Forever and Ever (Complete #1-7)

by E. L. Todd

  I was starting to panic. I was going to lose her if I didn’t do something. “I can’t lose you…I can’t.”

  Her eyes were glued to mine and they darkened. Emotion passed through but I couldn’t distinguish what she was thinking.

  “I’ll give you a relationship, okay? We’ll be…together…and exclusive. We’ll go from there.”

  “Go from there?” she questioned. “What does that mean?”

  “I don’t know,” I snapped. “I’ve never done this before. I don’t even know what’s going on.”

  “Slade, you know exactly what I want in life. I want someone who’s going to stick around for the long haul, not some temporary fuck buddy. If you can’t give me what I want, let me go.”

  That wasn’t an option. She brought me so much happiness. “Okay…I’ll try.”

  “You’ll try?” She raised an eyebrow. “That’s it? You’ll try?”

  “That’s as much as I can give you, okay? I will work on it and I’ll try to be the man you want. I will try.” Emotion was catching in my throat. “I think you deserve to be with Mr. Perfect. I really do. And maybe Reid is that guy. But…I want you. I want you more than he does.”

  “But not enough, right?” Tears were starting to bubble under her eyes. She turned her face, trying to hide them. “Why am I even wasting time having this conversation with you?” Her voice was quiet. “I’m never going to get what I deserve if I keep settling.”

  I hated seeing her cry. It was making me feel like garbage. When women cried, it only made me uncomfortable. But with Trinity…it was different. My heart ached at the sight. My lungs hurt with every breath I took. “I feel something for you, Trinity. Something more than I’ve ever felt for anyone in my whole life. I’m already a different person. I’ve never had sex with someone more than twice. But with you, I can’t get enough. The idea of you being with another guy makes me sick. This is the first time I’ve ever been jealous. And…that means something. I can’t promise you all those things right now….but if you’re patient with me…maybe we can have those things. I promise I’ll try.”

  She still wouldn’t look at me. She wiped her tears away then took a deep breath. “When I thought you slept with that girl, I was so upset that I went out and tried to find someone to help me forget about you. That was how I met Reid. I wouldn’t have looked for him if I’d known otherwise…”

  What did that mean? “So…you feel the same way?”

  She nodded. “Reid is the perfect guy. There’s not a single thing about him that I don’t like…but…”

  “But what?”

  “I still want you.” She covered her face. “It doesn’t make any sense. All you’ve done is hurt me and use me. You never cared about me when we first got together. Yet, somehow, I feel something for you. It’s strong enough to make me cry when I thought you were with someone else. The smart thing would be to pick Reid…but I don’t want to.”

  That was music to my ears. “I feel the same way. When this arrangement started, it was meaningless. But…you’ve become the only woman I want to have. Does this mean you accept my offer?”

  “Are we still going to be a secret?”

  I wanted to be. But I guess it was her decision. “I want to keep it to ourselves but I’ll go public if that’s what you want.”

  She shook her head. “I’m not ready to tell anyone…especially since I don’t even know what I would say to describe our relationship.”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  “No other girls?”

  “I promise,” I blurted. “I want the same from you.”

  “I’ll tell Reid tomorrow.”

  I knew I shouldn’t ask this because I didn’t want to know, but I had to. “Did you sleep with him, Trinity?” Please say no. Please say no.

  “No.”

  I released the air I was holding in my lungs.

  “But I kissed him.”

  Hallelujah. I can breathe again. “Okay.”

  “And what did you do with that model?” she asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “You didn’t even kiss her?”

  “Well, she kissed my neck for a little bit but that was it.”

  Trinity seemed to be satisfied by that response. “I feel like I’m making a mistake but I want to make it anyway.”

  That hurt. “I’ll try not to be a mistake.”

  She turned her attention back to her keys then got the front door open.

  “Can I sleep here?” I asked quietly.

  “I guess.” She walked inside then put her coat and purse down. She wore a red dress that had long sleeves. A silver bracelet was on her wrist. Heeled boots were on her feet.

  “You look really pretty.”

  It didn’t seem like she thought my compliment was sincere. She walked away without saying anything. Then she went to her room and undressed.

  I came behind her then pulled my shirt off.

  “I don’t want to have sex tonight,” she blurted.

  “That’s fine.” I wasn’t expecting anything.

  She got into bed then set her alarm. Then she turned off the lights.

  I got into bed beside her then snuggled close to her. Her back was to me and she was tense. She was angry with me but I wasn’t sure why.

  “Hey.”

  “What?” she whispered.

  My arm grabbed her waist then pulled her closer to me. I turned her over and forced her to look at me. “I want to see you.”

  She kept her arms tight around her chest, like she was protecting herself. She stared at me then looked down, gazing at my chest.

  How do I make this better? I grabbed one of her arms then hooked it around my waist. Then I moved my leg between her thighs. “Touch me.”

  She let me reposition her but she was still closed off from me.

  I stared at her for a long time, wishing I could read her mind. “What are you thinking?”

  She was quiet for so long I didn’t think she heard me. “I guess I’m scared.”

