Then the music began, an ethereal sound that reminded her of home and the hush of the heavens. When the man, who Sebastian had told her was a viscount, started to sing, her heart was arrested by the wonder of his voice. How beautiful were his words, how nicely did they flow with Alice’s harp.
“I had no idea humans could produce such heavenly sounds.” She wanted to do nothing more than bathe herself in the music and luxuriate in it.
He snorted. “You must move your feet, Estelle. Listen and dance at the same time.” There was a slight pressure on the small of her back as he urged her into the steps.
The celestial collective laughed inside her head, and she burned from mortification. Estelle shut them out in an effort to focus on the waltz. It took one rotation around the floor before she caught on with enough panache that she wouldn’t embarrass herself.
But, if she were honest, she suspected that was due to Sebastian’s hold on her. Awareness of him crept over her, and it was as large and all-encompassing as it had been yesterday. She adored his hand holding hers, while the other at the small of her back had her thoughts zinging into forbidden territory. Their bodies flowed together with nary a hiccup or a missed step. And it felt right, this being in his arms within the network of people he seemed to have an affinity with. She smiled up at him. Butterfly wings brushed her belly when he grinned back.
“Your skill is impressive. I’m glad you don’t trip over your hem or feet like some women.”
“It helps when my partner is so marvelous.”
“You’re glowing.”
“I’m happy.” Her cheeks heated from his regard.
“No, your skin is glowing, almost sparkling. Best hide that lest people know you’re different.” His grin faded and his eyes took on a hard edge. “It’s a buggar, always having to hide who we truly are.”
Oh, why did he always need be angry? “But I am different. I cannot be less than what I am.” Did the knowledge that she wasn’t fully human bother him?
“How well I know that cold truth.” He roamed his gaze over her face then dared to drop it to her bosom before meeting her eyes once more, but the hunger in those depths didn’t quite banish his disgust. Was it directed at her? “Gold suits you just as silver does. I’m undecided which I prefer.”
“Thank you for the compliment.” She would pull the good from the bad and forget the rest. Then she truly looked at him, studying him. A bruise shadowed one cheekbone while a few scratches disfigured the other. “You are hurt.” Concern tightened her chest and she frowned.
He huffed. “It’s nothing.”
“You’re lying.” Estelle narrowed her eyes as she continued to stare. “Why?”
A flush crept up his neck and over the edge of his cravat. Sebastian missed a step and stumbled slightly. “I was in a fight last night and was put into my place rather soundly.” He dropped his gaze to something beyond her left shoulder.
“Oh, no.” Estelle’s fingertips tingled. She could help him. “I can heal you.” When she reached to touch his cheek, he reared back.
“Stop,” he hissed. “I don’t need your help.”
“You do.” When he frowned, his eyes were haunted. “Tell me your secret and perhaps you will cease struggling.”
“I doubt it.” Bitterness wove through his voice. He remained silent for a whole turn of the dance floor. Then, in grudging tones, he said, “Not here.”
She thrilled with the small victory. “Where?”
Sebastian glanced about the room. “The terrace. Do you mind going out into the snow without your wrap?”
“Not with you, and it’s only slightly snowing.” Estelle offered a smile. “Like when we first met.”
Again, he missed a step, and she smothered a smile.
When they came near a pair of French-paned doors, Sebastian expertly escorted her from the room and onto a terrace made of varying-sized stones that were probably polished when not covered in a thin layer of snow.
The chill of the night air cooled her overheated skin. “How lovely it is out here.” Her breath clouded about her head as she moved to the matching stone railing. A winter-bare garden beckoned beyond the terrace, tree branches and vegetation dusted by the lace bridal veil of snow. “I can only imagine how pretty it is in the warmer months. How wonderful you have that to look forward to.” For she would long vanish from this world with nothing except memories.
“I admire your outlook and perspective on life.” He came up behind her on stealthy feet, so close she could reach back and touch him if she wished.
