Deserted: Book #3, Auctioned Series

by Dee, Cara

  “By the way, how is that speaking of?” Darius wondered.

  “Because it’s related to growing things,” Gray replied. “When I saw Mom yesterday, she went on about the orchard Aiden is preparing for her, and it got me thinking. Maybe I could give you that for your birthday…? According to her, you can get almost fully mature trees from nurseries that are just a year or two away from bearing fruit.” He shifted in his seat, a little uncomfortable. It would be the first permanent fixture of the cabin he’d be responsible for, and he didn’t want to step on any toes too soon. “She told me I’d need at least two trees. Something about them pollinating each other, which, if you ask me, sounds dirty AF.” Shit, he needed to stop rambling. “Anyway. I looked at your plans, and there’s open space at the end of…whatyouwannacallit. Or if you want them around the cabin. I don’t know. I was just thinking.”

  He was met by silence, and it was the one thing he couldn’t handle. Not right now. Not after that embarrassing harangue, so he side-eyed Darius and found him smiling.

  Good sign, he hoped.

  “That would be a fantastic gift, knucklehead.”

  Oh, thank fuck.

  Gray exhaled in relief and loosened his grip on the wheel.

  “I’ve looked at some of those nurseries before, though,” Darius went on. “They’re not cheap.”

  “Well, that’s another topic I broached with her yesterday,” Gray said. “I wanna start working again, but since apple trees need to be transplanted early… I forget what she said, something about frost. Either way, I’ll be able to pay her back for the gift soon. She needs more permanent staff at the inn, and it’s a job I don’t need training for. I grew up there.”

  He was getting ready; he could feel it. Being solid with Darius was a big motivator. Gray wanted to pitch in and be able to catch up. And things had changed at the inn. Back when Gray first needed a job, Mom couldn’t afford to give him more than a couple shifts every week. That was why he’d taken that other job at the bookstore.

  Mom was on the fence even now, though for other reasons than money. Gray had lost count of how many times she had urged him to take things slowly, but there was such a thing as too slow.

  “Is that what you want to do?” Darius asked. “Not go back to school?”

  Gray shook his head. “Not in the near future, anyway. In a few years? Maybe. But my priorities are different. I gotta think about Jayden, and, to be honest, I just want things settled. I want him close to me, I want a paycheck every month, and I wanna come home to you at the end of the day.”

  Darius hummed. Then he stowed away their empty coffee mugs and pushed down the armrest between them. “Couple things we should talk about there.” He rested his hand on the armrest, palm open. A silent hint.

  Gray threaded their fingers together. “I’m listening.”

  “Given how vocal I’ve been about never wanting a wife and kids, I’ll spell this out for you. Shit has changed for me too, Gray. You won’t be in this alone. With him, I mean.”

  Oh God, no, stop. Gray felt the strongest urge to shrink away and escape the conversation. He withdrew his hand again. “Can we save this topic for later? It’s too soon. It doesn’t feel right.” In fact, it put a rock of discomfort in his gut. “We’ve never even been on a first date, and we’re talking about sacrifices and responsibilities. I get that everything is completely fucking backward, so let’s not make it worse.”

  Darius straightened in his seat and grew serious. “To make things worse, it has to be bad already. Are they?”

  “No! Not like—fuck.” Gray released a breath, frustrated, and rubbed his forehead. He didn’t know how to explain himself, and he’d been avoiding thinking about it. He just had this feeling. Like an alarm bell going off inside him, telling him not to go too far. “The way I feel about you—I haven’t… Shit.” Great, now he could barely form words. “I don’t wanna mess things up by going too fast.” That was better. “Nothing in our lives is normal anymore, and there’s…there’s a sense of loss in me.” He felt it stirring in his heart as he, for the first time, gave a voice to the feeling. “I haven’t been able to mourn losing the guy I was. I went from… I mean, my biggest issues last year involved pining after a closeted hockey coach and whether or not I’d be able to afford going up to visit Abel in Vancouver. My problems were so goddamn simple.”

  As the grief washed over him, he felt the levees break.

