Transformed By A Christmas Star: A Lords of the Night novella

by Sandra Sookoo

  “I’m sorry.” She forced a swallow into her suddenly tight throat. “I’ve come to a decision.”

  He backed away from her a few steps and put out a hand as if to ward off a blow. “Oh?”

  “Yes.” Estelle shoved to her feet. “I don’t regret it. Not one tiny bit.”

  “I see.” His eyes shuttered, much like they’d done when they first met. He hid himself away from her. “And?” The whispered word seemed to hover in the frosty air.

  “I wish to stay here, live out my life as a human.”

  “Ah.” He nodded, but he frowned more fiercely than ever. “Is that wise to give up your exulted life for this one? I cannot offer for you due to my wolf. I cannot keep you safe, especially after I nearly...” He broke off, struggled to control his emotions. “After I nearly killed you tonight.”

  Poor, adorable man. Her heart squeezed. How she loved him. “I know, but I have a gift for you that will help you see why we’re meant to be together.”

  He scoffed. “Damn it, Estelle. It’s impossible. I won’t change my mind. I simply won’t put you through such peril. I couldn’t live with myself if I brought you harm.”

  “Hush.” She couldn’t contain the joy that threatened to engulf her. Yes, this felt right. She’d held the answer in her palm the whole time. Before he could say anything more, she closed the distance between them. He would either love her or hate her for what she would do, but do it she must.

  It is my destiny.

  There would be plenty of time for explanations later, but it ran too short to linger, for midnight was near. “Take this gift in good faith, Sebastian.” Then she grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to her, fitting her lips to his.

  She put every ounce of emotion she possessed into that kiss, and soon, the last of her power, her magic, her very essence of the star, transferred to him. It rushed from her in a hot tide, and when he tried to pull away, to stop her and break the connection, she held his face between her palms and concentrated even harder. Every point of her body heated, for this was more than healing cuts and scrapes. His eyes rounded in shock and wonder. She gave him everything that she was, everything that she used to be, in order that he should live the life he deserved.

  The longer she kissed him, the more she glowed until they were surrounded by silvery white light. All too soon, the transfer was complete and the heat faded. Estelle pulled away, looking at him in awe for what she’d just accomplished. She’d met a goal; she’d guided a human away from the horrors awaiting them.

  Then she slumped forward. He caught her in his arms as exhaustion took hold.

  “You are fully human, Sebastian,” she managed in a shaky whisper. “Or you soon will be once the magic runs its course.” She gave him a weak smile, hoping he understood. “It is my Christmas gift to you, so that you will cease your struggles, know freedom and happiness.” Talking, thinking, tried the remainder of her strength. “Because... because…”

  Blackness crept in on her vision, filled her brain, cocooned her in a thick, choking cloud. She couldn’t remember what she’d wanted to say. “Be wise in your choices now.” With a sigh, she let the void claim her and hoped she’d live to see the new man he would become.

  “Estelle…”

  “Humans are so... fragile,” she murmured and then tumbled into oblivion.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Minutes after midnight, Christmas morning, 1816

  What the devil is happening?

  Sebastian’s heart felt as if it had dropped into his stomach as he looked down at Estelle’s unconscious form in his arms. What had she meant by his being fully human? Perhaps she’d become confused out here in the cold and her brain played tricks on her.

  “Estelle? Can you hear me?” Her skin was uncommonly pale. No longer did she sparkle as she had when she’d kissed him.

  You’ve really done it now, human. His wolf snorted into his mind. Here you are in Hyde Park and once more you’re holding a woman’s body who might be dead. You’ll attract the attention of the authorities for certain.

  He shifted her in his hold. Her head lolled against his shoulder, but she didn’t move. “Estelle?” With her penchant for healing, had she taxed herself too much on his behalf? Dread plowed into him with enough force to steal his breath. “I cannot bear to lose you now, sweeting,” he whispered and then pressed his lips to her cold forehead. “Open your eyes and tell me I haven’t ruined everything.”