“I don’t know how to be any other way.” Would he tolerate her company more if she deported herself as other women in the ballroom, giggling at nonsense, acting outrageously to garner male attention?
Another round of laughter bubbled through her mind, growing louder as more stars joined in on the mirth. With a cry, Estelle pressed her gloved hands to her ears, but of course that didn’t put a halt to the noise.
“What’s wrong?” Sebastian turned her about to face him. Concern shadowed his eyes. “Are you unwell?”
Warmth from his hands on her shoulders brought her comfort. “I’m fine, but the voices in my head will drive me mad before too long.”
“Voices?” The corners of his lips pulled down in a frown. Oh how she despised that gesture.
She nodded. “Of the celestial collective as well as the Supreme Celestial Leader. They never leave me in peace.” A tremble moved down her spine. “At times my thoughts are not my own, and I find the lack of privacy annoying.”
“I understand that torment all too well.” He brushed the knuckles of one hand along her cheek, leaving shivers behind. Fine snowflakes drifted through the air between them. Sebastian heaved a sigh, and she wished he’d touch her again with such care as he’d just done. “I am not what I seem, Estelle.” Despair and anger warred in his amber eyes.
Finally, she’d know what haunted him. “What are you, then?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed with a hard swallow. He dropped his hand to his side. “I have apparently been cursed due to my father and countless generations before me, which means I have no choice but to succumb to the beast inside me.”
“Beast?” What, exactly, did he mean?
“Yes.” He nodded. “I shift into a wolf each night.”
Estelle gasped. The truth was mirrored in his eyes. “That’s where you were last evening.”
“Yes.” Sebastian took a few steps away from her, melting into the shadows created by the house. Faint light from the nearly half moon didn’t touch him there. “I shifted with Manchester, ran with him into the countryside.”
She gawked at him, unable to take in his words. “The duke is afflicted too?”
“Apparently so. The whole male line is.” He shrugged. “In any event, during that run my ego and anger flared. My wolf took control and I challenged the duke.” His shoulders drooped. “We fought horribly, and he bested me soundly.”
“Oh, Sebastian.” Living a life with an animal trapped inside sounded like a terrible prospect. She joined him while her heart squeezed in sympathy and compassion. “I don’t know what to say.” But she knew what to do. Quickly tugging off one of her elbow-length gloves, Estelle pressed her palm to his cheek. Her hand glowed with celestial energy and she traced his injuries with her fingertips. “Are you ashamed of your wolf, of being different? Is that why you cautioned me against the same?”
“No.” A sigh shuddered from him as she used his injuries as an excuse to caress his face. He found her gaze in the darkness. “I’m angry the beast won’t allow me a normal life. A peaceful life, for he thrives on violence, on killing… on being alone.”
Her fingers tingled while she ushered in simple healing where he needed it, but how could she fix what ailed him deep inside? “It’s difficult to accept one’s fate when one wants so much more.”
“Yes, exactly.” Sebastian captured her hand, turned his head and pressed his lips to her bare palm. Flutters danced low through her be
lly, and slowly, her healing power faded. “As long as he’s with me in my mind, fighting for control, my life is not my own. That I cannot abide.”
The hopelessness in his voice speared through her heart. “Oh, Sebastian. I hope you are able to find that peace.” Since he held her hand, she peered up at him, his eyes searching hers. Longing flared in that place which housed her soul. Slowly, the glove slipped from her fingers.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he whispered. Emotion graveled his voice, and she wished he’d tell her what he thought.
She swallowed. “How am I looking at you?” Humans were so complicated.
His eyes darkened. “Like you want me to kiss you.”
“Oh.” Estelle moistened her lips, fascinated at the richness of his eyes and at the wicked promise waiting there. “But I do. So very much,” she admitted in a barely-there whisper.
Softly, he cursed, his breath clouding about them. “That’s a dangerous request.” But he moved his hand to her nape and gently tugged her closer and then he claimed her lips with his.
