Love Me, Lauren

by Elle Linder

  “How are you feeling?” Julia gently squeezed her hand as they approached the car.

  “I’ve been better.”

  “I noticed you haven’t talked about the baby or Rick since the other day. I assume you haven’t told him?” She shook her head. “I know I’ve been busy with Luke and the kids since they returned, but I’m here for you. And once the kids start school next week, I’ll be even more available to you.”

  “I know. I’m still processing.” More like creating my evil plan to hide the baby.

  They climbed into the Lexus and sat for a moment in silence. Lauren could only think about Rick and the baby or Rick and the brewery and his three-to-five-year plan that excluded babies or marriage. He spoke so freely and excitedly. She hated herself for her screw-up. If there weren’t a baby growing inside her, she wouldn’t be thinking about getting married.

  Why now, after being the unattached bad girl, did she want to do everything right? All because of a baby?

  She wouldn’t admit it, but it was all because of Rick. Being with him made her want to settle down. Create a family. Be a family.

  And that meant she loved him.

  “If you’re not going to tell him, then what are you going to do?” Julia interrupted her thoughts with her classic this is serious voice. “You won’t be able to hide it forever.”

  “Yes, I know,” Lauren snapped. “But I don’t know what I’m going to do beyond not telling him…yet. Last night I was in bed thinking about an abortion.”

  “What?” Julia gasped.

  “Well, the timing is all wrong for us. I want him to have his dream of owning a brewery. I don’t want to be a distraction, and I don’t want him to resent me or the baby. I know what it’s like to be that kid.”

  “Aww, babe. I don’t believe for a second Rick would resent you or the baby.”

  “How can you say that? You hardly know him. And then there’s his history with Luke.”

  “Yes, and he’s paid the price for his mistakes. But he’s a good guy, and I know you agree or else you wouldn’t be with him. I believe he loves you.”

  “Luke’s the responsible, honorable one—the family guy. Rick has finally gotten into a groove with Izzy. I don’t want to overwhelm him.”

  “So, you’re going to go back to Los Angeles without giving him a chance to prove to you that I’m right.” Julia elbowed her playfully.

  “That’s exactly what I’m doing. And you can’t breathe a word of my little predicament to Luke, and especially not Rick.” Julia sighed, rolling her eyes. “Pinky promise.” Lauren held up her hand, and Julia connected her pinky to Lauren’s.

  “Pinky promise. But I don’t agree with this one bit. What would Audrey say?”

  Lauren stared at Julia for a long moment. Nothing came to mind, which could only mean one thing: she was making the wrong decision.

  Typical.

  “Speaking of secrets...” Lauren wanted to change the subject, and Julia looked over at her with an expectant arch of her brow. “Did you show Luke the letter?”

  “No. I haven’t. He’s been home one day and has been practically dancing on cloud nine now that I’ve moved back into his house. I didn’t want to steal the joy out from under him.”

  “Yeah? I’d like to see that for myself. Luke, the Greek god, dancing. It would be a sight for sure.” Lauren laughed, then Julia joined her. “Did you guys fuck last night?”

  “Lauren!”

  “What? I have to say, I’m sick of your Ms. Propriety act. You know you’re just as dirty and slutty in bed as I am.” Julia shook her head. “I wasn’t going to brag, but you’ve given me no choice.” Julia looked back at her, and Lauren laughed. “Yeah, I knew you’d be curious. Well, yesterday when Rick and I went to see the building, I gave him a blow job.” Lauren swayed her head, like she was all that.

  “Big deal. A blow job.” Julia waved her off.

  “While he was driving.”

  “Seriously? That’s dangerous! You could have gotten yourselves killed…and you’re having a baby.”

  “Don’t give me that holier-than-thou bit. You find it erotic.” Lauren leaned toward her. “Admit it.”

  “A little.”

  “A little my ass!”

  “Okay, yes. It’s erotic and reckless.”

  “Just how I like it.”

  Julia started to back up the car.