  Before he could decide what to do or how the deuce to explain should someone come upon him, he was physically incapable of doing anything. One moment he stood in the softly falling snow with Estelle in his arms, and the next, his body wasn’t his own. His limbs wouldn’t obey his commands, and then his legs wouldn’t support his weight at all. He staggered, slipped to the ground but cradled her body with his own so that she wouldn’t take the brunt of the fall.

  Beast, what are you doing to me?

  If the wolf meant to shift, this certainly didn’t feel like normal.

  I am doing nothing. This is magic beyond my reach. A note of panic crept into his voice.

  His mind went back to the kiss Estelle had given to him as his body went rigid and a great wave of pain washed over him. He could no longer hold her, and she slid from his arms to lay upon the snow-covered ground with nary a sound. Had something fantastical occurred when she’d kissed him and that other-worldly light encompassed them?

  There was no more time to wonder, for the agony slicing through him took his full attention. It felt as if his body was being rendered in two, ripped in half for reasons unknown.

  What are you doing to me? His wolf yelped into his mind and paced around in circles as if looking for an escape route.

  This isn’t me either. Sebastian didn’t know how to explain when he couldn’t make sense of anything.

  Dear God, not even shifting into the beast hurt this much. He struggled onto his hands and knees as his vision spun. Pain knocked through his head until he feared it might split his skull in two. A gasp escaped, and then even the small task of taking a breath caused too much pain. Violent tremors shook his body; there wasn’t a spot in him that didn’t hurt. His fingers scrabbled for purchase on the dirt path, needing something, anything to hold onto that would help regulate the stabbing, tearing agony slicing through him. Then he cast up his accounts, retching without recourse.

  Please, make it end. With his head in a vice, he glanced at Estelle’s unconscious form, and then he knew. She had gifted him with the cleansing power of the star, and with such a personal sacrifice that might have ended her life, she had removed the beastly half of him.

  That was what she’d meant; she wasn’t insane at all.

  Despite the pain that sought to destroy him, he was humbled at what she’d done. I don’t deserve you, but damn if he didn’t love her all the more for her unquestioning devotion after he’d tried to attack her as the beast. He gasped as another push of agony assailed him, intent on separating him from the cursed side of him.

  Human, why is this happening? Confusion ran riot through his mind and mixed with the pain. How can you do this to me?

  Despite the fact Sebastian felt as if he were dying, he tipped his head to the heavens and grinned at the twinkling stars. I had nothing to do with it.

  It was Estelle; it always had been. While he’d tried to protect her, while he’d denied his feelings for her, she had given herself to him in the most intimate and startling of ways. She’d accomplished what he could not, so that he might live in the peace he’d always dreamed of.

  But I cannot do it without you. He needed her still, perhaps now more than ever before, yet she seemed so deathly pale and her chest barely moved.

  Why would she do such a thing if she knew it would undoubtedly kill her?

  The pain inside reached a point where he could no longer retain his own faculties. He collapsed onto the ground, welcoming the coolness of the earth against his cheek. Darkness snatched at him and sucked him down into a spinning vortex of f
lashing light, and he gladly went in the hopes of finding relief from the unrelenting pain.

  “Estelle…”

  Late afternoon, Christmas Day, 1816

  Sebastian awoke to a gray gloom in his bedchamber at Manchester’s townhouse. Gingerly, he turned his head. The drapes at his windows had been drawn back. Outside, thick clouds filled the skies and it snowed in earnest. Fluffy white flakes drifted down to stick on the window glass.

  Again, he moved his head and this time stared at the ceiling. His body felt heavy and tired, his head fuzzy as if he’d imbibed way too much but couldn’t remember the occasion or even what the deuce he’d drunk. He put a hand to his forehead and shoved his fingers through his hair. His gaze fell to his sleeve and he frowned. Why was he still dressed in evening clothes if he was abed?