  “Of what?”

  “This…”

  There wasn’t a single word I could use to describe what our arrangement was. She meant a lot to me, more than I could possibly express. Whenever I wasn’t with her, I thought about her. I kept trying to convince myself Trinity didn’t mean anything to me, that she was just some girl I like sleeping with. But I knew that wasn’t true. My heart beat for her and she was the only woman I wanted. The fact I dreamt about her and stared at her when she thought I wasn’t looking was terrifying. Every time I touched her, my heart accelerated. Blood pounded in my ears and I felt light-headed. Everything was different and nothing was the same. “I’m scared too.”

  48

  Trinity

  “When are you going to tell him?” Slade had asked me that three times a day every day.

  “When I tell him,” I snapped.

  He sat beside me on the couch, his jaw clenched. “I want you to tell him now.”

  I glared at him from my seat against the armrest. “What’s the rush?”

  “Because if he thinks you’re his, then you aren’t really mine.” Anger burned in his eyes and his shoulders were tense. He’d never been the jealous type but he seemed to be acting that way now.

  “Just calm down.”

  Slade looked at the TV but I knew he wasn’t really watching it.

  “How was your trip to California?”

  “Fine.” He said nothing more.

  I rolled my eyes. I knew he was going to be in a bad mood until I broke up with Reid. The truth was, I was dreading it. I felt like I was saying goodbye to a future I wanted. I had no idea why I agreed to what Slade wanted but I did. “If you’re going to be an asshole, then fine, I’ll do it now.”

  He visibly relaxed. “Great. Let’s go.”

  “Whoa…let’s? As in we?”

  “Yep.” He jumped up from the couch then put his wallet in his pocket.

  “You aren’t coming.”

  “Yes, I am.”

/>   “No, you aren’t,” I argued.

  “Too bad.”

  I stood up then glared at him. “Get over yourself, Slade. This jealous and controlling side of you isn’t a good color on you.”

  He clenched his jaw and said nothing.

  I pulled out my phone. Hey, can we talk?

  Sure. I just got off work.

  Can we have coffee?

  Okay. You want me to come get you?

  Sure.

  I’ll be there in half an hour.

  Okay. “He’ll be here soon. You should go.”

  Slade clearly didn’t want to. “How about I just chill here?”

  I shook my head. “You’re unbelievable.”

  “What?” he snapped.

  “What are you so afraid of?”

  Slade stared me down but didn’t say anything.

  “You tell me everything. Now fess up.”

  He sighed then ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m afraid he’s going to change your mind. If I’m here, you’re less likely to pick him.”

  “Slade, I’m not going to change my mind.”

  He still seemed uneasy. “It just seems like you aren’t happy with your decision.”

  “You already know how I feel. I’m scared as hell of what this is. It’s so volatile and delicate. I’m going down a blind path with absolutely no senses. I never expected to feel anything for you. You were a man I hated and couldn’t stand. And now…you’re my best friend. It’s a lot to take in.”

  He seemed to relax. “Okay. I’ll go.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Call me if you need me.”

  “Okay.”

  He cupped my face and gave me a slow kiss. “I promise I will try, Trinity. And that’s more than I’ve given any girl before. Keep that in mind.”

  “I know…”

  He kissed me again. “I’ll see you later.” He walked out and shut the door.

  I stood there, thinking about that kiss long after it was over.

  Reid rang the doorbell.

  Ugh, I was not looking forward to this. At all.

  I opened the door. “Hey…”

  He eyed my jeans and sweater. “You look nice.”

  “Thanks.” I closed the door behind me and locked it. “There’s a Starbucks just down the road.”

  He didn’t move. His hands were in his pockets and his eyes were lifeless. “I have a feeling we should just have this conversation here. Otherwise, it’ll be an awkward drive home.”

  I didn’t know what to say.

  “Seeing you two together made it clear you guys aren’t just messing around. I’m not sure about the details and I don’t really want to know, but I can tell there’s something more.”

  I didn’t see the point in denying it.

  “I’m assuming that’s what you wanted to tell me.” He looked to me for verification.

  “Yeah…”

  He nodded slowly then looked across my yard. Then he turned back to me. “Trinity, I’m offering you a lot more than he is. If he can’t give you what you want, don’t settle. Take a chance on me and see where it goes.”

  I never had a guy fight for me before. “You’re the logical choice…”

  “Then why aren’t you picking me?”

  I fidgeted with my hair. “I don’t know…”

  He studied my face, his eyes lingering on mine. A minute passed and nothing was said. “You love him.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the ground. Words escaped me and I couldn’t speak.

  He nodded again. “I guess there’s nothing you can do about that.”

  “I’m so sorry, Reid.”

  “It’s okay. Sometimes things don’t work out.”

  He was being such a good sport about it. “I feel terrible.”

  “Hey, why get upset about something you can’t change?” He touched my shoulder then rubbed it gently. Then he dropped it. “I just hope he gives you everything you deserve. Because you’re very special, Trinity.”

  “He said he would try.”

  “Well, maybe I’m the best thing that ever happened to you—in a twisted way.” He chuckled lightly.