  And the words tumbled out of him, without regard for how they made him sound. “In retrospect, I see what a kid I’ve been. My mom busted her ass so I wouldn’t have to, and it made me spoiled. I get that. I know how to pull my weight, but not really. I worked part time at her inn and at a bookstore. I went to school. I still took my fucking bike to the beach. I didn’t restore an old truck like my brother did—I just borrowed his when he moved to Seattle. I had hockey, I dicked around with the twins…” It blew his mind how fast his spirit could crash to the ground. “I never saw myself as spoiled before. Single mom, four boys—we lived on a tight budget. And my best friend lived in a millionaire’s estate. His dad is a former rock star, for fuck’s sake. We snuck on to his yacht to get away from parents and homework.”

  Was this a bad time to have life-altering revelations or what?

  “I had it easy,” he went on quietly. “I remember you telling me that the human traffickers specifically requested guys with wholesome backgrounds. And that it was part of the sadistic thrill, because we don’t cope as well when everything gets taken away from us.” How fucking true that turned out to be. “I know I sound selfish and juvenile, but I feel robbed of a lot of things I’d hoped for in the future. Simple shit, like maybe meeting you under normal circumstances. Developing a silly crush, flirting with you while you stand behind the bar at your restaurant, calling Abel in the middle of the night because I can’t stop thinking about you.” Gray blinked past the burn in his eyes and took the next exit. He needed to stretch his legs and get some air. “And then Jayden came into my life. I didn’t stand a motherfucking chance against that punk. Instead of contacting an adoption agency in a couple years, maybe after I graduated from college, he was like, ‘Here I am, good luck resisting the charms of Philly’s own Oliver Twist.’”

  Darius snorted softly next to him.

  “I’m sorry that I’m being difficult, Darius. But you’re the one thing I don’t want to rush anything with. I want to enjoy every second of normalcy we can get, and that includes the uncertainty of ‘does he, doesn’t he’ and letting our relationship develop naturally.”

  Darius sighed and observed Gray for a beat. “You’re not being difficult, knucklehead. I’ve been there. We joke about our age difference, but it would be weird if we never hit any serious hurdles over it.”

  “What do you mean?” Gray asked warily. The word “serious” didn’t sound awesome.

  “I mean that, when I was your age, I didn’t want anything set in stone either,” he replied. “Hell, up until last year, I could barely spell commitment—”

  “I’m not afraid of commitment.” Gray shot him an incredulous look and hoped they wouldn’t have problems in that department. “I just don’t want any steps forward to be the result of a sacrifice. Like, fuck, I want you to possibly want a family because it feels right, because you want to be a father, not because the guy you’re seeing happens to wanna adopt a kid who deserves a family.”

  They’d reached a truck stop with a couple diners and a gas station, and Darius waited to reply until they were both out of the vehicle.

  Gray grabbed a bottle of water from the back seat.

  Darius lit up a cigarette. “Can I speak now?”

  Gray resisted rolling his eyes. “I’ll allow it.”

  “Thanks. I was only making a point about how we change over time. When I was young, I wanted to live day-to-day and let the dice roll. Especially with relationships—but that’s me. Not saying it’s you.” He took a drag from his smoke. “But the rest—I wanna have shit settled nowadays. Back
in the day, I didn’t care whose couch I crashed on. Now I wanna be able to come home to my house, to my bed, and drink my own coffee.”

  Made sense, and Gray could relate now more than ever. It was a longing that had built up within him since they’d returned to Camassia.

  Something glinted in Darius’s hazel eyes. “I probably needed the reminder you gave me—’cause with you, I find I want everything settled stat. But that’s not what I was talking about before. It was Jayden. I wanted to make it clear that you’re not the only one who got charmed by Oliver Twist.”

  That halted Gray from having a swig of water, and he lowered the bottle again. “You’re saying…”

  “I’m saying that I sure as shit wouldn’t take him in as a what, favor? No, sacrifice was the word you used.” Darius shook his head. “There’s no choice with Jayden. Timing didn’t matter. He showed up when he showed up, and now he’s with us. I want him close too. I want him in my home.”

