, the fight-or-flight response in her brain had pushed her out of the door before she could confront him. She hadn’t gotten a chance to ask him why or tell him about the pain he caused her. Even in their last phone call, Derek had tried to talk over her with his excuses while she quietly listened. While Antonia had reiterated that marriage would never happen, there were still so many other things she could have told him. You damaged my self-worth. You made me think that I was lucky to share your space. I made myself smaller for you.

  “I shrunk myself to fit,” she said to her ceiling, her voice trembling. Aiden was right, her self-doubt was endangering her future. Antonia had to get out of this rut before she was stuck for good.

  Chapter Nineteen

  With the help of Eddie’s phone call, Antonia eventually switched on Solange at a lower volume. She pulled herself together and faced the heap of baking ingredients in her kitchen. The grocery bag had sat on the counter, daring her to prove that she had the confidence to assemble its contents into something remotely edible without Aiden’s promised help. I can do this. With her tablet propped up on the kitchen counter, Antonia followed the recipe she found as best as she could. It was the last few steps that were tripping her up...

&n
bsp; “Fucking hell,” she whispered as she smeared icing on the side of the cake. The task was like spreading cold peanut butter on fragile bread. A chunk of warm cake broke apart and stuck to her spoon as she dragged along the surface. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

  She licked her chocolate-covered finger and wiped it on the towel hanging from her shoulder. Carefully pushing the chunk of cake back into place, she spackled it with another dollop of icing. She wondered if she should have waited for the damn thing to cool off. No, it was too late to think about that. She’d made her bed and she’d lie in it if it meant she could finish this one stupid task.

  Nervous sweat collected under Antonia’s arms. Jesus. She would need to take a shower before taking the cake next door. She wanted to look her best when she marched over there with a finished cake and a smug smile. When she scooped the last of the icing on top, Antonia was horrified to find the icing she had already applied was now melting. Chocolate began to pool on the platter she’d placed the cake on. She used her spoon to gather the run-off icing and drizzle it over the bald patches, but her attempts were in vain. “Oh my god, this is a mess...”

  Straightening up, she stepped back from the cake and stared down at it. This will not defeat me. If this was truly her Eat, Pray, Love moment, she would pray to her mother’s Black Jesus to stop the icing from running. “Black Jesus, this cake is made with love and I—” No, that wasn’t entirely true. It was really spite cake. “Fuck it, I did my best,” she resigned. “Amen.”

  Antonia left it where it sat and opened the kitchen window. Perhaps the wind could cool it down while she got herself ready. Maybe I should have done that earlier? She shook her head and ran to the bathroom. No time, just move forward. As she quickly stripped down and jumped into the power-generated shower, she was excited by the prospect of doing the things that frightened her. She was finally going to take control of the plot, instead of being a bystander to the men in her life.

  After her quick shower, she ran to her bedroom to find an outfit. Searching through the closet and in the drawers, she came up with a yellow sundress. Beyoncé Lemonade Yellow. She’d bought it on a shopping trip with Megan, who told Antonia that she absolutely needed to have it. When she tried it on the first time, Megan gasped in that dramatic fashion that Eddie loved so much. “If you don’t buy it, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.” Everything was do or die with that woman. As Antonia held the dress at arm’s length, she wondered if Megan was right. Was this do or die time?

  She slipped it over her head and let the soft fabric flutter down to her thighs. Antonia assessed herself in the full-length mirror on the closet door. The dandelion-yellow dress settled comfortably a couple inches above her knees, hugging her hips and bust. She tucked her cleavage inside the bodice, trying her best to contain some of the spillage. Antonia didn’t remember being so busty in the dress when she purchased it. She did look hot though.

  Running her fingers through her mane, she considered pulling it up in a high bun. “No, that’s what Derek liked,” she reminded herself. Derek took after his mother; the less intrusive a woman’s hair was, the more she could blend in. Antonia couldn’t believe that she had almost thought to straighten her hair for the wedding when Octavia would have gladly styled her curls to suit her. Antonia shook her hair down and took a deep breath.

  She looked like a sun goddess.

  Her brown skin shone like bronze against the bright saffron of her dress. She searched her closet for a pair of high-heeled espadrilles and stepped into them. Perfect. She skipped the makeup and returned to the kitchen. The chocolate icing had stopped running. She let out a victory whoop, as she carefully lifted it from the counter. It wasn’t falling apart from movement, so that was a good sign.

  Antonia walked to the front door, grabbing her keys along the way. When she opened the door, her heart dropped. It was starting to rain. “Nooo...” She held the plate with one hand and tried to shield it with her other as she ran from her front door straight to Aiden’s.

  When she knocked and waited, her stomach flipped. She couldn’t hear the thump of his music; he had turned it off around the time she started her baking experiment. She knocked again. The soft patter of rain soon turned into a light drizzle. As she waited, her doubts crept back into her mind. This was easily one of the dumbest things she’d ever attempted. What if he wasn’t even in his home? While his car was still parked behind her own, he could have stopped by the pub or the chipper.

