Hayden

by Matt Tims

  Dude, just fuckin’ ask her out. Please! If she says no, then she says no. She’s not going to say no though! She’s been flirting with you for like eight straight weeks in Biology! Shit, but what if she says no?

  He looked forward to fifth period Biology more than anything in his life; but at the same time, he dreaded it like nothing else. The fit, perky, energetic, amazing blonde’s advances had been growing bolder over the past few weeks. What started as a simple smile had turned into blatant flirting. The thought alone was enough to rattle him.

  Her latest trend of sitting in his desk before class started had him in a tizzy. In his mind, he would do something cool and smooth. Perhaps he would even have a witty lined planned. Or what if he pulled out the big guns? What if he approached his desk in which she was sitting, and playfully pulled her out of it? He could tickle her to try to get her to move. His hands could touch her flawless body! She was just so pretty and unbelievable to be around, that he completely froze whenever he found himself in her presence.

  Dreams of lightheartedly teasing her before class stayed just that—dreams. In fact, he never did anything. He merely sat in her empty chair until their unamused teacher eventually told them to return to their respective seats; and from that moment forward, he made sure to get to class just as the bell rang to avoid that award situation. He couldn’t get rejected if he never exposed himself, but that was about to change. His days of being scared were in the past. It was time to act like a man.

  You’re funny, athletic, and handsome. Man the fuck up and ask her out! No, don’t ask her out. Tell her you’re taking her out! “Claire, we’re going out this weekend.” Yeah, that’s it. Be a man! Her face is going to light up when you tell her that too. Why? Because she’s into you, fuckhead! She wouldn’t be flirting with you every day if she wasn’t! Now, grow some balls.

  Every step felt like a mile as he climbed the first flight of stairs. He couldn’t have a life together with Claire unless he asked her out, and he couldn’t ask her out unless he had the guts to do so. How amazing would it be to spend hours with her after school every day? He couldn’t get enough of those forty-two minutes in Biology class as is! Alright, second floor, here we go.

  He trekked behind the mass of students as he moved closer to her locker. He could spot that blonde head from three miles away—let alone the rapidly shrinking distance he was closing in at. But then something unexpected happened. A simple act occurred that he hadn’t planned for.

  Claire turned and looked at him.

  “Stalking me?”

  “What?” Mike questioned from the other side of the hallway over the hordes of students.

  “Are you stalking me?” Claire asked again with a slight smile.

  “No,” he firmly replied before putting his head down and continuing down the hallway.

  Every single time…

  Claire completely changed the following day. She went from being fun and flirty, to cold and almost mean. The smiles were swapped out with eye rolls, the sitting in his seat was replaced by ignoring him, and the passing in the hallway resulted in spiteful glares. His heart had been ripped out of his chest. The one woman he was head over heels in love with—who he didn’t have the courage to make a move on—now hated his guts.

  Claire showed up the following year with black hair, all black clothes, and hung out with the goth kids. Her new look hadn’t changed how he felt about her, however. He still loved that version of her, but unfortunately for Mike, he didn’t grow a backbone until college; and by that time, Claire was long gone.

  Or was she?

  Back in the Coffee Shop.

  “Hey…um…I think we used to go—”

  Her confused look abruptly changed. “Oh my God, Mike!?”

  It was like he’d just snorted a line of cocaine, while receiving a blowjob, while winning the lottery. That moment of remembrance from his former high school crush was the single greatest moment of his life. It sent a wave of energy unlike anything he’d ever experienced throughout his body.

  “Yeah!” he smiled.

  “Mike!” she shouted, wrapping her arms around him to give him a hug. “Oh my God, it’s been what? Seventeen years!?”

  “A long time for sure!” he told her before quickly glancing over at Shawn. His former classmate was making his way out the door, but made sure to give his buddy a thumbs up before he left. Mike turned back and peeked down at Claire’s left hand to find it void of a wedding ring.

  “Do you uh…” he gulped.