  “Well…spill it.” Lauren could get Julia talking. All it took was a little persistence.

  “God! Of course we fucked. There. You happy?”

  “Not really. Talk about anticlimactic. Was it even good? You’re creating a very bad image of the lumberjack in my mind.”

  “You shouldn’t be thinking of Luke having sex! Are you for real?”

  “I’m as real as they come. Now give me the good stuff.”

  “He would kill me.”

  “Julia, I’m waiting.”

  Julia’s cheeks blushed. “All I’m going to say is he’s a thousand times better than Trent.”

  “With a hearty appetite?”

  “He’s never satisfied.”

  “Good enough! Sheesh, now I’m feeling a little horny.”

  “Me too! And a little nasty.” Julia fanned herself. They laughed all the way back to the resort.

  Sex talk always made Lauren feel better, but her dilemma remained at the forefront of her mind. She would have tonight with Rick, and in the morning she would be gone. And her secret would go with her.

  twenty-five

  Love Me Slowly

  Orange blankie tucked under her chin meant one thing: Izzy was fast asleep. Rick could leave now without worrying about her giving Grammy a hard time.

  “Okay, she’s asleep. I’ll see you in the morning,” he told his mom, walking to the door of the suite. He had yet to find a suitable place to live, so for now, they lived at the resort—thanks to Julia, since she cut them a huge break on the nightly rate.

  “Wait,” Isabel called. He took his hand off the knob and turned to face her. “What are you doing with Lauren?”

  “Excuse me? What am I doing with Lauren? I’m sorry, but that’s none of your business, Mama.”

  “Don’t you talk to me that way! I’m only asking for Lauren. Do you love her?” He stared at her. She couldn’t be serious. He hadn’t even told Lauren that he loved her. He sure as hell wouldn’t tell his mom first. “Answer me.”

  “Listen, I care deeply for Lauren. She leaves tomorrow morning, and I want tonight with her. I don’t know when she’ll be coming back. And with the brewery, I don’t know when I’ll be going to California.”

  “You didn’t answer me.”

  “Will you stop, please?”

  She crossed her arms. “I don’t want you hurting Lauren. She’s a good woman. Not like those other women you never took seriously. Or Renee.” She shuddered, and so did he at the mention of her name. “Don’t hurt her, okay?”

  “Okay. I have no intention of hurting her.” He wasn’t a complete idiot, after all. Lauren was his future; he wouldn’t do anything to lose her. “Now, goodnight.”

  “Goodnight, Son.”

  Rick strutted down the hall to the end of the corridor, turned left, and continued toward his lady on the east end of the resort. Even though they were in the same building as his mom and Izzy, he wouldn’t let that stop him from having a night of lovemaking with his angel. His fiery, hot angel at that.

  He approached her door and knocked twice. The door slowly opened, and his breath caught at the sight of Lauren in a silky white negligee.

  “Hi, handsome.”

  Rick walked in and instantly lifted her into his arms, kicking the door shut behind him. “I’ve been dying to see you.” He kissed her neck.

  “You and me both. I assume Izzy is asleep?”

  “Mhmm.” He ravaged her with kisses.

  “And Isabel?”

  “Baby, stop talking.”

  He laid her on the bed gently, then took possession of her mouth. A fire of p
assion burst inside him, heating him up so fast he wanted to plow into her to relieve the pressure in his pants. Afterwards, he would take his time with her for the rest of the night. Rick kissed down her neck to between her breasts, and she moaned, touching the sides of his face. The sound made his dick twitch. He roughly pulled one spaghetti strap of her nightgown down to reveal her breast and sucked on her pink nipple eagerly.

  “Ah!” She shook, and he released her instantly.

  “What happened? Did I bite you?”

  “No, um, no.” She fumbled with her words.

  “Then what?” He stood back as she covered her breasts. “Baby, did I suck too hard? I thought you liked it rough?”

