Forever and Ever (Complete #1-7)

by E. L. Todd

  “I guess after the married woman escapade, I don’t want to feel like shit again.”

  “Roland, even if your stories were terrible, he would be proud of you. It’s not the same thing at all. But if you want me to keep your secret, I will. Always.”

  “Just keep it to yourself for now.” I looked at my watch. “It’s getting late, Mom. Maybe you should stay with me, so you don’t have to drive.”

  “Your father is waiting for me at a hotel in Boston,” she explained.

  “Oh.” I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

  “He’s working from his computer today and tomorrow.”

  Now I felt bad I hadn’t invited him.

  My mom read my mind. “He understands that both you and Skye need time with each of us exclusively. He’s not offended. And he’s having breakfast with Skye tomorrow.”

  “Oh, okay. It’s not that I don’t want to see him…” Actually, I was sad I missed him, especially if he was in Boston. He was a good drinking buddy. And I wanted to tell him I made things right with Jasmine. Nothing was worse than his disappointment, but nothing was better than his praise.

  After we finished at the coffeehouse, we headed back to my apartment. I’d cleaned up just before my mom got there and hid my condoms and trash so she wouldn’t see that I was a disgusting pig.

  I pulled out my laptop and a spare thumb drive. “Is this okay?”

  “I should be able to open it on my computer.”

  I transferred the files then handed it to her reluctantly. “Don’t make fun of me.”

  She gave me a soft smile. “When have I ever done that?”

  “You and Dad always bring up the married chick.”

  She chuckled. “That’s not the same thing and you know it.”

  “Keep in mind I’ve only been writing for a few years, so I don’t have a lot of experience…”

  “I know.” She tried not to smile.

  “And they are random stories that just came to my mind…they’re not that impressive.”

  She kissed my cheek. “I’m sure they’re fine, dear.”

  I couldn’t believe I was really letting another soul read them.

  “I really appreciate your confidence and trust, Ro. I know you’re nervous.”

  “Well, I don’t think I could ever show anyone besides you.”

  “And now I’m even more flattered.”

  We sat on the couch together and watched TV for an hour. When it was ten, her phone rang. She sighed then ignored the call. “I should get on the road.”

  “I have a feeling Dad doesn’t appreciate being ignored.”

  “He’ll get over it,” she said with a smile.

  After I walked her to her car, I said goodnight. When she drove away, I felt the anxiety pool in my stomach. It was one thing to be told you were horrible at something you loved, but to be told by your own mother was frightening. I just hoped my stories weren’t as horrendous as I feared.

  61

  Cayson

  I knocked on Slade’s door three times, but he didn’t answer. The letter from Stanford was in my hand, and I’d touched it so many times it was crinkled and torn at the edges. I knocked again.

  Where the hell was he?

  I pulled out my phone and called him.

  “Yo.” Slade’s voice sounded fatigued, like he was lying down, ready to go to bed.

  “Open your door.”

  “My door?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I’m standing outside. I need to talk to you.”

  His voice suddenly changed. “And you just show up on my doorstep?”

  “You’re the one that breaks in to my apartment whenever you feel like it.”

  He ignored the jab. “I’m not home right now…”

  It was nine o’clock on a Wednesday. “Then where the hell are you?”

  He suddenly got defensive. “Are you a detective now?”

  “Where are you?” I asked. “I’ll come to you.”

  “Uh, I’m in the car and on the way back.”

  I noticed his tense voice. “From where?”

  “I’ll be there in just a second.” He tried to hang up, but I distinctly heard him mutter, “Damn it,” in the background.

  I stood on his doorstep while I waited for him to return. Five minutes later, he pulled into his parking space then headed up the staircase.

  “What’s the emergency?” he snapped. “I can braid your hair some other time.”

  I held up the letter with the Stanford symbol on the outside.

  He squinted as he stared at it in the dark. Then he grabbed it and pulled it closer to his face. “You got in?” His eyes moved back to mine, wide.

  I nodded, unsure if I was happy or disappointed.

  Slade opened the letter and read through the words. “Full scholarship…classes start in July…annual stipend…” He put the letter down and gave me a shocked expression. “You did it, man.”

  I put my hands in my pockets.

  “Your dream came true.”

  It felt like a hollow victory.

  “Congrats, man.” He hugged me quickly and patted me on the back before he pulled away. “Why aren’t you happier about this? How many people get a full ride to the one of the most prestigious colleges in this country?”

  “Less than one percent.” I blurted out the statistic like a pamphlet.

  He handed the letter back to me then crossed his arms over his chest. “You should still be proud of yourself. You worked for that. Don’t brush it aside like it’s an old Playboy.”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “Like an old Playboy? What kind of comparison is that?”

  “I’m just saying, old or new, Playboys are holy relics and should be appreciated, just like getting accepted into a great college.”

  I decided to drop this conversation because I knew it would just keep going. And Slade’s thought process wasn’t always clear. “Anyway…”

  He gave me a thoughtful look. “You aren’t going to go, are you?”

  I shook my head.

  “You already said this before, so why are you so upset?”

