by Christina Li
***
They decided to have the wedding in February. Valentine’s Day fell on a Saturday that year and Violet loved the idea of having that as their anniversary.
Instead of selling her uncle’s house, they opted to keep it. The house officially belonged to her now. Why not make it theirs?
This seemed like a dream. She kept expecting to wake up, but she didn’t want to.
Sunday came, and Violet drove Sam home from church. He had had a late night and barely kept his eyes open. Violet had no trouble finding her way around now and offered to drive. She liked driving his car. He owned a blue sports car, and she felt like a race car driver. She liked the fact that he trusted her to drive it as well. Also, he looked really cute when he fell asleep.
From out of nowhere a car crashed into their side. Violet tried desperately to control it, but she spun out, and they rolled down the side of an embankment into a ditch. Violet would have screamed, but she didn’t have time. When they finally came to a stop, both were unconscious.
Violet came to first. When she saw Sam, she panicked. “Please wake up, please. Dear God, please let Sam live. I’ll give him up if only You’ll let him live. Please, Lord, please.”
She heard sirens and then paramedics arrived prying open the doors and pulling both of them out. Sam remained unconscious. Violet shook with sobs and kept asking about Sam. The EMTs sedated her before putting her in the ambulance. She prayed as a peaceful darkness closed over her.
When she woke up, she lay in a hospital bed. A nurse came into her room as she tried to get up to go look for Sam.
“Woah there, you’ve been pretty banged up,” said the nurse as she gently pushed Violet back down onto the bed. “You’re going to need to take it a little slow for a few days, but then you should be good to go.”
Violet obeyed, thinking she would wait until the nurse left. “How’s Sam?”
“I’ll check on him and let you know in a few minutes.” The nurse stuck a thermometer in Violet’s mouth and wrote down the result on a chart. Then she checked her pulse. Satisfied, she said, “Get some rest and I’ll be back.”
Violet felt in no mood to wait for even a single second. The moment the door closed, she sat up and swung her feet over the side of the bed. The room spun a little as she stood, but her vision soon cleared. Then, she went to the door and peeked out. She saw a different nurse at the nursing station and went over to ask about Sam.
“Sam Givens?” she said, checking her chart. “He’s in surgery right now. Then, he’ll be transferred to intensive care. His room hasn’t been assigned yet.”
“Can I go to wherever he is and wait for him?”
The nurse frowned seeing her hospital gown. “I suspect you should be in bed. Why don’t you lay down and I’ll tell you when he gets out of surgery?”
Frustrated, she refused to give up easily. Instead, she dutifully went back to her room, but, rather than getting into bed, she opened the closet hoping they had kept her clothes. Her coat was torn and dirty, but her jean skirt and sweater were fine. Quickly, she changed. She got a lovely surprise on the closet floor. Someone had grabbed her purse. When she opened it, her laptop seemed to smile at her. She pulled it out and turned it on, surprised that it appeared unharmed.
She put it back and went to over to the room phone. With her most innocent voice, she asked Sam Givens’ location.
“He’s listed as in surgery right now.”
“Where would that be?”
“Floor seven. Follow the signs to the waiting room.”
“Thank-you so much.” Violet signed off and grabbed the rest of her things out of the closet. Then, she peeked out the door again. That first nurse came out of another room and appeared to be heading her way. She shut the door and practically leaped into bed pulling the covers up over her clothes. Then, she closed her eyes and tried to quiet her heart and slow her breathing back to normal.
The nurse walked in. “Poor thing,” she said. “She must be tired out.”
Violet decided to go along and kept her eyes closed. As soon as she heard the door click shut as the nurse left, she sat up in bed and swung her legs over the side for the third time. She grabbed the rest of her things and snuck out the door and down the hallway.
The trick to making people think you were where you were supposed to be was to walk with confidence. She straightened her back and kept her eyes forward, walking with purpose. She turned a corner and looked for signs for the nearest elevator.