  That nervousness had returned. He wasn’t the same guy he’d been back in high school. He was cool, calm, and confident now. He wasn’t a shy, nervous, self-conscious teen anymore, but something about her had made him feel like a kid again. “Do you-do you live-live around here?”

  “No, well, yeah, no…I-I kinda do now,” Claire stammered. “I’m…I’m not totally sure what I’m doing, to be honest.”

  He was beyond baffled. How could this girl have anything other than a perfect life? She still looked amazing after all this time. Sure, her butt wasn’t as firm and under that red sweatshirt her breasts probably weren’t as perky, but the glow she possessed back in high school still radiated from her. She had the ability to walk into a room and immediately demand everyone’s attention, and his attention was the exact thing she’d caught the instant she stepped foot inside the coffee shop.

  She was smart, personable, and outgoing back in her youth as well. She would’ve been the perfect catch for some successful businessman or a trust fund baby who finally decided to grow up. Would’ve been? Shit, she’d still be. He had to be missing something.

  A voice barked out from behind the counter, “I can help who’s next.”

  “What’s your drink?” Mike asked.

  “I can buy it—”

  “No!” he interrupted. “I got it. What’s it gonna be?”

  “Um…” she went over the menu on the wall. “A vanilla latte.”

  “A vanilla latte and a black coffee,” Mike smiled at the barista. It took twenty years, but he was finally getting his coffee date.

  Twenty Years Ago.

  “Why won’t he ask me out?”

  Beth looked across the lunch table at her friend and huffed, “Claire, you need to stop.”

  “Stop what?” Claire inquired.

  Her friend disgustedly rolled her eyes. “You’re gonna get a reputation if you keep doing this.”

  “A reputation?” Claire asked, her eyebrows perking up in the process. “Beth, I don’t care. I like him. Maybe I should just ask him out.”

  “We’re not supposed to do that,” Beth said.

  “Why?” Claire asked.

  “Because it looks bad,” Beth told her. “He’s the man. That’s how it works.”

  “Maybe he’s not into me,” Claire dejectedly shrugged her shoulders.

  “That’s ridiculous,” Beth gave her unfiltered thoughts on the subject. “He’s just a wimp.”

  Claire had never felt like this about anyone before. It was weird in a way. She’d never even had a conversation with Mike, but she felt as if she knew him; and while her friend had a point about him being a guy, that didn’t necessarily mean that she couldn’t ask him out. Life wasn’t a Disney movie. Every girl doesn’t have a prince waiting to sweep them of her feet. Maybe she needed to find her man.

  “You know, his locker is on the third floor, but he goes out of his way to pass mine on the second when school ends.”

  Beth didn’t find that as romantic as her best friend. “God, that’s so pathetic.”

  “It’s cute,” Claire smiled. “I’m gonna say something to him when he does it today.”

  “Tell him to grow a set of balls for me, will ya?” Beth joked.

  “We had class outside yesterday and I sat next to him,” Claire told her. “I know he likes me. I can tell. I don’t understand why he won’t make a move though.”

  Beth looked her friend dead in the eyes. “Claire, I don’t want to hurt your feelin
gs, but it’s one of two things. One, he might not be into you, and maybe you’re picking up on vibes that don’t really exist. Two—and this is by far the most likely—is he’s a wimp, and he’s never gonna ask you out because he’s scared. I don’t understand why you would waste your time with a guy like that.”

  “Stop calling him a wimp!” Claire huffed. “He’s cute, and funny, and every time I go to his football and basketball games, he totally stands out. Like, he’s really good!”

  “Two months,” Beth shot back. “You’ve been doing this for two months, Claire! You could’ve been dating another guy for two months! Okay, promise me this? If he doesn’t make some kind of move on you today after you call him out in the hallway, you’ll move on?”

  Claire stared down at her salad.

  “Hey!” Beth shouted.

  “Okay, fine,” Claire agreed. “I promise.”

