(Mis)Trust

by Sarah Ann Walker

  No matter what though, I had to know about Tyler, and now I do. He wasn't my attacker and I suddenly feel sane and at peace with that knowledge. Knowing the truth of the man I loved for years is worth the anger of the man I want to love for years.

  Smiling as peace finally settles deep in my heart, I prepare for all his anger and his love as I drive home to Malcolm.

  *****

  Pulling out front, I make a mad dash for Malcolm, until stepping out from the side of the garage and walkway Kyle scares the shit out of me. "Saige?" Kyle says as I gasp.

  Grabbing my pounding chest, I startle from the shock of finally seeing him again. "What are you doing here? Don't tell me... They called you to start looking for me again?" I laugh a huff from my scare.

  "Yup," Kyle smiles. "You're always disappearing, Saige," he kind of smirks walking closer to me.

  Nodding, I try to explain. "I had to talk to Tyler, and I know now he didn’t hurt me," I exhale the relief of that knowledge again.

  Exhaling deeply, Kyle seems relieved as well. "I know he didn't."

  "I was so sure, but then I talked to him..." Looking at Kyle, he has such a smirky look on his face, I'm instantly weirded out. Thinking quick, I wonder how he knows Tyler didn’t hurt me. Maybe he talked to Tyler or maybe Selena told him what I was doing? Maybe-

  Grabbing my arm hard, Kyle spins me away from the front walkway. "Do NOT speak. And don't scream or fight, Saige. I have to tell you what's going on, and I can't do it here." Trying to tug my arm I just open my mouth to scream when Kyle squeezes me so hard, I'm stunned silent. Crying out, my face is immediately covered by his hand as I kick his shin and start wailing on him as best as I can.

  This is soooo not happening. NOT Kyle. Oh, fuck... I hear my own shocked moans under his hand.

  Lifting me by his arm around my waist, Kyle keeps my mouth covered and fights me fighting him right out of Malcolm's driveway. Screaming and kicking, my hands desperately try to rip his arm off my ribs when he squeezes even tighter until there's no air left in my lungs at all.

  Thrashing in his arms, I eventually make contact with his face. When I feel the explosion of impact on the back of my head with his chin, he too almost falls forward from the pain.

  Growling in my ear, Kyle says the only thing that will make me listen. "If you fight me before I can talk to you Malcolm is dead. So calm the fuck down until I can explain. Keys," he says finally as I hand them over.

  Carried by my waist to my car, my feet still can't reach the ground, and with no purchase I'm at his mercy for now. Opening my door quickly as he drops me to the street Kyle actually shoves me over the passenger seat as he pushes in behind me punching my ass so hard my eyes sting.

  "Drive the fucking car away from here or he's dead," Kyle adds with such hatred my shaking hands take my keys from his hand and start my car immediately.

  "What's happening?" I choke as the shakes hit my whole body. Leaving the curb I drive knowing this is bad, but I’m unsure which is worse- fighting to help Malcolm, or leaving with Kyle to help Malcolm? I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

  "Saige, you are in so much trouble."

  "What? Why?"

  "He wants you so badly, and he's never gonna stop. I tried to help you though- I told him you were nobody he needed. I told him you were alone, and didn't love anyone. But he-"

  "Who?!" I scream trying to get Kyle to focus.

  "I tried to help you but… do you love that guy Malcolm?" Kyle asks so suddenly in a weird kind of dreamy voice, I don't know what answer is the right one. Looking over and back at the road, I don't know what to say. "It's better if you do," he exhales slowly and I'm so confused I'm wordless. "Saige?"

  "Yes..." I whisper kind of holding my body tight in case that was the wrong answer.

  Turning in the seat to look at me, Kyle leans forward and suddenly hits the side my face with an opened hand as I cry out hitting the window with my shoulder.

  "Drive straight!" He roars as my mind fractures.

  "What are you doing, Kyle?" Begging, I try anything. "I helped you. I was the cutie redhead who helped you, remember?"

