Feel My Love: The Damaged Series - Book Two

by Shayne McClendon

  Laughing through her tears, Augusta told Sarabeth, “Gil used to say he could listen to you talk all day even if he didn’t understand half of it...because you said it with gusto.”

  Sarabeth looked at Amelia and gave her a wink. “A good man, yer father.”

  “He really was.”

  She held Leo’s hand and he gripped her back tightly. Closing her eyes, she sent a little silent prayer to her dad. “I swear to try. It’s going to take a while so be patient.”

  Her heart skipped a little and a line from one of the cutesy songs in the Rudolph movie popped randomly into her head.

  There’s always tomorrow,

  For dreams to come true,

  Tomorrow is not far away.

  Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes but Amelia smiled. “I hear you, Dad. I get it.”

  Beside her, there for her in every way, was Leo.

  Her Leo.

  Chapter Eighteen

  At the reception for Gil held in the De La Cruz home, men and women approached Amelia to offer their condolences. Many of them glanced at Augusta standing nearby in obvious confusion.

  While the exact details of what happened to Amelia were kept quiet through the efforts and influence of Leo’s family as well as Gil himself, the trial couldn’t be hidden.

  Since her incarceration for the crimes she committed against her daughter, Amelia’s mother had become a recluse. She’d had few real friends before her trial and effectively drove her immediate family away with her actions.

  Gil’s best friend approached and took Amelia’s hand. “I’m truly sorry, honey.”

  She nodded. “Thank you...and for reading Dad’s letter, Steven.”

  “It was the least I could do.” He patted her hand and let her go. “Gil pulled me out of the bottom of a bottle when Linda left me.” He sighed. “I-I let him down for a while there. Let him lie to me over the phone and avoid me when I was in town. I should have pushed.”

  “No. He always valued your friendship.”

  Shaking hands with Leo, he said, “Leo, I hear you’re kicking ass in Chicago.”

  “Doing what I can, Mr. Kampo.”

  “Steven. Don’t make me feel ancient.” He pointed between them. “Glad to see the two of you side by side again. It’s been too long.” Looking at Amelia’s mother, he said curtly, “Augusta.”

  “S-Steven.”

  “I assume lessons have been learned.” Augusta nodded. “That’s a start, I guess. I’d like to speak to you privately. Gil asked that I do so.” Bending, he kissed Amelia’s cheek. “Let me know if you need anything. I mean it.”

  “Thanks, Steven.”

  Gesturing, he indicated for Augusta to go with him to the back patio. She did so with her eyes down.

  Amelia murmured, “I wonder what that’s about…”

  “Don’t worry about it.” Leo led her into the unoccupied library and turned to cup her neck with his palm. “How are you doing?”

  “Aching in my heart. A little uncertain.” She took a deep breath. “I should keep hating her but...it’s exhausting, Leo.”

  “What happened can’t be erased but it can be worked around if that’s what you want. It will always hurt but you can let the wound scar over, Amelia. After today, if you decide to never see her again, I’ll understand and back you up.” He tucked a strand of hair that had come loose from the bun behind her ear. “However, if you choose to start healing things between the two of you, I’ll understand that, too.”

  Amelia lifted her hand and held his wrist. Keeping her voice low, she told him, “Augusta didn’t have much family and no contact with the ones she did have. Dad’s family is mostly gone other than a few distant cousins I don’t particularly like. Really, it’s just us now.”

  Tugging her lower lip between her teeth, she added, “She’s been a pariah. I isolated myself, too. It’s almost like we both did time. Does that make sense?”

  “It does,” he said with a nod.

  “I hated the person she was eight years ago but maybe she’s different now. I know I am. Maybe I won’t hate the person she became. That night changed all of us.”

  “Maybe give her another chance and see what happens. There’s no reason you can’t distance yourself from her again if she turns out not to have changed after all.”

  “Leo.” She closed her eyes a moment. “She took as much from you as she did from me. How do you feel about this?”