  “You’re so perfect, Reid. I can’t believe I’m going to walk away from you.”

  “Well, maybe you aren’t looking for perfect.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Sometimes you need something different, unique. And maybe Slade can give that to you.”

  I never thought about it that way before.

  “But, I do want to say this. If things don’t work out and you find yourself alone in the world, call me. I don’t care how many years pass. If I’m available, I’d really like a chance with you—a real one.”

  That was the last thing I expected him to say. “I’ll remember that.”

  He gave me a long look before he stepped back. “Tell Slade he’s a lucky guy.” He turned around and walked away, leaving me on my front porch. After he got into his Range Rover, he drove away.

  While I was sad that my time with Reid was over, I hoped I’d never see him again.

  Skye sat across from me in the library. “How was your weekend?”

  Dreadful. “It was okay.”

  “How did the date with Mr. Dreamy go?” She scattered her textbooks across the table and got comfortable.

  I couldn’t pretend I was still dating him. Skye would catch on. But what excuse would I make? Keeping Slade a secret was only going to get more difficult as time went on. “Actually, it’s not going to work out.”

  Her eyes darted to my face. “Why? What happened?”

  I tried to find a quick explanation. “He just said he didn’t see it going anywhere.”

  “What?” she asked. “But he seemed so into you.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe he’s dating someone else.”

  Skye’s eyes fell in sadness. “I’m so sorry, Trinity.” She moved her hand over mine.

  “It’s okay.”

  “You’re going to find the perfect guy. I don’t know when, but it’s going to happen.”

  I nodded quickly. “Thanks…”

  She pulled her hand away and sighed. “You want to get a drink? Or even better, a pint of ice cream?”

  I chuckled. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”

  Skye seemed doubtful.

  “Really. I don’t need a man to be happy. He’ll show up when I stop looking.”

  “Well, at least you have a good attitude about it. But I’m always in the mood for ice cream so let me know if you change your mind.”

  I smiled. “Thanks, girl.” I flipped through my magazine. “What did you and Cayson do this weekend?”

  “Cayson wasn’t here. He went home for the weekend.”

  What? He went home for the weekend? And Slade went to California? That seemed to be an odd coincidence. “He did?”

  She nodded.

  “What for?”

  “Nothing specific. He just wanted to see his family.”

  “Oh. What did you do then?”

  She rolled her eyes. “I sat on the couch and thought about Cayson the entire time…like a pathetic love struck teenager.” She added a laugh at the end.

  “I’m not judging you. I always knew you were pathetic.”

  She gave me a quick glare. “When you fall in love, you’ll be pathetic too.”

  With the way Slade treated me, I was already pathetic. “Yeah…”

  Cayson moved into the seat beside her. “Hey, beautiful.” He put his arm around her shoulder then leaned in and kissed her.

  Skye visibly melted at his touch. “I’m so glad you’re home.”

  “Sleepover for the week?”

  She rubbed her nose against his. “Please.”

  I tried not to gag. But I was also jealous.

  Cayson finally turned toward me. “Hey, Trinity.”

  “Hey.”

  “How’s it going with that guy?”

  Skye told him? Now I knew how Slade knew. “It didn’t work
out.”

  His eyes narrowed and he stared at me for a long time. “What happened?” he blurted. He never asked me personal questions like that. It was odd.

  I shrugged. “He said he wasn’t interested anymore.”

  He stared at me like it was the first time he ever really looked at me. “Oh…I’m sorry.”

  Why was he being so weird? “It’s okay.”

  Cayson kept his arm around Skye’s shoulders but his eyes were reserved for me.

  Okay…what the hell was going on?

  Slade reached our table then plopped down into a chair. He was wearing a black jacket and we all noticed.

  Cayson eyed him. “Cold?”

  Slade reached inside his jacket then pulled out a burrito wrapped in foil. “No. I just had to sneak this in.”

  I didn’t comment. It was getting more difficult to argue and bicker with him. We still butted heads every once in a while, but now we got along for the most part.

  He ripped the foil off then starting munching on his food. His eyes glanced around to make sure we were alone.

  Cayson eyed him then eyed me.

  Okay…something was going on. “What?” I barked.

  His eyes narrowed on me then he shook his head. “Nothing.”

  Slade didn’t seem to notice anything. While he ate his burrito, he would sneak glances at me every few minutes. Then he quickly looked away and acted indifferent. Just like normal.

  “What did you do this weekend?” Skye asked Slade.

  “I went to California with my dad.” He didn’t look at her when he said it. His burrito had his full attention.

  “What’s in California?” Skye asked.

  “My dad and I went to a tattoo festival—something you wouldn’t be interested in.” He stuffed the remaining half into his mouth and swallowed it.

  It was hard for me not to stare at him. Whenever I was around him, I wanted to feel him close to me. In the privacy of my home, we would snuggle on the couch or in my bed. We could be ourselves and act on our instincts. Sitting across the table from him and acting like he meant nothing to me was almost impossible. In the beginning of our relationship, it was easy. But now, it was a struggle.