Even Now

by Karen Kingsbury

  Lauren started to shake. Emotion flooded her, coursing through her veins and making her hands and feet tingle. She felt hot and cold at the same time. Would she fall to her knees, faint from all she was feeling? Lord, if You’re real . . . I can’t believe this. What is this feeling? She wasn’t sure what startled her more: her reaction to seeing Shane, or that she’d spoken to God about it.

  Sucking in air, she took a step closer, and then another. Shane followed those in front of him through the door, staring at the ground as he walked. He looked so . . . grief stricken. Defeated.

  Oh, God, I did that to him. I’m so sorry . . . I love him so much!

  As though he heard her broken inner cry, Shane hesitated — and looked up. Their gazes locked, and she saw the reality hit him like a physical force, saw the emotions flash in his eyes. Disbelief and shock and amazement. And then, shining out with such intensity that it engulfed her, love. A love that made Lauren feel like she could fly.

  He moved, slowly at first and then in a rush that closed the distance between them. Before she had time to take a breath, his arms were around her, clutching her, and they were rocking, holding on to each other the way she’d ached to hold him every hour that they’d been apart. Lauren wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but finally they shuffled to the side, out of the way of the other passengers. Shane searched her eyes. “What . . . how . . . ?”

  She grinned. “I called my editor.” Her eyes danced, and the feel of his joy flowed down to her soul. “I told him maybe I better be stationed at Reno for awhile.”

  “You did?” He clasped his hands at the small of her back, holding tight to her. The familiar teasing filled his voice. “How come?”

  She lifted one shoulder. “I figured you had a point.” A giggle slipped from her overjoyed heart.

  “A point?”

  “Yes.” She leaned up and kissed him, kissed him in a way that left no doubts about her feelings. “Magazine reporters are supposed to be unbiased, right?”

  “Right.” He brought his lips to hers again, cradling her face in his hands. “So?”

  “So, maybe it’s time I spend a little time on military public relations.”

  He chuckled, and it became a full-blown bout of laughter. The whole time he held on to her, his head tipped back, delighting in the moment.

  When his laughter died down, she pulled the ring from her little finger. “Here.” She handed it to him, waiting as he recognized what it was. “Do you still mean it?”

  He looked at her, lost in her eyes. Then he took her left hand and with heartbreaking tenderness placed it on her ring finger. “I love you, Lauren Anderson.”

  “I love you too.” She held her breath. He’d stopped short of asking her to marry him, but that was okay. Maybe, if the next season in their lives went the way she wanted it to go, the question would come. For now, though, they could at least give it a try because they had time. Sweet precious time.

  He still had her hand in his. “God brought us together, and now nothing can ever take us apart. I’ll never love anyone like I love you, the way I love you. Even now.”

  She hugged him, and suddenly he lifted her off her feet and swung her around in a circle. When he set her down, he raised his fist in the air and shouted out loud. “Thank You, God!”

  People passing by looked at them, and a few smiled. In that moment Lauren recognized the feeling inside her, the one that was still flooding her with warmth. Peace. Again not the peace she’d spent so much time thinking about all these years, but a peace that was deeper, more lasting. A peace she wanted to feel all the rest of her days.

  Shane was pulling his cell phone from his pocket, opening it and grinning at her.

  “What are you doing?” She held onto his elbow, watching him, smiling so big it hurt.

  “The thing I’ve been dying to do since I saw you standing here.” He tapped a series of numbers into the phone. “I’m calling our daughter.”

  Emily hung up the phone with her dad and darted through the house to tell her grandma the news. Her mother and father were together again! Yes, they had a lot to work through, her dad had told her, but they were together. That was all that mattered.

  Her mom was as thrilled as she was, but Emily couldn’t talk about it for long. She had something important to do first. She went back to the kitchen, grabbed the phone book, and looked up the number for Wheaton College. It was time to make good on a very special promise.

  God gave her the miracle she’d prayed for — every last detail of it. They would always miss Papa, but suddenly the future looked like it might be everything she’d ever dreamed of. She’d asked God to make her an instrument of peace. Her birth had torn everyone apart, but in the past few weeks God had used her to bring her family together again. No, the final chapter hadn’t been written. But she believed it would be, that the God who had seen to every last detail of this miracle would see her parents through the next season of their lives, as well.

  Now she would follow through on what she’d promised Him.

  She found the phone number to the university, dialed it, and asked for the journalism instructor. The receptionist put her on hold for a moment, but then a familiar voice picked up the line.

  “Hello?”

  Emily’s heart soared. “Ms. Parker?”

  “Yes?”

  “This is Emily Anderson. I’ve, well, I’ve had some personal issues to deal with at home, but I wanted you to know I’ll be back when school starts.”

  “I heard that your grandpa died.” Her voice was warm, sympathetic. “Your grandma called and left a message.” She hesitated. “I’m very sorry, Emily.”

  “Yes.” She swallowed. “Me too.” A robin landed on a patch of grass where the snow had melted. It hopped around, found a worm, and flew off again. New life was like that, always just beneath the icy surface. Emily blinked and held the phone tighter. “Can I ask you a favor?”