Estelle’s world spun with the new, wonderful sensations. Oh, yes, this is what had been lacking in her existence. She sighed and stepped even closer to him, hungering for more of this kiss, wanting to discover his secrets, and when he again kissed her, his lips questing, questioning, probing, she clutched at his lapels. All too soon, Sebastian pulled back and set her away from him, breaking the strong connection.
“We must return to the ball.” The look in his eyes proclaimed he’d rather do anything but that. “I must tell you that, because of my wolf, nothing can happen between us.”
Before she could offer a protest, he fled while she stood looking after him with her fingers pressed to her still-tingling lips. The kiss changed everything, yet she had not the time and he had not the inclination to explore those changes.
How very… disappointing.
CHAPTER SEVEN
December 23, 1816
As the afternoon gloom met him at every window, Sebastian joined his brother in the library, for Manchester had requested his presence. Not that it mattered. Estelle was closeted with the duchess and two of Alice’s friends. They were doing yet another gown fitting. Tonight, everyone was engaged to some affair or another.
Perhaps, if he was lucky, he could steal another kiss from her. A queer little tremor jogged down his spine. When he’d done so last night, and knowing it was the very first she’d ever received from a man, and as, a human, the enormity of it had sunk in, but she’d felt so good in his arms, so warm and willing, and he’d broken the embrace all too soon in fear that his wolf would ruin everything.
He always did.
“Is there a reason for this summons?” he asked, not holding back on the sarcasm. There was a vague ache around his heart, and that made him cranky.
If we took him on once more, we would win. I have found his vulnerabilities, his wolf said with his teeth bared.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. He is strong and more disciplined. We would end up on our arses and you know it.
“There is.” The rumble of the duke’s voice brought his focus back to his brother. “With the exception of our altercation the other night, how has your stay been?”
“My stay?” He shot a confused glance at the duke as the other man stacked a few books and then laid them on a small, round, rose-inlaid table. “Well, my stay here has been… interesting.” His mind drifted to the kiss with Estelle once more. Never had he felt a connection with another woman that he had with her. That kiss had shaken him to his foundation; she’d felt so right, so eager albeit untried, so… lost, and he’d be lying if he didn’t admit to wanting her.
“Only interesting?” Manchester stood. He tapped his fingertips along the spines of books on a particular shelf. “When you returned to the ballroom last night, you seemed at sixes and sevens.”
“Mingling in society doesn’t agree with me,” Sebastian murmured. Why the devil did his collar feel too tight?
“Mmm.” The duke perused the books. “However, when Miss Forbes came in several moments later, she had stars in her eyes and a soft smile on her lips that wouldn’t fade.”
Damn and blast. Heat crept up the back of his neck. Should he confess all? When the duke turned slightly and glanced at him, a knowing light in his eyes, Sebastian’s shoulders drooped. No doubt the man already knew. “I kissed her.” His voice sounded decidedly rusty.
“Ah. Kissing Miss Forbes. I didn’t think you had it in you.” Manchester grinned and returned to his perusal of the book shelf. “And?”
Sebastian shrugged. “And what?”
“What have you gleaned from that event?”
The man was a plague. Just because he was a duke didn’t mean he could manipulate the lives of others around him.
Did it?
Of course it did. In his position, Manchester was a drop below royalty, damn his eyes. Sebastian heaved a sigh. “It was a kiss. Nothing more.”
The duke looked at him. “Did you feel something for her?”
“That is quite beside the point.” How could he explain when he didn’t know how to explain it to himself? As his brother cocked an eyebrow, Sebastian was compelled to rush onward. “Even if I did feel a connection, nothing can come of it. My wolf will hurt her if we pursue a romance.” He forced a swallow into his suddenly dry throat. “Not to mention she’ll go home soon to marry that other chap… or whatever he is.” Disappointment sank cold and hard in his belly.
I cannot even fulfil my promise to protect her.