  The soft clearing of a masculine throat nearby alerted him to the presence of another in the room. “It’s about damn time you rejoined the world of the living, Wimsley.” The gruff voice of the duke filtered into his ears. “Cook will be quite put out if you don’t join us at Christmas dinner tonight when she’s made your favorites, and if Alice asks me about your status one more time, I shall go mad.”

  Sebastian grinned. He turned his head to the other side. His brother sat on a chair at the bedside, lines of worry creasing his brow. When he pushed himself into a sitting position against the pillows, his head spun. “What happened?”

  “You tell me.” The duke stood and clasped his hands behind his back. “Mountgarret’s ball had only just gotten underway when you and Miss Forbes ducked out. After what occurred with you and the attacker, I grew concerned, so I followed at a discreet distance.”

  Memory shivered through his mind. “It’s fuzzy, but I remember Estelle imploring me to show her my beast. I protested but she was rather insistent.”

  Manchester snorted. “The women usually are. They must see a thing to believe it.”

  “So, I shifted for her in a drawing room.” A flush rushed up his neck. “The wolf took control. He tried to attack her.” His pulse ramped upward until it pounded in his temples. “She screamed and then fled.”

  “Yes, she flew past me in the hall without seeing me, but she was under a high degree of confliction, I believe.”

  “I’m afraid events after that are rather sketchy.” A sour smell wafted into his nose, and when he attempted to turn his head to escape it, the aroma only increased. When he glanced down at himself, he noted the wreck of his jacket and cravat, the clothing now encrusted with dirt, debris and dried vomit. “I tracked her to Hyde Park.”

  “So I assumed. It took you some time to go after her.” A trace of censure rang in the duke’s voice.

  Sebastian huffed. “I had to take time to dress.” He couldn’t stand the smell anymore. With a few tugs and struggles, he divested himself of the soiled cravat, collar and hopelessly ruined evening jacket. They all landed in a heap on the floor.

  “Afterward, you dashed past me in the same sort of mindset as the young lady.” His brother gestured to Sebastian’s waistcoat. “Best remove that too.”

  “You’re right.” With each new layer of clothing he took off, other smells assailed him: sweat, blood, and, dear God, even dried urine. Embarrassed heat washed over him. “What the devil happened to me?”

  “Obviously, something life-changing.” The duke perched on the edge of the bed as Sebastian toed off his boots. “By the time I had my carriage brought around and I gave chase to the both of you, I’d lost your trail. But, life being what it is, I wagered she headed to the park, for that is where the two of you met, so that’s where I went.” Compassion and interest warred for dominance in Manchester’s eyes. “I eventually found you both, unconscious. Obviously, I couldn’t leave you there, so I dumped you both in the carriage and brought you home.”

  The urgent need to see her gripped him. “Where is Estelle? How is she?” More memories crowded into his mind. “Does she live?” His heart ached and he rubbed his chest above that organ. “What she sacrificed for me…”

  “Calm yourself.” A slow grin curved the duke’s lips. “She is sleeping, and should come about with more rest.” He cleared his throat. “Why the devil did you show her your wolf in such a way? These things require finesse.”

  “I wasn’t thinking over and above needing her acceptance in the hopes that she might wish to remain…” Sebastian cocked his head and sucked in a breath.

  “What is it?” Immediately, his brother went on alert, springing to his feet.

  He gawked at Manchester as a feeling of awe crept over him. “My wolf… is gone.” Again, he waited, but there was nothing but blessed silence in his mind. When he attempted to call forth the shift, nothing happened, not even an argument.

  “Truly?” Shock lined the duke’s face. “You’ve somehow managed to break the curse without a full moon or true love’s kiss?”

  “Estelle kissed me…” His heart skipped a beat and then thudded back into its normal rhythm with authority. “She made the ultimate sacrifice for me…” He raised his gaze to the duke’s. “She loves me.”

  Unaccountably, Manchester burst into laughter. “I’d think that was readily obvious.”

  Sebastian made a crude gesture. “This is all new to me, but she banished my wolf with the energy of the star. She healed me, gave me all that she was.” He had to see her, reassure himself that she was no longer in danger. “I must go to her.” When he shoved out of the bed, the world spun around him and he collapsed onto the mattress.