Once on the seventh floor, she followed the signs for surgery. She stopped when she saw Sam’s family sitting in a nearby waiting room.
They didn’t see her, and she relaxed. She couldn’t face them. She had been driving. It was her fault they had gotten into an accident in the first place. She saw a door marked ‘Chapel’ and ducked inside glad no one else occupied the room.
She didn’t pray. She sat on one of the pews and thought about what she should do. Her first instinct was to run, call a taxi, go back to her uncle’s house, and then go back home. There were two things holding her back. First, she couldn’t leave not knowing what happened to Sam. Second, she had been driving Sam’s car and didn’t have any transportation.
However, she did have a credit card. She could go to the airport and fly home, but she had to find out about Sam first. She took a deep breath, stood, and peeked out the door and into the waiting room. A doctor stood among his family and from their reactions, she assumed Sam was okay. Now, she needed to get to a phone and find out which room they’d assigned him.
She stopped at a nursing station and asked for a pen and paper. Then, she quickly wrote a note before giving back the pen. She wandered around for another few minutes before finding a phone and getting Sam’s room number.
Fatigue threatened, so she decided to go rest in a nearby waiting room. She figured if she waited long enough, she could catch Sam by himself. Perhaps if she closed her eyes for a few moments, she would get her strength back.
She was shocked when she woke up and looked at the time. It was dark outside. Perhaps this would work in her favor and she would catch Sam alone and asleep. She got up and went in search of his room.
When she found it, she used her fingertips to knock on his door. When she got no answer, she carefully opened the door and tiptoed inside. Sam was lying on the bed, asleep. He looked so wonderful, so gentle and sweet. She reached out a hand and touched his forehead, gently brushing aside his hair. She didn’t realize she was crying until a tear fell on his face.
He shifted and Violet froze. When he didn’t open his eyes, Violet let out the breath she had been holding. She walked determinedly over to the table and put down the note she had written previously and set the engagement ring on top. Then, hardly able to see through her tears, she hurried out.
Chapter 20
Violet’s luck held until near the building entrance. She headed for an information booth to get a taxi or bus ticket. Unfortunately, her intense focus became her downfall, and she nearly ran into Will.
He grabbed her shoulders to steady her. “Violet, you weren’t in your room when we came to visit you earlier. Have they released you already?”
“I hate hospitals.” She didn’t directly answer his question, but he didn’t appear to notice.
“The police report didn’t have much. Can you tell me what happened?”
Violet wouldn’t meet his eyes. “A car hit us. I must not have been watching carefully. I lost control, and we went into the ditch. It was all my fault.” She barely managed to keep the tears back.
“Hey, it wasn’t your fault.” He narrowed his eyes and studied her. “Do you need a ride home? I can give you a lift.”
“Thank-you.” The walk through the hospital and the tension she carried exhausted her. Sheer force of will kept her eyes open on the way home. At least he seemed to understand her need for silence and didn’t pressure her to speak.
When they got there, he walked her to her d
oor. As she put the key in the lock, she said, “Thanks. I really appreciate this.”
“No problem. We were all worried about you when you weren’t in your room. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
“I think I need to rest for a little while.”
He nodded and left. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it staring off into space. Fatigue overwhelmed her to the point that even thinking clearly had become difficult.
After a moment or two, she pushed away from the door and wandered upstairs to her room, setting her laptop down on her desk. Automatically, she opened it and typed in her password. Then, she stared at the blank screen for several minutes. Finally, she shut it and sat and thought. Officially, her time in her uncle’s house was up. She now held full claim to the house and might do what she wanted with it. Right now, she wanted to get out as quickly as possible. She opened her laptop again and sent an e-mail to her real estate agent telling her to put the house on the market immediately. Then, she e-mailed her lawyer and asked him to mail her the title deed to her aunt’s home back in Butterfield. With that done, she stood up and started packing.