  “Of course. Anything.”

  “Could you save me a spot for a short story in the creative magazine? I know you’re assigning articles this week, and I have a special one. It’s a story I want the whole world to know.”

  “Really?” She sounded interested. “What’s it about?”

  “It’s about life and love. And miracles.” She grinned and the joy inside her felt absolutely wonderful. “I’m calling it Even Now.”

  FROM THE AUTHOR

  Dear Reader Friends,

  Some time ago I felt the Lord bringing together in my heart a story about peace. Obviously, at this time in our nation’s history, peace is a volatile topic, something bantered about in casual conversations and debated by pundits across the country. Where the line between parties once was a picket fence, in many cases now it’s solid brick and razor wire.

  The war in the Middle East has contributed to this, and so has the strength of both support and animosity toward our current leader, President George Bush. In the news not so long ago, a woman was chased and threatened with her life for having a bumper sticker supporting the president.

  The issues surrounding Operation Enduring Freedom are complex. One of the benefits of writing about a character like Lauren Anderson was that I felt sympathy for people on her side of the fence. Lauren had nothing against American soldiers. She simply believed that peace would only be found with peaceful behavior. Shane also was sympathetic. He wasn’t a person crazy for war, and he certainly had no blood thirst. Rather he believed peace came through strength. He didn’t want to see children orphaned or soldiers killed. He only wanted to help protect and defend.

  Because of these two characters, I learned something while writing Even Now. I learned that once in a while the two sides are closer than they think. Especially when faith is a common factor. The issues are complex, and so I think sometimes the best way to work things out is, well, not to work them out. If you and someone you love have a difference of opinion on something, maybe it’s best to let it stay that way. Respect each other’s right to believe what y
ou believe. Respect each other. Agree to disagree, my dad used to say.

  When people do that, I’ve seen the most amazing result: love happens. People start finding the things they do have in common and they start loving the person for simply being a brother or a father or an aunt or a cousin. Obviously there are some differences of opinion that happen because one person is standing by Scripture and another person isn’t. In this case, please go ahead and take a stand for the truth. That’s what Jesus wants us to do. But at the same time, take your stand in love.

  Sometimes we need to say, “I don’t agree with that and here are the reasons why. But I love you so much. Let’s go to lunch.”

  Conversations like that will build bridges between you and the people with whom you’re at odds. And often, when we love people despite our disagreements with them, we give them a chance to cross that very same bridge. In the process, we may find more common ground than ever before.

  Ultimately, I loved writing about Lauren and Shane, because real peace isn’t found by either of their methods. It’s not found at antiwar protests, and it’s not found by dropping bombs — although there are times when both events might be appropriate, so long as our troops are always supported. Here’s the point that Emily understood so well: real, lasting peace is only found through a lifesaving relationship with Jesus Christ.

  Period.

  Knowing Christ means that all the world might be falling apart just outside your front door — maybe just inside it — yet that inner peace, that inner knowing, remains unshaken. A quick formula for all of us would be this: Does your world feel out of control? Are you lacking peace in your marriage, your finances, your health, or your relationships?

  Add Christ.

  Add prayer and Bible study and conversations with other people who share your faith.

  Your mind is only so big. To the degree that it is occupied with Christ, you simply won’t have anything left for unrest and worry, frustration or hopelessness.

  If you’re reading about Jesus for the first time, then please take a few minutes and quietly — in your own words — ask Him to come into your life and clean house. Ask Him to be in charge of you from now on, and let Him be not only your Savior, but your Lord, your Master.

  If you make that decision for the first time, here and now, contact a Bible-believing church in your area. Talk to a pastor, get involved in a newcomers’ group, and start the greatest journey of your life. If you aren’t able to do that, then send me an e-mail and write, “NEW LIFE” in the subject line. My e-mail address is rtnbykk@aol.com.

  I love receiving letters from so many of you, and recently I received a very sad letter. A woman was alone after her husband had left her, and now she wanted to kill herself. She envied people who had died, because at least they had peace. I was grateful for the chance to tell her that life is always worth living. No matter what your situation, God has a plan in it, a purpose, a reason why your life can make a difference. Many times people who feel this way need professional help and medical advice. But many other people who struggle with such thoughts need to add a whole lot more God to their schedules. Volunteer time, Sunday school, various church ministries. Most churches are crying out for God in prayer, God in Bible study, and God in service. Remember, more God equals more peace. Or as many people say: No God, no peace. Know God, know peace.

  Things are going very well — if very busy — in our happy household. My husband is considering staying home from his teaching job next year and homeschooling our boys. It’s a funny situation, because we love our local public schools. They’re truly wonderful, with many of the old-fashioned benefits that too many schools have let slip away. But we are excited to see what “A Year with Dad” will bring about. Also, it will give us much more time together as a family — since I can write the books God gives me while they’re having lessons.