  “Hold, brother.” The duke dropped a heavy hand onto his shoulder. “Your life will irrevocably change once you talk with Miss Forbes, but do put some panache in it.” His grin was decidedly wolfish. “Take a bath and I’ll ring for tea. No doubt you’re weak from hunger. Perhaps before dinner you can see her.”

  There was no sense in arguing with him, for they both knew the duke was correct, but Sebastian scowled all the same. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

  “Oh, quite.” Manchester squeezed his shoulder. “Too much more of such things and my skill in matchmaking will be unrivaled.” He snorted but his eyes were kind. “You deserve all the good things coming your way, Sebastian, and I do hope you’ll linger in Town for a bit before you go away on your wedding trip.”

  “Rushing my fences for me, old chap?” he murmured, but he couldn’t quite quell a grin of his own.

  Christmas evening, 1816

  Sebastian stared at the closed door to the family’s private parlor as he went over what he’d say to the woman who’d given him… everything.

  The duke strolled along the corridor and paused with a smirk. “You are about to talk with a woman, Wimsley, not to beard a lion in its den.”

  That didn’t help the knots twisting in on themselves in his gut. “What do I say? I can never repay what she’s done.”

  “Who says you need to?” Manchester’s eyes twinkled. “Love doesn’t ask for a squaring up; it merely gives.” He slapped Sebastian on the back. “You’re an intelligent man. I’m quite certain you can figure out how to do the pretty.” He nodded in encouragement. “Now, go make things nice and tidy. Dinner begins at half past the hour.”

  “Right.” His nerves felt strung too tight and he once more glanced at the closed door.

  The duke gave him a tiny push. “No time like the present.”

  Sebastian squared his shoulders. Without the wolf constantly in his head either encouraging him or maligning him, a bit of his courage had fled. “Wish me luck.” He put a hand on the brass handle.

  “You won’t need it.” In a lowered voice, he added, “Fortune has already brought you this far; it’s up to you to see it through the rest of the way.” Then he continued on down the corridor and down the stairs as if he had no cares in the world.

  With nothing else for it, Sebastian pressed the handle and swung open the door. He made certain to close the panel behind him, and then he stood at the perimeter of the room while his gaze found Estelle as she sat, calm and com
posed, on a settee, her gown of bright green satin a much-needed splash of Christmas cheer.

  “Good evening, Estelle,” he said, his voice little more than a whisper. Step by step, he moved toward her.

  “Sebastian!” Her silvery eyes lit with pleasure. “Are you well? The duke and duchess wouldn’t let me see you when I woke, but I’ve been so worried…” Her words trailed off the closer he came. “Please, say something. I need to know if it worked.”

  Never had he been more gutted to see such compassion and caring in a woman’s expression. It both humbled him and infused him with strength. “Honestly, I have never felt better.” He dropped onto the cushion beside her and took one of her hands between his. “Estelle, it worked. Your gift was the most amazing thing I’ve been given. When I thought that you’d sacrificed your life for mine…” He swallowed around the wad of tears in his throat. “You gave up your magic for me.”

  “Yes.” She nodded, her eyes shining. With every movement, the embroidered holly sprigs that lined her bodice and sleeves caught his attention. She’d always been like that, a drop of joy in his otherwise drab existence.

  “You told me you’re a human now and will stay on Earth.”

  “I did, and it’s true.” When she smiled, he was in awe of her once more and nearly dove into the moonlit pools of her eyes.

  “Why?” The word was ragged, raw. “Why would you do so much for me when I deserve none of it?”

  “Because I love you.” The answer was so simple yet so profound. She grasped both of his hands, hanging onto his fingers as if he’d suddenly vanish. Perhaps he would; stranger things had happened over the course of the week. As Estelle peered into his eyes, smiled as waves of shock went through him, he caught a glimpse of the future—their future. “That is what someone—a human—does when they love another person. They sacrifice everything they are so that the one they love can have a chance at happiness.”