It was dawn when she finished. As she got into her car, Jesse saw her on his way into the Coffee House. He changed direction and jogged over to her. She thought about trying to somehow conceal the suitcase, but the rest of her stuff sat obvious in her car. Instead, she shoved it in the back seat and slammed the door. She grasped the door handle for the driver’s side.
“Violet, what’s going on? Why are you leaving? You aren’t still blaming yourself are you? Will told us that he took you home last night.”
Reluctantly, she took her hand off the car door handle and turned towards him. “Jesse, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“How can you say that? You can’t just leave. He loves you.”
“Jesse, marrying Sam is a bad idea. He can do so much better. I never should have said, ‘yes’ to him.”
“What craziness are you saying? I haven’t seen him this happy since he was a kid playing doctor.”
Violet looked down at the ground and tried to keep the tears from falling again. “I can’t face losing someone I love again,” she whispered. “I saw him there in that hospital bed. He’s better off without me.”
“Violet, that’s not true. How can you lie to yourself like this?”
She grabbed the car door handle again and pulled determinedly. “I’ve made up my mind. This is the best thing for him. I’m going home.”
“Violet, you’re making a huge mistake.”
Her lips formed a thin line, and she got into the car slamming the door shut. She rammed the key into the ignition and turned it. Jesse didn’t move. She rolled down her window and said, “I’m sorry. It’s what I have to do.”
She put the car into gear and backed out of the driveway, determined to never set foot in Rolling Hills ever again. As soon as she got on the highway, the tears started flowing. She had to wipe her eyes in order to see the road.
***
Several hours later, her aunt’s open mouth clearly indicated her surprise. “Violet!” She wrapped her arms around her. “Are you here for the weekend?”
“No, Aunty. I’m here to stay.”
“What about Sam?”
Instead of answering, Violet burst into tears and ran to her old room. Aunt Mabel decided now would not be the best time to get her questions answered.
Later she knocked on Violet’s door. “Dear, I’ve brought you some dinner. Won’t you open the door?”
“Thank-you, Aunty, but I’m not hungry.”
“I’ll leave it in the refrigerator for you then.”
“Thank-you.”
Aunt Mabel sighed. Perhaps it would be best to let Violet rest for a while. Surely, she would be willing to talk in the morning.
That night, Aunt Mabel got a call. “May I speak with Miss Mabel please?”
“This is she.”
“This is Jesse Givens. I’m Sam’s brother. Did Violet make it back home okay?”
“Yes, she’s here. Jesse, what’s going on?”
“My friend Will told me—No, I’d better take it from the beginning. Violet and Sam were in a car accident a couple of days ago. Violet was driving and she and Sam were rushed to the hospital. Sam was unconscious, but Violet wasn’t. Apparently, she blames herself, but it wasn’t her fault.”
“Oh no, another car accident. She blamed herself for her parents’ deaths too. How is Sam?”
“He’s pretty banged up and he’s got a broken leg, but he’s going to be fine. The doctors are going to let him out in less than a week. He doesn’t know about Violet yet. She left her ring and a note in his room. She said she couldn’t marry him. Can you talk to her?”
“I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything. This touches on her deepest fears.”
“Thank-you. We’ll all be praying.”
“Thank-you. You’re all a terrific group of people, exactly what Violet needs. I know the Lord will work all of this out, but be patient. It may take a while.”
Jesse signed off and Aunt Mabel sat back in her favorite comfy chair tense with concern. Then, she forced herself to relax and bowed her head in prayer.
The Lord allowed this to happen so Violet would face her fears. Even the news of her own sickness was all part of God’s plan.
She needed a peace about telling Violet that the cancer had returned. She feared that it would send the poor girl over the edge, but there was no way to hide it now. Even walking around the house winded her.
***
The next morning Violet didn’t wake up until after eleven. Her muscles complained a bit, but she forced herself to get up, anyway. At least her clothes covered most of the bruises. The night before, she hadn’t brought in her suitcase, so she had to come out of her room to get that and other things out of the car. She hadn’t even brought in her computer.