  Please continue to pray for us. We greatly appreciate your love and concern, and we feel your prayers time and time again. If you’re already receiving my e-mail newsletter, look for the next one soon! If you’d like to receive it, stop by my website at www.KarenKingsbury.com and fill in your e-mail address.

  As always, I love hearing from you. I pray that you are enjoying the Christmas season, and remembering through it all the call to love one another — even the people sitting opposite the fence from you.

  Until next time . . . in His light and love, Karen Kingsbury.

  BOOK CLUB QUESTIONS

  Explain how Shane’s parents reacted to the news that their son’s girlfriend was pregnant. Why do you think they reacted that way?

  How about Lauren’s parents? How did they react to the news, and why?

  “What would Jesus do?” is a common question these days. Analyze both of the above situations and discuss them in light of that question: What would Jesus have done in the situation with Shane’s parents? What about Lauren’s parents?

  What were the first signs that the friendship between the two couples was in trouble? Why did the friendship between the two couples fall apart so quickly?

  Tell about a time when you were tempted to manipulate a situation to your advantage.

  How did the two couples manipulate their children, and what danger signs did they ignore along the way?

  Explain how deception played a role in the falling-out that happened between Lauren and her parents.

  Tell about a situation where you or a person in your life has come out well-adjusted after a difficult start or a difficult set of circumstances.

  What were the signs that Shane wasn’t ready to marry the politician’s daughter?

  Lauren liked to think of herself as a gutsy reporter. What were the signs that she also had a tender heart?

  What do you think is important for a marriage to work? Is it important to share political beliefs?

  Emily prayed for a miracle and God granted it. How have you seen Him work miracles in your life?

  For many years Emily longed for her parents. How is God the parent to those without parents?

  God always answers prayers, but not always in our timing or the way we had hoped. Explain how this truth played out in the book, and how has it played out in your life?

  Discuss God’s provision in the lives of Emily and her family members. How has God provided for you in difficult times?

  Read an excerpt from Karen Kingsbury’s

  Beyond Tuesday Morning

  She was surviving; the commute proved that much.

  Jamie Bryan took her position at the far end of the Staten Island Ferry, pressed her body against the railing, eyes on the place where the Twin Towers once stood. She could face it now, every day if she had to. The terrorist attacks had happened, the World Trade Center had collapsed, and the only man she’d ever loved had gone down with them.

  Late fall was warmer than usual, and the breeze across the water washed over Jamie’s face. If she could do this — if she could make this journey three times a week while seven-year-old Sierra was at school — then she could get through another long, dark night. She could face the empty place in the bed beside her, face the longing for the man who had been her best friend, the one she’d fallen for when she was only a girl.

  If she could do this, she could do anything.

  Jamie looked at her watch. Nine-fifteen, right on schedule.

  Three times a week the routine was the same. From Staten Island across the harbor on the ferry, up through the park, past the brick walls that after September 11 were plastered with pictures of missing people, into the heart of lower Manhattan’s financial district, past the cavernous crater where the Twin Towers had stood, to St. Paul’s. The little church was a strangely out-of-place stone chapel with a century-old cemetery just thirty yards from the pit. A chapel that, for months after the attacks, had been a café, a hospital, a meeting place, a counseling office, a refuge, a haven to firefighters and police officers and rescue workers and volunteers, a place to pray and be prayed for. A place that pointed people to God.


  All the things a church should be.

  Never mind the plans for a new World Trade Center, or the city’s designs for an official memorial. Never mind the tourists gathered at the ten-foot chain-link fence around the pit or the throngs gawking at the pictorial timeline pinned along the top of the fence — photos of the Twin Towers’ inception and creation and place in history. Souvenir picture books might be sold around the perimeter of the pit, but only one place gave people a true taste of what had happened that awful day.

  St. Paul’s.

  The ferry docked, and Jamie was one of the first off. When it was raining or snowing she took a cab, but today she walked. Streets in lower Manhattan teemed as they always had, but there was something different about the people. It didn’t matter how many years passed, how many anniversaries of the attacks came and went.

  The people of New York City would never be the same.

  Yes, they were busy, still driven to climb the ladders or make a name for themselves in New York City. But for the most part they were more likely to make eye contact, and when they did, they were more likely to smile or nod or give some sort of sign that the bond was still there, that a city couldn’t go through something like New Yorkers went through September 11 and not be changed forever.

  Jamie breathed in hard through her nose and savored the sweet mix of seawater and city air. Jake would’ve liked this, the way she was facing the situation, allowing her pain to work for good in the lives of others. She had lived in paralyzing fear for so long, but now — now that she’d lost Jake — she could face anything. Not in her own strength, but because Jake’s faith lived deep within her.

  Funny how she’d come to be a volunteer at St. Paul’s.

  It was Captain Hisel’s idea. He’d been Jake’s boss, his mentor. He’d found Jake — or the man he thought was Jake — in the aftermath of the collapse of the towers. Of course the man hadn’t been Jake at all but Eric Michaels, a Los Angeles businessman who came into Jamie’s life by mistake. A man she believed was her husband for three agonizing months.