The Newcomer

by Fern Britton

  ‘I may have referenced his appearance once or twice, but it’s the inner person I see,’ sniffed Penny.

  ‘Yeah, yeah,’ Helen laughed. ‘Whatever.’

  Penny continued. ‘And Angela is going to be wonderful for Pendruggan. She’s sweet, obviously caring and conscientious. You are lucky to have her.’

  ‘So you won’t want me to send long emails to Brazil about them then?’ Helen asked cheekily.

  Penny pursed her lips, then said frantically, ‘I shall definitely need you to send gossip at least hourly. I don’t want to be horrible, but you wouldn’t automatically put them together, would you?’

  Helen laughed. ‘You are a bad girl.’

  ‘I know. But you love me.’ Penny looked anxious again. ‘We only have a couple of hours before the taxi picks us up. We have got to show Angela around the vicarage, settle them in, and Simon has booked a table at the Dolphin for a “welcome” lunch.’ Her eyebrows twitched anxiously. ‘Would you and Piran join us for lunch? Give me some moral support? Please? And I want to find Queenie to say goodbye.’

  Angela and Simon approached them. ‘It’s such a beautiful church and I promise I will take care of it and the congregation.’ Angela smiled, tucking her arm into Simon’s. ‘It feels such a happy place.’ She looked over to Robert and Piran. ‘Don’t you think so, Robert?’

  ‘I do indeed,’ he agreed.

  Simon locked the empty church and solemnly handed the ancient, heavy key to Angela. ‘There. That’s yours.’

  Angela carefully put it in her small handbag. ‘I will look after it with my life.’

  Walking out of the churchyard, Simon, with Robert and Piran chatting beside him, noticed that there wasn’t a soul in sight. Not a single one to wish him bon voyage. All had drifted away back to their homes and Sunday lunch. He was surprised and a little hurt, but he supposed the morning in church had been his farewell.

  Penny, walking behind him, felt his disappointment. It was unkind. They were obviously yesterday’s people now. Even Queenie hadn’t bothered to show up.

  She watched as Jenna demonstrated her cartwheels to Faith on the village green but Penny’s mind began to slip into a future she couldn’t yet imagine. What the hell were they doing going to Brazil?

  ‘Wouldn’t you say so, Pen?’ Helen was talking to her.

  ‘Sorry. What?’

  ‘The Dolphin is female friendly. It’s OK, as a woman, to go to the Dolphin for a drink or a sarnie and not raise eyebrows.’

  Penny roused herself. ‘Oh, yes. Don and Dorrie are wonderful.’ She forced herself to sound relaxed. ‘It really is lovely.’ They approached the gate of the vicarage. ‘Well. Here we are. Your new home.’

  At the front door, Simon put his key in the lock and pushed the door open.

  ‘SURPRISE!!!!’ A great wall of noisy voices and the smiling faces of Pendruggan villagers hit him. People were blowing hooters and throwing streamers so that, in moments, Simon was covered in coloured paper and hugs.

  And, halfway up the stairs, like the Cheshire cat, sat a smiling Queenie with a tray full of her famous pasties.

  ‘Sorry I didn’t make church, Vicar, but I was busy making these for you.’

  Simon was sucked into the crowd as Penny wiped her eyes and waved at Queenie.

  ‘You didn’t think she’d honestly miss a send-off like this, did you?’ asked Helen.

  ‘Did you know about this, you cow?’ said Penny, unable to stop the tears of relief. ‘I thought the worst.’

  ‘Oi,’ Queenie cackled as she reached Penny. ‘What you crying for?’

  ‘I missed you in church,’ Penny smiled, ‘I was worried for you.’

  ‘You thought I was dead in me bed, didn’t ya? Don’t lie.’

  ‘Of course not. It’s just that I’m going to miss you.’ Penny hugged the old lady, feeling her whiskery chin tickle her cheek.

  ‘Come on, you silly girl, there’s a huge buffet spread out for you all in the lounge.’

  ‘Not my clean lounge! That’s out of bounds!’

  ‘Well it ain’t now.’

  4

  ‘Well, that was a surprise,’ Penny said, taking Simon’s hand as they settled in the back of the people carrier taking them to Heathrow. ‘I’m quite exhausted.’

  He stroked her hand as he took a last look at the village green and gaggle of people waving from the vicarage garden. ‘It was quite wonderful.’

