Shards of Hope

by Nalini Singh

  Remi glanced at a pair of cubs who were playing with a ball nearby. "Doesn't mean everyone doesn't have a place in the pack, or responsibility--that's important, too, that everyone has a role to play. No one's disposable."

  He put two fingers in his mouth and whistled sharply when one of the cubs swiped at the other, and the cubs immediately separated. "It just means that when you screw up," Remi added, "you don't lose your place in the family. You might get a reaming, might be punished, but you'll always have a home where you're loved and where you feel safe."

  That made sense to Aden. The problem, of course, was that he was dealing with people badly damaged on every level--the adults who had to become the families of the current generation of Arrow children had never had any kind of warmth or family in their own lives.

  As for the children themselves, each knew he or she wasn't wanted by his or her biological family. Many had been declared dead on their family trees, but Aden decided then and there that there was no rule that said Arrows couldn't be placed on a new family tree. A created tree, within a family of Arrows who understood what it was to inadvertently hurt someone with their abilities.

  "I may need further advice as I continue," he said to Remi. "Will you offer it?"

  "Yeah, what the hell. We can be remedial alphas together." Grinning, the leopard changeling slapped him on the back. "Come on. You want to learn how to be a family, you can hang with me while I go read the riot act to some of the older juveniles. They fucking fried a generator doing an experiment with lightning."

  PSYNET BEACON: BREAKING NEWS

  Confidential sources have confirmed that Arrow leader Aden Kai is not missing. He is taking part in a covert mission to unmask certain problematic insurgent elements within the PsyNet. The Ruling Coalition would not confirm or deny this fact when contacted, and the Arrow Squad remains unreachable as per its long-standing operating protocol.

  PSYNET BEACON: LIVE NETSTREAM

  What did I tell you? The Arrow leader is doing what Arrows do--being a shadow in the Net.

  I. Erskine

  (Iowa)

  I'm disturbed by the implications of this report. It appears we are back to the ways of the old Council.

  Anonymous

  (Luzon)

  The old Council kept a firm hand on things and that's what we need now.

  Anonymous

  (Shiraz)

  --

  Kaleb dropped out of the Net after scanning the feeds. Things had gone as he'd predicted, as he'd wanted. With the news of Aden's disappearance threatening to rock the fragile equilibrium of the Net, he'd immediately initiated damage control. Instead of making a direct statement, however, he'd used his more clandestine skills to initiate a useful rumor that was then confirmed off-the-record by one of his outwardly junior people who had deliberately cultivated herself as a source for news media.

  The information took longer to hit the public news streams this way, but when it did, it held more veracity for having been "uncovered." The populace would now spend their time worrying about the direction of the Ruling Coalition rather than speculating about what had happened to Aden. At present, that was the better option.

  The subterfuge wouldn't last if Aden remained missing for longer than a day or two, however. Especially if whoever had leaked the news of his abduction continued to leak further disturbing details. A single image of Aden unconscious or dead could throw the Net into chaos. Arrows might be the bogeyman of their race, but they were also a silent symbol of Psy power. And Aden represented the squad.

  While Aden was the politically higher-value target since Zaira wasn't known as an Arrow by the general population, seeing her caged or in a degrading position would also have a devastating impact. Because if someone could hurt the bogeyman, then no one was safe.

  The PsyNet was so vast that even Kaleb couldn't suppress all such data--there was no knowing when or how it might filter in. He could, however, prime the NetMind and DarkMind to alert him the instant anything related to Aden or Zaira hit the dataways so he could take quick and effective countermeasures.

  He gave the order and the twin neosentience of the NetMind and DarkMind curled around him in agreement before disappearing into the Net. The situation was contained. At least until the shadowy enemy that had taken Aden and Zaira made their next move.

  *

  HIDDEN in a thick grouping of trees in the underground green space attached to Central Command, Blake read the new Beacon report about Aden and realized he may have made a mistake . . . or maybe not. Even if Aden was alive and around, the squad's leader would have no reason to connect an "out-of-control blitz killer," as Blake was being described by the media, to an Arrow who'd taken a little too much pleasure in his work but who had always disposed of his victims where no one would find them.

