“Am I going to die?” I fear to ask the question, but I ask it anyway.
He looks at me through hazy eyes while tracing my cheeks with his thumbs.
“Liz… I will never let that happen. I promise you, I will find a way to make this better.”
And then he touches his lips to mine, as a single tear trails down my face.
“How can you be so sure?” I finally whisper between breaths.
“Because… you’re not leaving me that easy,” he whispers.
Then he smiles a painful smile and kisses me again.
“We will get through this together, Liz.”
Chapter Twenty
I still feel really bad. I’ve been asleep in Jake’s bed off and on for five days now. He stays in the chair every night.
I wonder if he even sleeps, or if he just watches me.
I can’t even find the strength to walk on my own, but he helps me when it‘s absolutely necessary to get out of bed. He helps me move in bed, he helps me sit up… he just helps me.
Under normal circumstances, I would have never accepted this much help, from anyone… I think he knows that, though, because when he does help me, he doesn’t do it in a sympathetic way. He does it as if he knows that the very second I could take a step alone, I would, and he would let me because that is the kind of man that he is.
I really hate for him to see me this way. Weak and disgusting.
I woke up this morning, and Jake was nowhere to be seen.
In the past five days, I keep checking on my family, and Jake keeps me updated with any new news about them.
At this point, my brother has fought the fatigue, but can’t walk without holding onto stuff. Jake told me that Eli came to see me yesterday, but I was asleep. He sat by my bed for three hours, then made his way back to the dorm.
Mar is awake also, but like me, she is unable to walk under her own power. Even through his weakness, Eli is taking care of her, as best he can.
Shawn, however, has not woken up one time since he went to sleep nearly six days ago. Jake sounds hopeful for him, but I’m not sure what I feel is going to happen.
Shae and Syl are awake and in a similar state as Mar and me, but Zac is like Shawn… unresponsive.
Magi and Paul are working overtime, just to keep the unconscious phase members hydrated through intravenous therapy.
They have recruited the help of the phase members that seem unaffected by the Methrodine. Oddly enough, that includes Malachi, Levi, and Sampson.
I start to fall asleep again, after waiting for a long while on Jake to show back up. Just as I start to let sleep call me its way, he slips into the room.
He is sweaty. Only the kind of sweaty you are after extreme physical exertion.
He comes to the bed side holding a piece of paper. It looks like it has been crumpled, and then flattened out again.
“You’re sweaty,” I say
“Hey, I was hoping you were awake,” he smiles. “I went for a run.”
“Yeah,” is all that I can say, because I am so exhausted.
It doesn’t seem to matter how much sleep I get, I always feel like I have run a marathon and haven’t slept in days.
Jake looks at me intently.
“The other night,” he says. “when I came to get you from the dorm, I was wanting to tell you that I got the captain to agree to some rule changes. But now with everything that has happened, the rules have been revised… yet again.”
He hands the paper to me.
He still looks at me sternly, his green eyes seeming deeper and darker than usual.
“Listen to me,” he says. “I don’t agree with all the things on this revised proclamation… and neither will you,” he sighs.
I hand the paper back to him. My eyes can’t focus on the letters well enough to read what it says.
“Will you read it to me?”
“Yeah,” he nods, with the edge slightly gone from his eyes. “Sure.”
He slips his boots off and scoots beside me on the bed, putting one knee up and balancing the paper on it. He always does this I think, and I smile inside. I am already memorizing his quirks. “You ready?” he asks, as he kisses my cheek.
“Yes,” I say.
“Here we go,” he says, with another sigh. “Dear complex leaders, members, and phase inductees. It has come to my attention that a few violent acts have been performed in my complex. This will not be tolerated. From this moment and forward, we are on a three strikes and you’re out policy, no other choice.”
He looks at me with a smile.
“That’s the part I talked to him about.”
“That’s great,” I say, trying to sound excited, but in reality I am exhausted.
“Yeah,” he says, his smile fading, then he continues reading. ,
“As for this Methrodine problem, I have consulted with my fellow Force leaders, and we all feel it is important to handle this with the utmost care. The only cure, however, for this dependency, is to keep giving phase members doses of the drug, eventually weaning them off of the medication month by month, this will take some time. A year, we expect.”
“That’s not so bad,” I interrupt.
“Yeah well…” Jake pauses. “That’s not the bad part.”
“Oh,” I say.
“Yeah, the next part is the part I didn’t want you to hear, but I also knew I couldn’t keep it from you,” he says, as he slides closer to me on the bed.
I rest my head on his shoulder and settle in next to him before I talk again.
“Go ahead, I can handle it.”
“You sure?” he questions.
I nod, and he looks back down at the paper.
“Due to the problem of how hard it is to receive large quantities of Methrodine, we have chosen that only a small portion of this year’s inductees are going to be able to stay at the complex.”
“Oh no.” I gasp as I lift my head back up, looking Jake in the eye.
“Yeah, I know… here’s the bad part,” Jake whispers.
I nod again.
