Donuts and Handcuffs

by Haley Travis

  I wasn’t the sort of person to reveal other people’s secrets. It wasn’t my business. Most of the crimes were non-violent, and victimless, except for the insurance companies. For the things that weren’t insured, I couldn’t exactly cry a river about incredibly rich people being slightly less rich.

  Although my moral compass was on point now, and I didn’t commit any serious crimes myself, I was too close to too much to draw clear lines at the time.

  Running to another city, assuming a new name, and creating a new life told anyone from my past that I was gone. They all knew that if they messed with me, I could easily expose them. Better to live and let live.

  But it was hard to live when I had to constantly think of memories to share that didn’t involve my parents using me as bait to run a scam, or an ex-boyfriend who had stashed a lot of ill-gotten merchandise in our apartment that I discovered as I was moving out.

  My happiest memories were mostly in the kitchen. My family always left me alone when I was baking. They didn’t want flour in the electronics. They didn’t want anything exposed to heat, or sugar sprinkles.

  So if I wanted to keep them away from me, I just had to pull out a few mixing bowls and they would scurry off to the basement.

  It also made me feel wholesome, in a world where my brother was in danger of going to juvy at sixteen, jail at eighteen, or possibly worse at any time. The easiest way to make sure that teachers didn’t judge me on the actions of my brother was to pretend I was not related to him. Nobody would have guessed that the sweet little girl who made cupcakes for every school charity drive could possibly be related to Joel Lake, who always disrupted the classes he bothered coming to.

  It wasn’t my fault that I was born into a twisted family, and grew up with warped people. Now that I was fully in control, I chose the right path. I just had to avoid all people who could possibly trace where the nice straight line of my new footprints came from.

  Throwing myself into my work, my arm throbbed. Weirdly, I sort of appreciated the pain. It gave me one clear feeling. Real. The pain was a point of focus, that somehow gave me something sensible to worry about.

  I tried to find ways to keep my arm still while catching up on the workload, but finally gave up when the ache became too bad.

  That night in bed alone, the pain didn’t even begin to compare to the strange heavy crushing sensation in my chest. My heart actually ached for Daniel. I wanted to reach out and have him here with me.

  My logical, linear, results-oriented mind shoved every usual train of thought right off the rails. I needed Daniel in my life. Being near him made me feel grounded. The only time this apartment has felt like a home was when he was here with me.

  It took me two days to gain the courage to speak with him. I couldn’t be a coward, but I needed to make sure that both of us were calm. There were times to jump in and act with your guts, and there were times to let things settle first.

  Daniel seemed to be a guy who saw things as very strictly right or wrong. I didn’t know if he had any inkling about my past, or that I was the one who procured evidence through sketchy means, but I knew something was off. Like browning lemon tarts, it was all in the timing.

  The shock I had seen in his eyes when I ran into him on the street was more than surprise. There was something far more intense in his gaze. It was time to find out the worst, if that’s what it was.

  As I pulled out my phone, trying to figure out what to say to him, a wave of emotion rolled through me. I wanted to come clean with him. I didn’t want to hide anymore. I wanted to be able to tell him everything, and be my true self.

  That was absolutely mental, but it was genuinely how I felt. It was like cranking a spotlight in my brain that reached to the far corners. I wanted so badly to be good for him. Even if it was taking a hell of a huge risk.

  I texted Daniel, “Hi, would you like to pop by for a coffee after work?”

  His response came in seconds. “Sure. See you just after six.”

  I was restless and unfocused for the remainder of the day. I couldn’t think straight. Couldn’t concentrate. Finally I just locked up the shop and went home to take a quick shower.

  Falling water usually made me calm. This time it didn’t work very well. The thought of losing Daniel was worse than the thought I might be caught for what I was trying to think of as my minor indiscretion.

  Running on pure instinct, I dressed in a light, flowery dress. Perhaps looking extra feminine was playing dirty, but I wanted him to see me in the role of the good girl.