  As long as Blake was careful not to choose a victim who was in Aden's orbit, the leader of the squad would never know and Blake could continue being part of a group where he had the greatest chance of finding a like mind. Power often came paired with deviant urges. He'd have to be careful as he searched, but the chances of success were high.

  Because while killing alone was a rush, killing with a partner would double that. All he had to do was find the right person, a person who was broken inside like him but who owned that brokenness, who accepted that there was nothing wrong with their psychopathic tendencies. They existed, and therefore, they must be right to exist.

  Chapter 21

  ADEN TRACKED ZAIRA down to their aerie late that afternoon, having already run into Finn and discovered that she had in fact dropped by the infirmary to ensure she hadn't done any damage to her healing injuries.

  The healer had scowled. "Boneheaded move, climbing that wall, but what can you expect? Dominant females are a law unto themselves."

  "Did she need treatment?"

  Finn had shaken his head. "She came within an inch of tearing the new skin, though--I've told her if she does it again, she could set back her recovery by a week or more." A glint in his leaf green eyes. "You sure she's not a cat? Not only does she apparently climb like one, she gave me the same look I get from the RainFire women when I lay down the law."

  No, Zaira wasn't a cat. She was an Arrow. And right now, she was wearing his jacket over her clothing and lying curled up on top of the bedspread, her body rigid. Taking off his own jacket, he got in behind her, wrapping his body around hers.

  At that moment, he felt her fragility, her bones so easy to break--and yet he knew she was one of the strongest people he had ever met. Zaira was afraid of no threat, no predator, not even death.

  It was only isolation that hurt her.

  "The aloneness is like tiny animals biting and clawing at me," she said, the tendons in her neck standing out taut against her skin, her breathing harsh. "I need to rejoin the Net or I won't be able to maintain discipline. I'll regress."

  Her curls brushed his chin as he held her more tightly. "No matter what, you won't become a psychopath, Zaira." It was her greatest fear, though she didn't call it that; she called it an inevitability she had to fight.

  "You can let go with me. I won't report you."

  "No. If I let the monster out of its cage, I might not be able to put her back in."

  "There is no monster in you, only a survivor."

  "She liked it, Aden. Beating her parents to death . . . the monster liked it."

  They'd had that conversation via a cell phone he'd managed to smuggle to her; it had been three years after she was brought into the squad's training program. Aden had never disregarded her fears, well aware that some wounds were permanent. Zaira had been changed by her childhood and ignoring that fact would be to ignore a fundamental part of her.

  However, he also knew that she had never, not once, harmed anyone who wasn't a legitimate target. She had a conscience, understood right from wrong. And somehow, she'd retained the ability to feel empathy. It was why she'd broken that trainer's arm when he would've broken a child's, why she brought Alejan
dro ice cream, and why she'd sent Aden those plans on how to incapacitate Vasic so they could remove his gauntlet.

  In her resilience, he saw a ferocious strength where she saw only a monster.

  "If you want to see for certain what you become without strict Arrow discipline," he said, "this is the perfect opportunity. No PsyNet, no other Psy, no one but me." And she knew he'd take her secrets to the grave. "I won't allow you to hurt anyone." He didn't think she would, but he had to speak to her fears. "We might never again have this chance." He wanted to see her without shields, to strip his own self bare so she'd know once and for all who and what she was to him.

  Not just a commander. Never just a soldier.

  "All my life," he said, taking the first step, "I've done what was best for the squad. I've never resented it, never wished I'd been born in another time or place." This was his time and he was right where he was meant to be. "But now, I have a moment when I can simply be Aden and there is no one I'd rather be with in this moment than you."

  Keeping her eyes on the window and the rain that hit it in heavy slaps, Zaira said, "My need for you keeps growing, a violent fury of want that seeks to possess." She turned toward him on the final words.

