by Karin Baine
How was he supposed to forget something so amazingly honest after his recent experience of deceit?
‘I’ve been a bad friend to you lately. I’m sorry.’ There’d been a distance between them recently, which he’d created as a coping mechanism to protect himself, never thinking about the support Izzy needed. He thought back over these past horrendous months and thought of all the support she’d offered him after Janet had left.
Izzy had been a constant on his doorstep despite his repeated warnings he didn’t want to see or talk to anyone in the aftermath of his ex’s revelation. She’d been the provider of home-cooked meals when he hadn’t wanted to eat and the confiscator of alcohol when all he’d wanted to do was drink. Ignoring his bad temper, she’d fought past his defences and dragged him out of the quagmire, so he’d been able to get on with his life when he’d truly believed it was over.
That was the true definition of a friend. Not someone who muttered his sympathies and accepted her grieving was over because it suited him better than having to dig beyond a fake smile and talk about feelings. Now, seeing her here, eyes glassy with unshed tears, biting her lip to keep up the façade, he wanted to finally step up and be there for her. The way she’d done for him. She was the closest thing he had to family now. The only one who’d been there with him through the darkest hours of his life, and he owed her.
‘Don’t be daft. Aren’t you here, putting up with my mood swings?’ There was that smile again that he was learning not to trust when her eyes were cloudy with uncertainty and something else he couldn’t quite decipher but which made him feel guiltier than ever.
‘I wasn’t there for you after Gerry died.’
‘Um, I think you were.’
He wasn’t expecting her to reference what had happened between them but there was a suggestion of that passionate encounter flickering like erotic flames in her eyes. Rather than complicate matters more between them, Cal chose to ignore the reminder. In conversation at least. ‘If something’s wrong I expect you to tell me and let me help. Okay?’
‘Understood. Now, shall we get the bill?’ She wrestled out from his grip and waved to the waitress.
Cal sighed and pulled his credit card from his wallet. ‘I’ll get this. It’s the least I can do.’
Izzy made her usual protests as she fished in her bag for her purse, but he grabbed the bill first. ‘Let me pay my half at least.’
‘You can leave a couple of pounds for the tip if you want.’ It was then he caught a glimpse inside her purse to see only a few coppers resting in the lining. Rather than embarrass her further, he tossed the loose change he found in his pocket on the table and made to leave.
Something wasn’t right with Izzy and he wasn’t going to rest until he discovered what. And if he wasn’t the friend she needed he knew how to find the one who fitted that description.
CHAPTER TWO
‘THIS IS SUPPOSED to be fun,’ Cal called back to Izzy, who was doubled over trying to get her breath back and looking as though she was hating every second of this.
‘I’m sure you’re enjoying yourself, but I’d rather be vegging out watching the telly on my day off.’ Izzy straightened up, pulled a hairband out of her pocket and tied her wild mane of red hair away from her face. Despite her protests, he thought she looked happier than she had in days, hiking out here in the County Down countryside, in the shadow of the Mourne Mountains. To be on the safe side he’d contacted Helen, who she often talked about, and suggested she might want to check in with her friend. It hadn’t been difficult to make contact when Helen’s phone number was on the birth announcement she’d sent Izzy after her son was born. The picture of mother and baby with the time and date of arrival took pride of place on Izzy’s desk at work.
‘I think we’ve both done our fair share of moping around. The fresh air will do you good.’ He’d been keeping a closer eye on her lately and had noticed how withdrawn she seemed to have become compared to the old, devil-may-care Fizz he’d come to know.
There was always some excuse post-shift now about why she couldn’t come out for a meal or even a quick drink, and he hated to think of her shut away in that empty house with nothing but memories to keep her company. After Janet had left him he’d thought he’d never venture over the doorstep again, afraid to face the world outside. Izzy had gone through a lot and was bound to have been changed by it, but he was determined not to let her retreat from civilisation altogether.
Since she didn’t seem keen on spending time in crowded places he’d gone to the other extreme and dragged her out on one of his walks in the countryside with him.
‘You can sit still and enjoy the fresh air. I think they call it sunbathing.’
‘With your colouring?’ He snorted as she tried to convince him her pale skin did anything other than freckle and burn.
Izzy shrugged off her jacket and tied it around her waist. Although he’d been concerned she wasn’t eating properly, as her white T-shirt drew taut he could see she’d filled out a bit over these past weeks. He was glad. She looked better with a little meat on her bones, healthier, and as the sun shone through her shirt, silhouetting her figure, he could see exactly which parts of her had blossomed.
‘Enjoying the view?’ An amused Izzy echoed the words he’d teased her with the other day and snapped Cal’s attention away from the soft round breasts he so clearly remembered palming in his hands.
‘I was doing this for your benefit. I prefer a hike in the mountains myself.’ He dismissed her comment, instead of confirming where his gaze had been lingering.