“All phase members under the age of sixteen are to be evacuated to a secure location to receive Methrodine injections at a slower rate. Their recovery, if recovery is possible at this rate, is going to possibly take two times longer than those we keep with us. This is dependent on the susceptibility of those receiving treatment. If survival is obtainable, those inductees may re-enter the phase program when they are no longer dependent on the drug.”
Jake looks up at me, crumpling the paper in his hands.
“Sincerely Captain E. J. Samuels, and Maxwell Cole,” he finishes without even looking at the page.
Tears flood my eyes, and all I can do is fall into Jakes strong arms. I cry harder than I have ever cried before… not even when my dad died.
“What’s going to happen to them?” I manage to say through sobs.
“I don’t know, but I’m going to find out where they are taking them. I will make sure they are safe, just like I said I would.”
He pulls me to him, running his hands through my hair, down my back, over my arms kissing me hard and long. This moment of comfort seems desperate. It feels like if I let go of him, and he of me, I might actually fall apart.
I need his strength right now, so I am soaking up every ounce of it that I can get. Jake and the feather over my heart might be the only hope I ever get again in my lifetime. I am broken.
Chapter Twenty-One
Two days have passed since the proposition was released.
Syl, Shae, and Zac were moved, along with seventy plus other young phase members, to a secure location yesterday.
I didn’t get to see them, but Jake tells me that Zac is still in a coma. I can’t help but wonder how Mar is handling it.
Despite being Maxwell Cole’s son, Jake is having a hard time finding out where the location is that the younger phase members were sent. He has decided that if he’s going to find out for me, that he would be better off doing it alone…without
his father’s help.
I was told last night that Magi would be giving me my first Methrodine injection today, but I am laying here in Jake’s bed, and the sun is setting in the sky.
I must fall asleep at some point, because when I wake, moonlight is coming through the window, and someone is knocking.
I look over, and Jake is getting up from the chair and heading towards the door. I’m not sure when he came in, but it doesn’t look like he’s been sleeping.
“Come in,” I can hear Jake say.
“Thank you,” a woman’s voice calls from behind the door.
Magi walks in, looking worn out. Her eyes have dark circles under them, and her hair is thrown back in a loose bun that looks to be held up with pencils.
It needed to be re-done hours ago.
“Are you ok?” I ask, still sounding weak.
“Am I ok? What about you?”
“I’m alright,” I say, trying to smile.
I don’t look convincing.
“There she goes, trying to be tough again,” Jake says.
He walks over to me and runs his hand through my obviously greasy hair.
He has never looked at me with sympathy, or like I am a child, which I respect and appreciate… But now all I see in his eyes is concern. He looks at me like someone looking at a person who is dying before their eyes.
I can’t help thinking that he looks more tired than usual, and much older than he actually is.
I know that worrying about him will do me no good, but I do it anyway.
“Well, I’m going to attempt to take care of you,” says Magi, with the same trying smile as I gave just moments ago.
“Attempt? She‘s dying, and all you’re going to do is attempt? Magi… I need more than that… She needs more than that.” Jake spit’s the words. His full attention on Magi.
He looks deflated.
“It seems that the Methrodine has not worked as quickly as we had hoped on some of my patients.”
“What‘s that supposed to mean?” Jake says roughly.
“I started giving injections as soon as the letter was released, and we received our shipment of the drug. Some of those who were worse off… well, some of them haven’t responded yet.”
I feel panic rise up in me.
“Have you given the injections to Shawn Reed, Mar Strong, or Eli Strong yet?” I ask.
She flips through the papers on her clipboard for a few seconds.
“Yes, I gave injections to Mar and Eli yesterday morning, and they are showing promise. I expect them to be able to function in another day or so.”
“And Shawn?” I ask
She flips back a few more pages.
“Um… yes, I gave an injection to Shawn right away, because he was…. he was…”
Magi looks at me and then to Jake.
“She knows,” Jake says quietly.
“Oh ok, I wasn’t sure. Shawn was unresponsive, that is why we gave him an injection first. Him and twelve or thirteen others…” She pauses, looking down, and then back up to Jake and me.
“They remain unresponsive… I have even lost a couple of them.”
I feel dread flow through me. My stomach twists with every word Magi says.
“Not Shawn, right?” Jake asks.
I know he must have known that was the question I wanted to ask but dare not even speak the words out loud.
“No… Not Shawn. The boy from yesterday, his name was Chris Powers, I believe.”
She flips through a few more papers, and then nods, confirming that the name was correct.
Jake turns and faces the wall, with both hands on the back of his head. He mutters a few things under his breath that didn’t sound pleasant.
“We knew Chris,” I whisper, lowering my head.
“I thought you might. We lost a sixteen-year-old girl also, three days ago. Her name was Lina Ray, but I don’t think you would know her.”
“No,” I whisper.
No one says anything else about Chris Powers or Lina Ray, Magi just busies herself with the Methrodine injection preparation.
She turns to Jake. “Now, Liz is going to have some side effects, some trimmers, excreta. She will need you to help her,” then she turns to me. “You’re so lucky to have this one taking care of you… the others are going it alone, I only wish they had someone to be with them.”