  ‘We’ll sleep well on the flight.’ Penny yawned and turned to Jenna, who was rubbing her nose with Blue Ted. ‘You OK, Pidge?’ she asked.

  ‘Faith is nice,’ said Jenna sleepily. ‘She liked my bedroom. I don’t mind her using it because she said she would show me how to put make-up on when I come back.’

  Simon swivelled his shocked eyes towards Penny, who put her arm across Jenna’s shoulders and hugged her. ‘What fun. But no nicking my expensive stuff.’

  Jenna giggled. ‘Your make-up is for ladies with wrinkles. Faith told me that. She’s got proper young stuff. She’s even got a purple lipstick.’

  ‘Wrinkles? I haven’t got wrinkles.’

  ‘Because you hide them with the wrinkle make-up.’

  Simon nodded. ‘She’s got a point.’

  Penny elbowed him hard in the ribs, but Jenna hadn’t finished. ‘And when I showed Faith inside your make-up bag she said that her mummy uses that white cream on her moustache, too.’

  ‘You showed her my make-up bag?’

  ‘Well, she’s family now, isn’t she? By the way, can I have a mobile phone because Faith says I can ring her any time when I’m in Brazil.’

  Simon spluttered, ‘I don’t think so, young lady.’

  ‘We’ll see,’ said Penny.

  Angela and Robert closed their new front door as the last of the party visitors went home.

  ‘They are nice people,’ said Robert, taking Angela in his arms. ‘I like Helen.’

  Angela tucked her head under Robert’s chin. ‘She is nice. I like Piran, too.’

  ‘Do you?’ he asked. ‘My jury is out. He did suggest we go fishing. But much too macho caveman for me.’

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ said Angela. ‘Do you think they’ll like us?’

  ‘I think they will love you.’ Robert kissed her hair.

  Angela laughed. ‘And you! Everybody loves you.’ She paused. ‘Listen.’

  Robert listened. ‘I can’t hear anything.’

  ‘Exactly. Not a sound. No traffic. No aeroplanes. No music. Just the peace of the Cornish countryside.’ Angela stretched up to kiss him. ‘Glass of wine?’

  Faith was at the kitchen table, surrounded by the remains of the party food. She was munching the end of a pasty and flicking through her iPad. ‘Wi-Fi here is useless.’

  ‘Good.’ Angela tickled her daughter’s head as she passed and began opening cupboards, looking for wine glasses. ‘Would you like a small glass of wine? Special occasion and all that.’

  Faith cheered up. ‘Yes, please.’

  Robert sat across the table from her. ‘What do you think then, Faith? Like your room?’

  ‘It’s nice apart from being baby pink.’

  ‘You’ll get over it,’ laughed Robert.

  ‘To us.’ Angela raised her glass.

  ‘To you.’ Robert tipped his glass to hers. ‘This is your gig and Faith and I are happy to be the back-up team,’ He swallowed the pale white wine. ‘Nice.’

  ‘Mamie sent it to us. House-warming present.’

  ‘When does she get here?’ asked Faith.

  ‘Tomorrow. She’s bringing Mr Worthington with her.’

  Faith clapped her hands. ‘I’ve missed him. We can explore the village together. Apparently the lane by the side of the church goes down to the sea and a nice beach, Jenna told me.’

  ‘I might make a picnic for us all. If it’s not raining.’ Angela looked around her. ‘Lovely kitchen, isn’t it? I’m a bit afraid of the Aga, though. Never used one before. Is anybody hungry?’

  ‘Those pasties
filled me up. I had two.’ Robert patted his stomach. ‘How about you, Faith?’

  ‘I think I’ll have a bath now that I’ve got my own en suite.’ She picked up her iPad and strolled to the door.

  ‘Well, don’t take all the hot water because Daddy and I will want one too.’

  ‘Gross,’ said Faith with a curled lip. ‘TMI.’

  ‘Married people do take baths together sometimes, you know,’ Robert called after her.

  Faith ran up the stairs. ‘La-la-la-la, I can’t hear you.’

  ‘Well, that’s got rid of her,’ smiled Robert. ‘Come and sit next to me.’

  ‘I’ve got stuff to do.’

  ‘No you haven’t. The removal men are delivering our meagre essentials tomorrow and I know you don’t have to make any beds up because, thoughtfully, Penny told me that she had done them already.’

  ‘I know,’ Angela sighed gratefully.

  ‘So, sit here and give me a cuddle.’

