by E. L. Todd
I rolled my eyes. “If I did, I wouldn’t tell you.”
“So, that’s a yes,” Roland said with a nod. “Good job, man.”
I didn’t bother arguing with them. “Where’s your sister?”
He shrugged. “Off in her own world.”
“Why didn’t she want to come tonight?” I asked.
“She said she had plans,” Roland said.
“With who?” I asked.
He glared at me. “Are you a detective or something? What’s with the third degree?”
I rolled my eyes then sat down, getting the game started.
“Everyone liked Jasmine,” Theo said. “I know my parents did.”
“She’s a sweet girl,” I said. “What’s not to like?”
“She doesn’t have any family?” Roland asked.
I shook my head. “Her parents took off and she doesn’t have any living relatives.”
“Geez…that’s brutal.” Slade dealt the cards.
Trinity put chips and salsa on the table. “Does that mean Skye is history?”
Everyone stared at me, wondering what my response was.
I shrugged. “I don’t want to be in pain anymore. I just want to move on and forget about her.”
Silke sighed. “You’ve been saying that for years.”
“I know…” That knowledge just made me more depressed.
“Maybe you shouldn’t sleep with her three nights in a row,” Roland said sarcastically.
“I couldn’t say no, alright?” I felt my shoulders tense. “She asked me to.”
“Forget about her,” Slade said. “She just likes the attention since Zack isn’t around anymore. I don’t know what you see in her. She’s just a self-absorbed—”
I gave him a threatening look.
“Dragon,” Slade finished.
Everyone looked at Slade, confusion on their faces.
He threw his cards down. “It’s a long story. We don’t have enough time tonight.”
Everyone threw their cards down and took new ones. A somber tint filled the atmosphere, or maybe that was just me. I wasn’t sure. I tried not to think about Skye for the rest of the game. But of course, that never worked.
Another week went by and she and I didn’t speak. We didn’t cross paths. Every time an event was going on, she wasn’t there. She always mysteriously had other plans. But I didn’t know who with since the group pretty much stuck together.
I started to wonder why she was absent. Was something bothering her? Was something wrong? Did I do something? She told me everything and now I was trash to her. What was her problem? I did everything for her and this is the thanks I got?
I headed to the library but didn’t see Skye in our usual spot. She was never there. But I knew she had a break between classes so she had to be studying somewhere. The library was massive so I walked past the bookshelves, checking the other tables. By chance, I finally spotted her sitting alone, reading a textbook. If she was isolated like this, she was obviously avoiding all of us.
I threw my bag down then sat across from her.
She flinched at my unexpected appearance. Her eyes widened slightly before they dilated again. Within a second, she retained her composure.
“Why are you avoiding me?” I blurted.
“I’m not…” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear then looked down.
“You just prefer sitting alone in a corner with cobwebs?”
“I study better without any distractions.”
“Is that what you’ve been doing for the past two weeks?” I barked. “Studying?”
“Yes…” Her voice betrayed her nervousness.
“Skye, what’s your problem? I take you to the hospital and look after you. Then I sleep with you for three nights, and now you’re acting like we aren’t even friends.”
“I’ve just been busy.”
“You didn’t speak to me once at Thanksgiving. And every time we get together, you’re never there. Did I do something to piss you off?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then what’s your problem? We used to be best friends and now you act like you can’t stand me.”
“It’s not you…”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I hated being harsh with her, but her childish behavior was really getting on my nerves. I isolated myself from her before, but I had a good reason. And I wasn’t rude to her. I still spoke to her and acknowledged her.
“I’m just busy…okay?”
“You’ve always been a terrible liar.” I stared her down, feeling my annoyance bubble.
She sighed then closed her textbook. “I have to go.”
“That’s convenient.”
She didn’t look at me as she packed her stuff. An indifferent look was on her face, like I meant nothing to her. She shouldered her bag then turned around.
“You used to tell me everything. Now I don’t even know you…”
She stilled but didn’t turn around. Then she walked away.
18
Skye
It was too hard to be around Cayson. Every time I looked at him, I thought about Jasmine. He was in a relationship and he was happy. There was no possibility I would ever be with him. I needed to move on but I was quickly realizing how hard that was.
I hated hurting him. The pissed look on his face went straight to my heart. I wanted to confess and just tell him the truth, hoping it would bring us closer together. But I knew the knowledge would just push him further away. So I kept it to myself, bottling it deep inside.
Any time the gang got together, I never joined them. I stayed in my apartment and entertained myself. I didn’t want to see Cayson and pretend everything was normal. And I couldn’t stand to see him with Jasmine. I hated watching him kiss her, touch her. The tenderness they shared made me want to gag. She was a very nice girl, someone I could probably be friends with, but I just couldn’t stop hating her. She didn’t deserve my hostility but I couldn’t help it.
Roland invited me over for movie night. We’re watching the old Godzilla movie and we’re going to make fun of it. Come over.