A twinge of guilt goes through my body, but in reality, I am thankful to have Jake.
“I want you to also know,” she begins, while looking at me, “this is a straight up dose of the drug, not the diluted version The Elected gives each month. It will hit you hard, not just make you feel hazy like the monthly doses they gave you did.”
I nod my head, and Jake grabs my hand, holding it tight as Magi pushes the drug into my arm. I expect it to feel like the pain medication, but I’m wrong. It goes through me like liquid fire. I can feel a heavy liquid feeling going down my arm, my stomach, my leg, and my toes. Then it starts coming back up, finally hitting my head.
It hits my lungs like hot lava, pleading to escape. I feel like I am drowning inwardly, like my next breath might be my last. Through the pain, I barley hear Jake ask Magi if she knows where the children have been moved to. Magi shakes her head, and then walks out the door.
What follows, is the most horrendous thing I have ever experienced. My breathing slows, my vision blurs, and a heavy death feeling tugs at me. Worst of all, I feel like I want to allow the death feeling to call me to its actuality.
This is not me, I am not like this. I try to fight the feeling to let death take me over, because I don’t want to die, and because I don’t want to leave Jake. I don’t want to leave Eli, or Mar, or Shawn, or anyone, but my body is pulling me that way.
My heart rate is slowing, and Jake is lying next to me on the bed…
Holding me.
Everything in me shakes, including my vision and speech, which doesn’t make sense when I try to talk. After a while, I quit trying to talk all together.
My eyes are heavy, and no matter what I do, I can’t fight the feeling of allowing my short breaths, and low heart rate to ruin me.
I can’t allow myself to die… I can’t allow myself to die… Maybe I can.
I come to… Jake is yelling my name and shaking me violently.
“Huh,” I sigh through unconsciousness.
“Liz.” Jake yells.
“Yeah,” I think I whisper.
“Liz.” he yells again, still shaking me.
“Jake,” I say, but this time I know I actually said it.
He stops shaking me and wraps me in his arms.
“I thought you were dead.” he says, still yelling.
“I’m not, but I think I was,” I manage to say, through short breaths.
He kisses me desperately again. I try to kiss back, but I can’t keep my eyes open. After a minute, he lets himself relax to the point he trusts me to sleep again.
I have three more episodes just like this before I recover well enough to walk alone.
Chapter Twenty-Two
It’s been two days since I received the Methrodine injection, and with each passing hour, I feel my strength returning.
Jake still stays as close to me as possible but allows me to heal and move on my own.
This afternoon, Jake and I walked to the dining hall for lunch. Eli and Mar were sitting at our table. No Shawn, though.
He still is unresponsive.
We didn’t talk a whole lot. It was nice to see one another, and there were quite a few hugs and updates, but after only twenty minutes of non-conversation, and trying to eat, I was worn out.
Jake lead me back to his apartment to rest, and then left as soon as I got situated in bed.
He’s still trying to find out where they took Syl, Shae, and Zac.
Magi came to check on me this morning, and she told me that she and Paul have lost three more patients. Two sixteen-year olds and a girl my age.
I know I must have seen her, but I d
idn’t recognize her name. I felt guilty when I admitted that.
How could I have lived in the same room with these people for this long, and not know at least their names?
I realize that our group of twenty-three is down to twenty-one now, and that makes me sick.
With the exception of Malachi, Sampson, and Levi… I vow to myself to make an effort to get to know more of my phase group members. At least their names.
I am getting so tired of laying in this bed, and I finally work the nerve and strength up to take a shower in Jake‘s bathroom.
When I get out, I realize that I don’t have any clothes, so I slip on a pair of Jake’s shorts and his large hooded sweatshirt.
It smells like him.
I crawl onto the couch, trying to catch my breath from my shower. My hands are shaking, but other than that, I seem to be fine.
“Hey,” Jake says with a smile as he walks through the door.
“Hi,” I say, still out of breath. “You find anything out?”
“No, sorry. You ok?” he asks, while taking his boots off.
“Yeah,” I nod, while biting my lower lip. “I just took a shower. I didn’t have any clothes. Do you mind that I borrowed some of yours?”
I stand up and walk towards him.
“Of course, not…” He pauses and smiles wickedly. “You look better in them than I do.”
He puts one hand on my waist and the other around the small of my back, pulling me into him. I feel relieved that my ribs no longer hurt.
We kiss hard, and long.
I ache for his touch when it’s not there, but when it is… I want more…
And that scares me to death.
I have never felt this rush buzzing through me before. It’s almost like an energy that has to be spent, but I don’t think now is the time to spend it.
I pull back, and Jake looks at me, eyebrows lowered. He still looks strong and feels strong, but there is a gentleness in his touch.
“What is it?” he asks, between breaths.
“I think I should go back to the dorm tonight,” I whisper, through a smile.
“I think that’s a good idea,” he says softly as he puts his forehead to mine.
“Yeah,” I say.
The Force (Fighting Freedom Book 1) Page 11