  The voice of my mother reminding me to always look precisely the part I was playing rang through my mind. Be the correct role, or be invisible.

  I didn’t want to play any more games. I wanted to play the part of my own true self, and perhaps Daniel’s girlfriend. Not just as a symbol of my new life. Because I needed to be with him. I wanted a real, healthy relationship with this amazing man.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  When Daniel arrived, I felt completely awkward, as if we were back to the first time we ran into each other. He was out of uniform, thank goodness. His eyes were drawn to my desk, as he seemed to hesitate.

  “Hand me one of those envelopes, could you please?” His voice sounded strange. Tight.

  I turned to reach for what he needed, then my heart dropped a hundred feet, pulling my soul with it. The large recycled paper envelopes were light, with a seedy recycled fleck. The ones I’d used to drop off the evidence. The envelopes I’d completely forgotten were from a tiny organic specialty paper place in the town where I lived several years ago.

  I couldn’t believe that I’d made such a stupid, amateur mistake. I knew better. I’d used a damp paper towel to seal the envelope, a public place miles away to print the documents. I knew that only the blandest, mundane supplies should ever be used. Why on earth would I space on something like that? Maybe I didn’t have my father’s voice in my ear as much as I’d thought.

  But there was another box below those fancy envelopes. “These ones?” I asked hopefully, picking up the white business-sized sheaths.

  “No. The big cream speckled ones.”

  My breath stuttered as I tried to hold myself together. Reaching out as smoothly as I could manage, I took one out of the open box, handing it to him.

  As he took it, his thumb gently swept over my fingers. That thumb, that had made me lose myself squirming under him, crying out for more. That thumb that I would love to take into my mouth to tease him right now.

  “These are interesting,” he said slowly. “I didn’t know they made recycled organic envelopes this big.” I could see that his eyes were still while his mind raced. “With the little bits of leaves.”

  “I don’t know, I think they’re pretty common,” I said, looking around the room for something to help me change the subject.

  “Are these from a little organic shop outside of Pemberton?” he asked softly.

  He knew. Relief washed through me like a waterfall of hope. He was chatting calmly with me, not arresting me. This was promising.

  Taking a deep breath, I said, “If someone ran across the country to get away from certain people, it might make it easy to forget where certain things came from.”

  Daniel’s eyes lit up with a spark of a smile, tossing the envelope back on the desk. He sat on the couch casually, and I joined him, close enough for conversation, but giving us a bit of space.

  “Bailey, sometimes people do bad things for good reasons. I’ve seen a lot in my years on the force. Some evil people do good things, great people do horrible things in a moment of weakness, and everything in between. But if someone did something technically wrong to prevent truly evil people from risking the lives of others, I could see that being a forgivable offense.” He cocked his head. “Completely off the record, of course.”

  “Of course,” I nodded. “Especially if someone has never, ever done such a thing before, and swore they never would again.”

  Daniel nodded with me. “Sort of
a one time only pass. That seems reasonable.”

  I was finally able to pull a full breath in, my clenched shoulders relaxing slightly. “Obviously it could never be spoken of. If that’s okay.”

  “That’s likely for the best. Obviously, I don’t know a damn thing.”

  “Obviously.”

  He paused for just a second, before softly adding, “I find it interesting that the part of it I feel most strongly about is that a certain person may have put themselves in danger. It actually turns my stomach to think them of being hurt, and I sincerely hope that they will never put themselves at risk without calling in backup, no matter what.”

  Nodding, I murmured, “That’s more than fair. So you could see how someone may have freaked out by the thought of children being hurt in a fire.”

  “Yeah,” he nodded. “I could understand that.”

  I thought he’d look relieved, but his face tightened. He reached for my hand. “I do have to ask about something else, though.”

  “Anything.”

  “I saw someone going into your apartment the other night,” Daniel said slowly. At first my blood ran cold because I thought he might be jealous. Then he said, “I know who that man is. Who is he to you?”