  ‘Can’t we just lie on the sofa, and watch television?’

  Robert checked his watch. ‘That’s a point. Chelsea were playing Tottenham earlier. We might get the highlights.’

  Robert woke the next morning in the unfamiliar bed in the unfamiliar room. The mattress was supportive but seemed to mould to his body. The pillows were the perfect mix of comfort and yield. The duvet exactly the right weight.

  He stretched his limbs, feeling the blood tingle through his body, then relaxed once more.

  The light creeping over the top of the curtains drew long, bright fingers over the Victorian corniced, whitewashed ceiling. The walls were painted in a subtle eau-de-Nil, which highlighted the old and uneven plaster. He wondered, as men do, about the workmen who had built this vicarage. How long it had taken them. The families they went home to, covered in sawdust and sweat. They had done a good job. The outer walls were built of sturdy granite and slate. The inner walls probably plaster and lathe with horsehair to bond and insulate.

  He closed his eyes and pictured the men working in this room. Caps on. Tweed jackets. Aprons over trousers tied at the ankle. Feet shod in sturdy boots.

  They might have sat right where he was lying, eating pasties and smoking pipes.

  How many of them had gone on to fight in the Great War? How many had returned? How many were remembered?

  He somehow felt connected to them, through the house: now was his turn to make these walls his home. Well, Angela’s turn really …

  He reached across for Angela and carefully folded himself around her, feeling the strength in her sinewy back and shoulders and the warmth of her hips on his thighs. His hand reached round and held her taut flat tummy before travelling up to stroke her small breasts. He kissed her neck and she stirred.

  ‘Good morning, my love,’ he whispered.

  ‘Hey,’ she whispered back with her eyes still closed.

  ‘Do you want anything?’

  ‘What are you offering?’

  ‘Coffee? Tea? Me?’

  ‘Faith will hear us.’

  ‘I’ll be quick and quiet.’

  ‘Smooth talker.’

  Somewhere in the village an engine at full throttle disturbed the moment. It was getting closer and slowing into a lower throatier gear.

  Robert and Angela knew at once, even before the two-tone horn set the churchyard crows chattering. Robert rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling before saying, ‘Bloody Mamie.’

  The Jensen Interceptor drew to a halt outside their gate. Robert and Angela listened as the car door opened and slammed shut. A feminine, well-educated, husky voice shouted up, ‘Hellooo! Anybody home?’

  ‘Put your pyjamas on, quick,’ ordered Angela as she flew out of bed and over to her dressing gown. Fastening it round her, she went to the open bedroom window and looked out. The village green, thick with dew, sparkled fresh and green at her. A murder of crows, roused from their sleep by the noise of the engine, flapped and cawed furiously from the churchyard.

  A tall woman dressed in a tight pencil skirt, white blouse, with too many buttons undone, and a wide patent leather belt gripping her waist, looked up at her.

  ‘Darling.’ She opened her arms wide. ‘Am I too early? I have come straight from the dullest dinner date in town. A banker. Three ex-wives. Last one dead. Died of boredom, I suspect. But anyway, the sunrise was so divine I decided to drive straight down. Missed all the traffic. The old Jensen really opened up. If it wasn’t for the traffic cop stopping me I’d have been here even earlier. He was terribly sweet, though. Turned out he was a Jensen fan and wanted to know all about her.’

  Angela was still fighting with her dressing gown sleeve. ‘Were you speeding? Is that why he stopped you?’

  Mamie shook a white chiffon scarf from her coiffed blond curls and looked sheepish. ‘Maybe. A little. But he was awfully nice. Just a little ticking-off. Wasn’t that sweet? Aren’t you going to open the door and let me in? Mr Worthington is dying for a pee.’

  ‘An Aga, darling!’ cried Mamie as if she were looking at the crown jewels. ‘God, I am so jealous. I’ve never stayed anywhere long enough to have one of my own, but darling Jeremy’s mother – you know, the one who was married to the Home Secretary – cooked divine things on hers.’

  ‘Oh, good,’ said Angela, who didn’t have a clue who darling Jeremy was. ‘You can show me how to use it then.’ She reached for the big old steel kettle. ‘I can just about boil this on it.’ She lifted the left-hand lid of the Aga and plonked the kettle on it.

  ‘Now, darling, don’t be silly. You know I don’t cook. By the way, has my early arrival interrupted a little something between you and Robert?’