For long moments, the duke was silent as he contemplated the book shelf. “At times, we are given a chance to go beyond ourselves. We might not understand why.”
“What is your point, oh illustrious, high-on-the-instep duke?” Sebastian asked as he perched on the arm of a chair.
A barely-audible snort issued from his brother. “Do you feel there is something between you and Miss Forbes, something more lasting than lust or desire?”
“I don’t know.” He stretched his neck from side to side. “Given time there could be. It’s pointless to contemplate, and you know it.”
“Nothing is pointless if we enjoy the time spent doing it.” Manchester frowned at one of the books. “I’m asking you to use that time you do have with her to the best of your ability. You might find your outlook on your own existence will change.”
He has grown soft since he married, his wolf said with a toss of his head.
No. It was more than that. Sebastian rested his gaze on the duke’s back. Perhaps he had found perspective of his own. Beyond that, he has found… peace. A ribbon of envy twisted up his spine. Yet, their situations were not the same.
He snorted. “Nothing can change while I struggle with my beast. Surely you know that.”
Again, Manchester was silent. He pulled a book from the shelf. “I understand that dilemma, of course. My beast nearly cost me everything I now hold dear, but what really held me back was my own frail humanity.”
“When you courted Alice?” His brother hadn’t told him the whole story of how he had come to wed the countess. Hopefully, in time, when they knew each other better, the duke would share the tale.
“Yes.” Slowly, Manchester turned. He faced Sebastian with intensity in his eyes and a wry expression. “By the time I finally knew what I wanted in life, she had been hurt and the trust we’d shared had been severed. I had to fight like hell to win her back. It wasn’t easy.” His laugh sounded a trifle forced. “What a terrible time that was. Alice packed to leave me while my own sister threatened to put me on a leash or alternatively kill me depending on her mood.”
“The Countess of Devon?” Since his arrival, he’d met so many people it was difficult to remember their names. “She seems so… placid.”
A bark of amused laughter came from the duke. “Elizabeth is anything but. She’ll defend anyone she loves down to her dying breath, and nearly did when the earl courted her.” The ready smile touched Manchester’s lips again. “I�
�m afraid you’ll find us all a very loyal bunch.”
“I’ll remember the warning, but I find the concept of loyalty refreshing.” How extraordinary to have a female sibling that didn’t whine about her life or circumstances but instead fought to right wrongs. Then the seriousness of the subject matter came back to him and brought the tightness into his chest again. “If I fight for Estelle, she’ll leave anyway, and nothing I would have done will matter.”
I couldn’t bear it.
“Yet, you will have opened your heart to love, and even if it didn’t last a lifetime, it can only make you better for it.” Manchester opened the book, flipped through the first few pages and then closed the volume. “Once you understand that love is the life force that guides us, everything will make sense.”
The wolf in his head restlessly paced. This man is weak. We should shift and strike right now, put an end to such gammon.
No, he has a point. Sebastian stared at his brother with something akin to awe. I’ve long thought there was a greater purpose in life, more than struggling with you and I’d like to find out the reasons why.
Then the duke’s words sank into his confusion-clouded brain. He laughed but it wasn’t a mirthful sound. “I am not in love with Estelle.”
Absolutely we are not. She’s worth a tupping, if that. Gutter trash. Apparently his wolf agreed with the statement, but Sebastian bristled at the slight against her.
She is worth much more than that, you black-hearted monster.
“If you say so.” Manchester shrugged. His expression had turned enigmatic.
“There is one more thing.”
“Oh?”
“I, ah, told her what I was, that I am compelled to shift into the beast.”
Both of the duke’s eyebrows rose. “Interesting. Men like us are only urged to do so following coitus. Why did you feel the need now? I assume you’ve left Miss Forbes untouched.”
Heat crept up the back of Sebastian’s neck. “She remains unspoiled.” Then he shrugged. “We talked and the moment felt right. I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to do it.”
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