  There was no way that I could stay expressionless, no matter how hard I wanted to. “It’s not what you think,” I said quickly.

  “I don’t know what to think, Bailey. I can’t imagine why you would run so far to get away from him, then let him pop by for a visit.”

  My entire body froze in shock. “You know?” I finally whispered.

  “I looked him up. That was your father, wasn’t it?”

  My frozen frame began to quiver. “Yes.”

  “Who happens to be Stewart Lake. Alleged bank robber, jewelry thief, and leader of a mobile crime group that’s mostly family.”

  I burst into tears. “Yes,” I choked.

  He gripped my hands tightly. “You’re safe, Bailey. I’m right here.”

  It shocked me that he didn’t seem angry. It stunned me that he was still patient. Still the Daniel I needed.

  Choking for breath, I sobbed, “I’ve tried so hard to stay completely away from them for over a year, and this is the first time he’s made contact. We have an agreement. I told him that I’d be silent about their lives if he swore to never track me down and never contact me.”

  I couldn’t stand the dark, strange look in his eyes. “Please don’t judge me by the behavior of my family. Please.”

  The silence in the room was almost visible for a full minute, a dark cloud that sucked the color and heat from the air. Then he asked softly, “Why was he here?”

  “My brother Joel had a daughter, Maggie,” I said quickly. “Apparently there were some complications, and he wants me to be tested to be a bone marrow donor for her just in case. He swore to never contact me again, but this...”

  Daniel nodded. “Yeah, for a child, obviously they come first.” He looked at me with those soulful eyes. “Before he dropped in, did you know you had a niece?”

  “No.”

  “Congratulations.”

  “Thank you.”

  He sighed heavily. “You know I have to ask. Do you have any way to contact them?”

  I shook my head emphatically. “No. I made that part of our arrangement, that I don’t want to know. They move at least every two years. All I have is a post office box that’s likely at least ten hours away from wherever they live. I’ll send the results there after... After I get bone marrow tests done.” A shudder ran through me, then I began shaking hard, tears spilling uncontrollably.

  “Dammit.” Daniel grabbed me, pulling me closer beside him. “The needles. I don’t know what’s involved with a bone marrow test, but I’ll come with you.”

  I looked up at him, calming slightly from his touch. “Really?”

  “Of course.” He reached out to brush back my hair, then ran his fingertips along my cheek. “I know that you’re a strong woman, Bailey, but this is your kryptonite. Let me help.”

  “Even though...” I felt my bottom lip quivering and fought desperately to regain control.

  “Shh,” he murmured. “I’ve sort of suspected something was off.” My eyes flew wide, and he chuckled. “You moved here suddenly, never once mentioned your family, and...” He paused for a moment, looking at me carefully. “It could be theorized that you might have certain skills that the average bakery owner would never possess. And you do look related, a tiny bit, once I recognized who he was. Photos of a certain crime family have been circulating through law enforcement news.”

  “I thought they were keeping quiet lately,” I said softly. “But I rarely watch the news.”

  “It’s not public knowledge, and it’s not local. They’re suspected in the robberies of two small banks, eight hotels, and three jewelry stores over the past year.”

  My mouth fell open in shock before I could snap it shut. “I had no idea they’d been so busy. Or so bold.”

  “I believe you.” His large hand stroking my back was comforting, but this whole conversation was so awkward I was cringing inside.

  “Can you forgive me?” I whispered.

  “Forgive what? I’ll admit, when I first realized that you might be the, shall we say, liberator of certain important neighborhood information, I was shocked. Then livid. But then I realized why.”

  “I’m not a criminal,” I squeaked, my voice tight from choking back tears. “It’s not my fault.”

  “I know, Bailey. Shh, I know. It took me a little time to sort out my gut reactions, but...” He tipped my chin up with his finger. “We aren’t our parents, are we?”