As she walked through the family room towards the front door, her aunt saw her. “How are you this morning?”
“It’s good to be home.”
Aunt Mabel noticed the girl hadn’t answered her question. She decided to let her get her stuff and question her over coffee.
After a hot shower and a change of clothes, Violet mood improved a little. The aroma of coffee brewing effectively lured her to the kitchen and Aunt Mabel. She accepted that she had better face her sometime, might as well get it over with.
Violet grabbed a mug and filled it, fortifying herself for what was to come. Her aunt let her sit down and sip a bit before speaking.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“All right then, I’ll talk.”
“Before you try to convince me to change my mind, you should know that I won’t. This is best for Sam.”
“I wasn’t going to talk about Sam or even you for that matter.”
Surprised, Violet sat there and waited.
“Violet, you need to face your biggest fear—the fear of losing the people you love.”
“Aunty, I can’t. I can’t do it.”
“I wasn’t done.”
Chastised, Violet closed her mouth and waited for her aunt to finish.
“Violet, the cancer has come back. The doctors say I have maybe a couple of months left.”
Everything in Violet’s world suddenly came crashing down all around her. She wanted to scream or cry or even speak, but instead, her entire body froze in shock. Finally, she uttered one word, “No.”
Aunt Mabel reached across the table and took Violet’s hand. “You knew this might happen. The first time I was diagnosed, I wasn’t supposed to live more than a few weeks. Here I’ve been given six more years with the sweetest, loveliest girl in the world. I’m ready to die. I’m looking forward to being with my Jesus. It’s my time and I want to be with Him.”
“But I don’t want to lose you.” Violet didn’t even attempt to wipe away the tears that fell onto the tab
le.
“You aren’t really losing me. I get to go first.”
“It’s not the same.”
“Violet, let me ask you a question.”
She nodded to her aunt.
“Have you prayed about Sam? Have you asked the Lord what He thinks about this accident? Have you considered that Satan is playing with your head, and you are letting him?”
“That’s more than one question.”
“Young lady, you did not answer any of them.” Aunt Mabel allowed her niece to see her anger.
She cringed.
“Well?”
“No, Aunty. I haven’t been able to pray.”
“That’s a lie straight from the pit of Hell too. The only one keeping you from praying is you. Don’t you think it’s time you got on your knees and talked to Him?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Aunt Mabel smiled as Violet left the room. Then, she grimaced as a shaft of pain went through her. Once again, the doctors were wrong. Instead of a couple of months, Aunt Mabel had only a few days. She did regret that she probably wouldn’t live to see Violet’s wedding, but she wouldn’t miss that heavenly wedding of the Lamb for anything.
***
Instead of going to her room, Violet went outside. The biting cold matched the numbness inside. She checked her cell and found several missed calls. Of course, one of them came from Sam. Guilt gnawed at her for ignoring his calls, but she told herself this was for the best.
She walked around the yard and then off down the road toward the farms, trying to pray. Then, she ran. She ran without seeing. She ran until her sides ached and her nose ran. Finally, unable to go on, she stopped. She was in the cemetery, next to her parents’ granite marker. At that, she knelt down and wept. She poured out her heart and soul and still continued to weep. She cried until there were no tears left. Then, she screamed and beat on the ground.
When she stopped, she was covered in grass and mud. She turned onto her back on the cold, hard ground, spent. The sky, bright blue with streaks of white stared back. “What am I going to do, Lord? I’ve lost everyone and everything. What is there left for me? I’m numb, Lord. I don’t even want to write. I’m lost and I don’t know how to find my way back. Is there even a ‘back’ for me? What am I going to do?”
She lay there and waited. Slowly, feeling came creeping back into her body. Her fingers and toes tingled and her nose stung with the cold. Her heart beat strong and steady and her lungs took air in and out. “So, I’m alive, Lord. What am I supposed to do? And for that matter why am I the one who lives? Why not me who dies?”