  He cupped the side of her face, his handspan wide enough to cradle the entire side. "Will you do me harm?"

  "I told you. If I set this thing inside me free, I'll cage you." Her breath mingled with his. "And I would murder anyone who tried to take you from me."

  He knew her desire was pathological, and yet he didn't back off. Because if Zaira had a ravenous want for him, he had just as ravenous a need to be wanted. At that instant, he asked the question he'd avoided till now because the wrong answer would savage him. "Who is it you want? Aden, or the leader of the squad?"

  Shifting so close that their bodies pressed along her entire length, she slid her hand into his hair, gripped it in a fist. "The squad means I have to share you. I don't want to share you. You're Aden and you're mine." Her eyes turned midnight in front of him, the whites disappearing. "Do you see it?" she whispered. "The want? It'll devour you."

  "Let it try." Their lips brushed when he spoke, brushed again as she closed her eyes and moved her head slightly.

  For a single heartbeat, the fit was perfect.

  Then, fingers tight in his hair, she lifted the lush fan of her eyelashes, her breasts rising and falling against him and her midnight eyes vibrant with the fire that had always burned in her. A fire that had warmed him through the years. Every time the weight on his shoulders became too heavy, his heart threatening to ice over from the constant and grueling darkness, he'd gone to her and in her endless fire, he'd found his strength again.

  "You heard what I told you?" Zaira pulled at his hair. "We do this and I might not be able to put myself back in the box."

  "I never wanted you in a box." He ran his thumb over her cheekbone. "I told you the squad needed your fire and it does, but I need it most of all."

  "If I take you," she said, and it was a warning, "I'll keep you. Always."

  No one had ever been so possessive of him. Just him. Just Aden. "Take me."

  She shuddered, her lips parting for an instant before she nipped at his lower lip hard enough to draw blood. Making a harsh, rough sound in her throat afterward, she pulled away and sat up with her legs over the edge of the bed, her breathing erratic. He lifted his hand, wiped the back of it over his mouth. It came away streaked with red.

  The bite throbbed but when he sat up, it was to wrap his arm around Zaira's waist and pull her toward him. Her nails dug into his bare forearm and when she whipped her head around to look at him, he saw the girl he'd seen long ago: the one who was beaten but never broken, the one who had lied to his face, the same girl who, three years ago, had walked into the path of bullets meant for him, then told him to deal with it when he tried to dress her down for putting herself at risk.

  "I'm not afraid," he said to her, holding her as tight as he could without hurting her still tender injury. "Not of any part of you." Including the rage that was woven inextricably with her fire.

  "You should be." Twisting away and out of his hold, she jumped back on the bed to crouch a foot from him. The sound that came from her throat was a wordless warning. "I'm devolving." A grimacing look, her jaw clenched tight. "I. Can't. Devolve." Her face was flushed, her breathing rocky. "I don't want to beat your head in. I don't want to destroy your face."

  He didn't flinch at the stark words. "You beat your parents' heads in for a very good reason."

  "What if I decide to beat in the heads of everyone I see as competition for you?" Midnight receded from her eyes with the arctic question, as she gritted her teeth and hauled herself forcefully into that unyielding, Arrow-black box. "Think about that, Aden."

  *

  TEN minutes later and Aden was in the infirmary. He'd finally left the aerie after Zaira flat-out told him to go, her tension so vicious that he was worried she'd rupture a blood vessel if he didn't give her space.

  What if I decide to beat in the heads of everyone I see as competition for you?

  He didn't believe she'd do that, but he had no way to prove it to her.

  "Can I borrow a microscope again?" he asked Finn, needing to distract himself.

  "Sure." The healer nodded to the right. "That one's high powered. You going to examine the implant?"

  "Yes. I may see something I missed the first time."

  "You might want to fix up that lip before you get to work." The medic threw him a small medical laser, a very feline expression on his face. "Of course, you could leave it and strut around like the cat who got the cream."

  "How do you know she didn't punch me in the face?"