  He considered the question. Being honest was crucial.

  “There’s a lot of emotional input right now. Between losing your father, seeing you again, and now Augusta...I feel like I’m not keeping up at the moment.” He held her shoulders. “I’m not against reconciling with her but I won’t allow my pity to overshadow my reason. I see anything going off the rails and I’m going to check her. Hard.”

  Amelia slid her hands up his chest and around his shoulders. Staring into his face, she smiled slowly. “You didn’t hesitate to do that when you were fourteen. I’d expect nothing less.”

  Gathering her close, he kissed her for a long time. When he broke it, he hugged her snugly.

  “I missed you, Amelia.”

  “I missed you, too.”

  They kissed again and he took her hand. “When this is over, I’m going to make sure you eat, put you in a bubble bath, and then remind myself what every inch of your body tastes like.”

  She released a low moan. “I love the way you think, Leo.”

  They returned to the guests in the great room. They were talking quietly with Leo’s parents when Augusta returned from outside with Steven by her side.

  She looked like she’d been crying.

  Steven bent to kiss Amelia’s cheek. “I’m going to stop by and see you in the next couple of days. We need to go over Gil’s will and a few other things.” She nodded and swiped at her tears. “I want you to know that the day you were born, Gil passed out cold. He came out to tell Linda and me that he had a little girl and just...went out. When he came to, he looked up at me and asked if he’d dreamed it, dreamed you, because it seemed too good to be real.”

  Hugging her torso, Amelia struggled not to break down.

  “I told him it wasn’t a dream and I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a smile.” Steven put his hands on his hips. “After you came back to visit the first time, he called me and said it felt like a dream...too good to be real.”

  He shook his head. “Gil wasn’t perfect but he was the purest soul I ever knew. You’re just like him, Amelia. You always have been.” Inclining his head at Leo, he added, “Take what you want and never look back. Be selfish and grab what you deserve without apology. Give me a call when you have an hour for the paperwork.”

  “Thank you for being here, Steven.”

  Inhaling deeply, he said sadly, “I always assumed I’d go first. It feels wrong that he did.”

  Amelia reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. “Dad would say the same thing.”

  “Yeah. Knowing him, he’d be a blubbering mess.”

  Giving a tearful laugh, Amelia said, “Only guy I knew who wondered about the rest of the story behind a Kleenex or Kodak commercial. They got him every time.”

  Steven hugged her and whispered, “Old softy.”

  “Yeah,” she agreed.

  “See you later, sweetheart. Call me if you need me.” He nodded to everyone else and left the house.

  Augusta remained quiet until the last of the mourners drifted away. Then she kept her eyes on the floor and said, “I’m going to leave. Uh, Steven asked me to join him when he comes by to read the will. I-I hope that’s alright.”

  “It is.”

  Amelia considered everything she thought and felt: everything that had happened, would happen, and other things that would never happen because of the woman in front of her.

  Plenty of anger still bubbled beneath the surface.

  Pain still throbbed deep inside her.

  Still...they’d all paid in different ways for Augusta’s
actions and it was time to stop paying.

  Clearing her throat, Amelia asked quietly, “Would you like to join us for dinner?”

  “No. Th-thank you, Amy.” Augusta’s voice was quiet and she shook her head. “I’ll give you time to process without me here.” Lifting her face, she stared at Amelia with identical eyes. “Your dad loved me despite my flaws.” She cleared her throat. “We spoke on the phone a couple of weeks ago and...I told him I never stopped loving him and I-I was sorry for the pain I caused. I am...so relieved I said those words to him.” Using a handkerchief, she wiped her face. “I need to grieve tonight for the years I stole from so many.”

  Raising her hand in a sort of wave, Augusta turned and left.

  Leo murmured, “A moment.” He went outside and called to Augusta before she got in her car. He frowned. “What happened to your driver?”

  “I haven’t had one in years.” She swallowed hard. “I won’t hurt her. I swear it, Leo. Y-you don’t have to warn me.”