  I pressed my lips together tightly, trying to understand my own chaotic emotions. “I guess…in a way…I wish I could go.”

  “But you can, man.”

  “No,” I said immediately. “I wouldn’t trade what I have with Skye for anything. That’s not an option. But I guess I wish I’d gotten rejected so I wouldn’t even have to worry about it. Stanford would have made the decision for me.”

  “Why don’t you do a long-distance relationship? Lots of couples do that.”

  “We both know how those types of relationships end—never well. And I’d be so busy in this accelerated program that I wouldn’t be able to fly out to her every weekend. And I know she wouldn’t always be able to come to me. It just won’t work…”

  “So, that’s it…? You made your decision?”

  “What other choice do I have?”

  “You could talk to Skye about it and see if he she would be willing to live in California for a while.”

  “But she—”

  “I know she wants to run the company. You don’t need to remind me. But I’ve seen you guys together, and despite how stubborn and headstrong she is, I know she would sacrifice anything for you. She loves you, man. Just talk to her first. You can’t make assumptions unless you talk to her.”

  “Too risky…”

  “Risky how?” He shifted his weight to the other foot.

  “I’m afraid she’ll just make me go…but she won’t come with me.”

  “You really think that?”

  “I know how much she loves me…she would always put me first.”

  “So that’s it?” he asked quietly. “Stanford is out of the question?”

  I nodded, feeling the weight settle on my shoulders.

  “Are you going to tell your parents you got in?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not sure yet…”

  Slade crossed his arms over his chest.
“I’m sorry. I wish there were something I could do…”

  I smiled slightly. “You’re doing enough, Slade.”

  He stood there quietly, looking into the distance but remaining by my side like a faithful companion.

  “What would you do?” I asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “If you were in this situation and you were in love with someone. Would you stay or go?”

  Slade pondered my question for a long moment. I expected him to say that situation would never arise because he would never love anyone else besides himself, but that wasn’t his response. “Stay.” He returned his look to me, his expression thoughtful.

  “You would?”

  He nodded. “I could never leave her—if there was someone to leave. If you find someone that understands you, makes you happy, and makes you love being alive, it wouldn’t make sense to walk away. If you know where you belong, then stay there.” His eyes held a fog, but the emotion was bright in his eyes.

  I’d never heard Slade talk that way. It just convinced me even more that there was someone in his life that he loved but refused to reveal. “Who is she, Slade?” My voice came out as a whisper.

  The defense came into his eyes, but he didn’t snap like he normally would. “There is nobody, Cayson. My response is completely hypothetical.”

  “I understand not telling anyone else in the group…but why can’t you tell me? I’m your best friend. I tell you everything—even when you have to drag it out of me.”

  He ran his fingers through his hair in irritation. “Just drop it, okay?”

  “That’s where you were, huh? At her place?”

  Slade’s face turned red.

  “I won’t tell anybody, not even Skye.”

  “Drop it.” The threat was in his eyes. “Seriously, back off.” He held up his hand like I was physically moving toward him.

  I took a deep breath and kept the irritation back. It didn’t make sense why Slade was being so secretive. “Do you think I’m going to think less of you or something? If you found someone you love I would be happy—we all would. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

  Slade stepped back, anger in his eyes. “Look, I will talk when I have something to talk about. If you’re my friend, if you love me, you’ll back off. I mean it.”

  I shut my mouth.

  “I’m sorry about this entire Stanford thing. I wish you could have both, because you’re the best guy I know and you deserve everything you want. If you want to discuss this more, you know where to find me.”

  Did I?

  “But if you’re more interested in where I sleep at night, then I’m going to leave.” He turned his back on me then headed to his car. Without looking at me again, he took off.

  I sighed then went home, trying to understand Slade’s behavior. Why would he keep it a secret? What was he hiding? I didn’t understand.

  I headed into my bedroom then opened my nightstand. I stared at the stash of ibuprofen, condoms, and random junk mail before I tossed my acceptance letter inside. Then I shut the drawer, deciding to forget about the dream altogether.

  Skye was my dream. And that was enough for me.

  “Why are you so quiet today?” Skye munched on her fries from across the table.

  I’d been in a thoughtful mood for days. All I could think about was Stanford and Slade’s dismissal of what I knew was true. I couldn’t talk about the first one, but I could talk about the second one.

  I put down my burger. “I talked to Slade a few days ago and the conversation keeps echoing in my mind.”

  Her blue eyes were on me. “And what did he say that has stolen your focus?”

  “I know he has a girlfriend, or someone he cares about. I just don’t understand why he won’t talk to me about it. Every time I bring it up, he gets defensive, angry. I tell him everything. Why won’t he reciprocate that?”

  “I know that too well…” She gave me a knowing look, mixed with a teasing smile.

  “Like you don’t talk about my junk to your girlfriends,” I teased back.

  She shrugged. “Well, I never have anything but flattering things to say.”

  “Lucky me.” I sipped my soda and rested my elbows on the table. Then I became moody again.