  Two Hours Later.

  Please say something to me today! Just do it! I can’t make it any more obvious. Maybe Beth is right. Maybe he isn’t into me, and maybe throwing myself at him for this long is pathetic. God, just say something!

  Claire opened her locker while peeking back over her shoulder.

  Any second now. What are you gonna say to him? Um…”Stalking me?” God, that’s perfect! You’re letting him know that you’ve noticed him going out of his way to see you, you’re being flirty, and you’re giving him an easy segue to say something. Claire, you’re a genius!

  She turned her head and noticed a royal blue shirt far back in the cluttered mess of students. That was him! He was tall, athletic, and possessed all the dark features she loved; but at the same time, he was different from those other guys. He wasn’t loud and obnoxious. He was quiet, but everything that came out of his mouth made her laugh. She found herself fantasizing about spending time with him. She wanted to go on long walks together and explore parts of him that no one else knew about. He was a sealed box that had never been opened, and she was eager to be the one who unwrapped him.

  “Stalking me?”

  “What?” Mike asked from across the hall.

  “Are you stalking me?” she repeated, making sure to give him a smirk so he would know that she was joking.

  “No,” Mike replied before disappearing down the hallway.

  What was that!? Oh my God…Beth’s right! He isn’t into you! In fact, he hates you! You spent two months trying to win him over, and that’s what he thinks of you! He thinks you’re trash! He thinks you’re worthless! He won’t even give you the time of day to stop and talk! Claire, he hates your guts!

  She slammed her locker shut and stormed toward the stairs.

  Back in the Coffee Shop.

  Mike hated coffee. He didn’t just dislike it, he despised it. It was so bitter and disgusting. Well, it usually was. This cup didn’t taste too bad. Maybe it was that mom-and-pop flair? He always had a soft spot for small, local businesses. Or maybe it was due to the person sitting across the table from him? It was like everything was better in her presence. He just wanted her around.

  “So, what brings you back to Hayden?” Mike asked.

  Claire took a sip of her latte before looking up, full of hesitation. “I don’t wanna burden you with my problems.”

  “Claire, we’re catching up,” he said in a soft tone, trying to ease whatever worries she had. “It’s been a long time. Believe me, chances are I know what you’re going through.”

  “I left my husband,” she boldly admitted. “Well, technically, I’m still married, but I’m never, ever going back.”

  “Jesus, what happened?”

  She looked back down into her drink. “He’s a terrible person, and those are the only kind of guys I end up with.”

  Mike’s blood began to boil. How could someone mistreat this angel? “He didn’t abuse you or anything, did he?”

  “I don’t want to get you involved,” she said after pausing for a few moments to answer.

  The only thing he could think about was his fist repeatedly bashing into her husband’s face, but he needed to be better than that. He had to be here for her. She needed someone to lean on.

  “I’m here if you need someone to talk to.”

  She glanced up into the eyes of someone she barely knew. For the first time in her life, a man offered to listen to her talk. “We just…had um…a lot of problems. It’s just, kind of tough to talk about.”

  “That’s fine,” he said. “If you decide you want to talk about it, then I’ll listen. If not, then I completely understand.”

  Claire flashed him a smile before swiftly changing the subject. “What about you? Do you live here?”

  “No,” he quickly shook his head. “Well, I came back this week. Something just drew me back, you know?”

  “Not married?” she asked, always noticing his lack of a wedding ring.

  “Like you—technically—I’m still married,” he admitted. “But that marriage is dead and buried.”

  “What happened?”

  “She cheated, and then she sat at the kitchen table across from me, looked me dead in the eyes, and accused me of cheating on her,” he said. “It’s amazing how some people are. You spend years with them, and then suddenly realize that you have no idea who you’re going to bed with every night.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Claire told him.

  “Maybe it’s for the best, “he went on. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot this past week, and other than it not working out, I’m not sure I miss much.”

  She asked, “Really?”