  “I wasn’t going to. I can see the regrets you carry.” She closed her eyes. “I wanted to ask a favor.”

  “Anything…” she responded instantly.

  “Don’t hurt yourself.” Her eyes widened. “I’ve seen the expression you have right now on Amelia’s face. You made peace with Gil. You made peace with Amelia. You spent a lot of time talking to Steven and I think you might have given him personal instructions should anything happen to you.” Leo stepped closer and held her shoulder. “Amelia will blame herself.”

  “No, she…”

  “She will blame herself if anything happens to you, Augusta. You came here today and you have to come back again and again if you truly want to make things right. Through the awkward conversations, the moments of anger, the tears. If you meant your words earlier, prove them.”

  “I’m very tired, Leo.”

  “All of us are tired.”

  “Seeing her face to face...it’s been my dream for years. When I got out of p-prison, I hired someone to follow her. I wanted to make sure she was safe.” Augusta covered her face with her hands. “She wasn’t. She wasn’t safe, Leo.”

  He carefully gathered her close and held her face to his chest. “She’s safe now.”

  “That’s all I wanted to see…”

  “Make up for everything, Augusta. Put in the time.” He leaned back and removed a handkerchief, gently wiping the older woman’s face. “I’m going to marry that woman as soon as I can talk her into it.”

  “Leo!” She smiled through tears.

  “One thing Amelia has always wanted to be was a mother. I’m going to make sure she gets the chance, one way or another. Show you’ve changed. Show you’ve grown as a person. Stick around and show her through your actions with our children that you’re not the same woman you were when she was eighteen. Don’t take the easy way out.”

  She stared at him for a long moment. “Let’s give it a year…”

  “Then we’ll renegotiate. No more loss for Amelia, Augusta. I’m committed to keeping more than her physical body safe.”

  Sniffing, Augusta wiped her face and nodded. “Alright, Leo.”

  “Thank you. Drive carefully. See you tomorrow.”

  He handed her into her car and closed the door. He watched until she was out of sight before returning to the house. Amelia met him at the door.

  “Everything alright?”

  “I think everything is on the road to alright.” He bent and kissed her deeply. “I love you.”

  “I love you, Leo. Thank you for everything today.”

  “You’re welcome. Each day will get easier.” Stroking his thumb along her jaw, he added, “Now, we have plans to take your mind off sadness. Let’s start checking things off the list.”

  “Smartest guy I know.”

  “A burden I must bear.”

  Then he wrapped his arm around her waist and called for his parents. He had an important itinerary to fulfill.

  They were losing daylight.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Late the following afternoon, Steven Kampo arrived at the house a few seconds behind Augusta.

  Leo’s father escorted everyone into his massive office. “I’ll leave you to business and give you privacy.” Alejandro added in Spanish, “Pay attention, son.”

  Leo nodded. He pulled a third chair to the front of his dad’s desk for Augusta. She lowered into it nervously and Amelia chose the chair next to her but scooted it a bit closer to Leo.

  Steven smiled. “Most of this won’t take long, Amelia.” He removed several documents and turned them to her to review. “This was Gil’s basic will. Everything that belonged to him went to you with two exceptions.” He looked at Leo. “He left you the Chevy Nova he’s been restoring in the backyard workshop for a dozen years.”

  Extending a piece of paper, Leo accepted it in surprise and recognized Gil’s handwriting.

  Leo, I think you and I are more alike than anyone would imagine. When I was sixteen years old, I busted my ass to buy my first car. It was a Chevy Nova. The year we won the lottery, I found one in piss poor condition and bought it.

  I could have paid someone to restore it for me, of course. I’m not exactly a mechanic as my Augusta reminded me often. There was a pleasure in puttering around with this old thing that gave me peace in moments I struggled. Learning something out of my wheelhouse, so to speak. Doing something with my hands instead of my brain.