  She picked up on the change. “Maybe you’re wrong. Maybe he isn’t seeing anyone. When he went out with Roland and Conrad, they said he hooked up with some girl and stuck his tongue down her throat for half an hour. Would he do that if he had a girlfriend? And then Roland told me he hooked up with that model before that… I think you might be wrong.”

  I shook my head. “I know it doesn’t add up, but he said something to me the other day…he talked about loving someone like he knew from personal experience. I know him better than anyone and I know he’s been different. He’s hiding something.”

  Skye didn’t seem convinced. “I’ve known Slade my whole life. I really don’t think there’s someone special in his life. And it doesn’t make sense for him to hide it. Why would he? We tease him for everything else, so why would one more thing be something he would do anything to avoid?”

  She had a point. But I couldn’t shake the feeling. Even when we sat in the library, Slade was different. He was thoughtful, quiet. Perverted jokes no longer streamed out of his mouth at the same volume. He was serious, his eyes clouded over with thought. Whenever pretty girls passed in the hall, he didn’t notice them. Whenever we went to parties, he kept to himself most of the time.

  “I know!” She almost knocked over her soda from the outburst.

  “What?”

  “He’s gay.” Her eyes were wide. “Why else would he hide it? He doesn’t want to be teased for coming out of the closet. He must have a boyfriend and he doesn’t want anyone to know.”

  It made sense…but I just couldn’t picture it. “He doesn’t seem gay…”

  “Well, it’s the only theory that makes sense.”

  “But he’s so…not gay. That’s the last thing I would expect. He doesn’t give off that vibe. And if he were, I think he would tell me that, of all people. He knows that knowledge wouldn’t change our relationship.”

  “Think about it, he chases down girls to compensate for the truth. He acts like he can’t get enough to project the image that he’s straight. It all makes sense.” Victory was in her eyes.

  I rubbed my chin, lost in thought. “I guess it’s possible.”

  Conrad and Roland walked inside the burger joint and spotted us.

  “Yo.” Roland was wearing gym clothes and his shirt was stained in sweat. “Just finished a game.”

  “And we’re starving.” Conrad sat beside me while Roland moved to the spot beside Skye.

  Without asking, Roland stole some of Skye’s fries and shoved them down his throat.

  “Hey!” Skye smacked his arm. “Get your own!”

  “Like you paid for those,” Roland snapped.

  “They are still mine,” she snapped.

  “Well, you’ve been getting fat, so let me help you out.” Roland stole a few more.

  Skye kicked him under the table.

  “You’re going to have to do better than that,” Roland said with a laugh.

  I ignored their sibling rivalry and took another bite of my burger.

  “What’s new with you?” Conrad asked me.

  A lot, actually. “Nothing. You?”

  Roland grabbed Skye’s hair and yanked it hard. “Brat!”

  Skye slapped his shoulder as hard as she could. “Knock it off.”

  I decided to intervene. “Roland, take these.” I put my fries in front of him so he wouldn’t take any more of Skye’s. Sometimes I felt like a parent to the two of them.

  Roland didn’t hesitate and ate them.

  Skye stuck her tongue out at him like a child. Then she returned to eating her food.

  “You’re lucky your boyfriend puts up with your bullshit,” Roland muttered.

  Conrad rolled his eyes. “Here it comes…”

&
nbsp; Skye’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth like she might scream.

  “Silence,” I commanded. “For five minutes.”

  Skye shut her mouth and sighed.

  Roland ate his fries and said nothing.

  Conrad leaned toward me and lowered his voice to a whisper. “How could you possibly want to have sex with her?”

  I ignored the comment and sipped my soda.

  The tension was high.

  “You guys want to hear something funny?” Conrad asked.

  “Please,” I said.

  “Scott says Slade came on to him and he thinks he’s gay.” He started laughing before he even finished the sentence.

  “Apparently, Slade asked him about every aspect of his life, including his childhood,” Roland said. “And he bombarded his date with Trinity and stole the show.” He laughed along with Conrad.

  My eyes immediately went to Skye’s and we shared a meaningful look.

  Slade was gay.

  After knowing Slade my entire life, he still surprised me. I couldn’t believe he’d hidden his secret for so long. How did I not notice the signs? Why hadn’t he opened up and told me? Did he think I would judge him? Think less of him? I thought he knew me better than that.

  Skye and I agreed I should talk to him about it. This was obviously a confusing and difficult time for him. Maybe he was too scared to take the first step and face the disapproval and glares. But if I came to him and made it easier on him, it could change the circumstances.

  I texted him after dinner. Can we talk?

  About what?

  Meet me and you’ll find out.

  This better not have anything to do with me seeing someone. That shit is getting old.

  I knew he wouldn’t see me, so I had to lie. No. Now can I see you?

  Where do you want to meet?

  Come to my place. I’d just drive to his, but I had a strong suspicion he wasn’t there.

  K.

  Half an hour later, he walked through my front door. “Yo.” His hair was messy like he’d been rolling around on rumpled sheets. Now that I knew the truth about him, I saw him differently, but not in a bad way. I just felt like a horrible friend for not figuring it out on my own.