This walk was small potatoes for him when he preferred the challenge of a hill climb, whatever the weather, where he was focused on every step lest he end up at the bottom of a ravine. It was good for him to keep busy, his mind and body too active to entertain thoughts of his broken dreams, and he wanted to do the same for her.
‘Yeah, ’cause we don’t see enough of this at work.’ Izzy rolled her eyes and started walking again.
‘Who could ever tire of this?’ He held his arms aloft in celebration of today’s beautiful blue skies. They weren’t always blessed with such favourable weather in Northern Ireland, even during these summer months, and he was of the opinion they should enjoy every second before the rain made another appearance.
‘Me. Pretty. Damn. Quickly,’ she huffed out as she climbed the slight incline of the bluebell-lined pathway, her slim legs flexing below her shorts with every step.
Cal let her reach the top first, determined to see her do this at her own pace in case he scared her off altogether. Today was about re-forging that bond between them so she’d be comfortable enough to share what was really going on in her life now, without any awkwardness coming between them.
She stood above him, hands on hips, face tilted towards the sky, eyes closed and soaking up the heat of the sun. This was what he wanted for her, to find peace and be free of the stresses she was under. Studying her from here, he could see why his ex had always seemed so threatened by her. He’d laughed off Janet’s bouts of jealousy when he’d mentioned Izzy’s name because at that time he’d never thought of her as anything more than a friend. Now it was difficult to think of her as anything other than someone he wanted to share his bed with again.
As he stood there, appreciating the dusting of freckles across her nose and the stunning red hair most women would pay a fortune to try and replicate, she suddenly crumpled to the ground.
‘Izzy?’ His heart leapt into his mouth and he sprinted towards her, their perfect day shattered at the thought of something happening to her.
She was spread-eagled on the grass, her eyes still closed.
‘Izzy?’ He dropped to his knees and called her name again, before throwing off his backpack in case his medical skills would be required. Perhaps he had asked too much of her in coming here when she hadn’t been herself recently, but he’d wanted to do somethin
g for her since it was his fault she felt she couldn’t confide in him any more. He was sure it was because she regretted sleeping with him, but he couldn’t change what had happened between them, even if he’d wanted to.
He leaned over her, his face close to hers, listening for signs she was still breathing. Her chest continued to rise and fall, and he could feel her soft breath on his cheek.
Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and he was staring into the depths of those sea-green pools. In that moment he was transported back to that night-which-should-not-be-named, when they had been lying in his bed together, naked and wanting. Izzy was looking at him the same way she had then, her eyes and her body asking him to hold her, kiss her, love her. He didn’t think he’d be able to resist any more now than he had then, and it was only the impact of those past actions on their relationship that made him pull back. Today was about improving relations between them, not making their working environment more awkward.
‘I hope you’re happy now you’ve almost killed me.’ Izzy sat up and brushed off any suggestion that she’d ever wanted him to do anything other than feel guilty about bringing her out into the wild.
He sat back on his heels and whistled out a quivering breath. ‘Don’t ever do that to me again. You nearly gave me a heart attack.’
‘Now you know how it feels. I’m not moving again until we’ve refuelled.’ She rolled over onto her side and reached for the food supplies stashed in his bag.
‘There are kinder ways to let me know you’re hungry than fake fainting, you know!’ He pulled out a bottle of water from the side pocket in the rucksack and flicked the condensation from the cold bottle at her, getting them back on the pranking friends track rather than the almost kissing past lovers one on his mind.
She let out a shriek before dissolving into a fit of adorable giggles. It was good to hear her laugh again and for him to do it with her. He realised then it had been a while since he’d found the fun in anything. Izzy in any capacity was good for his soul.
‘I’ll get you back for that when you least expect it,’ she vowed, eyes narrowed as she took a bite of her sandwich.
Cal stretched out on the grass beside her. They did spend the majority of their time in isolated countryside, going to the rescue of those in mortal danger, but there was no time to enjoy the surroundings. It was nice to chill out here in the open and better still with company.
Izzy handed over the parcel of sandwiches she’d made. He’d suggested a pub lunch, but she’d insisted on a picnic. Come to think of it, she’d been doing a lot of that recently, bringing her own lunches, forgoing their usual coffee runs in favour of her ever-present water bottle. He harked back to that day in the café when she’d struggled to scrabble together a few pounds for a tip. The awful realisation of what was going on made it hard for him to swallow his mouthful of food.
‘I hate to sound like a broken record but is there something wrong? I’d really hate to think you were suffering and hadn’t come to me for help.’
He saw the flicker of anxiety on her face as she gulped at her water, but it didn’t give him any pleasure to know he’d been right. That withholding of information illustrated the decline in their friendship over these past months since they’d slept together when before that they’d used to share everything going on in their lives. He’d feared the repercussions of that intimacy so much it was possible he’d created that distance between them. Worried about getting hurt again so quickly after Janet that he’d backed right out of Izzy’s life when she’d needed his support most.