  Laughing in a quick hard snap, Kyle raises his hand again as I flinch away afraid. "I know you did. And I waited for fucking ever for Tyler to be out of the picture. For. Fucking. Ever. And then that asshole swoops in and takes you away from me. I was totally ignored after being your Knight in shining armor. Remember that? But fuck it. You're a fucking whore anyway!" When I flinch again at his yelling, Kyle starts laughing. "Like your pussy eaten, Saige?" WHAT?! "Really? On a fucking kitchen counter? I didn't realize you were such a slut or I would've made my move sooner," he laughs obnoxiously again.

  "That was you yesterday?" Speaking my outrage I try to picture the outline of the man outside yesterday.

  "Nope. It wasn't me, but I saw a picture," he laughs again as I cry out shocked and humiliated and so fucking afraid of Kyle suddenly, my mind is fighting just to drive straight like he demanded.

  Finally gasping back to the present in my car, I beg, "Who took a picture of us?"

  "You'll see, and I'm really sorry about all this, but you’re important to him. I only wanted to check up on you last night like I always do. But guess what I had to see? A picture of your fucking pussy on a kitchen counter like a cheap whore. Tell me, Saige, did Malcolm pay you for your services, or were you just working off room and board?" Laughing his ass off at his joke, I really don't know what to do.

  I'm driving as slowly away from Montgomery Park as I can trying to understand what's happening and what'll happen. Who took the picture of us if it wasn't Kyle? Who the hell am I important to?

  "Turn THERE!" Kyle screams when we drive near a kid’s park. Named Mulberry Park, it’s too sweet and cute, and just totally fucked up under my current circumstances.

  Turning, I have a quick thought of accelerating and smashing into a tree like I've seen in the movies. I didn't get my seatbelt on when I was forced inside though, so unlike the movies, I'll probably end up just as hurt as Kyle does.

  WHAT. THE. FUCK. DO. I. DO?

  "Stop there," he points to the end of the parking lot. With only 2 other cars I drive past, we're basically alone next to trees on one end and empty spaces beside us.

  Shaking so hard my teeth start chattering, I fight this crazy to try to calm Kyle. I can freak the fuck out later, but right now I need answers and I need Kyle to remember who I am to him.

  "Kyle..." I whisper as he stares at me. "You were a good friend at school, and I need your help. Please tell me what's happening? Why are you so mad at me?" I beg in a whisper keeping eye contact which Kyle holds.

  Suddenly choking up, Kyle groans and looks outside. "I was a good friend?" He asks not looking back at me.

  "Yes... I loved studying with you." Fighting the shakes and my fear, I continue trying to soothe him. "I helped you study and you helped me when I didn’t know what to do with myself that night. Um, you are-"

  "Nothing to you," Kyle says so sadly I almost feel his sadness.

  "No, you are a friend to me. You, and Mike, and Selena are the only friends I have." Purposely leaving Malcolm out of this conversation, I hope I'm convincing enough. I hope he believes me, and I hope I can get out of this.

  Turning to look at me, Kyle's eyes are shining with tears. "Well, I guess then you mistrusted me, huh? Is that what you think now?"

  "No, never. I think something’s going on and you're trying to tell me about it. What is it, Kyle? I need you to help me like you did when I needed your help a few months ago."

  Actually placing my hand on his, I barely hold in my repulsion at my fake tenderness. I actually want to punch him in the face, but instead I soothe him. And nearly laugh at my sudden reality.

  Holy shit! Kyle has kidnapped me, knows who hurt me, hit my face, and called me a whore. Yet here I am telling him we’re friends still and I need his help again.

  Screaming when Kyle suddenly tackles me in my seat, he's all over me tearing at me, trying to
kiss me as I struggle under him. Ripping my shirt, he grabs my chest hard and bites my lips until I cry out. Forcing a hand down my jeans as I fight him with everything I have, Kyle pushes me harder into the seat with his weight.

  When I hear the quick bumping sound of my seat crashing backward, Kyle digs his knee right into my thigh as he tries to climb over me under the steering wheel as I fight him.

  Thrashing my head back and forth, my hands are punching and pushing and pulling at his clothing. I'm kneeing him with one leg and punching his chest with my fists.

  Screaming as loud as I can, I suddenly have one horrifying moment of clarity. With a shock of sadness deep in my soul I know this end and I know I can live with my choice. I know I have to stop this this time if I ever want to save what’s left of my mind.