  Finn laughed without reserve, his eyes going leopard. "Hell, dominants have been known to take that as foreplay."

  Aden sealed the wound after a moment's thought. What to him was an indication of want that filled the emptiness inside him, Zaira would see as a reminder of a dangerous break in discipline.

  That done, he set up the scope and put his eye to the lens.

  He wasn't a neural tech by training, but as a medic, he had some familiarity with the Human Alliance implant. The squad had made sure to get their hands on one, in order to ensure it posed no threat to the Psy race. Aden had no argument with humans shielding their minds against unscrupulous Psy. Should, however, the implant have shown any signs of having been engineered to be embedded into Psy minds as well, in an effort to manipulate them, the squad would've stepped in. No such features had been found.

  Under the microscope, he saw the same thing he had the first time: segments of construction that reminded him of the Alliance implant--but those segments weren't identical to the original. As if the design had been cannibalized to another purpose.

  That didn't rule out the Alliance.

  Of all those who had cause to hate the Psy, and the Arrow Squad in particular, humans undoubtedly had the biggest grievance. Prior generations of Arrows had targeted high-level human scientists and businesspeople on the orders of the Council. It'd be no surprise to find the Human Alliance had decided to take steps to eliminate any further such ugliness. Bowen Knight, the Human Alliance security chief, was more than ruthless enough to initiate that type of an operation in an effort to protect his people.

  However, the Alliance wasn't the only possible perpetrator, especially given the existence of segments that pointed to the closely guarded and Council-funded "hive mind" implant. A number of Psy groups and individuals found the Arrows a threatening inconvenience, including those who saw the Es as a weakness rather than a strength. On the flip side, both the Liu family group and the Chastain family group had attempted to manipulate more-naive Es into indentured slavery. Aden had personally taken care of the extraction.

  Both families had more than enough money to contract out a hit.

  There was also Ming LeBon--the ex-Councilor had lost control of the squad and might believe that eliminating or besting Aden was the way to get it ba
ck. He couldn't forget Nikita Duncan, either. She might be on the Ruling Coalition and more interested in finance than military tactics, but she'd survived this long for a reason: she was smart and cutthroat. She could well have decided the Arrows had too much power and put out a hit or made a mutually self-serving alliance with Ming.

  It was a surprise when someone around Nikita didn't end up with a metaphorical knife in his or her back.

  He couldn't totally discard Kaleb Krychek as the mastermind, either. The other man had agreed to an alliance with the squad and didn't appear to want personal control of it, but Aden never made the mistake of thinking he could predict Kaleb. He also hadn't forgotten that during the Alaska incident--when part of the PsyNet suffered a catastrophic collapse as a result of a psychic infection--the cardinal telekinetic had caught a glimpse of Aden's true psychic strength.

  Kaleb could've decided Aden was too big a threat to leave alive.

  Another former Councilor on the list was Shoshanna Scott. She'd lost her standing in the PsyNet with the recent changes, might want it back, but Shoshanna had little access to military muscle. As with Nikita, she could've hired mercenaries and Aden would look into that, but from all appearances, it seemed as if Shoshanna was focusing on further growing her financial power base at present, likely so she could mount a political offensive in the future.

  There were also two new players who had begun to flex their muscles. One was Pax Marshall, grandson of assassinated Councilor Marshall Hyde and a Gradient 9 telepath. Some of the most ruthless people in the Net were noncardinals but high Gradient. The second was Payal Rao, eldest daughter of the Rao family group out of India. The Rao Group had a stranglehold on a large sector of the energy industry in Southeast Asia, but ever since Payal had taken the reins, it had become more active as a regional power.

  Last but possibly the most dangerous group of suspects on Aden's mental list were the Mercants. Silver Mercant was Kaleb's aide, but Mercants looked after Mercants first and the family had long been a shadow power in the Net. This kind of a power play would fit their modus operandi--the Mercants dealt in information and Aden had been kept alive so he could be broken and mined for data. That had Mercant written all over it.