‘I, er, I’m just having a few money troubles at the minute. The funeral and everything else has left me a bit strapped for cash, but I’ll get by. I always do.’ She gave him a bright smile before quickly looking away again, but he didn’t believe her problems were as straightforward as she was making out.
He was grateful she’d finally confided in him because he’d never considered the financial implications of losing her partner, regardless of the gambling debts he’d apparently accrued before his death. For one thing he would’ve imagined Gerry had had some sort of life insurance policy in place to ensure she was protected for this kind of eventuality. Then, of course, there were the everyday practicalities of losing a second income. When Janet had moved out he’d had to cover the mortgage and household bills himself.
He might not have been great at providing Izzy with the emotional support she’d needed but this was something practical he could help with.
‘There’s no point worrying yourself sick or depriving yourself over the sake of a few pounds. I can give you a loan if that would help dig you out of a hole?’ He’d be happier to write her a cheque with no desire to see the money returned but she would never entertain the idea. She was already shaking her head at the alternative suggestion.
‘That’s a very kind offer but you know I couldn’t do that. Taking money from friends always gets messy and I’ve had enough of being in anyone’s debt. Thank you but I’ll get through this myself.’ Izzy wrapped up the leftovers, tucked them back into the bag and got to her feet, discussion over.
Cal wasn’t surprised she’d turned him down because she was notoriously as stubborn as hell but so was he. He was sure there was more to the story, more he could do to help her.
They’d often partnered up on social occasions with their significant others and he’d never believed Gerry good enough for his Fizz. Where she had been the fun and friendly half of the two, Gerry had been her complete opposite. Often sullen and reluctant to be drawn into conversation, he was a closed book and hard to like. He’d never known what Izzy had seen in him but respected her enough not to question her judgement.
Izzy was trying to pick up the fractured pieces of her life in order to move on and Cal was going to be there for her every step of the way. It was about time someone was. Now he knew there was a problem he wasn’t going to rest until he knew she was going to be okay. He could be every bit as obstinate as Isobel Fitzpatrick when it came to helping a friend.
* * *
‘Ten-year-old girl suffering severe burns after falling against a barbecue.’ Izzy recapped the few details they’d been given on the emergency call and directed Mac, the pilot and operations manager, to a clear landing site near the address they’d been given.
Although she didn’t wish harm on anyone, never mind a child, the distraction of work was good for her. She had let slip more than she’d intended about her problems to Cal but telling him her money woes was preferable to surprising him with the news he was going to be a father. They’d both messed up, and Cal had enough of his own personal issues to deal with. There was no way she was bringing a child into the world expecting to have someone bailing her out at every hint of trouble. That would be asking for more heartache. She loved him for the offer all the same.
His ex didn’t know what she’d thrown away. Cal deserved someone who loved him as much as he’d obviously loved Janet. There was nothing he wouldn’t have done for her. Including bringing up someone else’s baby as his own if she’d been honest with him instead of stringing him along until she’d been sure her other lover did want her after all.
If he hadn’t, Izzy suspected she’d still be letting Cal play happy families with a child who wasn’t his. He’d been broken by the betrayal, as anyone would’ve been, and Izzy had been crushed on his behalf because she knew how important family was to him.
Izzy needed a friend right now, someone who could provide some normality for her when her life was falling down around her, but as soon as he found out about the baby she knew that would change. Things would become untenable when he’d lost the family he’d always dreamed of, only to be left with one he hadn’t planned. It was bound to cause some resentment or tempt Cal into interfering in some way, directing that focus from Janet’s baby onto hers. She wasn’t going to fool herself into thinking anyone had her back any more now than they had before. If there was one thing sh
e excelled at it was picking herself up and dusting herself off after being left in the lurch.
Apart from not wanting to hurt him with her news, she also wanted to avoid him becoming over-protective where she was concerned. When he’d discovered Janet was expecting he’d practically dressed her in bubble wrap, afraid to let her lift a finger to keep mum and baby as safe as possible. Janet had been happy to put her feet up and let Cal run around after her but that was exactly what Izzy didn’t want.
She intended to carry on as normal for as long as she could. Being pregnant wasn’t a disability, millions of women had gone through it time and time again. Besides, she was almost at the three-month mark and out of the danger stage. If Cal had any inkling he wouldn’t have suggested a country ramble, never mind let her carry on with the physical side of her job.
Fitness and strength was a huge part of being air ambulance crew and she loved her job. If nothing else, she needed every penny she could put aside before her maternity leave. She didn’t want to think about the cost of childcare for the next eighteen years. From now on she was going to take one day at a time. It was the only way she’d get through these next belly-blossoming months without going doolally.
‘Earth to Izzy. I asked if you were ready for this.’ Cal’s eyes were on her instead of the lush green scenery whizzing past below. The last thing she needed was him getting distracted on this call with her. There was no room for error when every second counted.