  Reaching quickly in my door well, I feel and turn it in my hand. Moving quickly I Tase the shit out of Kyle’s chest watching him snap back in such a strange back-breaking arch, he's on the passenger seat a moment later. Fighting still, I follow his body and keep Tasing with tears pouring down my face until Kyle stops moving completely but for weird involuntary jerks of his torso.

  Pausing for one moment in shock, I actually reach past him, scared shitless he'll come to and grab me like in every horror movie I've ever seen. Nothing happens though as I unlock and push his door open.

  Leaning, I use whatever strength I have left and shove Kyle out of my car. Falling head first, his torso slumps on the ground and honestly I'm scared his neck is going to be hurt but then I push his legs out of the car as well with a loud grunt until his legs rest sideways away from the door.

  Holy. Shit.

  I've lost what was left of my fucking mind this weekend. And I still have NO answers.

  Slamming the door, I peel out of the park laughing hysterically, crying crazily, shaking uncontrollably.

  Dialing quickly, I say all I can once the operator turns me over to a police officer who immediately asks my emergency.

  "My name is Saige Masters and I've Tased a man named Kyle Murphy unconscious in Mulberry Park in Montgomery Park. He kidnapped me and just tried to rape me in my car. But I saved myself and got him out and now I'm driving to Malcolm MacNeil's house at 464 Orchard Ave."

  When he starts asking questions, I cut him off quickly. "Detective Mathers knows me, so please call him. I'm on my way to Malcolm's in case something’s wrong. And Kyle knows who raped me in April. He was going to tell me, but then he attacked me and I had to stop him."

  Again with the interruption. Fuck!

  "Listen to me! I was attacked and Mathers knows all about me! Call him and come get Kyle from the fucking park! I'm not the bad person here, and I'm trying to get home!"

  Screaming the word home kind of clears out my head. Hanging up on the police feels good. Exhaling as I peel through the calm Sunday night streets of Montgomery Park is relaxing... in a psychotic sort of way.

  I'm suddenly so calm I know exactly what I have to do.

  I'm going home to Malcolm and I'm going to let him be mad at me for being careless and foolish and for letting myself get a little hurt again tonight. I'll let Malcolm be mad at me at first and then I'll beg him to forgive me until he does.

  Malcolm loves me, I smile for the first time in forever.

  Looking in the mirror, I wipe my mouth of the little trail of blood I didn't notice, and I fix my clothes as best as I can. My shirt was torn at my shoulder, and there's a noticeable mark around my neck I don't remember getting. But other than my crazed looking eyes, and super pasty skin I think I can downplay this a little so Malcolm doesn’t go off the rails because I allowed myself to get hurt again.

  Sending another quick text I tell Malcolm I'm almost home. I know I’m breaking the law texting and driving, but what the hell? I've Tased someone tonight, so texting while speeding seems like a minor infraction at this point.

  Bursting out laughing again, I can't believe this is my life.

  *****

  Spotting the police lights down Malcolm's road, the fear is immediate. My hands are instantly shaking and my heart is thumping so painfully in my chest, I don't know how I continue driving. I can't breathe and I can't see anything beyond the chaos of lights and sound.

  What the hell is happening? Am I being arrested?

  Pulling up 4 houses down, the police have blocked access to the road. Opening my door, I pause for one shocked moment before my legs start running for Malcolm's house.

  Screaming, I run as fast as I can until I'm nearly tackled by a police officer holding me at the end of Malcolm's driveway.

  "I LIVE here! What HAPPENED?!" I scream in a broken voice as my mind shatters. "Oh god..." I feel myself collapse in unknown arms as I watch more police enter and paramedics exit in a slow motion nightmare before me.

  Pausing as the world spins around me, I watch the large body on the gurney wheeled by 2 paramedics to the waiting ambulance. Watching, I hear no sounds, and I see nothing except the man straddling Malcolm's huge chest.

  Totally numb, I hear no one speaking to me as I watch Malcolm die in his driveway.

  "What happened?" I whisper to the person holding me back.

  Sitting crossed legged, my mind fractures as I watch Malcolm's body jump on the gurney from paddles as they all step away quickly. Watching him jolt, I see nothing but his hand fall off the gurney to rest awkwardly off the side.

  I actually see Malcolm's hand reaching for me so I crawl to him immediately.