  Gray mustered a wobbly little smile, and he was…yeah, he was definitely shocked. And yet, not. That was the thing with Darius. He was the reluctant hero. He could bitch and moan quite a bit, but when push came to shove, he was there. More than that, he wanted to be there.

  Darius stubbed out his smoke before he was finished with it, and then he closed the distance and observed Gray in that contemplative way of his. “I’ve never had a healthy relationship before, Gray. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of man, with the crucial detail that it’s been a whole lot of nothing before you. But full steam ahead… You’re right, we shouldn’t rush us.” He paused. “All right. So, you’re staying with me—at my place. We won’t call it your home until we’re on the same page—which means we should keep our relationship separate from everything to do with Jayden. Because if we wanna be granted custody and become his foster parents, his future caseworker is gonna wanna see stability. They need to see that we’re serious—and that we’re in this together.”

  The uncertainty made a swift return, but it was the good kind of uncertainty. The road ahead of them wasn’t paved yet, and it shouldn’t be. Instead, it was a perfect dirt road that led to the home where they’d be parents. Jesus fucking Christ. Parents. Gray’s pulse went through the roof, and he pinched his lips together in a failed attempt to hide his grin.

  “I’m actually gonna be a dad one day.” He spoke between his fingers, probably sounding like an idiot.

  Darius smiled softly. “You’ve dreamed about this.”

  Gray nodded and let his hand fall. “Since I was little. I’ve always wanted a family.” He needed to be closer, so he stepped forward and squeezed Darius’s hand.

  “You and Jayden turned it into a dream for me,” he murmured. Then he smirked and rubbed his chest. “It’s strange, innit? Overwhelming.”

  Gray was suddenly glad he’d had his minor meltdown in the truck, because he could see that Darius would need to process this. It was one-part comforting—Gray wasn’t the only one wandering in the dark—and one-part scary, because it also proved how much Gray had been depending on Darius. But the truth was, Darius didn’t have all the answers to everything. And if Gray thought a bit further than that, he could imagine Darius being the man who rushed ahead to make everyone he cared for comfortable, without pausing and reflecting if this was what he actually wanted for himself.

  So yeah, it was definitely a good thing they would slow things down.

  They would focus on Jayden. It was the one road Gray wanted paved.

  “I’m sorry if I’ve put too much pressure on you.” Darius reached out and touched Gray’s cheek. “I guess a side of me is still obsessing about having you with me so I can keep an eye on you.”

  It was sweet. And seriously an awful reason to move in together and act like a family.

  “It’s okay. We’re both new at this.” Gray leaned in and kissed him chastely. “We should get back on the road.”

  Darius nodded with a dip of his chin.

  On the way back to the truck, he said, “One more thing, though.”

  “Yeah?” Gray opened the door on his side and climbed in behind the wheel.

  Darius got in too. “I think we need to prepare ourselves for the possibility that Jayden is part of a package deal now.”

  There it was. Gray chewed on his lip and pulled out of the parking lot. It was another topic he’d avoided. Some denial had been involved too, but deep down, he’d felt this coming. He also knew Adeline was well aware. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have mentioned the boys’ “grand plan.”

  “Are you okay with that?” Gray asked hesitantly.

  He had to confess it was a daunting idea to adopt Justin too. Chances were he’d be classified as a special needs child even when he reached the age to start school, and Gray wanted to make sure he had what it took to be the parent Justin deserved. Right now, he couldn’t claim he was utterly confident. At the same time…man, the boy was precious.

  If he allowed himself to be selfish for a moment, Gray also adored that Justin dragged out the affectionate side of Jayden. It was something Gray could admit he wanted more of. Touch was such a big part of his language, and he wanted to be able to hug Jayden more often. Meanwhile, Justin was a true cuddler.

  “We’re in this together, right?” Darius asked—to make sure, maybe.

  “Of course.” Gray knitted his brows together.

  “Then, yeah, I don’t see a problem,” he said. “I’ve worked out the logistics already, and you’re a natural with them. You can teach me how to be more…fatherlike.”