I have homework. Maybe next time.
How much homework could you possibly have? That’s all you ever do.
I didn’t respond. Hopefully, he would just leave me alone. When he didn’t send a message back, I knew I was in the clear. I curled up on the couch and watched TV, trying to find something to distract my mind. If I went to my brother’s, Cayson would be there. And he would probably bring his girlfriend along too.
Thirty minutes later, my lock turned and the front door opened.
“Doing homework my ass.” Roland came to the couch, glaring at me.
“I was just taking a break. And don’t just barge into my apartment.”
“Dad gave me a key for a reason.”
“Not to come over whenever the hell you want,” I snapped.
“That’s at my discretion.” He eyed my pajamas and unkempt hair. “Skye, what’s going on?”
“I’m just tired, okay?”
He sat on the couch beside me. “I’m starting to get worried…”
“Just because I don’t want to hang out with you doesn’t mean there’s something wrong.”
“For three weeks straight?” he asked incredulously. “Come on. Something is up.”
“No, there isn’t.”
“Do you want me to call Dad?” he threatened. “Because I will.”
I glared at him. “That’s not funny.”
“Then tell me what’s up? You’ve been weird since Thanksgiving.”
“Roland, just leave me alone.” I was starting to grow frustrated. “I don’t want to hang out. I don’t want to do anything. Just go.” I sighed then leaned against the couch.
“Skye…what’s wrong?”
I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. “Roland, I asked you to leave.”
“How can I go when you’re like this? I’m worried about you.”
“Well, don’t be.”
“I know we aren’t extremely close but…I really wish you would tell me. I care about you. I love you…”
Now I felt like a bitch. My brother was being sweet to me for the first time and I was pushing him away. “I love you too, Roland. But I just want to be alone right now. It’s nothing personal.”
“Are you depressed over Zack?”
I tried not to laugh. “No.”
“Is it something else?”
“Roland, just go.” My voice sliced through the air. “Tell everyone I said hi and enjoy your movie.”
He sighed, finally giving up. “Okay. I hope you change your mind.”
I watched him, waiting for him to leave.
He finally left my couch and headed to the door. “I guess I’ll see you around…”
“Yeah.”
He walked out and locked the door behind him.
I stayed on the couch, basking in my own misery.
The next few days were spent in solitude. I avoided everyone as much as possible. I didn’t even go to work just because I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Maybe if I stayed this way long enough, my feelings for Cayson would go away. If I never saw him, it was bound to happen.
Right?
I picked a quiet spot in the library then put my things down. Just when I opened my textbook, I had visitors.
“Alright.” Roland came from behind the bookshelf, followed by everyone else except Cayson. “It’s time for an intervention.”
Slade smirked at me. “You’re going to tell us what the hell is up your ass.”
“You better be dying or something,” Trinity said.
They boxed me in so I couldn’t get out. Damn it.
Slade sat across from me. “So…what’s your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem,” I said quietly.
“Bullshit,” Roland said. “You’ve lost like ten pounds in the past month. And we all know you didn’t do it on purpose.”
“Why won’t you just talk to us?” Trinity said. “We’re family.”
I hated myself for hurting them. “It’s not you guys…”
“Then what is it?” Roland said. “We’re really worried about you, Skye. If this intervention doesn’t work, I’m calling Dad.”
That was a frightening threat.
“Come on,” Slade said. “Talk to us. You think we’re going to judge you or something? You got a bun in the oven?”
I glared at him. “No.”
“Then tell us,” Trinity said. “You’re seriously scaring us.”
I ran my fingers through my hair, knowing I was backed into a wall. They knew something was up and I couldn’t keep hiding it. And it would be nice to talk to someone about it, especially the closest people to me. There were no secrets between us, and it felt odd to hoard one now. “Okay…you have to promise me you won’t say a word.”
“Done,” Slade blurted.
“I mean it. You can’t say anything to Cayson.”
Trinity’s eyes widened. “Why?”
“I don’t want him to know,” I said simply. “So you can’t tell him.”
Roland was practically at the edge of his seat. “What is it?”
I couldn’t believe I was going to admit this out loud.
“You’re killing us, Skye.” Trinity hit her fist on the table. “Just tell us.”
I felt like a horrible person for saying it out loud. “I…lately I’ve been…it’s just—”
“You got into to Harvard,” Slade snapped. “You can make better sentences than that.”
“I’m in love with Cayson,” I blurted. God, it felt good to get that off my chest.
Trinity covered her face and gasped.
Roland broke out in a smile.
Slade jumped on the table and started dancing. “Yes! Finally! Yes!”
Everyone in the library looked over at us, watching Slade.
Trinity pulled on his jeans. “Get down! You’re going to get us in trouble.”
Slade jumped back down. “Hallelujah. I thought this day would never come.”
“And I almost gave up,” Roland said.
What the hell were they talking about? “Sorry?”