  Ignoring the voices and words in the background of my mind, I crawl to Malcolm's hand. Screaming at the hands holding me back, eventually I'm left alone to kneel at his side. Taking his huge hand into my own I gasp a cry so heavy, I know neither of us will survive the night.

  Wiping away the blood, I kiss and squeeze the hand that has given me nothing but love and kindness since the day I met him. I kiss Malcolm’s cold hand and feel my world end with his.

  "I love you," I finally tell Malcolm as he's ripped from my hand by the moving gurney.

  Watching him lifted and carried away from me I don't move. There's nowhere to go and nothing left for me anyway.

  Realizing the end of everything between us, I rest on my knees in Malcolm's driveway and hope for a quick release from this life of constant loss.

  I know I’ll never live through another one, so all I can hope is death takes me soon.

  CHAPTER 37

  "Saige?" I hear her voice and though I feel one quick moment of relief, it's just as quickly washed away with Malcolm being driven from me very fast down the street. "Saige? Can you hear me?" She asks again louder than the remaining sounds, and the fading lights and sirens of Malcolm's end.

  When there is no more Malcolm to see, I turn and raise my eyes to a haunted looking Selena. Crouching down low with her hand’s on her knees she's covered in blood.

  "Is that Malcolm's?" I ask absently.

  "What?" She questions.

  "The blood. Is that Malcolm's blood all over you?" Nearly laughing for some absurd reason, I look back at Malcolm’s front door to all the police still around. "Why are you alive, Selena?"

  "What?" She asks again in a voice that sounds horribly distorted in my head.

  "Oh, I'm glad you are," I acknowledge quickly before inhaling deeply all the pain in my chest. "But I love you."

  "What do you mean, Saige?" Selena asks touching my shoulder until I shrug her away.

  Exhaling slowly, I see everything in front of me. Blood trails, and noise, and people everywhere disturbing Malcolm's beautiful house. Like a red wine stain on a white carpet, his home is forever stained by his death.

  "Well, I love you, so I'm surprised you're still alive, Selena," I burst out laughing. Feeling my mind completely break, I laugh until I fall forward on my face then fall to my side to curl up into a ball of madness. "You're gonna be next," I laugh crazily until it slowly changes to those fucked up laugh/tears everyone knows when their heart is broken and their mind is shattered.

  "I'm alive because Mal
colm stood in front of me, took bullets for me, and screamed for me to get to safety. I'm alive because Malcolm wanted me to live- because he wanted you to live."

  "He went to the death," I whisper in Malcolm's Scottish brogue remembering him describe his father's love for his wife. "He went to the death for me," I whisper again numb with my heartache.

  "Saige? You have to snap out of this now. Malcolm is still alive and we have to get to the hospital. The police are waiting to get my statement at the hospital and they're waiting to take us to him."

  "You go."

  "We're both going," she pushes trying to lift my dead weight.

  "I'm not going just to watch him officially die, Selena. I saw him. I felt his cold hand and I told him I loved him, but he didn't squeeze my hand back like he always does. Malcolm is gone," I moan shaking my head to ease the pain in my chest.

  "He's not gone yet. And you need to pull your shit together until he is. You owe him that."

  Nodding, I know I do, but I just can't. I didn't see Alec before he died, or my father’s broken remains in his car. I don't want to see this- I can’t see Malcolm actually die.

  "I can't. I can't watch this happen to another man because of me."

  Growling down low in my face, Selena pulls my head up by my hair shocking me out of my numb despair. "Get your fucking scrawny ass up and come to the hospital with me- right fucking now. Malcolm might not live much longer and you're going to see him before he's dead whether you like it or not. Your name was the last thing he said to me before he faded away in my arms so I’m not allowing you to close down now. Get the fuck UP!"

  "Selena..." I cry desperately.

  "Saige, if he dies, you can have a complete nervous breakdown. I'll even watch out for you and care for you after that. But until he's officially dead you're getting the fuck up and getting to the hospital now. Let's go," she wrenches my arm so hard, I cry out but eventually try to move.

  Standing, my head is so sloppy I list into her but continue moving. Walking with her arm wrapped around my waist tightly, I don't speak or acknowledge anyone around us even when an officer opens his cruiser door for us. I don't feel my seatbelt clipped and I don't know anything but a roaring ache deep in my chest.