  Antonia carried the cake around the other side of his cottage, hoping she could knock on his back window. The heels of her sandals sank in the soft ground as she made her way across the grass. She stumbled and it took two quick hands to steady her cake. She and it would get wet, but it certainly would not fall on the ground. When she reached the back window that looked like his bedroom, she tapped against it.

  “Ms. Harper, is that you?” said Mr. Creely who stood out in his own yard.

  Oh god...

  Antonia smiled brightly as she waved at the old man. I look absolutely insane. “I’m just delivering a cake to Dr. Byrnes.”

  Mr. Creely waved and gave a nod, though his bushy eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Huh, that’s nice of you.”

  Antonia took the cake by both hands again and scampered back to the front of Aiden’s cottage. Along the way, she called out, “It’s just what neighbors do in America.”

  “I see.”

  The rain was now coming down in a deluge. Her dress clung to her thighs as she carefully made her way across the grass patch. The cake’s icing was sliding again. She knew that the structural integrity was too dodgy for all of this running around. By the time she reached Aiden’s front door, she’d lost all patience. She’d knock again, but if he didn’t answer, she would smash this goddamn cake against his front door and let the animals claim it.

  She raised her fist to bang just as he swung the door open. Antonia jumped back in fright, nearly tipping her cake to the ground. “Why can’t you answer the damn door!” she shouted.

  Aiden’s frown was mixed with confusion and shock. He stood there wearing only his blue jeans, his hair tousled from sleep. “Antonia? What are you doing, woman?”

  She was getting drenched while he asked the dumbest questions. She thrust the cake in his face. “I made a cake,” she said through a clenched jaw. “And it’s getting wet.”

  He looked from her, to the cake, and back to her. “You wanna come in?” Aiden stepped aside and waited for her to enter.

  She was stuck on his stoop, getting wetter and unable to step forward. “I just wanted to show you that I could do it,” she said with a tremulous voice. She was too nervous to move.

  “Get inside, Antonia,” he said. The steel edge in his voice made her even more nervous.

  Antonia gathered herself and escaped the rain. As she edged past him and walked into his living room. She stood beside his dinner table and watched him close the door. When Aiden approached her, she held the cake up like a barrier.

  It wasn’t enough.

  He closed the distance between them, standing over her and her pitiful baking experiment. He ran his eyes over her, stopping to stare at the rise and fall of her chest. She was short of breath as she stood under his steady gaze. “You made this?”

  “I did,” she said haltingly.

  “You made me anger cake?” he asked.

  “You don’t know if I was angry,” she said, finding her voice. “For all you know, I just made a cake for the sake of making a fucking cake.”

  A dark brow arched as he peered down at her. “You’re not angry now?”

  She was getting there. “Do you want it or not?”

  Antonia watched him take another step forward, his eyes fixed on hers. “It looks pretty waterlogged,” he said.

  She glared at him. “And I’m pretty wet as well.”

  Aiden’s mouth twitched slightly. “Are you?” h
e asked. His voice could barely contain the smug arrogance that his expression hid. An unwelcome blush crept into her cheeks as she realized what she’d said. He quietly regarded her before raising one finger to her cake. He swiped the top layer of icing and gave it a quick inspection before licking it off his finger. The simple act made her hands tremble. He gave a curt nod. “It’s not bad,” he said.

  Antonia held her breath and fought to disregard the tumultuous flip in the pit of her stomach. “Thank you,” she breathed.

  Aiden then ran his thumb along the top of the cake and held it before her face. He met her gaze, issuing a challenge with forest green eyes that sparkled recklessly. “Would you like a taste?” he asked. His voice dropped to a low vibration that struck a chord between her thighs.

  Antonia’s eyes went from his face to the chocolate-covered thumb before her. Her mouth fell open as the cake continued to quake in her grasp. Her heart pounded erratically in her ears. Would she like a taste? Did the serpent ask Eve the same question? “Yes,” she whispered, raising her gaze back to his smoldering eyes. They stayed locked in a feverish stare down as he cradled her face, gently rubbing her bottom lip. Her nervous tongue darted out, licking the icing. Aiden’s nostrils flared as he took a breath and waited.

  Antonia hesitated before parting her lips. The tip of her tongue was tentative as it grazed his thumb. She tasted the rich chocolate and moved forward to savor more of it. As Antonia closed her lips around him, she watched him fight to keep his breathing under control. He swallowed hard as he stared at her mouth. She was going lightheaded from the thrill of this blatantly sexual action. Her tongue whorled around him, licking the remainder of the chocolate away. When he slowly pulled his thumb out, he ran it along her bottom lip again.

  “How is it?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

  Antonia leaned into his touch, finding it difficult to keep her eyes open. “Sweet,” she breathed.

  “I think you should make more cakes in a piss-poor mood,” he said. Did she detect a slight shake in his voice? Aiden pulled the soggy cake away from her and set it on the table behind her. He wrapped an arm around her wet waist, resting his hand on the small of her back, and slowly backed her against the table. The back of her thighs touched the wooden surface as he eased his own leg between hers.