  I thought it might be good for you. Now, don’t think you have to keep this hunk of junk if you don’t want it. Believe me, I know how much you work! Still, if you throw it in storage for a few years...maybe it will come in handy down the road. Life can be a kick in the ass sometimes.

  Take care of my little girl. Every year, on her birthday, wake Amy up with a cinnamon roll and the birthday song. Make her start the day making a wish as she blows out a candle. You’ll never see a sweeter sight than her face at that moment.

  Thank you for your friendship, Leo. I know it was unusual but I was grateful for a fellow survivor when I was at my lowest. I didn’t want Steven to see me like that.

  You’re a good man. Keep being one.

  Gil

  Wiping away tears, Leo nodded at Steven. He was presented with several pieces of paper that he read and signed.

  Inhaling deeply, Steven removed a small pouch from the inside of his jacket. He held it out to Augusta and murmured, “The only other exception.”

  Frowning, she accepted it and untied the strings. Tilting the contents into her palm, she gasped at the sight of Gil’s wedding ring on a gold chain.

  “I-I need…” She stood and walked to the other side of the room to collect herself.

  The attorney refocused on Amelia. “Your father spent the last eight years scouring the internet for information about various options for you...so that you could become a mother.” He picked up a heavy vinyl file folder and placed it in front of Amelia.

  Her eyes were enormous in her face.

  “Gil was something of a computer genius. He sold them in the early days for a company that doesn’t exist anymore but he liked to tinker and learn things. Setting up a specialized search, he dedicated the remainder of his life to trying to change the outcome of...what happened to you.”

  Nodding at the file, he explained, “He organized each piece of information, printed much of it, and included a jump drive with more. Searching out cutting-edge research from the greatest minds in the world, learning about adoption practices in almost every country, and more, Amelia. That was how Gil spent his days after you left.”

  Removing a letter, he handed it to her. Amelia’s hand shook badly as she accepted it and carefully opened the seal.

  My sweet girl, I love you. That’s the most important thing I wanted to say. The next part is something I didn’t want read at my funeral.

  I paid someone at the hospital for your records after you left and found a bright side. You have one ovary, Amy. I know it was damaged but the human body is a miracle of technolog
y and incredibly good at self-healing...so you could still be producing eggs. That means, using a surrogate, you might be able to have a child born from you and Leo - even if you couldn’t carry that son or daughter yourself.

  I left you information about the best clinic in the world and you can afford it when you’re ready. There’s also adoption and don’t you discredit that possibility, honey.

  I know you’ll be ready to think about all of this if you mend things with Leo because being a mother is something you talked about when you were four.

  And you love Leo so very much.

  See if it might be possible to have one biological child and then adopt a dozen more...change their lives and fill your house with the pitter patter of little feet, sleepless nights, unexpected bodily fluids, and lots of panic.

  You’ll love it!

  One last thing, darling girl. I don’t expect you to drink cocoa with your mother or sing silly songs but...I would consider it a personal favor if you would speak to her.

  Scream if you like, cry if that’s what you need, but face her, Amy. Face her so both of you can find closure. If you don’t, you’ll spend the rest of your life living that night on loop.

  You are the best thing that ever happened to me.

  Be happy, be free, be you every minute and know I could not be prouder of the child you were, the survivor you showed yourself to be, and the woman you became.

  Lots of spinning hugs and butterfly kisses, my Amy. I love you, honey.

  Dad

  Leo handed her a handkerchief and Amelia sobbed into it for several minutes. When she could speak, she lifted her face to look at Steven.

  “Did you know he was doing that?”

  “Not for a few years. He showed up in California to visit a clinic there and explained over dinner.” Folding his hands on the desk, the lawyer explained, “Fertility and surrogacy are subjects few people talk openly about and you were pretty traumatized. He knew you weren’t in a place to hear any of it and you’re still so young. There’s plenty of time for you to think about options. Gil knew that.”

  Augusta lowered into a chair beside Amelia. Leo could see the edge of the gold necklace under her suit jacket that held Gil’s wedding ring.