  I shook my head again. “No. Hell no.” I tried to back up a little, but he held me tight. “I swear, nobody on this side of the country knows who I am or where I came from.”

  He nodded, staring into space. Pondering.

  “How long have you known?” I whispered when he finally leaned back.

  “I only pieced it together just before I saw you getting groceries.” His thumb caressed my palm. “Bailey, it broke me in two seeing you watch me restraining that woman. You know that’s not me. I swear I would never, ever raise a hand to a woman in anger. I had to pin her against the wall. Restraining her so she couldn’t hit me any more meant that she didn’t quite assault an officer. She was obviously stoned out of her mind. I’d rather she get help than just go straight to jail.”

  I nodded against his shoulder. “I could see that.”

  “I use my size to diffuse situations, not get people riled up. It usually works. When people hear my loud, deep voice, and see this body coming toward them, they nearly always stand down. Dave jokes that it’s my superpower. But I swear I’m not violent. It’s not in my nature.”

  The tears took over again. “I know. Really, I know. I never thought that of you. And, um, I was never hit. Just yelled at. Lied to. Controlled and manipulated.”

  “Thank god,” he murmured, turning my head to examine my eyes. “Bailey, I couldn’t stand having you be afraid of me, on any level.”

  We sat quietly for a moment, both collecting our thoughts.

  “Also, I checked the system,” he said. “Nobody is looking for you, as far as I could tell.”

  “Thank you.” I paused, unsure. “I’ve never committed a crime until recently.” I looked away sharply. “I was present during the planning of many things, but other than handing someone a screwdriver or taking notes, or making lunch for organization meetings, I was never actually involved.”

  He brought his hand up to run his thumb along my cheek, making me shiver. But his eyes were stormy. “What kind of family teaches their little girl to pick locks and dodge security cameras?”

  “They thought they were teaching me important life skills.” I looked up at him, not wanting to ask. “You’ve implied that you had family issues as well. As you said, we’re not our parents. And you don’t have to tell me.”

  Daniel closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I
feel like I should tell you a little, to explain some things. The very short version is that my father smacked my mother around terribly whenever she disagreed with him, or whenever he thought she needed to be controlled. I was too small to help at the time. The result is my overwhelming need to protect people, especially women. I can’t help making suggestions to keep someone safe. But I also can’t let anyone ever think I’m trying to control them.”

  He sighed. “So… I’m sometimes torn in two.”

  Daniel was holding my hands, caring for me, but not kissing me romantically. My blood ran icy when I realized that things may have shifted between us for good. I was on the wrong side of his beloved blue line, and now that he knew that... I shuddered. I was the bad girl on the wrong side of the tracks again, suddenly numb.

  I knew that this was a possibility. Even probability. Coming clean with him was the right thing to do, even if it tore us apart. I was going to have to find a way to be alright with that.

  “Is there something else?” he asked.

  I nodded, my back teeth almost chattering as I tried to hold myself together. My hands were twitching, but I was afraid to touch him again.

  “Take a breath, and just tell me, please,” he said.

  Looking up at him, I tried to smile. “Damn those amazing sunshine eyes,” I teased.

  “Sunburst. Now spit it out before I worry any more.”

  Nodding, I said, “Okay, so I just need to say...” I had to take another ragged breath. “I realize that you can’t be with someone like me and I understand and I’m sorry if I led you on but I hope that we can still be friends on some level.”

  His chest stopped moving as if his breath had frozen. “Do you not want to be with me?” he whispered without air.

  I blinked hard. “I do, but–”

  The kiss that crushed my lips was the first time he was ever slightly rough with me. Daniel yanked me into his lap, holding me so tightly I was startled.

  Then his lips met my forehead gently, showing me how tender he truly was. Suddenly he stopped. “Bailey, you really want this? Do you want us to be... us?” I nodded eagerly. “And you realize that we’re going to have to break down some walls?”