  Gray suppressed a grin and drove onto the highway again. “Hon, if working out the logistics is your first task, you’re already a father.” He chuckled to himself. Darius was too funny sometimes. And cute as hell. “Can I ask about these, uh, logistics?”

  Darius shrugged and grabbed the thermos to pour himself some coffee. “I have the empty guest room upstairs—and my study. They’ll each get their own room. I can have a study I won’t use anywhere. And I have two cars. I make edible food, my work schedule is flexible, and I have my finances in order.”

  Gray nodded slowly. Darius definitely had the logistics sorted out.

  Gray couldn’t say the same.

  Around three in the afternoon, Gray called Adeline and sounded like he’d swallowed a desert. He said both Darius and he had a fever, at which Adeline expressed her sympathy and said she’d suspected he was coming down with something. Gray coughed for good measure and asked her to convey to Jayden and Justin that they’d have to see each other another day. He couldn’t promise the day after, but he’d keep in touch.

  Adeline assured him she’d make sure the boys understood.

  “Tell them they can text whenever,” Gray added with a cough.

  “Sure, honey. Make sure you guys rest properly.”

  After they hung up, Gray felt kinda bad, even though he knew this was the best option. No one could know the truth.

  They kept driving, often in stretches long enough that they’d feel the change in climate at each stop.

  It was seventy degrees outside when they reached San Jose a little past eight in the evening.

  Darius had chosen the empty end of a parking lot in front of one of the big-box stores they were surrounded by. Palm trees were lit up by spotlights in the ground, and people around them went about their evening shopping as usual.

  Gray groaned as he stepped out of the truck. “Jesus, my feet.” He wriggled his toes inside his sneakers and rolled his shoulders.

  “Retaining water?” Darius guessed.

  “Yeah. You?”

  Darius nodded. “Try to keep them elevated for a while. I gotta get some sleep.” He yawned and glanced around them. “Mind staying awake for a few hours? I don’t want anyone to get any ideas.” He jerked his chin at the ATV in the bed of the truck.

  “No, it’s fine.” Gray jumped in place to try to get his circulation back. “I can catch up with the guys in the group chat and make some plans with Abel.”

  “Sounds good. How�
�re the guys doing?”

  They were getting by, for the most part. “We’re all on the same roller coaster, I guess. Charlie seems to be feeling better. Tai doesn’t say much, but he posts pictures from Hawaii sometimes. Niko still hasn’t joined the chat.”

  Darius hummed. “I’ll give him a call when we get back home.” He opened the door to the back and started clearing the seats. The bags went down on the floor with the coolers, so Gray assumed he’d catch some rest back there. “I’ll set an alarm for midnight, and then I can drive while you sleep.”

  “Okay, but come here first. I want some sugar.”

  Darius chuckled tiredly and stepped over to him. “Am I sweet enough?”

  “The sweetest.” Gray smiled and kissed him, his hands sliding up Darius’s arms and around his neck. “When we get home, I want a whole evening of making out.”

  Darius deepened the kiss, teasing his tongue with Gray’s, and gripped Gray’s hips. “We’ve said that before, baby. We last ten minutes before we’re horizontal.”

  “That’s a risk we have to take,” Gray responded solemnly.

  Darius laughed under his breath and gave him one more smooch. “Don’t tempt me to drag you into the back seat right now.”

  Oh, but Gray wouldn’t mind…

  If only Darius didn’t have the self-discipline of a fucking…self-disciplinarian.

  Gray woke up when they drove over something that caused the truck to vibrate.

  Ow… He winced as he turned his neck. Pulling down his feet from the dash, he straightened in his seat and groaned at the stiffness in his body.

  “Morning.” Darius cranked up the heat.

  “Morning,” Gray yawned. They drove over something again, and he managed to look out the window in time to see a cattle guard in the ground. Then he lifted his gaze and was met by a stunning wasteland. “You drove all night. I slept all night.” He couldn’t believe that last part. Damn. “This has got to be the Mojave.”