  Angela pulled her dressing gown closer around her. ‘No.’

  ‘Ah.’ Mamie smiled wickedly. ‘It’s just that you’ve got it on inside out.’

  Angela blushed and then began to laugh. ‘Oh, Mamie, I am so pleased to see you.’ She hugged her aunt.

  ‘Me too,’ said Faith, arriving with a yawn. ‘Group hug, please.’

  Mamie held her arms out for the three-way embrace. ‘Look at you. So beautiful, and so tall.’

  ‘Children do tend to grow,’ said Robert from the doorway. ‘Hi, Mamie. Welcome to Cornwall.’ The group hug separated and Mamie gave Robert the once-over.

  ‘Robert, you look divine in pyjamas. I had you down for a sleeping-in-the-buff kind of man.’ She raised an eyebrow saucily at him as Faith made a retching sound and Angela changed the subject.

  ‘Where’s Mr Worthington?’

  ‘In the car. Sleeping. Dreadful company. And he has had the most unpleasant attack of wind all the way down the motorway, so try not to breathe around him.’

  Faith was already out in the hall and wrenching open the front door. Within moments a long-legged, shaggy wolfhound with caramel eyes and a dignified face lolloped in. Faith followed behind. ‘Your car does smell terrible, but Mr Worthington says he’s very sorry.’

  Angela sank to her knees and fondled the big wise head in her lap. ‘Hello, boy. Welcome to your new home. You’ve come to live by the seaside. Shall we go walkies on the beach later? Shall we?’

  Mr Worthington thumped his long, feathery tail on the kitchen tiles and held a leg up to have his elbow tickled.

  Breakfast was a busy mêlée of boiled eggs and gossip as Mamie demanded to hear all about the new people of the village.

  ‘Queenie sounds like my kind of gal,’ she affirmed. ‘We’ll be great friends. Get her out on the tonk and I’ll know everything there is to know in a flash. And what about you, Robert? What will this year in Cornwall bring you?’

  ‘I am here purely as Angela’s wingman.’

  ‘Not going to put your journalistic talents to use?’ Mamie liked to get straight to the point. ‘I am certain that the local news outlets would love to have the famous Robert Whitehorn on their books.’

  ‘Oh, no, no. My first priority is to get Faith settled into her new school.’

  Mamie turned her shrewd eyes to Faith. ‘When do
you do your GCSEs?’

  ‘Mocks are in the summer term,’ Faith said, scowling. ‘Real ones next year.’

  ‘A bit disruptive for you, then?’

  ‘My old school is keeping an eye on the syllabus down here, before I go back there. It should be fine.’

  Mamie nodded slowly. ‘Just promise me one thing.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You work hard and you don’t give your parents any trouble. This is a big year for your mother. Her first parish. She needs this to go well and for you to respect that. Got it?’

  ‘Got it.’

  ‘Good.’ Mamie stood up decisively. ‘I am going to unpack. Have a shower and get out of these townie clothes.’

  ‘Don’t you want to have a rest? You haven’t been to bed,’ said Faith kindly.

  ‘Good God, no. I’ve never needed much sleep. Time for that when I’m dead. Now, Faith, take that dog for a pee, please. He stinks. Robert, you wash up. Angela, get dressed. I want to see this new church of yours.’

  5

  The vestry key, heavy and old, had a knack to it that Simon had showed her but Angela now couldn’t remember.

  ‘The previous vicar told me the trick but …’ she turned the key and wiggled the old latch to no avail, ‘… I can’t think what it was.’

  ‘Give it to me,’ said Mamie. Angela stepped aside as her aunt lifted the latch and pulled the door up and outwards. She turned the key. The door opened smoothly. ‘I think it’s one of those doors that changes with the weather,’ she said to an astonished Angela. ‘You’ll get used to it.’ She stepped into the vestry. ‘God, it’s cold in here.’

  ‘The heating’s on a timer.’ Angela was looking for the light switch. ‘Just a couple of hours twice a day, to keep the old place ticking over.’ She found the old brass light switch and flipped it down with a pleasing clunk. A dim, unshaded single bulb, hanging from the ceiling, began to glow. ‘It’ll warm up in a minute. Let there be light and all that,’ said Angela, hoping that Mamie wouldn’t hate everything. ‘And I think the bank of lights switches over by the door there turns on the main lights.’

  Mamie peered at the plastic panel and pushed each switch down.