  She climbed to her knees and began undressing him, starting with his T-shirt. “Tonight, I want you to take your time with me.” She pulled the shirt over his head, then unbuttoned his jeans, and not once did he take his eyes off her mouth. “I want tonight to last…forever. I want it sweet and tender, your tongue caressing every inch of me and your hands loving me softly as if…”

  He hung on every supple word that left her lips. “As if what?”

  “As if it were the last time.” She puckered her lips as he kicked his jeans off. “Make it good, handsome. Burn tonight in my memory so I can take it with me tomorrow, okay?” She fluttered her eyelashes.

  “Anything you want, baby.” He removed her gown and found her naked underneath. The fire that had raged moments ago calmed to a smoldering passion woven with the love he would give to her all night. He would love her with everything in him so when she was in L.A., she would feel him always with her.

  From her knees to her hips, he ran the tips of his fingers over satiny skin, lightly brushing them as his mouth went between her full breasts. She sucked in a breath as she let her head roll back. Her scent weakened his knees. “Mmm,” he hummed, kissing down her stomach while holding her hips so she didn’t fall.

  “Now this is what I’m talking about,” she breathed.

  “Yeah? I’m doing good?” He licked over her belly button.

  “So damn good.”

  He splayed his hands over her ass, gripping each cheek. A perfect amount of flesh filled his hands. He loved her ass. There wasn’t a single thing about her he didn’t love.

  In a flashy, seductive move, he dropped to his knees in reverence of his angel. Lauren giggled as he stared into her sparkling ocean-blue eyes. His gaze lowered to her chest, then her stomach, and stopped at her pelvic bone. He hadn’t told her yet, but he loved that she was completely bare—a Brazilian, she’d called it. It made oral sex mind-blowing.

  Rick brushed his tongue from one hip bone to the other in a zigzag motion. Lauren quaked against his mouth as he stirred her up good. Then he held her ass firmly, zigging lower until he zagged right into her.

  “Oh. My. God!” she cried in ecstasy. Lauren bobbed like a fishing boat in choppy waters, holding onto his head while he rocked the boat. Her nails pierced the back of his head, her tell that she was close. He waited for it, making one final lap. Lauren lunged into his face. “Yes! Oh…yes!” Her body tensed until she went weak.

  Rick stood to wrap her limp body in his arms. She leaned against him, trusting that he wouldn’t let her fall…he would never let her fall. He cradled her and laid his queen on the bed where he would love her slowly and tenderly as she requested until she passed out cold, drunk on his love.

  Time didn’t stop. The morning came despite the dozens of silent prayers Lauren offered during the night. She fought to keep her eyes shut, refusing to face the day and wishing she didn’t have to walk away from the beautiful man lying beside her. But tears squeezed past her tightly shut lids.

  Despite her attempt, the worst day of her life had arrived.

  Rick’s hand snaked over her waist as he spooned her. “Morning, my sexy lady.” He snuggled her closer, his erection pressing into her back. Her tears fell onto the pillow. “You awake?” He kissed the back of her head with his hand on her stomach. She could have bawled right then and there as he stroked their baby without even knowing. “Sweetheart…baby…” He sang his words. “Time to wake up…”

  She took his hand, holding it against her stomach, and prayed one more time that he would give her the smallest bit of hope that she didn’t have to hide the baby. That he wanted her to stay and that they would be okay, together—all four of them.

  “Your flight’s in four hours. We gotta get a move on.”

  Curse his words. Curse the day. Just curse it all! What was she to say or do?

  Rick gently pulled her onto her back, and that did it. Her body shook with the force of a 10.0 earthquake, fighting to keep her emotions in check, but her damn pregnancy hormones had weakened the tough girl in her. “Aww, honey, don’t cry.” Rick took her in his arms. “What happened? Is this about leaving?” She nodded. “I know goodbyes are hard, but you’ll be okay. Once you get home and back to work, the weeks will fly by to Thanksgiving.”

  “What?!” She choked on his words. “Thanksgiving? I’ll be out for the wedding!”