  “I mean, she’s beautiful, and nice, and we didn’t even fight; but we never really connected, you know?” It felt good to get this out to someone other than his parents and Shawn. “Like, mentally or emotionally. It was just physically we clicked, and is that really the type of person you want to spend your life with? But I was happy for seven years with her, so maybe I’m delusional. Maybe I would’ve been fine going through life with a girl I never had anything real with. Who knows?”

  In the past thirty seconds, Mike had said a hundred times more to Claire than he had in four years of high school. He would kill to be fifteen again.

  As the years went by, Claire would sometimes look back at the tenth grade and laugh. She knew that Mike liked her. She wouldn’t have been excited to bump into him today if she hadn’t thought that. It was easy to reflect on the situation once she got into her twenties and thirties. Mike was a nervous teenager who was scared of rejection; and instead of being able to see that at the time, she just assumed that he didn’t like her.

  She felt something at the table with him at this very moment though. He was listening to her. Sure, guys had listened in the past, but it was different. They always had ulterior motives. She just wanted a guy who liked her for who she was. She yearned for a man who didn’t judge her solely on her looks, but on her mind and personality. Because someday she would be old and gray, and she needed to be able to look over at her partner and know that he still loved her as much as the days when she was young and blonde.

  Mike gazed across the table, smiling sheepishly at the girl who still gave him butterflies after all these years.

  Jesus, you’re not going to pussy out again, are you? You’re thirty-five years old! Say it! Just say it and get it out of the way!

  “I had the biggest crush on you in tenth grade,” he admitted.

  A big grin swiftly filled Claire’s face. “I knew it!”

  “And I never made a move on you because I was terrified of you rejecting me,” he said with a laugh.

  “Stalking me?”

  Mike’s jaw dropped. “Holy shit! You remember that!?”

  “Of course, I do!” she giggled. “You went so far out of your way just to pass my locker every day. I guess I never really appreciated it until I got older. You know, it’s the little things that stand out now, and that was the cutest thing ever!”

  Mike ran his hand through his hair with a laugh. “It was embarrassing is what it was.”


  “Well, I call it cute,” she disagreed, taking a sip of her latte.

  “I could’ve filled a book with all the things I had planned to talk to you about,” he told her. “I used to lie in bed for hours and run through fictional conversations with you in my head; but every time I saw you, it was like my mind would blank. I would panic the second I saw you sitting in my desk.”

  “I can’t believe you remember I did that!” she burst out into laughter.

  “Yeah, you little flirt,” Mike joked. “Teasing me like that…”

  “Could I have made it any more obvious?” she smirked.

  He pretended to ponder her question. “Well, I mean, if you’ve jumped on me, ripped my clothes off, and then screamed ‘I love you!’ in my face, then there probably would’ve been like a thirty percent chance I would get the message.”

  Claire giggled.

  “And then you got all mean and cold with me—which I didn’t understand at the time,” he said. “Now I do, obviously.”

  She looked down, ashamed at her youthful ignorance. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “No, you had every right to,” he begged to differ. “There’s only so much rejection a person can take, and my dumbass couldn’t see it.”

  Claire opened her mouth but Mike wasn’t done.

  “So, eleventh grade rolls around and you show up with black hair, black nail polish, and your Tones on Tail t-shirt on.”

  “Oh my God!” Claire shouted. “I was such a dork!”

  “You were adorable,” he said. “And in that very second, I went from loving blondes, to loving goth girls.”

  She looked up with bewilderment. “You’re kidding me!?”

  “Not at all,” he smiled. “I ended up getting into The Cure, Sisters of Mercy, Siouxsie and the Banshees…”

  “Oh my God, stop!”

  “I’m serious,” said Mike. “I needed to be well prepared for when I made my inevitable move on you in eleventh grade. That of course never happened; but hey, I still listen to a bunch of those bands, so at least I got that out of it.”

  Mike took a deep breath. He was finally going to go for it. “We’re going on a date.”