“You seriously don’t know that Cayson has been in love with you since…forever?” Trinity said. “He’s been hooked on you for years.”
“Pretty much since he saw you in a swimsuit after your tits came in,” Slade said.
“You think he just waits on you hand and foot because he’s bored?” Roland asked. “I’m your brother and I don’t even look after you like that.”
I couldn’t process this. “What?”
Trinity shook her head. “Lady, I’ve told you this at least a hundred times. This shouldn’t be surprising.”
Slade laughed. “She really had no idea. That’s hilarious.”
“Cayson was in love with me?” I asked.
“No. He is in love with you,” Slade said. “Now go find him and tell him what’s up.”
I couldn’t do that. “He has a girlfriend.”
“No,” Slade said. “She’s a glorified fuck buddy. She doesn’t mean shit to him.”
“He took her to Thanksgiving,” I argued.
“Because she had nowhere else to go,” Roland snapped.
“It’s the truth,” Slade said. “Go talk to him.”
“Maybe she was just someone to spend time with but it’s clear their relationship is different now.” My hand shook slightly, unable to believe that Cayson felt the same way I did…at one point in time. “It’s pretty obvious they care a lot about each other. I can’t intervene.”
“Maybe they do but that doesn’t matter,” Trinity said. “He’s been in love with you forever. He’d dump her in a heartbeat.”
“And that would be wrong,” I said. “She’s totally hung up on him.”
“Too bad, so sad,” Slade barked. “Cayson made it clear he was just dating her to get over you. It’s not like it’ll catch her by surprise.”
I know what I saw. Cayson treated her with tenderness and respect. It was more than just a fling, more than just a friends-with-benefits relationship. “I don’t think he feels the same way anymore…” I remembered our last conversation and how angry he was.
“Yes, he does,” Slade said. “I promise you. Just talk to him.”
“No.” I packed up my things. “I love Cayson but I’m not going to break up his relationship with Jasmine. I’m not selfish. I’ll have to wait until it ends and hope for the best or…just move on.”
Roland groaned. “You’re killing me here.”
“Don’t say a word to him,” I said firmly. “You guys promised.”
Slade looked like he might hit me in the face. “You’re so close. You’re just going to give up now?”
I turned away. “I’m not giving up. Maybe one day our timing will be better. Jasmine is a nice girl and I feel horrible declaring my love for him when he already belongs to her. I feel like an adulteress.”
“We get that,” Roland said. “And if this were any other relationship, we would agree. But we all know for a fact Jasmine doesn’t mean anything to him.”
“I might believe you if he didn’t take her to Thanksgiving…” I couldn’t erase the sight of them together from my mind.
Trinity growled. “I’m about to smack some sense into your thick skull, Skye. This is stupid. He loves you and you love him. There’s absolutely no reason for you two not to be together.”
“I wish things were different…but they aren’t.” I gave them a sad look before I walked off. “And I accept that.”
When I got home, I climbed under my covers and lay in bed. I thought about what my family had told me. Cayson used to be in love with me. When I thought about our past, how well we clicked and how he did everything for me, I couldn’t fathom how I never noticed it. His eyes always lit up when I walked into a room. He listened to every word I said and remembered it. He knew how to make me laugh, make me feel alive.
How did I n
ot notice? If I had, he would be mine right now. I felt so stupid. I wasted all that time when I could have been with him. Now he was with Jasmine, a pretty girl with a perfect body. I could never compete with that.
Overcome with grief, I pulled the blankets over my head and tried to disappear.
19
Cayson
I sat on the couch and typed up my lab report. My notebook was covered in acid and god knew what else. Turning in a fresh piece of paper was necessary. When my door burst open, I was distracted.
“Dude, we need to talk.” Slade slammed the door and walked inside.
“Yes, just come right in,” I said sarcastically. I put my computer down then stood up.
“If you care that much, just lock your door.”
“Or just knock.”
He walked into my bedroom and took a look around.
“What the hell are you doing?”
He came back. “Is Jasmine here?”
“No.”
“Is she coming over?”
“No. What’s this about?”
He was squirmy, barely able to stand in one spot. “I need to tell you something but I can’t actually tell you.”
“Goodie…”
“So you need to guess.”
“Why can’t you just tell me?”
“Because I promised not to. Now focus, man. This is important.”
“But not important enough for you to actually tell me?”
“Don’t be a smartass. Now is not the time.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and sighed. This should be good.
“Okay…” He rubbed his hands together. “Let me think.”
“That’s a first,” I said sarcastically.
“Okay.” He clapped his hands. “I got it.”
I stared him down.
“Okay, so…you and Jasmine are doing it, right?”
“Yes…”
“Who else would you like to do it with?” His eyes were wide and about to fall out of his head.
“Like a threesome?”
He growled. “No. Who else do you have a thing for?”
“Um…Skye.”
“Yes! Good!”
I was so confused.