  “Right, I forgot about the wedding. But after it, I’m going to be crazy busy if I want to open the brewery after the first of the year. So, I guess after the wedding we won’t see each other until Thanksgiving.”

  Her heart sank even as her tears dried up and she found her resolve. By Thanksgiving she would be showing, so he would be distracted, and his grand opening would be ruined.

  There was only one thing for her to do…

  “Why do I have to be the one to fly out to see you? Is this how it’s going to be?”

  “What?”

  “Don’t play dumb with me, Rick. I have a business too, you know. I shouldn’t have to make all the sacrifices in this so-called relationship.” She pulled away from him and left the bed.

  “Where is this coming from? A minute ago, you were sad to be leaving, and now you’re pissed off at me?”

  “Well, maybe if you’d be a little more willing to meet me halfway with the back and forth. But I can see that won’t be the case. So, what are we to do about it?” She slipped her robe on, tied it, and crossed her arms over her chest, closing her heart and body off to him.

  Rick threw the covers off, and for the first time, he looked furious. “What the fuck is going on, Lauren?” His chest heaved as he stalked to her. She stepped back. “You’re kidding, right? All this bullshit is a joke, right?” He flailed his hands in the air, and she stepped back again. “If you had a problem with our long-distance relationship, why didn’t you talk to me about it?”

  “That’s what we’re doing!”

  “No. No!” He shook his head. “It sounds like you’re trying to tell me it’s over. That we’re over. Tell me I’m misunderstanding you!” His gaze bored right down into her soul.

  Did she dare push him? Wouldn’t all of this be easier if he hated her? It wasn’t like he loved her. If he did, he would have told her so. He would have included her in his five-year plan.

  “Why do you think we would work?”

  He gripped his head, squeezing it so hard she was sure he would crush it like a tomato. “Last night was by far our most soul-binding night and today you act as if it never happened. Crap is rolling out of your mouth by the ton, and I want to know why. What happened between the time I made love to you and now?”

  She didn’t know what to say so she turned away from him. Placing her hand on her stomach, she prayed for strength or wisdom or a sign.

  “Tell me, goddammit!” he boomed. And then, “Why are you breaking my fucking heart?” He gasped, sucking back his tears.

  There was no turning back now.

  “I don’t want a long-distance relationship. I don’t want to go months at a time not seeing you, and I don’t want to be the person who does all the work so that we work.” All she could hear was his breathing while she cowardly kept her back turned to him. If he would only say stay with me or I love you, she would run into his arms and never let him go.

  “If that�
��s how you feel then.” He sniffled behind her. “I’ve never been the begging type. You of all people should understand that, since your past is as checkered as mine.”

  Lauren clutched her robe over her chest, stunned that he didn’t try to convince her. They were over. She walked into the bathroom, closed the door, and silently wept, trying to keep from sobbing even though she knew the devastation she felt would win the battle when Rick left her suite.

  The pangs of heartbreak over took her as the door shut. Lauren held her breath, peeked out of the bathroom, and realized Rick was gone. It hit her in an instant, like a freak summer storm that rolled in and ruined a glorious summer day. The azure skies turned black. Angry clouds dominated the bright, happy sun, destroying the day. Her future with Rick was gone. All in one short conversation.

  A thunderous boom hit inside her chest, unleashing a downpour of emotion. Lauren ran for cover under the down comforter, giving way to her grief, drenching the pillow with her salty tears and mascara.

  This is what a person does for love. They let the person go.

  Convinced what she had done was out of love, Lauren didn’t hold back her devastation. She surrendered to it as the bitter taste of Rick’s final words intensified her heartache. The pain in his voice, the tears in his eyes. Why are you breaking my fucking heart?

  Had she broken his heart?

  As her tears dried and her shaking body calmed, clarity set in—along with guilt. If she hadn’t gotten pregnant, none of this would have happened. Giving up the man she loved was painful, excruciatingly painful, but the life growing inside her mattered too. There was no way in hell she would allow her child to feel responsible as she did for her dad’s broken dreams.